TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
PART 7
MARY BOLTON
& ROBBIE WOOTEN
The days started to go by. Sarah started to teach school again, but her
heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Jimmy had taken that with him. She
seemed to get tired easier, and she figured that should be expected.
Everyone at the station was extra good to her, and she found that she
was rarely alone. Whenever she wanted to go out riding, Cody would
always be there if he weren’t on a ride. If he were, Ike would go with
her. When she wasn’t teaching, she, Lou, Melissa, and Rachel would have
good talks. Plus they were all planning Ike’s wedding to Emily. All
this helped to take her mind off her troubles and all that was ahead of
her. She found herself counting the days until it was time for her to
pretend to leave for Boston. She had already bought her ticket, and
everything had been secured for the trip. She had made a deal with
Rachel, telling her that she would have her ship most of her other
things when she felt that she needed them back in Boston.
Sarah was pleased that she wouldn’t be leaving all of this wonderful
scenery and the wide open spaces, she reflected as she stood on a fence
rail and watched Panache run around the corral. She smiled at his
antics. Every now and then, he would come over to her, nuzzle her hand,
and take off again.
“What is it about you and men?” Cody asked her as he came to stand next
to her. “You even have your horse eatin’ out a your hand!”
She chuckled. “Not every man eats out of my hand, Cody. I thought that
you would be getting ready to go into town for Rachel.”
“I told her I would be leavin’ in a bit. I wanted to talk to you first.
When you leavin’ for Boston?”
“A week from tomorrow. I have my ticket and everything.”
“You could get a refund for the ticket. Sarah…I see the way you look at
things around here. I see the way you’re tryin’ to memorize everything
when we go out for our rides. You don’t want to leave. Why don’t you
stay?”
He heard her sigh. “Cody, you know as well as I do that strangers have
been asking about me around town. Luckily, Teaspoon has everyone
working with him, trying to convince them that I’ve left. So far, it’s
worked, but one of these days, it won’t. We both know that. After
getting shot once, I don’t want it to happen again. It’s time for me to
leave.”
“But if you married someone else, they would believe that Jimmy meant
nothing to you. You could stay here where you belong. You don’t belong
in one of them big cities.”
“You’re right. I don’t. But I don’t have a long list of candidates
lined up waiting to ask me to get married.”
“You don’t need a long list of candidates, Sarah. You’ve got me. I
still love you, and I would do whatever it would take to make you
happy. I would protect you from anyone who tried to hurt you. What do
you say, Sarah? You marry me, you can stay here in Rock Creek.”
Sarah briefly wondered what Cody would say if she told him she was
carrying Jimmy’s child. She realized that he probably wouldn’t care if
only she would marry him. This would be another solution to her
problem. None of the riders would believe that he was the father, but
the townsfolk would.
“Cody, that is so sweet of you to offer, and I thank you for that. But
I couldn’t marry you when I loved someone else. That wouldn’t be fair
to you.”
“I don’t care about fair. All I want is to love you, Sarah. Maybe one
day you would love me. Until then, I could love you enough for the both
of us! Say yes, Sarah!”
She looked at Cody with the coloring so like hers, the sky blue eyes,
the blond hair.
“And eventually, if he doesn’t get himself shot, Jimmy will be back. I
will never stop loving that man, Cody. That’s why it wouldn’t be fair
to you. I do love you in a very special way. I’ll always remember that
you made this offer to me,” she told him as she turned her head and
softly kissed his lips.
He took that as an opportunity too good to be missed and put his arms
around her, drawing her to him, keeping the kiss going. She didn’t seem
to resist it at all.
“Now what is that all about?” Lou asked Rachel as she was helping her
hang laundry. They looked at Cody and Sarah.
“I’d say that it’s either she’s staying with him or she’s telling him
goodbye. Hand me that clothespin please.”
When the kiss was over, he looked down at her. “If you ever change your
mind, all you have to do is let me know. I’ll always be there for you,
Sarah.”
“I know, Cody. Thank you so much for that!”
Sarah watched Cody walk off, saw that Lou had been watching, and went
over to her.
“I imagine you’re wondering what that was all about?” Sarah asked her
as she picked up the empty laundry basket that Lou had just finished
with.
“Sorta.”
“Cody asked me to marry him. I told him no.”
“I told him to leave you alone!” Lou stated in frustration. “I told him
that you loved Jimmy, and that it wouldn’t work.”
“Don’t come down on him, Lou. He knew that I didn’t want to leave, and
he honestly loves me. How can I be angry with that? He’s a wonderful
guy. Sometimes I wish I could love him like I love Jimmy, but I just
can’t!”
“I know how that is. At times when I was so mad at Kid, I’d wish that I
could feel the same for Jimmy since he always treated me so much
better…more like an equal. But I couldn’t. I loved Kid, and that was
that.”
“Yeah? You and Jimmy?” Sarah smiled.
“No, not really. Every now and then it would come up, but we both knew
we was only meant to be friends. But Jimmy is so special.”
“I have to agree with that. Sometimes he can seem so grown up, other
times he seems to have the innocence of a child.”
“That’s it exactly, and he doesn’t seem to have the prejudices others
have, although he had a problem with slavers. Like he thinks that women
and men should get to do the same work if that’s what they want to do.
If something was dangerous, Kid would never want me to go along, but
Jimmy would be the first to say it was up to me whether I should go or
not. And have you seen how he is around kids? They can have him eating
out of their hands. He’s got a soft side that he tries to hide,” Lou
said, turning to Sarah as she finished. There were silent tears running
down her face.
“I’m sorry Sarah. I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Lou stated, feeling
horrible.
“Don’t be sorry. I like people to talk about Jimmy…to tell me their
experiences with him. It makes me feel less far away from him. I miss
him so much, Lou.”
“I know he feels the same way. Maybe some day….”
“Yeah…maybe some day….Now let’s go see what Melissa and Rachel have
fixed for lunch.”
All the talk over lunch was about the impending wedding of Ike and
Emily.
It would be happening on Saturday, and everyone was excited about it.
Sarah was very happy for the couple, but it made her sad also, bringing
to mind what she had hoped for with Jimmy. Ike received some
good-natured teasing, but he was thrilled that the event would be
happening soon. He and Emily would be leaving after the wedding for St.
Joe for some time to themselves.
The Saturday arrived bright and sunny. The ceremony was beautiful, as
was Emily, and the couple seemed to glow! Melissa stayed close to
Sarah, sensing how hard this really was on her. Everyone in town came
to the reception, and the dancing was fun. Cody assigned himself to
Sarah so she would always have someone to dance with. The other riders
took their turns also, and after she had danced with Ike, he took her
hand and led her away from the crowd. He found a hay bale for her to
sit down on, and he sat facing her. She looked at him curiously, a
question on her face.
“By the time Emily and I get back, you gone!” He signed to her.
“I know. I’m really going to miss you Ike.”
“I miss you too. You were the first, besides Buck, who could understand
me when I talked.”
“I’m glad I could Ike.”
“Jimmy be back? You be back too?”
“Maybe someday. It’s hard to say really. So much has happened. I don’t
really want to leave, but it seems like the only way right now. If I
ever can come back, I will. I’m going to miss all of you so
much....especially you and your gentle ways. There will never be anyone
quite like you, Ike. You’re a very special man, and Emily is lucky to
get you!”
She watched a blush slowly cover his face. He looked down at the ground
as he smiled. Then he looked at her.
“Jimmy never stop loving you. You have to believe in heart.”
“I’ll never stop loving him either, and I’m trying to believe in my
heart that one day it will be possible for Jimmy and I to be together
like you and Emily are. You two better stay happy!”
“We will.”
They hugged each other, before she sent him on his way back to the
party. Teaspoon approached her slowly.
“Why you sittin’ here on your own, Miss Sarah? This ain’t safe.”
“I was talking to Ike. I wasn’t thinking, which is stupid. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you fret none,” he said patting her arm.
“You’ve got worry lines on your forehead, Teaspoon. What did you really
want to talk to me about?”
“There’s some rumors going around about Jimmy. I thought you should
hear them from me instead of some busybody.”
“Rumors? What kid of rumors?”
“There’s one that sez he’s been calling out some people and killing ‘em
all. There’s one that sez he’s got hisself shot….”
“Shot as in wounded or shot as in killed?” She tried to ask calmly, her
stomach churning.
“I don’t know for shore, but if it happened at all, he was probably
winged. If he’d been kilt, everyone would be talkin’ bout it.”
“Thank, God. How many men is he supposed to have killed?”
“Five or six.”
“What do you make of all this, Teaspoon?”
“He’s doin’ what he set out to do the best way he kin do it.”
“He told me not to listen to stories people tell me about him,
Teaspoon. I’m glad that you’re the one who’s told me about this. Now
when someone else mentions it, I’ll know what’s really going on. I
guess I need to develop a thick skin. How am I doing so far?”
“Jist fine, Miss Sarah. Jimmy would be rite proud a you.”
“Good! Now shall we go back to the party? I don’t believe that you’ve
danced with me yet!”
Teaspoon stood up and offered his arm to her.
“Can I have this dance, Miss Sarah?”
“You certainly may,” she smiled up at him as she accepted his arm.
It was getting dark as everyone waved Ike and Emily off. The party
broke up shortly after that, and everyone pitched in to clean up the
mess.
“It’s been a long day!” Melissa stated as she picked up the last batch
of plates and headed for the kitchen.
“But a happy one,” Sarah declared as she picked up a couple of pitchers
to follow Melissa’s lead.
“Was it really?” Buck asked her as he picked up the last two chairs.
“Yes, kind of happy, a little sad…” and as she said that, two shots
rang out. One went into the dirt at her feet. The other just missed her
as it went over her head.
Buck hurried over to her and pushed her down in the dirt, falling on
top of her.
“What was that?” Sarah hissed as Buck looked around, gun drawn.
“Someone’s shootin’ at you! I can’t tell where it was coming from.”
“Buck…I can’t breathe!”
As she said that, more shots rang out, hitting the dirt around them.
At the first shots, Melissa had run for the kitchen.
“Cody! Noah! Teaspoon! Kid! Someone’s shooting at Sarah. Buck and Sarah
are pinned down in the yard.”
Immediately all guns were drawn as they headed outside. After the next
volley, Cody figured that he knew where the sniper was hiding.
“I think he’s over in those trees Teaspoon.”
“Yeah, I think so too, but be careful where you aim. We gots Buck and
Sarah between us!”
Buck had figured out where the shots were coming from also, so he aimed
in the general direction and fired off three rounds. Immediately they
were answered.
“We got to git out of here Sarah. We’re gonna git killed out here!”
“Where we going and how?” was all she wanted to know.
“When I say now, you are gonna git up and run as fast as you can for
the barn. You go in there and git behind some hay bales. I’ll follow
you, giving you cover until you git there. The others will cover me
while I run for it. You don’t look back…you jist keep runnin’!”
“You sure about this?” was all she wanted to know.
“Yes….NOW!” he yelled as he rolled off her. She jumped up and ran for
all she was worth….bullets flying all around her. She jumped behind a
hay bale. Soon Buck was there next to her. “Thank God you’re here!” she
said as she touched his arm. He winced.
“Oh God, Buck. He got you!”
“It’s not bad. I think it’s jist a flesh wound. The others will take
care of whoever is out there. You and I are staying here until we git
the all clear sign.” He told her as he reloaded his gun by feel. It was
hard to see anything in the dark barn.
“I guess I’m lucky that school is over in two days. It’s time for me to
get out of here.”
“Yeah, I’d say that you over stayed your welcome,” he smiled.
“I don’t believe you, Buck Cross! We might get ourselves killed yet,
and you’re laughing!” she stated sarcastically as she traced his lips
with her finger tips.
He grabbed her hand and kissed the palm of it and held it tightly
against his chest. How could he let this lady know how precious she was
to him? Especially when he couldn’t even explain it to himself since he
loved Melissa so much? Sarah was overwhelmed with emotion for all she
could feel coming from him. She reached out with her other arm to pull
him close to her. “I know, Buck, I know!” was all she said. He smiled
against her.
“Buck! Sarah! You okay in there?” They heard Teaspoon yell.
“We’re fine!” He said softly.
“I don’t think he could hear that!” she giggled.
“We’re fine Teaspoon,” Buck yelled out.
“We’re goin’ after him, all out fire volley. You stay with Miss Sarah.”
“Alrite!” he called. “Git your head down!” He commanded as he pulled
her deeper into the hay.”
Gunfire rang out loud and heavy. To Sarah, it seemed to go on forever.
It was so noisy! One ear she had buried in Buck’s chest. The other she
covered with her hand. Then they heard, “Cody got him!” from Noah.
“Thank God!” Sarah breathed. Buck helped her up. “Thank you for saving
my life out there! Now let’s get that arm looked at.”
“I would do it all again!”
“I know. That’s why you do your Kiowa blood and spirit proud,” she told
him as she kissed his cheek.
They went out into the chaos in the yard.
“Buck! Sarah! Are you alright?” Melissa came running up and threw her
arms around Buck.
“We’re fine. Buck got hit though. Maybe you’d better take care of his
arm for him,” Sarah suggested.
“It’s alrite,” Buck assured her as Melissa took his hand and led him to
the kitchen. Sarah went over to where the others were standing over a
body.
“Who is it?” Sarah asked as she joined the circle.
“Bart Slade…he’s a gunfighter. He was tryin’ for you,” Teaspoon told
her as he put a steadying arm around her shoulders.
“But I thought that Jimmy was drawing them off….”
“He obviously hadn’t heard Jimmy warn’t around,” Cody told her. “You
and Buck okay?”
“Buck got hit, but he insists it’s only a flesh wound. I’m fine.”
“You’re gonna be on the next stage, Miss Sarah. School is over. You
ain’t leavin’ the house until you gets on that stage!” Teaspoon
declared. “Kid take her up to the house. Then you go on home. Noah and
Cody, help me with this body.”
“Come on Sarah. There ain’t no more we can do here,” Kid told her. That
was one thing she had always liked about Kid. He was the epitome of the
definition of southern gentlemen.
“That’s true. Thanks for coming to my rescue.”
“Jimmy would never forgive us if anything happened to you.”
“And Teaspoon is not going to like this, but there’s only two more days
of school left. I’m going to them. I have to Kid. I have to say my
good-byes.”
“I know. I would think if one of us was with you, you could do that.”
“Thank you kid. Now I know why Lou loves you so much.”
He sort of shrugged his shoulders.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“Sure.”
“And if it’s none of my business, you can tell me.”
“Okay.”
“Lou was saying that Jimmy didn’t have some of the prejudices that
other people had, but she mentioned that he hated slavers. You are form
Virginia. Why did the two of you get along so well?”
“I came from parents who were dirt farmers, and we didn’t own any
slaves. But I was for slavery when I came here. Jimmy and I got into a
few fights about it. In fact, our friendship almost ended over it. One
thing about Jimmy, he’s always willin’ to listen to what you have to
say. He’ll think it all over, and even if he don’t agree with you,
he’ll respect that point of view. He sort of tucks away that subject
and don’t talk no more about it. That’s how we stayed friends. He was
my best man. He did a fine job too.”
“Thanks for telling me all that, Kid. All these little stories make me
feel closer to Jimmy.”
“I understand,” he told her as they walked up the steps and went
through to the kitchen.
Melissa was still fussing over Buck, and Sarah could see he was
enjoying it.
“Flesh wound?” She asked him as she mussed his hair.
“Yeah,” he smiled at her.
“I’m going to be all bruised from you falling on me!” She teased. “He’s
heavy!”
“You’d rather I’d left you standin’?” He smirked.
“I didn’t say that!” She told him.
