To Have And To Hold Part 4

                TO HAVE AND TO HOLD
           PART 4

           MARY BOLTON & ROBBIE WOOTEN

It took about an hour to reach the top of the mountain, and the ladies settled themselves in an area protected from the wind while the men searched for firewood, then built the fire. They all cozied up to the fire to warm themselves.

Suddenly Sarah laughed.

“You know, we should plan these trips better. We don’t have any blankets…or coffee…or food…”

“You’ve got that wrong! We’ve got food!” Buck declared as he took some beef jerky from his pocket and held it up triumphantly.

Melissa and Sarah looked at each other and wrinkled their noses.

“Luckily we’re not hungry!” Melissa giggled.

“You can tell these ladies ain’t used to livin’ on the trail,” Jimmy commented.

“That’s okay…I like my lady jist the way she is,” Buck commented as he leaned over and kissed her.

“Have you two ever done anything like this before?” Sarah asked as she first looked at Jimmy, then at Buck.

Jimmy scratched his head and shook it.

“No..I don’t recall as I ever did. I usually like to sleep!” He admitted.

“Buck?” Melissa asked him.

“I’ve come up to pray to the sunrise, but I’ve never done this with a lady before,” he told her.

“Then when it’s time, will you show us how to welcome the sun?” Sarah asked him.

Buck looked over at her and felt this shiver go down his spine. What was it about this lady? She HAD to be part Indian!

“I’ll be happy to show you how,” he told her warmly. “But until then, we have to be sure that we don’t freeze up here.”

“We have plenty of wood. Sarah…” Jimmy started to ask.

“Hmm?”

“You know that Cody is gonna ask you about doin’ this. What are you gonna tell him?”

Sarah looked around at the group. They were all sitting cross-legged in front of the fire in a circle. “What’s to tell? We decided to take Panache out for a run and watch the sunrise. He shouldn’t get upset, should he?” she asked Buck and Jimmy.

“I don’t know,” Jimmy stated. “Probably not since Buck and Melissa are here.”

Melissa yawned.

“I think Melissa is going to fall asleep,” she stated as she leaned her head against Buck’s shoulder.

“You cain’t fall asleep on us!” Jimmy told her. “Do something with her, Buck!”

“Now why didn’t you tell me that sooner?” Buck asked as he took Melissa in his arms and began kissing her.

“Look what you’ve done,” Sarah gently scolded Jimmy as she turned her attention to him.

“I suppose you’re sittin’ there wishin’ that Cody was here with you,” Jimmy told her. His hat was low over his eyes, so she couldn’t see his what he was feeling.

“Not really,” she admitted to him. “I’m with the people that I want to be with right now.”

“What are you talkin’ about, Sarah? Cody’s courtin’ you! Don’t you love him?”

“He’s asked me to marry him, Jimmy. Are you gonna push me into that like you pushed me into courting him?” She asked point blank.

“I didn’t push you into nothin’!” He told her, not looking at her.

“Then what do you call it, Hickok?”

“You made the choice to be with Cody!” He reminded her.

She sighed. Why was she trying to pick a fight with this man? She knew that he wouldn’t argue with her.

“You’re right, I did. I was influenced for the wrong reasons though, I think.”

“You gonna marry him?” He asked her, feeling like if she said yes, it would kill him.

“I don’t know, Jimmy.” She said looking down at the ring he had given her. “What do you think I should do?”

TELL HER! His mind was screaming at him, but when you have another thought so deeply ingrained inside you, it was too hard to over ride it.

“You should probably marry him. He’d give you a good life. He’d treat you rite.”

“Well…I don’t know if I want to marry anyone.”

“I thought all ladies wanted to git married and have babies,” he replied.

“Well you’re wrong, Jimmy Hickok. Not all women feel that way. Independent women know they can make it on their own. They know that they don’t really need a man to take care of them. That way if they ever do get married, they’re more of an equal partner.”

“You sure have some strange ideas,” he told her shaking his head.

“Out here in the West they’re strange ideas. Back East, it’s how women are beginning to think.”

“So you don’t want to get married and have babies?” He asked her, trying to clarify in his mind how she felt.

“I didn’t say that!’ She told him, exasperated as she stood up and walked away from the fire, so she could look across the valley that was still bathed in the moonlight.