“You alright?” Rachel asked Sarah as she handed her a glass of water.
“I’m fine....really. Buck was right there to save my skin.”
“Did Teaspoon know who it was?”
“Someone named Bart Slade. Ever heard of him?”
“Yeah....he’s a gunfighter out of the Denver area. I guess that’s not
the direction Jimmy took. You cain’t go out alone anymore. I’m shore
there will be others,” Buck commented.
“She has two more days of school. I told her I would go with her on
Monday. I have a run on Tuesday though,” Kid threw in.
“I’ll handle Tuesday then,” Buck volunteered.
“Teaspoon’s going to give us problems about this. He wants me to lock
myself in here until the stage leaves,” Sarah warned.
“I’ll talk to Teaspoon, Sarah. Don’t worry about it,” Rachel
volunteered.
Sarah smiled her thanks Rachel’s way.
Melissa finished with Buck, and he kissed her for thanks.
“I was so scared!” she said as she sat down next to him and squeezed
his hand.
“I would have been more scared if Buck hadn’t been there,” Sarah
admitted.
“When does the stage leave?” Rachel asked Sarah.
“Friday,” was the reply.
“Then we’ll have a farewell party on Thursday.”
“Rachel that would be nice, as long as it’s just the riders and you and
Teaspoon. I don’t think I could handle a ‘say goodbye to the teacher’
party with the whole town involved.”
“I can understand that,” Rachel replied. “We’ll do it any way that you
want, Sarah.”
Sarah just smiled at her, knowing it would be hard any way that they
did it. Looking around her, she was overwhelmed by the love surrounding
her. Suddenly the want for Jimmy was more than she could stand.
“I’m exhausted. I hope you understand if I go to bed. I’ll be happy to
help you wash all the dishes after church tomorrow, Rachel.”
“I can imagine you’re dead on your feet. You go on up. Don’t worry
none, Sarah!”
“I’ll walk you up,” Buck stated quickly as he got up, reaching for his
shirt. Sarah knew it wouldn’t do any good to discourage him.
“They’re all going to wonder about why you didn’t think I could walk up
to my room all by myself. Be prepared for the questions.”
“I’m not worried Sarah. I jist had this feeling…it’s Jimmy ain’t it?”
Sarah went into her room and sat down heavily on the bed.
“I want to be with him so bad that I have to practically sit on myself
to keep from jumping on Panache and riding to find him. I don’t care
about the danger for me. All I want is to be with him.”
“So why don’t you do it?” he asked logically.
“Because I’d be the biggest liability to him. Can you imagine a
pregnant woman with Jimmy right now?” she smiled.
Buck had to laugh at the picture.
“Maybe after the baby comes….if he’s not back yet,” he mused.
“Buck, I am really trying to believe I’ll be with him again. It’s the
ONLY thing getting me through all of this. But what if it doesn’t
happen? What if I spend my whole life wishing for it? What if he dies
before it can happen?”
“You’re got to keep belivin’ it will happen. You have to keep prayin’
for his safety. I’ll pray for all of it too. Is there anything else?”
“I’m a bit apprehensive about the life I’m going to be starting. What
if I don’t fit in?”
“You will. It will be so easy for you, by the second week, you’ll be
feelin’ like you’ve been there all your life. But if I’m completely
wrong, jist let me know. I’ll come and git you and I’ll take you to
Jimmy.”
“You know where he is?”
“No....but I can find him for you. Feel better?”
“A little. Thanks Buck. Now get back down to your lady. I’ll survive
the night, and the rest of the week, and all the weeks after that.”
“I know you will. Goodnite,” he told her as he stood up, kissed her
head, and left her.
Sarah shut the door, but didn’t light the lamp. Instead, she went over
to the window and looked out at the night. She closed her eyes and
concentrated on Jimmy, asking the spirits to find him and give him her
love and to watch out for him. To let him finish his business and bring
him back to her. When she opened her eyes, she looked out at the yard
that was bathed in moonlight, remembering all that had transpired there
only a short while ago. A shudder went through her. If not for Buck,
she would have been killed. She shook her head. It was best not to
dwell on that. She went to bed.
Jimmy stretched out wearily on his bedroll, having eaten some hard
biscuits and jerky for supper. He had tended his latest wound. Luckily,
it had only been a flesh wound. He’d lost count of the miles he had
ridden. He didn’t even know what day of the week it was any more. All
he knew was that all of his senses had been heightened and now nothing
or no one could get by him or surprise him. He was still faster than
everyone else, and he knew that word about his latest escapade was
getting around. For that, he was happy. Hopefully no one was looking
for Sarah anymore. And as that thought entered his head, he felt
surrounded by her warmth and love. He felt like if he reached out, that
he would be able to pull her into his arms.
“Sarah?” He whispered out to the night. Then suddenly, the feeling was
gone. What had that been? His body ached for her. The want for her was
desperate. Was this how she was feeling too? Is that why he felt so
close to her now? No! He had to push her out of his mind. He couldn’t
be thinking or feeling this way. He’d promised her he would stay alive
for her, and thinking about her was the surest way to get him killed.
He enjoyed the luxury of her for another moment before he pushed her
away. The reality of the night was with him again.
As Sarah knew it would, the week flew by. There were many tears and
hugs at her going away party. These people were all so dear to her. She
was closer to them than she’d ever been to her own family. That’s why
she felt so bad about deceiving them. She knew the necessity of it
though. Maybe one day, it would all be straightened out, and they could
all live closely again. Friday morning found her getting on the
stage....another round of hugs. Cody hanging back, seeming very shy all
of a sudden.
“Are you going to let me go without a hug?” she asked him as she stood
in front of him.
“I’m jist afraid I’ll embarrass myself and not let you go once I start
huggin’ you,” he admitted. “You know it’s not too late to change your
mind and stay with me.”
Sarah saw the twinkle in his eye.
“I know Cody…I know. Now give me that hug and try not to embarrass
either one of us,” she told him with a laugh. “And promise me that
you’ll take good care of Panache for me. I plan on coming back one day
to reclaim him.”
“I’ll take good care of him,” he promised. He’ll be ready for you
whenever you want to come back.”
Cody hugged her and threw in a kiss for good measure. Buck had told
Teaspoon that he was needed at the Kiowa village, so his absence would
be explained as soon as the stage took off. He would follow along
behind it, just to make sure that nothing happened to it on the way to
the first stop. Finally Sarah got on the stage, and with everyone
yelling goodbye, it pulled out.
Melissa tried to appear upset, and even managed to squeeze out a couple
of tears.
“I can’t believe that she’s gone!” she wailed as Rachel put a
comforting arm around her.
“It’s too bad that Buck was needed by the Kiowa. But I’ll stick close
to you today.”
“Thanks Rachel. What would I do without you?”
Melissa waved at Buck as he took off, taking a short cut through the
hills to catch up to the stage. She felt kind of sorry for Cody, who
looked like he’d just lost his last friend in the world. She watched as
Lou walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
“Well Cody, at least this will give you a chance to git over her and
find someone else.”
“Rite now, I don’t want no one else!” he mumbled as they all started to
walk back to the station.
“I guess Kid and I can go pick up my brother and sister since things
should settle down now and all.”
“That would be nice, Lou,” Rachel told her. “I hope I gave Sarah enough
food to see her through the journey!”
“You gave her enough to see her and all the other passengers through!”
Teaspoon chuckled.
Buck never let the stage get out of his sight. After what had happened
a week ago, he wasn’t taking any chances. By late morning, he could see
the first way station ahead. So far, so good. He pulled up on a rise in
back, and watched as the stage stopped, and watched as the passengers
descended the steps. He saw Sarah get out, and sort of fall down the
steps. He hoped that she was only acting. She was helped into the
station. He sat patiently as they had their rest period. They began to
load up again, and Sarah wasn’t there. He watched until the stage left,
gave it a little time, then decided to make his appearance. As he rode
up, the way station hand came out.
“Buck! What brings you to these parts?”
“A special delivery for the Pony Express. How ya doin’ Steve?”
“Alright I reckon. I’m glad you stopped by. I have a lady from Rock
Creek that was on the stage. She fell ill, and I was wonderin’ how I
was gonna get her back to Rock Creek.”
“Who is it?” he asked.
“She’s got the name of Sarah something, I think she said she was a
school marm.”
“Yeah, I know Sarah. What’s wrong with her?”
“I’m not sure.”
“I was headin’ back to Rock Creek. I’ll be happy to take her with me.”
“That’s a relief off my mind,” he said as he went back into the cabin.
Buck followed him to find Sarah lying on a cot.
“Hello Miss Sarah. Steve was tellin’ me you was ill. Can I do anything
for you?”
“Buck! What a relief it is to see you. I was takin’ the stage to the
train, and I suddenly felt very faint. I’m just starting to feel a bit
better. I was wondering if you could take me back to Rock Creek.”
“It would be my pleasure mam. I hope you don’t mind doublin’ up with
me.”
“You can borrow one of my horses as long as you bring it back,” Steve
offered.
“Why thank you. That’s very generous of you,” Sarah turned her warm
smile on the man. Buck had a feeling he would remember that for a long
time.
“You ready to travel, Miss Sarah?” Buck asked her.
“Yes, I believe I am. I appreciate your hospitality,” she told the
stationmaster.
It didn’t take long for Buck to saddle the other horse, get her small
suitcase, and start out for the Kiowa Village.
“Buck, we have got to stop somewhere so I can change out of this dress.
I can’t ride in it.”
“Up ahead there’s some trees. That would be a good place to stop anyway
and eat. You doing okay? You were great back there.”
“I’m fine now. You were pretty good too! I have to admit that I was
happy to see you!”
“You didn’t think I would desert you did you?” he asked incredulously.
“No, I just wasn’t sure when you would show up was all.”
“You know I’d never leave you alone,” was his reply as he pulled up to
the trees and dismounted. He helped her down.
“I know that, Buck Cross. You carry a part of me with you. I know you
won’t abuse that. Now I’m going to change,” she said as she kissed the
tip of his nose, and with a laugh, headed for the trees.
He had to laugh along with her. “There’s a bunch of food in that carry
all that Rachel packed for me. We should have a very good lunch,” she
called out to him.
He opened the sack.
“There’s no way we can eat all of this. Who did she think she had to
feed?”
“I’m not sure…maybe everyone on the stage with me?” she guessed. “You
know what…my waist is starting to get thicker. These pants are starting
to get tight. I almost can’t button them.”
“I hear that’s what happens,” he told her. “Pretty soon you’ll look
like a huge…”
“Don’t say it Buck!” she yelled out at him with a laugh. She appeared
shortly after and sat down next to him.
“Have you felt it move yet?” he asked curiously.
“No, but maybe soon. At least I’m getting to the point where I don’t
feel so tired, but now I seem to want to eat all the time.”
“I think we have enough here for you,” he said as he tried not to smile.
She lightly smacked his arm and started in on the food. They talked
about general things, and were soon back on the road.
“How long will it take to get there?”
“We should be there jist before nightfall.”
“How long will you stay with me?” she asked, suddenly feeling unsure.
“Until you tell me I can leave,” was his reply.
“Did you tell Melissa that?”
“No. I jist told her I would be gone a few days. She understands.”
“I hope so.”
“You would share Jimmy with her if need be, wouldn’t you? You would
know that nothing would happen that wasn’t supposed to between them,
wouldn’t you?”
“Yes.”
“She knows this too.”
“I think she does on an intellectual level, but every now and then,
depending on how much time you spend with me, the little green monster
may creep in, and I understand that. I might have a problem with that
too. Please be careful. When you come to visit me, bring her with you.
Make her feel a part of all this, because she is. She’s my best friend.
You and she are my support through all this. I can’t do it without the
two of you together. Please remember that.”
Buck thought about it all. He could see the danger in it. He could see
the pitfalls.
“Alright Sarah. I’ll be careful. Whenever possible, I will bring her
with me.”
“She has to get to know Red Bear also.”
“I will see to that too, but sometimes these things take time.”
“I know. And I want you to drop me, spend the night with me, introduce
me around in the morning, and then leave. I’ll be all right. I can
communicate with sign language until I get to know Kiowa.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” she stated, her stubborn streak showing again.
“Alright, but I won’t hold it against you if you change your mind.”
“I’ll remember that,” she finally smiled, sure she had made him
understand what he needed to know about how women thought and felt.
They rode steadily with little talk. They arrived at the village when
he’d said they would. Yeah....this man could probably find Jimmy if she
wanted him to. That thought comforted her. They rode straight to Red
Bear’s teepee. He came out immediately. He greeted Buck, and then
turned to her as she slid off the horse.
“Welcome to our village,” he signed to her.
“I thank you for your generosity,” she signed back to him with a smile.
She was surprised when he smiled back at her. At that point, he started
to talk to Buck in Kiowa, and she wondered how long it would take her
to learn the language. She looked around her new home, and found that
she was being watched very closely. Well....she figured she was
probably the biggest news to these people in a long time. She smiled at
those she made eye contact with. She wanted so badly to fit in.
Red Bear went back into the teepee, and Buck turned to her.
“He’s giving us the teepee we had before to spend the night in. He
thought we would want to spend our time together.”
“This is gonna get us in trouble yet,” she mumbled under her breath as
she grabbed her horses reins and followed Buck.
“What?” he called back to her.
“Nothing,” she replied.
They took care of their horses, went to the teepee, and Buck lit a fire
in it for them. Soon they were visited by a pretty lady who laid down
blankets and what looked like some clothes. She said some words to
Buck, and then turned to Sarah.
“This is Red Cloud, Sarah. She’s Red Bear’s wife. She wanted me to tell
you that she’s happy that you’ll be sharing her teepee.”
Sarah smiled at her. “Tell her I’m very thankful for her hospitality,
and that I look forward to learning everything I can from her.”
Buck relayed the message, and then she left.
“She brought you those clothes. She thought you would be more
comfortable with them.”
“In other words, she wants me to feel like I fit in.”
“Yeah, plus it will look good if you’re like everyone else.”
“Except for this blond hair. It’s kind of hard to hide that.”
“Maybe you can braid it,” he suggested.
“Excellent idea, Mr. Cross. Well, turn around....I guess it’s time for
me to change clothes again. I want them to know I appreciate their
gifts. What can I give them in return?”
“Your knowledge. That will mean a lot to them,” he replied as he turned
around. He could hear clothes coming off and going back on. Thoughts
went flitting through his head, but he quickly pushed them out.
“Okay....I guess we can eat what’s left of Rachel’s food?” she
suggested.
When he turned around, she was busy packing her clothes away and taking
out her brush. Red Cloud had provided some strips of leather. Buck
watched her as she brushed all the tangles from her hair, braided, and
tied it. “Well?” she asked. “Do I pass muster?”
“Yeah....you do,” he told her with a soft smile.
Sarah busied herself with the food, and they ate, mostly in
silence…each in their own thoughts.
“Now tell me again, Buck. Tell me things I need to know about living
here.”
Which he did, once again going into great detail about most of the
people here, going over the customs, the taboos, some of the
ceremonies. By the time he stopped talking, her head was reeling with
all the facts.
“Enough!” she finally said. “I’ll never remember anything else! I think
that it’s time to get some sleep. You’ll need your rest since you’ll be
traveling tomorrow. Will you be taking the horse back to Steve?” she
asked as she spread the blankets out.
“Yes, I have to make sure that he didn’t think anything strange was
going on with it all. The last thing I want him to do is talk about you
leavin’ the stage.”
“I know. I really appreciate all of this, Buck.”
“You would do the same for me.”
“I hope so, but it seems like you’re always helping me out. I hope the
day comes when I can repay you.”
“You don’t have to worry none about that. Jist having you still here is
payment enough,” he smiled at her.
“So you keep saying, Buck. Where you sleeping tonight?”
“With you?” he asked.
“That’s so dangerous....even if Melissa would never find out, Buck,”
she told him softly.
“I need this Sarah, I cain’t explain why I need it, but I do…”
The problem was she understood it because she needed it to. She needed
the love and the assurance that she would get through this....but
Melissa was there before her. She looked over at Buck. Things were so
different here. When they were here - together - in their own little
world, it was as if the white world ceased to exist and there was just
the two of them. And when that happened, they both wanted to find the
closeness of the life they had lived together prior to this one.
Taking a deep breath, she said what was in her heart.
“I am so scared, Buck. Every cell inside my body is quaking at the
thought of you leaving tomorrow and me being all alone to start this
new life here in this village. I’m scared because I’m pregnant. I’m
scared because Jimmy is out there somewhere probably trying to get
himself killed. I’m scared that I don’t really know anyone here and I
can’t even speak to anyone because I don’t know the language. I’m
scared because I might make some big mistake and do something that’s
taboo. But most of all, I’m scared that it would be so easy for you and
I to fall into each other’s arms and love each other and then regret it
for the rest of our lives. I’d be doing it because I’m so fearful and
because I feel like such a part of you. You’d be doing it because you
want to protect me from everything. But you can’t, Buck.”
“Why not?” he asked her softly.
“Because I’m a big girl now. I freely chose to do this so I could stay
here. I have to trust myself enough to do this. And you have to trust
me enough to let me do it - on my own - with some guidance from you.”
He rubbed his hands up and down her arms as he looked deeply into her
eyes. He could see her strength there. He could either ignore it and
make love to her, or he could respect what she was saying - what she
was trying to do. His mind went to what she had said on the trail on
their way here when she’d told him ‘you’re a part of me. I hope you
never abuse that.’ He closed his eyes, pleading with the spirits to let
him know what the right thing was for him to do, because he knew what
the man part of him wanted to do.
As they spoke to him, Buck leaned down and softly kissed her lips, then
pulled her close to himself in an embrace.
“You’re right,” he sighed. “Let me hold you tonight and give you what
strength that I can.”
Sarah softly exhaled into his shoulder as she returned his hug. She was
glad that he’d understood, but then, why wouldn’t he have? This was a
man she’d always be able to trust.
“Then let’s get some sleep. I’m going to need it to be strong tomorrow.”
They settled down in between the furs. Sarah’s back was against his
chest as he wrapped his arms around her.
“And you’re leaving tomorrow morning,” he heard her say in that
determined voice of hers.
“We’ll see,” he told her.
“If, after you leave, what if I need to see you or get a message to
you? How will I do that?”
“Just tell Red Bear and he will find me and tell me.”
“Alright....you know that you’re going to have to stop worrying about
me. I’ll be all right. Really I will. You have to trust that. Even
though I’m scared, now that I’m here, I feel safe. I do feel like I
belong here, and it won’t take me long to find my way, learn what I
need to know to get on with my life here.”
“Prove it to me tomorrow, and I’ll leave.”
“Deal,” she smiled into his eyes.
They kissed each other one more time, snuggled into each other, and
fell asleep.
Morning came, and Sarah could feel Buck stirring next to her. This was
the beginning of the next part of her life. She knew that she had to
feel confident so that she could convince Buck that it was all right to
leave her.
“You awake?” she heard Buck ask. She was facing away from him. She
wished that she didn’t feel so apprehensive about today No! She felt
confident. Confident was the word to keep in her mind.
“Yes,” she told him as she rolled over to face him.
“Ready to face the day?” he asked her.
“Yes, with your help,” she replied.
He caressed her face with his hand.
“I only hope that your child will possess the courage that you
have....the bravery that Jimmy has, and the intelligence that you both
have,” he told her sincerely.
“And the relationship with the spirits that you have,” she told him
softly.
“You’ll see to that,” he told her. “Let’s get up and dressed. We can go
wash and then I’ll take you to breakfast with Red Cloud and Red Bear.
Then I’ll introduce you around to the rest of the tribe.”
“And then you’ll leave to take Steve’s horse back and go back to
Melissa.”
“Yes, ma’m!” he told her with that gorgeous smile of his.
The next few hours flew by for her. She attempted to help Red Cloud fix
breakfast. They communicated with hand signs. Sarah could tell that Red
Bear was watching her closely. Following eating, Buck took her and
introduced her to the other members of the tribe. She immediately fell
in love with the children.
“Ask Red Bear when I can start teaching the children?”
“I’ll ask him when I leave.”
“Which can be right now, Buck. I’m fine. I’ve met everyone. They seem
to be very friendly and welcoming to me. Red Cloud will look out for
me.”
“You’re really fine? You’re not just telling me that?” he asked putting
his arm around her waist and walking back to Red Bear’s teepee.
“I really am,” she stated, hiding the little fear that she still held.
“Okay then. You’re on your own. I’ll stop by next week.”
“Bring Melissa with you, please? I miss her already!”
“You know I’ll do anything for you.”
Buck told Red Bear that he had to leave. They discussed Sarah’s
teaching arrangements. He told him when he would return to check on
her. Then he turned to Sarah.
“You can start teaching today if you want to. Red Cloud will also start
teaching you Kiowa today. I’ll see you next week, and I’ll have
Melissa.”
“Thank you for everything, Buck. It all means so much to me.”
“It means a lot to me that you’re happy here. Take care of yourself,”
he told her as he hugged her tightly for a moment, kissed her quickly,
and went to get his horses.
Sarah turned to Red Cloud.
“I’m ready for you to teach me,” she signed to her.
Red Cloud smiled at her and motioned her to sit.
Buck covered the ground quickly, returning Steve’s horse to him, and
realizing that Steve didn’t seem overly concerned about Sarah’s fate.
Then he started his ride back to Rock Creek. His heart felt a little
heavy. He would have liked to have stayed with Sarah a while longer,
just to make sure, in his mind, that she really was fine. He had a
feeling that she had told him some white lies to get rid of him, but he
understood why she had done it. Buck slowed his horse to a walk so he
could think over the previous night. He smiled to himself. Sarah was so
in tune with him, and he with her. Now that he was away from her, he
was certain that their decision of last night had been the right one.
At least he’d be able to face Melissa and know that he hadn’t done
anything wrong.
Was it possible that in a previous life he and Sarah had been together
as they both felt? But if that had been the case, weren’t they supposed
to be together in this life too? It definitely wasn’t headed that way.
He couldn’t give up Melissa, nor would he want to. Why did things have
to be so confused? Here he’d been waiting and hoping for the right
woman to come along, and then two came along at the same time.
No…that wasn’t true really…Melissa was the one he’d been waiting for,
but Sarah…would he always feel this way? It’d been easier when Jimmy
was there to balance it all out. He kicked his horse. Suddenly he was
very anxious to be with the reassurance of Melissa.
It didn’t take long to cover the ground. Melissa was out drawing water
when he came riding up.
“Buck!” she called out as she dropped the bucket and ran towards him.
He smiled at her enthusiastic greeting. That was one thing he’d always
loved about her.
“Hello!” he told her as he caught her up in his arms and hugged her
tightly. Their lips homed in on each other, and he felt happy to be
with her.
“I didn’t expect you back so soon. Nothing went wrong did it?”
“No....it all went very right. Sarah felt so at home, she kicked me out
with instructions to bring you by very soon because she already missed
you.”
“So she’s all settled in?”
“I introduced her to everyone, and she’s all ready to start teaching
the children. I left her with Red Cloud so she’ll do jist fine. You
want to go over on Sunday?”
“I’d love to.”
“Maybe you could miss church for once, and we could make a full day of
it?”
“I think God would understand this once,” she agreed.
“Come with me while I take care of my horse, and I’ll help you with
that water,” he suggested.
Sarah didn’t give herself time to think in the first week. Her mornings
were spent working along side Red Cloud and some of the other squaws
and maidens. They were friendly to her, and were eager to teach her
their language. She, in turn, gave them English lessons. In the
afternoons, she taught the children and played with them. After that,
she continued her work with Red Cloud or one of the other ladies. She
had so much to learn. Sarah felt like this was an apprenticeship.
On Saturday, she allowed herself to take a short break. She looked out
over the mountains and wished that she had Panache with her. It would
be fun to go riding…the breeze in her hair. Jimmy by her side….
“What wrong, Sky Dancing?” Red Bear signed to her as he came to stand
by her side.
“Sky Dancing?” she smiled as she signed.
“This is new life for you…need new name. You have eyes color of sky,
and they always dance except now. What wrong?”
“Thinking I wish I had my horse here so I could go for a ride.”
“You can use my horse…go ride.”
“No, someone might see me,” she smiled. “Thank you for your offer.”
“What else? You miss Buck?”
Now what was she supposed to say about that?
“Yes....this is still all so new. He’s familiar. But I try not to think
about that. I try to think of my new life.”
“That is good, but perhaps Buck visit soon?”
“Perhaps,” she told him.
“If you change your mind about horse, let know.”
“I will.”
Sarah sighed as she watched him walk off. She looked at the horses. No,
it wouldn’t be wise. She could run into one of the riders or someone
from town. She wasn’t that far away from them.
A Kiowa brave watched the blond woman through narrow eyes. Ever since
she had come to their village, he had watched her. There was something
about her that drew him to her. Could it be her hair? The fact that she
was good with the children? He wasn’t sure yet about whether his people
should be trusting her like they were. After all, she was white. He
wasn’t sure that Red Bear should have let her come, but Red Bear was
free to do what he wanted to do. He was a powerful part of their tribe.
He followed behind her, knowing that if he were going to speak with
her, now would be the moment while she had some free time. He watched
as she looked with longing at the ponies. One came over to her, and she
murmured something while she ran her hand over the pony’s muzzle. He
took a deep breath, put on a face that he hoped didn’t show emotion,
and walked over to her.
A flood of Kiowa came at her from her left side. She turned to see one
of the braves standing close to her. What was his name? He was one of
the handsomer ones, and at the moment, he looked friendly enough. His
hair was much longer than Buck’s and darker. His eyes burned fire. She
could imagine he would be quite fierce in battle.
“I’m sorry…I don’t understand your language yet,” she signed to him.
“You look at ponies. You like?”
“Yes, I like.”
“You ride?”
“I know how, but I don’t ride anymore. I’m with child.”
“I know, can still ride,” he insisted.
Two Eagles! That was it!
“It’s complicated Two Eagles. I can’t ride.”
“Know name?” He seemed surprised.
“Yes, know mine?”
“Sarah,” he smiled in his own voice. It sounded a little strange off
his tongue, but she could tell it was her name.
“That’s my English name….Indian name is Sky Dancing. How do you say
that in Kiowa?”
She listened to it roll off his tongue. It sounded so pretty. She tried
to say it, but she butchered it. He laughed and said it again slowly.
She tried again…and again…and on her fourth try, it came out right. He
looked pleased.
“Thank you,” she smiled. “I need to get back to Red Cloud. I promised
to help her with the corn.”
“Meet me here tomorrow…I teach you Kiowa.”
“I can’t tomorrow. Buck will be here.”
“There is talk. You promised to him?”
“No,” she replied.
“Then meet me here next day…same time?”
“Yes,” she stated in Kiowa. It was one of the words she could say well.
She turned and left him. She would have to ask Red Cloud about Two
Eagles…make sure it was okay to talk to him and be seen with him. She
has to admit that she was a little surprised that he would seek her out.
Sarah was thrilled to have Buck and Melissa ride into the village. She
patiently waited as Buck made the necessary introductions of Melissa to
Red Bear and Red Cloud. Neither she nor Buck missed the look that went
across Red Bear’s face after Melissa was introduced. Hopefully he would
keep his counsel on that. Then Red Cloud proceeded to praise Sky
Dancing on how much she had learned during the week.
“Sky Dancing?” Buck asked with a smile.
“Since I have a new life, I have a new name,” she explained.
“I like it,” he told her.
“That’s your name now? Sky Dancing?” Melissa asked her, feeling that
old twinge of jealousy. As soon as she had seen Sarah, the jealous
feelings had started again. Sarah was in Indian dress and seemed very
at ease here. She hadn’t missed the look of admiration in Buck’s eyes,
and now Sarah had an Indian name. It wasn’t fair!
“Hang around with me for any time, Melissa, and you’ll have one too, I
bet....especially after Red Bear finds out how important you are to
Buck.”
“But Buck’s supposed to be the father of your child! I can’t let them
see that he’s important to me too!”
“Don’t worry. Buck’s brother is already trying to figure this whole
thing out. Let’s go for a walk and talk while Buck is talking to Red
Bear.”
“Alright,” she agreed, and soon they were walking around the village.
“It’s been crazy this last week. Red Cloud is making sure that I learn
everything I need to know to be a good Indian squaw, plus she’s trying
to teach me how to speak their language. I’ve learned a couple of
words, but it’s hard. I’ve had a couple of sessions with the medicine
woman here, and that’s been interesting.”
“Do they watch you closely?”
“They did for a few days, but I think they realize I’m just like they
are. I think they’re treating me with great tolerance. They’re
friendly. However, I have a feeling that this is only because of
the fact I live with Red Bear. I feel at home here, but I miss all of
you terribly. Is there anything new? Anymore stories about Jimmy?”
“Cody is still miserable that you’re gone. He keeps asking me to give
him your address so he can write you a letter. I don’t know what to
tell him about that.”
‘Lord, I don’t either. My parents would be so upset if they received a
letter for me from out here. I’ve written to them explaining that I’m
doing some traveling over the summer so not to write until I get in
touch with them. What else?”
“Lou and Kid left for the orphanage to bring back her brother and
sister. Ike and Emily are still away. Noah, Buck, and Cody have been
working hard to fill in the slack from Kid and Jimmy being gone.
Rachel’s fine....so is Teaspoon.”
“And anything about Jimmy?” She asked again.
“Still the same stories as before, only embellished more. It’s hard to
say what’s going on with him. I’m sure he’s okay. We would have heard
if he wasn’t.”
“I suppose,” she sighed. “And what about you? Are you okay? Are you and
I okay?”
“Sometimes you remind me so much of Buck, it’s scary!” she burst out.
“I want to be here with you learning everything that you’re learning so
I can get closer to Buck. You two share something that he and I don’t.
Oh I’m sorry, Sarah. I don’t mean to get mad at you! I’d be scared to
death if I’d had to come here all alone like you did…”
“If our roles were reversed, I’d feel the same way you’re feeling right
now, Melissa. We need to deal with this problem between us, because
that’s what it is. So what shall we do? We know that I need to be here
for now. We know that Buck and I are friends. We know that you and I
are friends. I am willing to discourage Buck from visiting me or
stopping by to say hello, even though he hasn’t done that yet. I love
you Melissa. You’re my best friend! I don’t want that to ever change.
We can also think of ways for you to visit here more often. I know the
ladies here would be happy to teach you what they’re teaching me. What
do you say?”
Melissa had to admit that this was the old Sarah she knew and
loved…very open to her and willing to share whatever she had. What was
wrong with her?
“I’ll take you up on the teaching and visiting a lot. I couldn’t ask
Buck not to come, and I couldn’t let you ask him that. I know what you
two have, and I know he loves me. I’m just being silly, I guess.”
“No you’re not. It’s what you’re genuinely feeling, and like I said,
I’d feel the same way too. I know that I’m counting on him more and
leaning on him more. I’ll try to back off on that. It’s just that I’m
still a little scared when I think about having this baby. Buck is my
connection to you and home....that’s the only way I can describe it.”
“I can understand that!” she told her, nodding her head.