Jimmy looked at her back…then over at Buck and Melissa, who were still kissing. That’s what he wanted to be doing with Sarah. He sighed heavily as he got up and went over to her. How had this woman gotten under his skin? He’d thought that he’d had all his walls up, but somehow she had managed to get through most of them.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he put his arms around her and pulled her against his body. “Sometimes it’s hard for me to understand you and your ideas since you’re from back East. I’m tryin’ though, Sarah.”

Sarah leaned her head back against this solid man. Why did she always have to feel so safe around him? Like she’d come home?

“I know that Jimmy, but if you really understood me, there’s no way I’d be with Cody,” she sighed as she continued to look out at the valley.

There was no reply needed for that, so he just stood there with her, holding her, wanting to give her more, but knowing that he never would.

Buck had pushed Melissa down to the ground, enjoying what he was feeling with her. She tasted so good to him, and he wished that the two of them didn’t have these heavy clothes on. But then, they had Jimmy and Sarah with them, so how far could they go?

“We’re being dreadfully rude,” Melissa giggled into his ear.

Buck glanced over to where Jimmy and Sarah had been sitting, but the space was empty now.

“Where?” he asked as he looked around him.

“Look,” Melissa pointed.

He followed her finger, and saw Jimmy and Sarah molded together as they stood facing the valley below.

“They belong together,” Buck whispered to the winds.

“I know they do..she knows that they do..why doesn’t he know that they do?”

“He knows in his heart, but not in his head.”

“Will he ever?”

“No..I don’t think so,” he said sadly.

“But at least you saw the wisdom about the two of us,” she threw in.

“That’s true!”

“Hey look!” They heard Sarah cry. “The horizon is getting a little lighter. Buck?”

Buck stood up and held his hand down to Melissa. They went over to stand next to the other couple, and it all felt so natural.

“Don’t you have to pray to welcome the sun before the sun comes up?” Sarah asked him.

“How did you know that?” he asked her.

“I don’t know,” she shrugged her shoulders. “I must have read it somewhere.”

“Do what I do,” he told the other three with him as he pulled away from Melissa. He held his hands up to the Eastern sky as in Kiowa, he thanked the Great Spirits for all the earth’s bounties. Then he faced North, and repeated his prayer, followed by West and the prayer, then South and the prayer. He closed his eyes and prayed to the rising sun, asking it to intercede for Jimmy and Sarah and shine its healing rays on Jimmy’s spirit so that he would love Sarah with his head. He prayed for Sarah and Melissa and finally for himself. He ended and opened his eyes.

Melissa thought that she and Jimmy had been a little self-conscious at first, but Sarah…she looked a natural as she followed Buck’s lead. A pang of envy spread through her. How did Sarah make that connection, when she couldn’t? And she was the one in love with Buck? Then she told herself she was being very silly, that she knew Sarah was not out to get Buck, that she was doing the ceremony because it meant something personally to her. By the end of it, she and Jimmy were pretty into it also.

Buck smiled at Melissa and hugged her. Over his shoulder, he shared a smile of kinship with Sarah. Sarah looked up at Jimmy and gave him a smile as they all turned to watch the sun come up. The Sun Spirit didn’t disappoint any of them as he gave a show of arriving for the new day.

“Ready to go?” Buck asked, “And ready with your excuses for Cody?”

Sarah just stuck her tongue out at Buck, while they turned to their horses. Jimmy didn’t want to lose contact with her, so he pulled gently on her arm. She turned and looked up at him with a questioning look. He leaned down and kissed her, then pushed her gently towards Panache. Sarah smiled to herself. What a perfect way to begin her morning.

“What do you mean you don’t know where they are?” Cody asked Rachel for the hundredth time over breakfast.

“We don’t know. They said something about goin’ for a ride, that they wanted Sarah to try out Panache. That’s the last we saw of them.”

“But how could you let them go off like that at night?”

“The ladies had Buck and Jimmy with them. They’re fine, Cody!” Teaspoon told him, trying to calm him down.

“We don’t know that. I think we should go out and look for them! He said. “Ike…Noah..Kid, will you go with me?”

At that moment, the door opened and the four people in question walked into the bunkhouse.

“We’re starved, Rachel! Is there any for us?” Buck asked her as he and Melissa sat down.

“I just want coffee. I’m frozen!” Sarah stated. “Morning all..morning, Cody!” she said as she smiled at him, kissed his cheek, and sat down next to him.

“There’s plenty of food for you,” Rachel replied with a smile. “Have a good time?”

“It was wonderful,” Melissa enthused.

“WHERE WERE YOU?” Cody finally shouted. He was so relieved to have them walk through the door, and got quickly ticked off since they were acting as if nothing special had happened.