“Thank you then. I’ll try not to take up too much of Buck’s time,” she
assured her.
“I know. And who is that gorgeous man who is watching us?” Melissa
asked her.
Sarah looked over and saw the handsome brave standing off by the pony
corral, watching her.
“That’s Two Eagles. He started to talk to me yesterday. I’m not sure
what he wants. I thought I would ask Red Cloud about him. I really
don’t know what the protocol is about single men talking to single
women around here.”
“Buck would probably know,” Melissa suggested as she saw her love
walking their way. With a smile, he sat down between them.
“What would I know?” he asked.
“Two Eagles is starting to talk to Sarah.”
“And he wants to see me tomorrow. What’s the proper thing to do?”
“Two Eagles?” he asked surprised.
“Is there something wrong with that?” Sarah asked him.
“I’m just surprised is all,” he stated. “Two Eagles always leads the
hunting parties. He’s a very good brave, and the chiefs feel he should
have been married long ago, but he’s never really seemed to want any of
the women in the village. He likes to be alone, but he gets on with
everyone in the village. From the Two Eagles I know, I was just
surprised he had approached you. He’s never been all that crazy about
white people.”
“Well, maybe he decided that Sarah was friendly and approachable,”
Melissa told him, happy that another male was taking an interest in her
friend.
“So, should I discourage him or what?” Sarah asked.
“No, you can talk to him as much as you want to. You won’t be looked
down on for that. The elders might raise a few eyebrows if you go off
with him. Stay in the village, and you’ll be alright.”
“He asked me if I was promised to you. I told him no. I hope that was
okay.”
“I had already told my brother that I loved someone else, so he should
know that you and I are not promised. I don’t see any harm in that.”
“Good. I didn’t want to screw up all your hard work. Melissa and I were
talking, Buck.”
“Oh no!” he groaned in exaggeration. “What about?”
“About her getting to spend more time with me. I was thinking....how
about in a couple of weeks if she tells Rachel and Teaspoon that she
would like to get away for a few days? She could come here and stay
with me. I know that Red Bear probably wouldn’t mind. He knows that I’m
homesick! In fact, you could ride Panache so that I could see him and
ride him around here. Wouldn’t it be fun? What do you say, Buck?”
“That’s a great idea. I’d be a mess though…my lady and my kindred
spirit both gone!”
“Then I guess you’d need to spend all your spare time here with
Melissa!” Sarah told him.
“Does anyone want to know what I think of this idea?” Melissa pretended
to pout as they planned her life over her head.”
“Of course we do, honey,” he told her as he squeezed her around her
shoulders. “What do you think?”
Sarah was laughing now.
“Come on, you. It’s almost lunchtime. You can have your first lesson
while you think about my brilliant idea. Buck, why don’t you go talk to
Two Eagles and see what you can find out for me.”
“Why do I always get ordered around?” he asked Sarah’s retreating form.
“Because you let us get away with it,” she replied cheekily. Even
Melissa laughed at that one. That made his heart feel good. Her mood
seemed to have definitely improved. So, like a good brave, he went to
do as instructed. He walked over to Two Eagles who seemed suddenly
interested in brushing his pony.
“Hello Two Eagles. Have you had any luck on the hunts?”
“Yes, Buck, the spirits have been good to us. We’ll be going out again
at the full moon. Would you like to go?”
“I don’t think I’ll be able to. Things are very busy with the Pony
Express.”
He watched the frown go across Two Eagle’s face at the mention of the
Pony Express. The Indian didn’t like it. They felt it was bringing the
white man even quicker to steal their lands.
“Now that Sky Dancing is living with us, will you be coming to be with
her?”
“No. I chose the white man’s world. I am not promised to her. I am
promised to the other lady that is here.”
“But yet your child will be born here?”
“The Kiowa are more understanding about these things than the white
man. Sky Dancing was a great teacher in the white man’s world. If they
found out she was with child, they wouldn’t let her live there anymore.”
“So if you are not promised to her, will you take care of the child?”
“Yes. The child is very important to me, Two Eagles. I won’t let go of
my responsibility.”
“How will she live in the white man’s world after the child is born?
How will there be a place for her if there isn’t one now?”
“We haven’t figured that out yet,” Buck replied. “You are interested in
Sky Dancing?”
“What are you to her?”
“A part of her, we share each other’s spirit. She is very important to
me. I want to see her well taken care of.”
“Will you do that?”
“If I have to, I will.”
Two Eagles looked out to the horizon. “I do not know how I feel about
Sky Dancing. She is white, and that is bad. Yet, I feel something for
her. She is learning our ways and seems to be a part of the Kiowa. That
may not last though. I want to get to know her. I guess that’s all for
now.”
Buck realized that this could be the answer to all their prayers. What
if Jimmy didn’t come back? What if Sarah could be happy living her life
out here with a man like Two Eagles? He could see her doing that.
“Sky Dancing is a good woman. Her skin may be white, but she has the
heart of a Kiowa. She has shown great courage in her life, and will
grow to love our people. I would like her to stay here with a
brave such as yourself.”
“I can’t say that will happen,” was Two Eagle’s only comment. “I have
begun to think that there is no one for me. We will see. Think about
the hunt, Buck,” he said as he ended the conversation and walked off.
“What the heck was I saying! I don’t want her with anyone!” Buck told
the pony closest to him. He shook his head, and went to find the women
in his life.
“Well?” Sarah asked him as he sat down next to her.
“I think his intentions are honorable. He just wants to get to know
you, I think he thinks you’re interesting.”
Sarah just rolled her eyes, and helped Melissa and Red Cloud serve the
men first. The ladies then took their food. Melissa and Sarah spoke to
each other, while all those around them spoke in Kiowa.
“I’ll never learn this language!” Sarah wailed as it flew all around
her. Every now and then, she would recognize a word.
“You will....just like you’ll learn everything else,” Melissa told her.
“Such faith!”
The rest of the day went too quickly. Sarah felt like they had just
come when it seemed like it was time to leave. Red Bear had said that
Melissa could visit for a few days, and Sarah was happy about that.
Buck hugged her closely before he got on his horse. Sarah noticed that
Red Bear didn’t miss this.
“He seems very fond of this woman. He seems very fond of you,” he
observed as the couple rode off.
“Yes,” was all she said. “White Hair has said that she would work with
me this evening. I will be back in time for bed.”
“That is fine, Sky Dancing,” he approved as she went her way.
“Did you enjoy yourself?” Buck asked Melissa as they headed back
towards Rock Creek.
“Yes, I did. It makes me wonder all over again why you gave that life
up for my world.”
“At the time I made the choice, things were very different in the
village. Now things have changed since there are different chiefs, I
think about going back at times. But then I look at what I have in your
world, and I realize all over again that it’s my world too. I couldn’t
leave it....unless something happened to make me want to go back.
“How would you feel if Sarah stayed there?”
“That would be her choice. I know that if she made that choice she
would do it because she knew she would be happy there. So I would be
happy for her,” he replied.
“Do you think Two Eagles will fall in love with her?”
“I don’t know. I think that he sets his standards very high. There are
some lovely maidens in the village, but he’s not interested in them. If
something happened to Jimmy, he would be a good choice for her. I think
that if he did choose her, he would raise her child as his own.”
“Hope it has brown eyes,” she muttered.
“It would help,” he agreed. “But then you have to think of Sarah. She
loves Jimmy still, and I don’t think she would give that love up
easily. Two Eagles would have to do some fast talking.”
“Well...let’s not worry about that. Let’s worry about the story I’m
gonna tell Rachel and Teaspoon about why I need some time away.”
Sarah had just left the children, and had climbed up the side of a
hill. She was looking down at the village, when she sensed someone
above her. She wasn’t surprised when Two Eagles sat down next to her.
He said a word in Kiowa, and the way he said it, it sounded like a
question. He followed that with the sign…”Tired?”
“Yes,” she stated speaking slowly. “The children!”
“You are good with them!” And he signed it as he spoke it.
“Thank you,” she replied. “I love being with them.” When she knew the
words, she used them. When she didn’t, she resorted to sign. And he
would speak slowly and sign as he spoke.
“I think you will be a good mother.”
“I hope so, but I guess that’s something you don’t find out until it
actually happens. Have you ever wanted to have children?”
“It is the natural order of things, but the spirits haven’t smiled on
me and sent me a companion.”
“Do you think the spirits ever will?”
“I do not know, Sky Dancing.”
Sarah turned to him and took in his strong profile.
“How old are you Two Eagles?”
“I have seen 21 summers. You?”
“Twenty summers.”
“And you are not married yet?” he asked her, surprised.
“When all my friends were getting married, I was going to teacher’s
college. All of the eligible men I knew were married when I got out. So
here I am, still unmarried and having a child. This would not go over
well in Boston.”
“Where is this place, Boston?”
“Many moons away. It’s next to a huge body of water. I don’t think you
would like it very much. There are tall buildings and houses
everywhere. No, you wouldn’t like it at all. But tell me about you, Two
Eagles.”
“There is not much to tell.” was his reply.
She tried another tactic.
“Were you born here in this village? Who are your mother and father? Do
you have any sisters and brothers?”
“Yes, I was born here. My parents are the old chief and Running Dear. I
have an older brother, the one who is Chief now…Black Wolf. I have no
sisters.”
“So I guess you’ve always had a good life with so many chiefs in your
family?”
“Yes.”
“And you’re used to living free, on the land and off the land?”
“Yes.”
“And my people are determined that they’re going to take it all away
from you.”
“Yes.”
“Maybe that is why I’m here, Two Eagles. Maybe it’s to learn all about
you, so that I can educate other people about you, let them know that
you’re not, nor will you ever be bloodthirsty savages. Let them know
about how you live your lives as you live off the land and care for it.
How the spirits guide you and the lives that you lead through them.”
“That would be good if they would listen. But I don’t think that they
will. The day will come where we will all have to fight to keep the
land that we now have. I do not look forward to that day. Many people
will die for this cause, but I think we would rather die than live on a
reservation and not be able to care for ourselves the way that we have
for many generations. This will be a sad day indeed for all of my
people and for the other Indian nations.”
“Yes, it will be. But I will try to do something to stop it. I’ve
started in Rock Creek. The children are starting to talk to their
parents about the way they treat Buck. It’s heartening to see.”
“You won’t be able to teach people fast enough,” he stated sadly.
“You’re probably right, but I can at least try,” she stated stubbornly.
This made him smile. “I admire your courage. But you will need to be
careful, Sky Dancing, for they will treat you as they treat us when
they find out that you have lived among us.”
“Maybe,” was all she said as she thought about what he had said.
“So, Sky Dancing, tell me about you. You come from Boston, do your
parents live there, and why do they let you come so far on your own?”
“Yes, they do live there still, and they were very worried about me
coming out west. They didn’t have a choice though. They knew I would
come with or without their approval, so they gave me their blessing to
come. They knew that I wanted to go somewhere where they really needed
a teacher. Rock Creek was having a hard time finding a teacher, so it
seemed that it was perfect. And it was. Now look at me! I have a whole
new group of students that are very eager to learn English. They’ll be
speaking English before I can speak Kiowa!”
Two Eagles had watched her face light up when she began to talk about
teaching. He wondered about the white man’s customs. How could a mother
and a father let their young daughter go out in the world all alone?
Against his will, he admired her.
“No, you learn quickly. In another week, you and I will be sitting
here, and not using so many signs.”
“I hope so, Two Eagles. Well, I guess that I should get back to Red
Cloud. It’s time for another lesson. I think she’s going to teach me
how to get leather ready so you can make clothes out of it.”
“That is good to learn. One more question, Sky Dancing.”
“Okay…”
“Will Sky Dancing ever get married?”
“I don’t know. The first man that asked me married someone else. I
didn’t love the second man who asked me. One of the white man’s sayings
is that the third time is the charm. Maybe I’ll say yes to the next man
who asks.”
“Maybe you should. Your child will need a father.”
“What about Two Eagles? Will he ever get married?”
This lady was like no one he had ever known. She asked him questions
that no Indian maiden would dare to ask. He spoke of things with her
that he wouldn’t speak to anyone else about. She was intelligent, as he
was, and he was eager to find out all that was in her mind. Would she
be willing to share it with him? Explain her knowledge to him?
“I don’t know. The chief tells me that it is time for me to cross the
marriage stick, but there has been no one I wish to cross it with. Can
we meet tomorrow to talk?”
“I can probably work that into my busy schedule,” she teased as he got
up and held his hand down to her. Without hesitation, she put her hand
into his, and he easily pulled her up. With a smile, she left him and
began to walk down the hill by herself. Sarah felt pleased with this
relationship so far. He wasn’t asking her for anything. He seemed to
want to talk to her, and he seemed to be very intelligent. He would be
a challenge, but one that she would enjoy.
“Melissa! She must have left you an address!” Cody told her again.
“I’m telling you Cody, she didn’t. She told me that she was going to
visit an elderly aunt of hers first, before she made her way back to
her parents. She said she would send her address when she got home.
When I get it, I’ll be more than happy to give it to you.”
“I really miss her,” Cody told her for the thousandth time.
“I know. I do too,” she told him for the thousandth time. “Now go and
chop that wood like Rachel told you to do. That will take your mind off
Sarah for a while.”
“No one understands,” he muttered as he headed out of the bunkhouse.
“He’s making me crazy, Noah!” She said as she finished dusting the
furniture off.
“He’s makin’ us all crazy!” He agreed. “I wish she would have married
him and put him out of his misery!”
“You don’t want her to come back and get with Jimmy?”
“I didn’t know that was an option! I don’t see Jimmy changing his mind.
You know how he is once he’s made it up.”
“Yeah, I do. I sure wish Buck was here!”
“Not you too!” He laughed. “I’m gonna go see Cassie! See ya!” He told
her as he mussed her hair on his way out.
Melissa sighed as she sat down on the bench. She had a feeling that she
wouldn’t be seeing Buck tonight. He’d probably stop at the village
before he came into town. No! She should stop thinking about that, and
think about the story she was going to tell Teaspoon and Rachel tonight
about why she needed to get away for a couple of days. She pretty much
had all the details worked out. She just hoped that she could pull it
off. If she was successful, it would mean that she could use it again
in a couple of weeks.
As always before he rode down in the village, Buck stopped his horse on
top of the ridge and looked to see if he could spot Sarah. Her blond
hair made her stand out. She was playing with the children, probably
working her lesson in along with the play. He smiled to himself, as he
nudged his horse, and began the descent. He made his greetings to his
brother, and went off to see Sarah. He sat down on the edge of her
group, and waited for her to finish her lesson. One of the children
asked her something, and she seemed to understand what was said. That
was good. Her Kiowa was getting better.
“This is called a ball,” she told Little Sparrow. “Ball”. She felt
herself being watched, looked up and saw Buck. She smiled at him before
she returned her attention to Little Sparrow.
Her smile warmed him. He took her in. She looked very healthy. Her
belly was starting to protrude through her shift. As always, she was
great with the children and most gave her hugs when she sent them back
to their mothers.
“Hi!” She told him as he hugged her close. “You on your way back to
Rock Creek?”
“Yes, but I wanted to stop in and see how you’re doing,” he told her
with a kiss. “Red Bear has invited me to supper. I hope that’s alright?”
“Something tells me that he didn’t have to twist your arm!” she teased.
“No, are you needed for anything right now?”
“No, come, let’s walk.”
“Tell me what you’ve been doing,” he encouraged as he took her hand.
“I’ve learned so much this week,” She started as she filled him in on
all her little chores and learning sessions. She told him about her
sessions with the old medicine woman, White Hair. He seemed pleased
about that. She asked of news at the station. And they continued to
walk and talk.
Two Eagles looked for Sky Dancing, but she wasn’t in any of her usual
places. Maybe she had gone for a walk in the woods. He knew she
wouldn’t go far. She never did. He wondered about why she seemed so
afraid to be seen, but he knew that one day she would tell him.
Shortly, he spotted her ahead, holding onto the hand of Buck. He sighed
softly to himself. Feeling strangely disappointed, he knew that he
wouldn’t be sharing any time with her today. He stood and watched her
glide along. The longer she was here, the more Indian she became, but
he didn’t want to forget for one minute that she was from the white
world. She would go back to the white world too…one day. He marveled at
how willing she was to share what she knew with him. Were all white
women like that? He knew he could listen to her forever talk about
language and history and geography. He was learning about a world he
had known nothing of only weeks ago. She was open and caring. And he
was worried because he was beginning to care too much…to think of her
too much. He knew that wasn’t wise. A white woman could not become
important in his life.
Supper was very good, and she actually cooked some of it herself. The
more Buck was coming to the village, the better his relationship seemed
to be getting with his brother. Sarah was happy to see this. She helped
Red Cloud clean up after, and then went to the teepee of White Hair and
sat with her for a time while she was taught some new remedies. When
she started to yawn, she excused herself and made her way back to where
Buck and Red Bear were still talking. She sat down next to Buck.
“You will want to use the other teepee tonight, Sky Dancing?” Red Bear
asked her with a smile in his eyes.
“You’re staying?” she turned to ask Buck.
“You said that in Kiowa!” he exclaimed surprised and very pleased.
“She is learning quickly,” his brother told him. “We are proud of her.
Goodnight, Sky Dancing…Buck. I will see you two in the morning.”
Buck and Sarah sat there.
“Nothing can happen, Buck. It just can’t.”
“You are getting serious about Two Eagles?”
This hurt look went across her eyes. “How can you say that, Buck? Jimmy
is there...he’s always there...he’ll always be there.”
He looked down at the ground.
“Two Eagles is my friend, Buck. His mind is like this sponge, dying to
be filled with water. We talk about many things, and it’s nice to have
someone like him around to converse with about worldly things instead
of how do I shuck the corn or how to do I work the beading on the
leather and what is the proper Indian way to do something. I look
forward to my time with him.”
“I’m sorry. Isn’t it going well here?”
She could tell he had this confused look on his face. Wasn’t it just
like a man not to get the point unless it fell on him? Sarah took a
couple deep breaths.
“Yes, it’s going well here, and I love it. I love learning all of the
stuff that I’m being taught. But I’m a teacher, Buck. There’s a part of
me that wants to hold stimulating conversations with people. There is
no one here that seeks me out for that. Two Eagles is the only one so
far. I don’t know why he does, but he doesn’t appear to want anything
from me. He just wants my knowledge and I don’t mind sharing that with
him. What’s so wrong with that?”
Since they were always honest with each other, Buck opened his heart to
her,
“I’m jealous of the time he gets to spend with you. I have all these
confused feelin’s about you, Sarah. I know that I love Melissa, I
really do, but there is something that is stoppin’ me from askin’ her
to marry me. I think that somethin’ is you. It wasn’t like this when
Jimmy was around. I knew how happy you was with him. But he’s not here
now, and you and I are so close to each other. All I think about is the
fact that you’re here, and I want to be here with you. I don't want you
with Two Eagles or anyone else!”
“Oh,” she stated, feeling a bit shaky. “Not even Jimmy?”
“I don’t know,” he stated tight lipped.
Sarah appreciated his honesty, and since she’d had some of the same
feelings, she understood.
“Maybe you and I are too close, Buck. You belong to Melissa and I would
never forgive myself if the two of you didn’t end up together. I love
Jimmy. I don’t see that I’ll ever get married if it’s not to him. You
need to go off and think about this. I feel like it’s my fault that
you’re feeling this way, and I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault. I’ve always known how you felt. I think it’s this
whole baby thing that has done this to me. I feel responsible for
you...especially now that you’re here. I feel that I need to take care
of you.”
“Buck - I’ve already told you that you don’t need…” she got no further
because he put his fingers lightly over her lips and shook his head.
“I know, Sarah. I haven’t forgotten that.”
“Have I encouraged that because I’ve been unsure and afraid? I’ve tried
to hide that from you, but I have to admit that I’ve wanted you to be
here, and even though I’ve told you differently, you’ve probably been
able to feel what I’m feeling instead of listening to what I’m saying.”
“Yes,” he stated simply.
“So what do we do?” she asked. “It can’t go on like this.
“What to you suggest?”
“I think that you have to believe that I can take care of myself and
this baby I’m carrying. You have to trust that I’ll do what’s right.
And I have got to stop sending out signals that say the opposite.”
“And I have to let you be friends with Two Eagles. I let you be more
independent around here. I spend more time with Melissa, and I mean it
when I pray to the spirits to send Jimmy back!”
“And we don’t sleep alone together anymore?”
“No…but it will take awhile for these feelings to go away.”
“I know. I have the same problem,” she smiled. “I do love you Buck. I
always will. You’ll always own a part of me, as I will a part of you.
This child will somehow hold your spirit. Never doubt any of this.”
“I’ll try not to.”
“Well…since you’re spending the night, and we can’t sleep alone
anymore, shall we share my sleeping fur in Red Bear’s teepee?”
“Yes,” he smiled at her.
He silently followed her into the teepee, and they lay down on her fur.
She lay with her back against his chest, and he wrapped his arms around
her. She appeared to settle down, and he was surprised when she took
his hand and placed it on her belly. He felt a flutter underneath his
fingertips. He smiled and squeezed her and fell asleep with his hand
resting lightly on the child within her.
Melissa’s head came up when she heard a horse enter the yard. She
looked over the clothesline, and smiled when she saw Buck come in. He
looked well rested, but she really hadn’t expected him for hours. He
dismounted and immediately came over to her.
“Hello beautiful lady!” he told her with a kiss and a tight hug.
“Hi. I’ve missed you a lot!” she told him truthfully. “How’s Sarah?”
“Doin’ fine. She’s feelin’ the baby move inside her now. She’s speakin’
some of the language and wants to know when you’re comin’.”
“I’m gonna talk to Rachel tonight and see if she can spare me for a
couple of days next week. I’ll tell her that I’m thinking of riding to
Sutters Creek to go visit my farm…that you’ll escort me part of the
way. For that I would need to be gone for a few days. What do you
think?”
“I think that they’ll believe you. I know that you’re gonna love it at
the village. I hope that you find what you’re lookin’ for there. Let me
take care of my horse. Want to go to the cabin tonight?”
“Sure,” she answered absently. What had Buck meant by the last
remark…that he hoped she would find what she was looking for? Was she
looking for something? She’d have to think about that.
“You are on your own today?” Two Eagles asked her as he fell in step
beside her.
“Yes.”
“Hold out your hand, Sky Dancing,” he asked her, which she did.
Occasionally he would give her small gifts of things he’d found, and it
was always something enchanting to her.
He cupped her hand with one of his larger ones, then placed something
in her hand with his other one. Sarah looked at what was laying there,
and saw some beautiful, smooth, colored pebbles. One was a reddish
color - the other had black lines running through it and little specks
of gold. He’d also given her a very pretty blue colored bead.
Two Eagles watched as she smiled at what she saw in her hand, and ran
her fingers over them.
“These are wonderful, Two Eagles. They’re so smooth, as if water has
been running over them for many years. This bead is unusual looking.
Such a unique shade of blue.”
“These are for you. I found the pebbles in the stream and the my
grandmother gave me the blue bead many moons ago. It matches your eyes,
and I wanted you to have these things.”
“Thank you so much! I will treasure these gifts. But are you sure you
want me to have this gift from your grandmother? It must be very
precious to you.”
“Yes, I want you to have them Sky Dancing. You are welcome for the
gifts.”
They walked in silence for a few moments before Sarah said,
“I hear that you will be leaving on the hunt soon.”
“Our meat supply is running low. We will be gone for a week.”
“It’s going to seem strange not to have you around,” she smiled at him.
“I will miss our talks.”
“As will I,” he told her as he returned her smile.
When Two Eagles smiled, it seemed to take her breath away. He was one
of the most handsome, virile men she had ever laid eyes on. The more
time they spent together, the more he seemed to relax and let his guard
down. So far, other than the small gifts, he had made no moves toward
her, but she wasn’t surprised. She figured that an Indian brave wasn’t
really all that interested in love with a pregnant woman…especially
when they were so many pretty Indian maidens around. Sooner or later,
one was bound to turn his head.
‘Shall we continue to talk about the continent of Europe?” she asked
him. “Or is there something else that you wish to speak of?”
“I was wondering why you never wear your hair free. Why do you always
braid it?”
She was used to these curious questions from him. She was never too
sure what he was going to ask her.
“I wish to be a part of the village. This blond hair of mine makes me
stand out, so I thought that if I braided it, I wouldn’t stand out as
much.”
“Even with the braids, if soldiers ever came through our village, they
would think we were holding you captive.”
“They probably would,” she agreed. “Hopefully they would listen to me
when I explained it to them.”
“So maybe sometimes you could wear your hair free?”
“Maybe, we’ll see. Now, do you want to talk about Europe?”
“How do your lessons go with White Hair?” he asked as he motioned for
her to sit. He sat next to her.
“Very well. I enjoy my time with her. She is so filled with peace. She
knows so much about medicine and healing. I figure if I even learn a
tenth of what she knows, I’ll be doing very well.”
Two Eagles was sitting next to this white woman who was his friend, and
he felt his heart pounding at her closeness. This had been starting to
happen whenever he got close to this woman. He wanted to reach out his
hand and touch her…loosen her braids and run his fingers through all of
her soft hair, but he knew that he couldn’t…he wouldn’t! He knew he
couldn’t let her know how he felt. Again he told himself that she was
white. To him, this was forbidden and something that could never happen.
“Sky Dancing?”
“Yes, Two Eagles?”
“I need to go get ready for the hunt. I won’t be able to see you
tomorrow either,” he stated abruptly as he got up and hurried off.
Sarah stared after him in amazement. “Did I say or do something wrong?”
she asked his retreating form. She went over their conversation in her
head. One moment everything had seemed to be all right...the next all
wrong. Maybe he didn’t like her learning things from White Hair.
Whatever, she’d give him some time to himself and seek him out later.
Maybe he would tell her what she had done wrong.
“You did a good job with Rachel and Teaspoon tonight,” Buck told her as
he helped her dismount from Panache. “And I like how you bullied Cody
into letting you ride Sarah’s horse.”
“Well, she wants me to bring him with me, so I’d best start riding him.
And Sarah did tell me to keep him exercised. I just hope that he’s
cooperative when I demand to take him with me to Sutter’s Creek.”
“Go on a day when he has a run. Then he cain’t say anything about it!”
“That’s true,” she smiled up at him, not wanting to talk about this
anymore. She wanted Buck’s mind totally on her, so she wrapped her arms
tightly around his waist, and moved her body against his, letting him
know what she wanted.
Buck’s interest was there immediately. He pulled her tighter against
him, and under the light of the moon, kissed her.
“You know, we ain’t been dancin’ in awhile,” Buck told his lady, as he
pulled away and bowed to her before he twirled her around.
“That’s true, but there has been so much going on,” she stated as she
slipped easily into his arms. She looked up at him as he began to hum a
tune that they waltzed to in the shadows of the night. Their movements
became more sensual as they got closer to the cabin, and he began to
run his lips up and down her neck. He kept humming as he nibbled on her
ears and pushed the door to the cabin open. Melissa took his hat off
and tossed it on the table before he whirled her around the cabin
floor. As they got closer to the bed, he picked her up in his arms, and
finally began kissing her mouth before he laid her gently on the bed.
She kept her arms around his neck, so he couldn’t stand back up, so he
just crawled in on top of her, his mouth never leaving hers.
“Oh Buck...I’ve missed you so much,” she told him, choking back tears
at the words.
He felt instantly guilty at her words. He’d been putting so much
thought and care into Sarah, that he’d neglected the lady he loved the
most.
“I’m sorry, Melissa. Forgive me?” he asked against her lips that he
couldn’t stop kissing.
“Oh yes,” she murmured as she began unbuttoning his shirt and pulling
his clothes off. She wanted to feel his warm skin next to hers. She
wanted to be reassured of his love for her.
His mouth found her nipples and played their game with them. Hers found
his hardness and all his remembered good feeling with her came back to
him. With her, he could become one, and that’s what he did, holding her
closely, letting her wrap herself around him...loving her with
everything he had stored up within himself.
Sarah brushed out her hair after she had helped Red Cloud clean up
after their evening meal. She figured that if she looked her best,
maybe Two Eagles would tell her what she had done wrong. There was a
nice breeze blowing as twilight began to leave. She looked around the
village but didn’t see him. She didn’t think he would be in his teepee
on a gorgeous evening like this. She walked towards where the ponies
were corralled, and saw him leaning against the fence, watching the
pony herd.
“Two Eagles?” she called softly, standing a few feet away from him.
Immediately he felt all the same feelings that he’d felt when he’d been
with her earlier in the day. Without turning around, he said, “I am
busy, Sky Dancing. Come back after the hunt.”
“Please tell me what it is I have done wrong, Two Eagles. I feel like I
have done something to make you angry, and I’m sorry for that. But if
you don’t tell me what I did, chances are that I will do it again.”
Two Eagles turned slowly around and almost groaned out loud. Sky
Dancing was standing there looking lovelier than before. She’d combed
out her long hair and it was blowing in the breeze. She looked sad and
uncertain.
“You have done nothing to make me angry. My mind is on the hunt and on
what I need to do, to get ready for it. It is nothing else. Please go,
Sky Dancing. You should be with Red Cloud and Red Bear right now…or
White Hair.”
A tear ran slowly down her cheek.
“I think that you tell me untruths, Two Eagles. But I will abide by
your wishes. I’ll see you after the hunt,” she said backing off from
him.
He was gripping the fence rail so hard, that he could feel wood
splinters going into the palms of his hands. How could he possibly
explain to her all that he was feeling? Especially since he didn’t want
to feel it?
“Yes, I will see you after the hunt, Sky Dancing. Will you wish me good
luck?”
“Good luck, Two Eagles. I will miss you,” she told him softly and
turned from him.
As she began walking back to her teepee, he reached his hand out to her
and even took a step towards her, but made himself stop. It wasn’t
right. She was white. She was with child…Buck’s child. She would leave
to go back to his world after it was born. While he was on the hunt, he
would have to figure out what to do about Sky Dancing.
Jimmy carefully studied the shelter he had chosen, deciding that he
would be safe here for the night if he didn’t light a fire. He took
care of his horse, laid out his bedroll, sat, and pulled some jerky
from his pocket. He was very familiar with the land around here, and he
knew that some invisible force was pulling him toward Rock Creek. He
knew that force was his memories of Sarah, and since she wasn’t there
any more, there wasn’t any use for him going back just yet. He still
had some loose ends that he needed to tie up before he could go back
home and begin working with the rest of the riders again. But if he did
that, he knew that all he would think about was Sarah. Wouldn’t it be
better just to keep on roaming until he came to his end? Sarah, how was
she doing in Boston? Had she found another teaching job? Did she ever
think about him? Would he ever see her again?
He sighed to himself. Well, that was enough thinking about her. He
needed some rest before he hit the trail again.
Sarah, along with all the other members of the tribe, watched as Two
Eagles and the rest of the hunting party, got on their ponies, and
began to ride out of the village. As he passed her, Two Eagles gave her
a long look, but she couldn’t read what it said. She helped Red Cloud
prepare the morning meal, then got together with White Hair to help her
gather her medicinal plants. She knew that would help to make the
morning go faster.
Buck rode into the village with Melissa on Panache. He put Sarah’s
horse in the corral with the others, and tied his loosely to the
railing. He knew that he couldn’t stay very long. He took Melissa over
to Red Bear. He signed as he spoke to his brother so she would
understand.
“I will come back for Melissa in four days time. She wants to work
along side Red Cloud and Sky Dancing. Please teach her what you can in
this time.”
“We will do all that we can. Sky Dancing has been talking about your
coming with great joy.”
Melissa smiled her thanks to him.
“Where is Sky Dancing?”
“She is with White Hair. I will take her to them.”
“Thank you, my brother. Now I must leave.”
He turned to Melissa. “You’re sure that you’ll be alright with me
leavin’?”
“Yes. I trust your brother to know where Sarah and White Hair are. Be
careful on your run.”
He hugged her tightly, then ran to his horse and bolted out of the
village. She watched him wistfully. Suddenly she didn’t feel very
secure. She turned to Red Bear and signed, “I am ready to go with you.”
“You and Buck love each other?”
Buck hadn’t told her she would be interrogated.
“Yes…very much.”
“Buck and Sky Dancing love each other?”
That one hurt! “Yes.”
“I do not understand this!” he admitted as he began walking towards the
woods.
“I do not either,” she signed candidly…then smiled. “It will all work
out in the end though.”
“I hope so, but it is nice seeing my brother more often!”
What was she to say about this? That she was happy too, but also
totally angry about it? “I am glad for the two of you. This has needed
to happen.” WELL, at least that much was true!
“If he is with you, will you see that this continues?”
“Yes,” she promised.
“And what of Sky Dancing? She becomes more of us with each passing day.
Will she also stay with us?”
“That is Sky Dancing’s decision. She will have to speak for herself
when the time comes.”
Red Bear gave her an admiring glance. That made her feel good. She must
be saying the right things.
“There they are. I will leave you now.”
“Thank you, Red Bear,” She smiled again.
He couldn’t help but smile at her. This lady of his brother’s seemed so
full of life and almost innocent. He liked her. In time, he felt he
would like her as much as Sky Dancing. His brother had chosen his women
well.
“Sarah!” Melissa called to her friend.
“Melissa! You are just what I needed,” Sarah cried as she threw her arm
around her best friend. “White Hair and I are collecting plants for her
to make some medicine. I will explain to White Hair why you are here.”
And Melissa listened in fascination as Sarah, in Kiowa, told White
Hair. She didn’t seem to stumble over too many words. Sarah seemed to
listen intently as White Hair spoke to her.
“White Hair says that she’s happy that you are here, and that she will
be happy to teach you anything you would like to know.”
“What is thank you in Kiowa?” Melissa asked her. Sarah told her and
Melissa turned to White Hair and repeated the word. White Hair gave her
a big smile.
“Will we be able to talk later?” Melissa then asked her.
“Yes. I have free time every afternoon that I usually spend with Two
Eagles. He’s away on a hunt now though.”
Melissa paid rapt attention while Sarah translated about the plants
that White Hair was choosing and why. From that chore, they went to Red
Cloud, who took one look at Melissa, and shook her head. She went into
the teepee motioning the ladies to follow her. She rummaged about, and
then turned to Melissa, holding some clothes towards her, all the while
telling her something.
“She does not want you to be offended, but she knows that you’re here
to learn of their ways. She feels that it would be a good start if you
were to wear their clothes. She feels that you will be more comfortable
in this attire.”
“She’s right. Thank you,” Melissa stated in Kiowa to Red Cloud, and
hoping with her smile that she let her know that she wasn’t offended.
Red Cloud made her exit.
“I can’t believe how friendly everyone is being to me...especially Red
Bear. The first time I met him, he frightened me. Now he’s totally
different.”
“I think it’s because he’s happy that Buck is here at the village more.
He still doesn’t know about the three-way relationship, but he sees
that you and I encourage Buck to come here, and we don’t hold him back.
He sees that you and I are very willing to learn their ways and
incorporate that into our lives. He definitely feels differently about
us nowadays. How do the clothes feel?” she smiled.
Melissa turned to her friend and really looked at her.
“You’ve changed since you’ve been here, Sarah. You…oh I don’t
know...seem calmer, more grown up…wiser…”
“I hope that’s all good,” she laughed.
“I think it is. I think that Jimmy would be impressed.”
“That makes me happy. I think of him so often. But being in this
village does all of that for you. You’ll see after you’ve been here for
a few days. You won’t want to leave it behind you. Oh! I’m so glad that
you’re finally here with me. I hope that I can talk you into staying a
few extra days! Now, how are the clothes?”
“They’re wonderful! So comfortable! I don’t ever want to wear white
people’s clothes again!” she chuckled.
“Yeah...you’ll do just fine here. Come on, we need to fix the noon
meal.”
Melissa fell in step with Sarah. She did what Sarah did. She listened
carefully as Sarah translated conversations for her, tucking away a
Kiowa word here and there, never knowing when she would get the chance
to use it. While Sarah was teaching her children, she sat with Red
Cloud, discussing daily village life and learning how to use plants to
make different dyes for the clothes that they wore. When Sarah
reappeared, she followed Sarah to what she assumed was Sarah’s special
place to sit and look down on the village.
“This is nice. You fit in so well here,” Melissa complimented her
friend.
“I like it here. I’m thankful to Buck every day for coming up with this
solution to my problem. I feel so cared for here. They don’t look down
on me for being pregnant without being married. Everyone talks to me.
They’re willing to teach me anything I want to learn. Years from now, I
will look back on this experience with a lot of love and gratitude in
my heart.”
“You don’t think that you just might want to stay here? What of Two
Eagles?”
She saw the frown that went across her friend’s face.
“I did something to offend Two Eagles, and I don’t know what it is. He
and I were sitting up here talking yesterday…just one of our normal
conversations. We had talked about my working with White Hair, and
suddenly it was if his mood changed. One minute he was friendly, and
the next, very aloof. He quickly ended the conversation and left. Later
I went to ask him what I had done wrong. He said I hadn’t done anything
and sent me on my way. What do you make of it?”
“Has he tried...well...anything…like kissing or anything?” Melissa
asked her.
“No. He’s always very proper. Sometimes he will give me little gifts -
like yesterday before he got upset, he’d given me two pretty pebbles
he’d found and a glass bead that had been his grandmother’s. Sometimes
he’ll bring some extra meat to Red Bear. The only time he’s touched me
is helping me stand up after we’ve been sitting down. I don’t think
he’s attracted to me in that kind of way. I think that he enjoys my
company because I tell him of the world outside the village. He’s
learning all sorts of things. He’s very intelligent and asks great
questions, but it’s rarely anything personal. He doesn’t really like
white people. It’s his opinion that we’re only here to steal their land
and put them all on reservations. I don’t think it would occur to him
to try anything with a pregnant white woman,” she laughed.
“Would you want him to?”
“I don’t know, Melissa. I really like him. I respect him. It always
surprises me that he’s not haughty, with a negative attitude about me.
He’s genuinely nice, has a nice laugh, and likes to tease me sometimes.
But I still love Jimmy so much. It’s just the longer Jimmy is away, the
less hope I have of the two of us ever getting back together. If Jimmy
does come back, I don’t ever see him changing his mind about the two of
us. Why would it be any less dangerous for us now? No, when it comes to
Jimmy, there is no ‘two of us’” she sighed. “And the only way I could
stay in the village for any great length of time, would be to marry one
of the braves. I don’t feel like I could marry anyone but Jimmy. Maybe
I’m a one-man woman. Maybe I’m destined to carry Jimmy in my heart for
the rest of my life, and be this pitiful old lady who looks down at the
pearl ring on her finger and spends all her time remembering her lost
love.”
They both looked down at the ring that was still on Sarah’s finger.
“Lord, I hope not!” Melissa told her with a smile as she squeezed her
friend’s hand, “But maybe things will change if Jimmy comes back.
Maybe he’ll feel like he’s killed enough people that it can finally be
over and done with.”
“Oh that’s a nice thought!” Sarah smiled. “I try not to think about
what it is Jimmy is doing right now. It’s hard to reconcile that side
of Jimmy with the Jimmy I know and love.”
“I know, but when all is said and done, don’t you at least wonder what
it would be like to have Two Eagles kiss you? I mean he’s so handsome
and all.”
Sarah squealed with laughter. “That’s what I’ve always liked about you
Melissa. You get right to the heart of things! And yes, I have to admit
that I’ve thought about it. It would probably be very nice, but Jimmy
will always be there.”
“I know that you love Jimmy a lot, but if it’s going to be the way that
you say it is, what’s wrong with you finding happiness with someone
else? Why should you spend your whole life single, when you could be
married and have more children?”
“I’ll turn it around on you. What would you do if something were to
happen to Buck? What if after a few months after he wasn’t around
anymore, someone fantastic came into your life. What would you do?”
Melissa sighed as she lay back on the grass.
“I think that it would take a lot of work to get Buck out of my head
and heart. In fact, I don’t think that it could be done. I love him so
much, that I can’t imagine marrying someone else. I guess I’d probably
be just like you, keep on loving him, and turn into a miserable old
lady!”
“We are pitiful, aren’t we?” Sarah asked. “Now, did you bring Panache
with you?”
“Yes, and I took him while Cody was out on a run, and he’s gonna have a
fit when he comes back.”
“Let’s go down and see if he remembers me. Then we’d best get to Red
Cloud so we can help with the evening meal.”
In the days that followed, Melissa was in her glory. She worked along
side Sarah and Red Cloud and she knew that she was being watched very
closely by Red Bear. One day at the noon meal, he said something to
Sarah. She saw a smile cover her friend’s face as she turned to
Melissa. “He wants you to know that he’s going to sign something to
you, and if you don’t understand what he’s saying to you, you’re
supposed to ask me...okay?”
“Okay,” Melissa stated as she turned all of her attention to Red Bear.
“You been with us 4 days. You seem to like it here, and we like you
here. Will you keep coming?”
“Yes,” she spoke to him in Kiowa.
“Then you need Indian name here. From now on you will be called Summer
Wind, for that is what you like.”
She smiled her pleasure. “Thank you, Red Bear. I am honored,” which was
said mostly in Kiowa.
“You and Sky Dancing welcome part of our village.”
“Thank you!”
She could tell that Sarah was very happy for her. Melissa felt as if
she had just passed a test, and been accepted into a very closed
society.
Sarah was teaching the children, when there was a general commotion.
Looking up, she saw that the hunting party had arrived back in camp,
and it looked as if they had been very successful. Her eyes searched
for Two Eagles.
Two Eagles had used his free time pushing Sky Dancing away from him. He
didn’t want her in his thoughts. His feelings for her had gone against
everything he believed in. He didn’t want a non-Indian in his life. He
rode back into camp with a new resolve to find an Indian maiden that he
could love, court her, and marry her. It was time for him to settle
down and raise strong sons. But his body betrayed him as he rode
through the village. His eyes searched for any sign of Sky Dancing, and
as always, the children surrounded her. Their eyes met and sparks went
through him.
He dragged his eyes from her, willing himself to look straight ahead.
He rode to his brother, the chief, and presented the results of the
hunt to him. His brother was very pleased and declared that this night
there would be a grand celebration to thank the spirits for their
generosity.
“He’s still angry,” Sarah commented to Melissa. “When I see him like
this, I can imagine how fierce he is in battle. I wouldn’t want to have
to face him.”
“I don’t think I would want to either,” Melissa shivered. “And I hate
to say it, but it does seem that he is angry. I wish that we could
figure out what went wrong.”
“Me too. Well let’s go find out from Red Cloud what we need to do. The
chief said we’re having a celebration tonight to thank the spirits for
sending the meat to us. I’m sure there’s a lot of work to do. I’ll
worry about Two Eagles later.”
Buck did his usual approach to the village, looking down to see if he
could find Sarah…yes...there she was sitting in a large group of women.
If it weren’t for her blond hair, you’d never know she wasn’t Indian.
Then he tried to find Melissa, but didn’t see her. She had to be close
by. He quickly rode through the village, letting his horse go into the
corral. He headed for the group he had seen Sarah in, and stopped short
as he approached it. Sitting next to Sarah was Melissa, as busy as all
the ladies. It seemed as if she communicated with them through sign and
Kiowa…some English since Sarah had been teaching it to the village. He
could tell by the way they all were acting, she had been accepted as a
part of the village, and that filled him with much pleasure.
“Buck! You’re just in time,” Sarah told him with a smile. She could see
the admiring look in his eyes as he looked at Melissa. This made her
happy.
“In time for what?” he asked, confused as he sat down between the two
ladies, hugging them both to him.
“Summer Wind and I are helping to prepare for the large celebration
tonight. The hunt was successful.”
“Summer Wind?” he asked, confused as he looked at Melissa.
“That’s me!” she stated proudly “Red Bear gave me the name after
I’d been here a few days.”
“I like it!” he told her as he kissed her quickly. “I guess that I will
leave you with Sky Dancing and see if I’m needed for anything. It’s
good to see you two again.”
“It’s good to have you here Buck,” his lady told him.
Two Eagles saw the hug that Buck gave Sky Dancing, and all he felt was
rage that it wasn’t him doing it! He shook his head to clear it. He had
never been one to be ruled by his emotions. It couldn’t start now. He
looked around the village, and his eyes settled on Fair Flower. She had
always seemed to like him. She was quiet and pleasing to look at. He
would sit by her side at the celebration tonight.
As twilight started in the sky, fires were lit, and the whole tribe
gathered around a large one in the center of the village. The ladies
had been cooking all day, and everything was in readiness. The chief
and the medicine man gave thanks to the Great Spirit for bringing the
braves home safely and for blessing them with food for many months to
come. The ladies, as was the custom, served the men of the village
first, then they sat down to eat. Sarah gave Two Eagles a wide berth.
He didn’t seem to want to have anything to do with her. Then the
dancing began, and Sarah noticed that Two Eagles was paying a lot of
attention to Fair Flower. She hadn’t known that he was interested in
her, and she had to admit that she missed the attention he usually gave
to her. It looked like her friendship with him was over, and she felt
regret over that. She had missed him while he had been away. She was
thankful that Melissa had been here, but Melissa would leave soon. Oh
well, she would survive. She had so far. It was probably best this way
anyway. Perhaps he had just decided that it was wise to have their
friendship cool off since he was not fond of the whites.
Buck was having the time of his life. He felt like he had come home,
and Summer Wind was doing her best to tease and tantalize him. She made
sure that he got all the best morsels of food…the best drink, and the
softest fur to sit on. He was over whelmed by it all, and he couldn’t
seem to take his eyes off her. When the dancing began, she held her
hand out to him, her eyes were burning. He took it, and together they
joined in the dance around the fire. It hit him like a tone of bricks
that he should have never doubted what he’d felt for Melissa. That she
was as into his soul as Sarah. They might never share the same thoughts
as he did with Sarah, but she would always instinctively know what it
was he needed…where his head was at..what he needed to sooth his soul.
His eyes caught Sarah, sitting by the fire. She smiled softly and
nodded her head in approval. This was what Sarah knew he needed, had
always needed. He smiled back at her, then returned all of his
attention to his Summer Wind.
Two Eagles tried to pay attention to what Fair Flower was saying, but
all she talked about was very unimportant to him. There wasn’t any
substance to it. He didn’t feel the urge to tell Fair Flower what all
had happened on the hunt, and she didn’t appear to want to know. He
knew that by now, Sky Dancing would have demanded to know every detail
of the hunt, and he would have wanted to hear how she had spent her
time while he was away. He looked over at her. She was swaying to the
beat of the drums, and watching Buck and Summer Wind. She didn’t appear
upset that Buck was with Summer Wind. In fact, he could see them
smiling at each other on occasion. He dragged his attention back to
Fair Flower. Maybe he was just with the wrong maiden. He looked around
at the other ones there. No…none of them attracted him at all. He
politely excused himself to Fair Flower, and went to check on his pony.
Whenever Melissa could, she would brush her body against Buck’s. She
could tell that it was all he could do not to let his hands roam all
over her. She could feel the power that she had over him, and this made
her feel good.
“That’s it!” Buck suddenly declared as he picked her up, slung her over
his shoulder and headed for the teepee he had shared with Sarah. He had
to have Melissa, and he had to have her now.
Sarah saw that Red Bear was watching to see what her reaction was to
Buck carting Melissa off. While she didn’t care and was happy for them,
she didn’t want to explain how she felt. She got up and headed for the
corral to go see Panache. At least she could talk to him. She whistled
for him, and he came to her immediately.
“What am I going to do? I want Buck and Melissa to be happy, but I miss
Two Eagles more than I thought I would. I miss Jimmy very much too. I’m
so tired of this. I want to be happily married to the man I love...not
wondering if he’s alive or dead,” she sighed. “I want Two Eagles to
talk to me again…to smile at me...laugh with me…”
Two Eagles started when he heard Sky Dancing’s voice talking softly. He
didn’t understand what she was saying at all, but the tone of her voice
got to him. She sounded so sad. Which pony was she talking to? He edged
closer, but he could only see shapes through the darkness.
“Maybe I should get on you and just ride away...tell Buck that I want
to find Jimmy...but then maybe I would see things that I didn’t want to
see. Has Cody been taking good care of you, sweet boy?” she asked as
she scratched his soft muzzle. “Want to go for a ride?” she cooed.
Well, why not? It was dark. No one could see her. She wouldn’t go very
far.
Sarah grabbed his halter and led him from the enclosure. Using the
fence, she hoisted herself up on him. Guiding him with her hands and
knees, she walked him away from the village. Two Eagles wasn’t sure
what to do. While she had seemed to miss riding, she’d never attempted
to go and ride. Would she be safe on her own? Maybe he should follow
her at a distance. He lightly jumped on his pony, and began to follow
her.
Clothes were immediately tossed aside.
“I want you in me, Buck…now,” she told him as she ran her tongue around
his ear.
He didn’t have a problem with that, so he quickly pushed his hardness
into her welcoming home. She wrapped her legs tightly around him, and
he plunged deeply into her, wanting to consume all of her with each
thrust. Melissa’s hands were everywhere, caressing him. Her mouth was
calling to him, telling him all the words that he wanted to hear. He’d
never felt all of these feeling before with any woman, and he pushed
relentlessly into her. She started to scream and call his name. He
could feel her nails in his back, and that was all it took for him as
he spilled himself into her. After, as his spirit returned to him, he
struggled to catch his breath. He felt as if he’d run many miles. They
were both covered with a sheen of sweat.
“I love you, Buck.”
“I love you, Summer Wind,” he told her as he hugged her closely to him.
They still heard the drums outside, and their beat stirred her again.
She ran her hand over him, stopped at his maleness. This she took in
her hands, and proceeded to kiss it, stoke it, love it, make it come
alive again. Then she climbed on it, and rode it to the beat of the
drums. She felt wild and insatiable. This was a night made for passion.
Sarah stopped Panache when she realized that she was headed for Rock
Creek. That was stupid. Jimmy wasn’t there. She sat there confused. She
didn’t want to go back to the celebration. She didn’t want to face Two
Eagles smiling at Fair Flower. “I’m jealous!” she chuckled, but decided
she didn’t want to think about that. “I wonder what would happen if I
stayed out in the woods tonight? I know enough to do that, and you
would warn me of any danger, wouldn’t you, Big Guy?” She turned Panache
back to the woods, and found a very nice place she could sleep. The
ground was soft and the grass smelled sweet. She sat down on it and
took a deep breath.
Two Eagles slid off his pony. Was she planning on staying here all
night? No, that wouldn’t do. But she just sat there, with the large
pony standing by her, as if guarding her. The way he saw it, he had
three choices…just go away and leave her there, stand out here and
watch her all night, or go and talk to her and find out why she was
here.
After another 20 minutes, he chose the latter. He wanted to talk to
her. He wanted to be near her again. Even though his head was telling
him not to do it, he couldn’t force himself to stay away from her. On
cat’s feet, he went to her.
Panache’s head went up, and he nickered. Sarah could sense someone out
there, but it wasn’t an evil presence. “Show yourself,” she called out
in Kiowa.
“Why are you out here alone?” she heard Two Eagles ask her. He must
have been following her.
“I am not alone, Two Eagles. I had Panache with me. Now I have you,”
she stated, standing up as he came closer to her.
“This is Panache?” he asked as he slid his hands over the animal’s
silky neck.
“Yes. A friend gave him to me when I lived in Rock Creek. Summer Wind
brought him with her so we could get reacquainted.”
“He is a good pony,” was his comment. “Come, I will take you back to
the village.”
“I am not ready to go back to the village.”
“You are upset because of Buck and Summer Wind?”
“No,” she sighed. There was so much she wanted to tell this man, but
she still wasn’t sure where their friendship stood. “I want Buck and
Summer Wind to cross the marriage stick.”
“But he is the father of your child.”
“No,” she said again. “He is not the father of my child. He’s its
spiritual father. But I have not made love with Buck. He has always
belonged to Summer Wind.”
“Then who?” he asked her, shaken by her confession.
“Sit,” she invited as she took a place on the ground. There was some
moonlight being filtered through the trees. She could see him, but not
the expressions that were going over his face. She knew she wanted to
be honest with this man, but she didn’t know if this would ruin her
future with the tribe. After some hesitation, he sat a few feet from
her.
“Have you ever heard of Wild Bill Hickok?”
“Of course.”
“He’s the father of my child.” And she proceeded to tell him the whole
truth about how this child had been conceived, why Jimmy had left her,
about the man who had tried to kill her, and how she had ended up in
the village.
“But you have been with Buck alone…in the teepee.”
“Yes, but while we have lain together, we have never made love to each
other. We are spiritually connected, but we are not meant to be
together. We do love each other, but it’s not a romantic love.”
“That you have with Jimmy Hickok?”
“Yes.”
“Is he the one you think of when you get that faraway look in your eye?”
“Yes. I wonder how he is. If he’s even still alive.”
“If you love him, he must not be what everyone says.”
“He didn’t used to be, Two Eagles. He used to hate that everyone
thought he was a gunfighter. He hated to live in the shadows. He liked
being in the sunshine and loving me. But now…I want to believe that
he’s not the man I’m hearing about. Maybe the man he’s becoming isn’t
capable of loving anyone. And if he was, he would still push me away.
He didn’t want me to get hurt. If there was even a chance of that, he
wouldn’t let me near him.”
Suddenly, ridiculously, Two Eagles felt full of hope. He was pleased
that Buck was not this child’s father. But that was also bad in the
sense this child had no Indian in it. But it had Sky Dancing in it.
That would count for something! If she loved Jimmy Hickok though, there
could be no room in her heart for him.
“Do you understand why Buck did what he did, Two Eagles? Will you tell
the chief?”
“Yes, I understand, and I will not tell the chief. That will be up to
you if you feel you need to. You have placed your trust in me, and I
won’t betray that. If you hadn’t come to the village, I would have
never gotten to know you.”
Sarah could sense a change in him. “That sounded almost like you were
happy to meet me. Are you not angry with me anymore?”
“I told you Sky Dancing. I was never angry with you.”
Sarah wished that she could see his face.
“Could we have a small fire, Two Eagles? It is getting a little chilly.”
“We should go back to the village.”
“No…please...not yet.”
“Very well. I will build your fire.”
Buck couldn’t believe the energy that he possessed. He didn’t seem to
get tired. Neither did Melissa. As soon as they finished loving each
other, they would start all over again. And each time was different,
more exciting than the last time. He had never imagined anything to be
like this.
“I need you, Buck,” he heard Melissa say as she ran her hand lazily
over him. He automatically moved over her with his body.
“When exhaustion hits us, we’re gonna sleep for days,” he told her as
he began to run his mouth over her very sweet body.”
“I’ll worry about that when it hits!” She told him smugly as she
welcomed him into her arms once again.
Now she could see his face as he sat across from her. It was handsomer
than ever.
“So, if you were never angry with me, tell me at least what I did to
make you not want to be with me.”
Two Eagles gave it up at that point. He was very tired of fighting what
he felt for this woman. Everything within him told him this would never
work out. Worse, she might laugh at him when she found out how he felt.
Yet, he realized that he would never forgive himself if he didn’t try.
“When you came, I didn’t trust you. I watched you for a couple days
before I came to talk to you. And when I did…you opened up another
world to me. I think that the things you told me will be important for
me to know. The white man will not be able to call Two Eagles stupid!”
“Even before you and I started to talk, you were never stupid, Two
Eagles. But yes, the knowledge that I’m giving you will be important if
you ever have to deal with the white man.”
“I have learned much from you, and in the learning, I found out
something about myself. I realized that I’ve been waiting for someone
like you for a very long time. And that was the problem. I wanted to be
with you very much, Sky Dancing. I made myself leave you when I wanted
to hold you close. I pushed you away when I wanted to run my fingers
through your wild hair!”
She stared at him with her mouth open. Finally she blurted out,“But I’m
pregnant and white. You don’t like white people!”
“I know,” he sighed gently. “I don’t.”
“And you are very Indian.”
“That was the war that I had going on with myself, Sky Dancing. So it
was easier to tell myself to leave you and push you away...try with
someone else.”
“Fair Flower?”
“Yes. But she is not what I’m looking for.”
Looking over at him, she saw the want in his eyes. Had it been there
before and she had missed it?
“Oh,” she said, at a loss for words.
“I tell myself that you will leave us one day...that the white world is
your home. I know what it’s like to be away from your home and the joy
that you feel when you return to it. I know that I could never live in
the white world. I would slowly die. And I know that you love this
Jimmy Hickok. And in your heart you want to be in Rock Creek with him
and the child growing within you.”
“Yes, in a perfect world, that would be how I would want my life to be.
But for now, I do feel at home in your village. I have been happy here.”
“But you will never call it your own village, will you?”
“No, probably not.”
“But still I have to try, Sky Dancing. I was beginning to think that I
would never feel anything for any woman, but now I do. Can you forget
Jimmy Hickok for a time? Can you work towards having your child here in
our village, and maybe start thinking about me a little?”
“How will your brother feel about this?”
“He is the chief…I am not. I see him living a long healthy life, and I
will never have to worry about being the chief. I want to worry about
sons that have lighter colored hair with their mother’s courage and
spirit. I want to worry about living my life on this land of ours
instead of a reservation. I will fight to my death for that. I will
worry about having Sky Dancing accepting my proposal to cross the
marriage stick with me.”
The depth of his feelings really hit her then. Never in her wildest
dreams would she have predicted him asking her that. Jimmy felt so far
away. He was a lifetime ago.
“Oh, Two Eagles…I….you….we…” She finally drifted off, not really
knowing what to say.
He was smiling at her. “Well at least you didn’t say no.”
“I should,” she stated reluctantly.
“As should I,” he replied. “Come here, Sky Dancing.”
Slowly she got up and went over to him. He opened his arms to her, and
she sat on his lap facing him. His arms went around her, while hers
went around his neck. She studied what was in his eyes, and she found
love there, finally freely given. What did he see in hers? She could
feel his heart beating a furious tattoo in his chest. His hands undid
her braids. When it was loose, she tossed her head. Both of his hands
went into her hair, and they marveled at the softness of it. Pulling on
his hair gently, her mouth came to his. When her lips came down on his,
she tasted what fire must be like. An electrical charge went though her
whole being. His tongue lightly touched hers, and soon they were doing
their get acquainted dance.
“Oh my Sky Dancing,” he murmured against her neck as held her tightly.
He was afraid that if he let go of her, she would fly away from him,
and he would wake up to find that it had only been a dream. He knew
that he wouldn’t be able to handle that...not since he had finally
found her.
Melissa lay cuddled close to Buck. She was enjoying just listening to
him breath in and out. It was a reassuring sound to her, but there was
something at the back of her mind that she knew she had to ask him. Now
was as good a time as any.
“Buck...since you brought Sarah here, have you made love to her?” She
asked quietly.
“No...why did you think that I had?”
“You spend so much time here. You are so concerned about her. Sometimes
she is all you talk about. At times, I feel very left out, and I hate
that I’m feeling like that. Sometimes the two of you are so in tune,
it’s hard to believe that you could be that way without making love to
her.”
“Oh Melissa…I’ve had so many confused feelings about Sarah…the
baby…Jimmy…since this whole thing started. Sometimes Sarah knows what
I’m thinking before I know what I’m thinking. I hold her close to my
heart, but it’s more of a spiritual closeness. I have never made love
to her. Jimmy will always be in her heart, and I don’t know if she will
ever let any other man in…least of all me.”
“Do you regret that?”
“I regret that she may never love any man again like she loved Jimmy.
But I don’t regret the fact that she and I are not a couple. I’m with
the woman I want to be with. I’m more sure of that now then I have been
in all the time we’ve been together.”
Melissa sat up so she could look at Buck’s face. “Since Sarah has been
here, have you lain with her?”
“When I stay the night, I stay in Red Bear’s tent with everyone,” At
least that was the truth. “Melissa…I love you. Please believe that. You
are the only woman for me. Sarah isn’t. Doesn’t tonight tell you
anything?”
She melted at the looks he was giving her. He was right about that, for
the first time in a long time, she finally really felt relieved in her
mind. Buck was not chasing after Sarah. He was just looking out for her
welfare! She said a silent prayer of thanks to the good Lord, and moved
to straddle him.
“I’m sorry for being so insecure, Buck. It’s just that I don’t know
what I would do without you!”
He smiled up at her. “The next time you start feeling that way, ask
yourself who I gave my mother’s necklace to. Now come here and love me!”
Sarah and Two Eagles spent the next very many minutes in their embrace.
She knew that she could trust him. In the beginning stages, the Indians
were much more restrained in their lovemaking. She figured that it was
just as hard on them, but they had grown up being taught the rules and
the taboos. One of those was you don’t sleep with the woman you want to
marry. If you did, and it was found out, she would be banished from the
tribe. The reason they were so lenient with her was because she was
white, already pregnant, and they didn’t expect her to stay with them
after the baby was born.
Sarah leaned her head against his shoulder. “What do we do now, Two
Eagles?”
“We reluctantly go back to the village. I rejoin the celebration and
you go to bed.”
“You think they’re still at it?”
“Yes, I do. They go on all night. Come, we have to do this properly so
the village will bless our union if that is what you decide you want.”
“Two Eagles…I can’t make any promises to you. At least not yet.”
“I know that Sky Dancing…I know.”
He stood up and held his hand down to her. She took it, and he pulled
her up into his arms. She couldn’t resist leaning against him. It felt
so good to have a hard male body to support her again. Suddenly he
laughed.
“Your child is kicking me,” he told her. She took his hand and placed
it on her belly so he could feel the baby squirming around inside of
her.
“She’s trying to tell you hello!”
“She?” he asked her, very moved that she would let him touch her like
this.
“I keep having dreams that it’s a girl. I think the spirits are trying
to tell me something, don’t you?”
“It would appear that way, Sky Dancing. What shall you name her?”
“I guess that will depend on if I stay here or if I go back to my
world, won’t it?”
“I guess it will, my heart. Now let’s go.”
He wanted anything but to go. He wanted to stay here in this clearing
with her all night. He wanted to hold her close and love her. He wanted
to wipe Jimmy Hickok out of her mind, but he knew that would take time.
And time was not something that he would have a lot of.
Jimmy yawned and stretched. He rubbed his beard, and stirred up the
fire so he could have a cup of coffee and some old biscuits before he
hit the trail. He had pretty much turned into a bounty hunter so he
could have money to survive. He knew that he was changing into the kind
of person he had always hated, but what else was there for a man like
him?
He looked around him. Sarah had always liked this time of day. He could
remember her getting up, eager to find out what the day would
bring...happy to be going to teach her children. She probably didn’t
think that much about him anymore. He knew that as time was going by,
he was thinking of her less and less. He guessed that was because he
had taught himself to do that, because it was so painful to think of
what he had lost. And since he had changed so much, he was beginning to
wonder if even if he did see her again, would he still feel the same
way about her? He had a feeling that if she ever found out what his
life was like now, the love...if she still had any for him...would
surely die. He no longer was the person that she had fallen in love
with.
Sarah smiled to herself as she drank her morning cup of tea. Most of
the village was still sleeping.
“Can I have some of that?” Melissa asked her as she sat down next to
her friend.
“Why the smile?” Buck asked her as he kissed her cheek.
She poured tea for the two of them.
“I’m happy this morning. And you two seem to be that way too.”
“We are, and we know why,” Melissa stated. “What’s your reason?”
“That man walking towards us. He let me know how he feels about me. He
makes me feel good, and I’m going to seriously consider his proposal.”
Sarah had thought long and hard about all Two Eagles had told her last
night. The brave was a good man. He would be able to care for her and
for her child. He was intelligent and would be a good husband and
father. Red Bear would let her stay. She would be close to her friends
and not have to go back to Boston. She didn’t look forward to telling
her parents what her decisions were, but she would tell them later on,
when all was settled. Jimmy was a lifetime ago. There was no doubt in
her mind that they would never be a twosome again. He wouldn’t allow
it. Living in this village was a good thing.
“You’re kidding!” Buck stated.
“Ssh!” Melissa told him. “He’s almost here!”
“Good morning, Summer Wind, Buck,” Two Eagles greeted as he joined the
circle. As he sat down, Sarah handed him a cup of tea. “And good
morning, Sky Dancing,” With the greeting came a loving caress to her
head. Sarah knew that the Indians didn’t kiss each other where others
could see them. That was private and only between the couple.
“Good morning, Two Eagles. It looks like the two of you have worked out
your differences,” Melissa told him.
“Yes, we have. She has told me everything, Buck.”
Buck was surprised that he had absolutely no jealous feelings, and he
wasn’t surprised that Sarah had opened up to Two Eagles.
“And what will you do with that knowledge?” Buck asked.
“Nothing. I am in hopes that Sky Dancing will decide to stay in the
village and let me help her raise her child. For now, we will tell no
one else. We will go on as before.”
“I think that would be a good decision for her to make, but as always,
it’s her choice. She can be a very stubborn woman, Two Eagles.”
“And a brave and courageous one also,” he told them as he sipped his
tea.
Maybe this would all work out, Buck reflected...just maybe.
After that, life returned to normal. Melissa made frequent visits to
the village, and kept learning all that she felt she should know for
when she married Buck. Every now and then it bothered her that Buck
still hadn’t asked her to marry him, but she knew that sooner or later
he would.
Sarah spent her time as before, but now on her walks with Two Eagles,
he started to tell her about the history of the Kiowa down through the
generations. He tried to make her understand how the Kiowa felt about
some of the history she had been teaching him, and she came to a
greater understanding of the people she was living with. Her belly grew
larger, but she felt content, and her regard for Two Eagles grew by the
day. He was very tender and loving with her, and he always made her
feel good. He kept a blanket of security around her.
Melissa had come for a visit, and she was just getting ready to mount
Panache and leave, when Red Bear came up to her and Sarah.
“Summer Wind, can I have a word with you before you leave?”
“Sure, it will give Sky Dancing time to visit with her horse,” she
stated as she fell in step next to him. “What is on your mind, Red
Bear?”
He appeared troubled. “It appears that Sky Dancing and Two Eagles may
cross the marriage stick, and the chief and I are pleased with this.
However, we are confused about something…”
“And that is?”
“Buck still comes to visit with Sky Dancing, and he still shares her
sleeping fur when he is here. He appears very interested in the child
to be born; yet, when he is with you, he acts as if you and he will
cross the marriage stick together. Will that be happening Summer Wind?
I know that I do not always understand the white man and his ways. I
fear that Running Buck has adopted too much of it.”
Melissa knew that she was staring at him with her mouth hanging open.
She had gotten stuck on the part here Buck was sleeping with Sarah. He
had lied to her! How could he do that? But then she realized that she
couldn’t spill her guts to this man. Her recent Indian training came
into play as she made her face inscrutable and turned calmly to him.
“Who is to say, Red Bear? There are still some things that we have to
resolve between us. We hope that is what happens. I have a feeling that
we are both waiting for Sky Dancing’s child to be born. Now I really
need to go. Thank you again for your hospitality.”
She hurried back to Panache, ready to face Sarah with what she had
found out, but Sarah wasn’t there. One of the braves explained to her
that Red Cloud had needed Sky Dancing. Melissa smiled her thanks,
mounted Panache, and blazed out of the camp. Tears came as soon as she
was on her own. She gave the horse his head, and he galloped along for
a time finally slowing down as he turned towards Rock Creek. No, she
couldn’t go there. Buck was on a long run, so she couldn’t confront
him, and on top of all that, she had a feeling that she just might be
pregnant. Melissa couldn’t have felt more miserable! Not only was she
probably pregnant, but the man she loved had lied to her about sleeping
with her best friend! Maybe he didn’t even really love her.
Melissa couldn’t go back to Rock Creek and face anyone, so instead she
turned Panache towards the cabin. She needed time to think and
re-evaluate everything. At the cabin, she turned Panache out, and went
inside, opening up all the windows. No! There were too many memories in
the cabin, so she went out to sit on the porch. Was she pregnant? If
she was, she had a feeling it happened that night of the celebration at
the village. The night she had been lied to. Tarnation! And with her
best friend yet! How could Sarah have done this to her?
Jimmy rode slowly over the hill and looked down at the miner,s cabin. A
warmth washed over him as he finally allowed himself to remember Sarah
and his time with her there…and he remembered the last time he had been
there with her....sitting on the porch, rocking with her sitting in his
lap. Wait...wasn’t that Panache in the corral next to the cabin? His
heart started beating quickly as without really thinking, he urged his
horse down the hill and rode quickly to the cabin. The figure on the
porch…female…dark hair...not Sarah! His heart quickly sunk again, and
all of his misery returned. The brief shaft of sunlight went back under
the clouds.
Melissa’s head snapped up when she heard the hoof beats. She stood up,
and immediately recognized Jimmy’s horse. But who was that on it’s
back? The hat was Jimmy’s. The clothes were Jimmy’s…but the face was
hidden by the hat pulled very low and the beard that grew dark and
heavy over it.
“Jimmy?” she questioned as the horse stopped in front of her.
“Do I look that bad, Melissa?” he asked her with a smile, thrilled to
see her. He dismounted and Melissa went running for him.
“Jimmy! My God! You’re alive! Oh thank God…you’re alive and you’re
back. You ARE back, aren’t you?” she asked squeezing the living
daylights out of him.
A hug had never felt so good to him. He’d had no contact like this
since he had left. His arms went around her, and he held her tightly.
“I’m back. I just thought that I would stop here first to test the lay
of the land if either you or Buck was here. Where’s Buck?”
“Long run. Come on in. You look like you could use a bath...your
clothes need to be washed, and I’ll cook you a hot meal before you make
your appearance in Rock Creek!"
“And I need to shave this,” he said as he rubbed his beard. “That would
all be wonderful! Lordy, but it’s good to see you Melissa!” he said as
he hugged her again. He didn’t think he would be able to get enough of
the hugging stuff.
So Melissa led him inside, started a fire, and began to heat some water
for his bath. When it was ready, she filled the tub for him, took his
clothes from him, gave him Buck’s shaving equipment, and went outside
to wash all his filthy garments. “You’ll have to wrap up in that
blanket until your clothes get dry,” she called into the cabin.
“Okay.”
“Yell when you’re decent, and I’ll come in and cook for you.”
When she had finished washing his clothes, he called to her. She walked
back in, and stopped to stare at him. He was once again the very
handsome Jimmy Hickok, only with much longer hair. He definitely looked
older, his eyes looked ancient, but it was her friend Jimmy.
“I take it you approve?” he asked her. He looked so cute standing there
holding the blanket around himself.
“Definitely! Now sit, and let’s hear what you’ve been up to these past
months. It will be nice to hear the truth!”
“I ain’t been no choir boy, Melissa. I’ve been a person that you
wouldn’t want to associate with,” he warned.
“Try me, Jimmy.”
He told her about becoming a bounty hunter so he could legally shoot
all the troublemakers he came into contact with. He told her about all
the miles he had covered, and some of the more amusing tales from the
road. He didn’t tell her about the bad things that had happened. He
didn’t tell her about all of the lonely times…the times he had wished
that he were dead. He gratefully ate the meal that she fixed for him as
they made small talk.
“That was mighty good, Melissa. Are my clothes dry yet?”
“No, I don’t think so,” she told him as she cleaned up after them. That
didn’t take very long. Soon she was sitting across from him.
“You haven’t mentioned Sarah, Jimmy.”
He shrugged his shoulders. “She went back to Boston, didn’t she?”
“She left, yes.”
“That’s all I need to know.”
“You don’t want to get in touch with her now that you’re back?”
“I’m sure that by now she has a new life in Boston. She probably don’t
think about me at all.”
“That’s not true. She’s always askin’ me if I’ve heard anything about
you. What you’re doing.”
Jimmy sighed. “She shouldn’t be, Melissa. Did she get back there
alright?”
“Yes.”
“Did anyone try to hurt her before she left?”
“There were men asking about her, but we could usually get rid of them.
One of them almost killed her after Ike’s wedding. Luckily, Buck was
close by and saved her. It wasn’t long after that she left.”
“Who was it?”
“Bart Slade. Cody killed him.”
The look in Jimmy’s eyes told her everything she needed to know. He
still loved his Sarah.
“She’s doing okay Jimmy. She’s making a new life for herself.”
“Does she have any new fellas in her life?”
“Yes, but she hasn’t forgotten you. Just between you and me, I don’t
think that she’ll end up married to anyone. She’s always gonna carry
you with her. You’re a hard act to follow.”
“Thank you for tellin’ me that. I guess that’s that. She’s got her new
life, and now I’ve come back to mine. Whatever you do, don’t tell her
that I’m back here when you write to her. I don’t want her comin’ back
out here again. She belongs in Boston.”
“No Jimmy. She hated to leave here. Her heart is here. She belongs here
with you, and you know it!”
Jimmy looked over at her with the pair of coldest eyes she had seen on
a man. It made her shiver. Was this the look he gave a man before he
killed him?
“She don’t belong out here, Melissa. She ain’t never belonged out here.
She belongs where she is now…with her wealthy parents who love her.
Where she can go to fancy dances and have her rich gentlemen friends
court her. Now could you check on my clothes?” His tone of voice was as
cold as his eyes. It infuriated her.
Melissa got up and went over to him.
“No! I ain’t gonna check on your clothes until you listen to what I
have to say James Hickok! You may think you can fool all those people
you went and killed into believing that you don’t love Sarah, but you
can’t fool me! I saw the misery on your face the day you had to leave,
and I saw it matched on Sarah's the day she had to leave. I can still
remember the sadness in her eyes when she told me that she loved
you...that you were always there in her heart and you would always be
in her heart! Don’t go putting up that ten foot high fence of yours
again. Why is it so hard to admit that you loved her? That you still
love her? For God’s sake, Jimmy. This is Melissa you’re talking to.
What the hell will it hurt if you at least be honest to me and admit it
to me!” she yelled the last to him, practically into his face. She was
only inches from him, and the pain that came into his eyes was the
deepest she’d ever seen.
Tears welled up in his eyes, and she couldn’t stop herself. She stood
and wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him against her, feeling
horrible for what she had just done to him. His body shook with sobs,
and she just continued to hold on to him. She kissed the top of his
head, trying to comfort him as he held onto her like a man that was
drowning might.
This was the first time Jimmy had allowed himself to experience the
hurt of losing his Sarah. He had pushed it so deep so many times; he’d
begun to wonder if he could ever feel anything again. Having Melissa
make him face it was the most painful thing he had ever done. Melissa’s
warmth surrounded him, and he felt her kiss his hair. It took some time
for him to regain his composure. When he did, Melissa sat next to him
on the bed, waiting.
He took a deep, rasping breath.
“I will always love her,” he said softly, “but she’s where she
needs to be. I miss her, and when I think about her, my whole body
aches for her. I’d give anything to have a different life so that I
could write to her and tell her to come back. In my dreams we’re
married, and we have babies, but sometimes dreams are for fools. So I
put her into the back of my head and don’t think about it all. It’s
easier that way.”
“No one would ever try to find you in Boston.”
“But what would a man like me do in Boston? I wouldn’t fit there,
Melissa.”
“Yeah, I know, but maybe there’s some sort of compromise. Maybe there’s
some place the two of you could move to that would be far enough away
from here and still not be too much of a city.”
“You’re askin’ me to dream and I cain’t afford to do that. What does
she say of this fella she’s seein’?”
“He likes the outdoors, is nice, smart, owns a horse so she can go out
riding. I think he’s a pretty good shot. Kinda sounds like you, don’t
it?”
He shrugged. “Is she gonna marry him?”
“He’s asked her. I think that she would like to because then things
would be easier, but in the end, I don’t think her heart will let her.
You’ve still got that part of her, and I don’t think she wants it back
from you.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“No you’re not. If the day comes where I ever tell you she’s married to
someone, a part of you will die. Now, at least just write a short note
to her lettin’ her know that you survived all of this…that you’re back
and that you hope she’s doin’ okay. That’s all I ask and it’s the least
you can do. She’s been worried sick about you...that you might not come
back.”
“I guess that wouldn’t hut none, but I cain’t tell her that I love
her,” he warned.
“I understand that. Now I think that I have a paper and pencil around
here somewhere…”
“One more thing…what ain’t ya tellin’ me?” he asked her.
“What do you mean what ain’t I telling you?”
“There’s something about you…something on your face. I know people’s
eyes. I have to if I’m gonna stay alive! And your eyes say that there
is somethin’ you ain’t tellin’ me!”
Oh Lord...how was she gonna get out of this one? There was no way she
could tell him that Sarah was only miles away in the Kiowa village.
“You’ve got to quit being so suspicious now that you’re back around
people who care about you and love you. I’m not the enemy, Jimmy. I’m
Melissa. You aren’t seeing anything on my face.”
He scrutinized her carefully and she did her best not to blink. He
shook his head. “No…there’s something there. At some point, you’re
going to tell me.”
“I can’t tell you if there’s nothing there,” she retorted as she stood
up.
She checked his clothes, which were now dry, and he put them on while
she looked for her paper and pencil. She handed it to him and pointed
to the table. She took herself back outside, knowing that as soon as he
was done, she would send him on to Rock Creek, giving him some excuse
about why she was staying out here. Then she would head back to the
village. She should be there by dark.
Continued......
COPYRIGHT - 2004 M BOLTON & R WOOTEN