Sarah jumped as he yelled at her.

“That’s not necessary, Cody.” Jimmy interjected.

“You be quiet,” he pointed at Jimmy. “I want to hear from Sarah what in tarnation was going on!”

“That’s no way to talk to her,” Jimmy told him

Sarah put her hand up to stop the exchange. Why was Jimmy so quick to come to her defense?

“Cody deserves an explanation, and I’m sure that he yelled because he was worried about us. We went to the top of Baldface Mountain to watch the sunrise. It started out as a simple horse ride so that I could try out Panache. I was enjoying her so much, I didn’t want to come back. I admit it was a little irresponsible, but it was a glorious time and I’m sorry you weren’t there with us to enjoy it,” she tried to say as sincerely as possible.

Cody looked over at Melissa, who was nodding her head up and down.

“So..how did Panache work out?”

“Beautifully.” Sarah told him as she let out her breath in relief. He was going to let it go. “She didn’t step in a hole or a rut, not once. She hardly breathed hard! Thank you again for her.”

“I’m sorry I yelled. I was worried!” He stated looking at Jimmy.

“Yeah, I would have been too,” Jimmy admitted, not that he cared. Given the opportunity he would do it all again with Sarah.

“Now let’s eat up,” Rachel declared.

Life returned to normal once again. School was back in session, and Sarah’s free time was either spent at the station or with Cody. When Cody rode, she gave Jimmy his lessons. Every now and then, she caught Jimmy giving her looks that she couldn’t read, but he kept his distance.

Melissa and Buck kept their routine up. Whenever she needed someone to accompany her somewhere, Buck was at her side. He knew that the townspeople had begun to talk about Melissa behind her back, and he wasn’t sure if Melissa was even aware of it. He decided just to let it go. He’d tried to tell her about what would happen, and now it was too late for him to turn back. He wasn’t going to let Melissa go.

It was Friday afternoon, and Melissa decided to stop by the school on her way back from cleaning Sarah’s house. School was just being let out, and Sarah gave her a smile as the last little one went out the door.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” Sarah told her. “Did you come to help me clean the blackboard?”

“Naw..I thought I would let Cody do that. Where is he?”

“I think that Teaspoon had him running some errands with Noah. It’s strange not having him here right after school is out. What’s up?”

“I was wondering how your mind was working…if you were still thinking about leaving?”

“I don’t know..oh, hello Reverend Jackson. You just missed all the children.”

“That’s alright. I didn’t come here to see the children. I saw Miss Melissa come in, and thought that now would be as good a time as any to talk to the two of you.”

“I bet he wants us to volunteer for the upcoming social,” Sarah smiled.

“That’s a possibility..but that’s not why I’m here, ladies. I feel uncomfortable doing this, but I really like you, Miss Melissa, and it greatly upsets me when my flock starts to gossip and point fingers at people.”

“What’s this all about, Reverend?” Sarah asked him, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt what it was about.

“I just thought that Miss Melissa should know that people are starting to talk about her because she’s seeing Buck. Now mind you, I don’t have any problems with Buck. He’s helped me out a few times..helped out a lot of people in town, but they conveniently forget about that.”

“Are you suggesting that I should stop seeing him?” Melissa asked, feeling the unfairness and outrage hit her.

“No, I’m not, but you’re going to start noticing these people treating you differently. And Miss Sarah..it may pass on to you since Miss Melissa is your friend, as well as the rest of the Riders.”

“This is obscene!” Sarah practically shouted. “How could they act like this? I’m trying to teach the children not to be prejudiced, but how do you teach their parents?”

“I don’t have the answer to that, Miss Sarah. And I think it will all blow over, Miss Melissa, if you just grin and bear it. The Lord will help you through.”

“Thank you, Reverend. But the Lord is going to have to excuse what I’m thinking right now!”

“I’m sure that he will. Good day ladies. If I can help with anything, let me know.”

“Thanks Reverend. We appreciate you taking the time to tell us about this,” Sarah said as she walked him out.

Melissa was fingering the necklace in an agitated manner when Sarah walked back to her.

“You’re going to have to ignore this, Melissa. Like he said, it will pass, and you knew that this would happen. Buck’s worth whatever you have to go through.”

“I know that, but it makes me so darn angry!” She said as she pounded her fist on the desk.

“I know. It makes me angry too, and I’m not the one involved with him! I guess I’m just going to have to work harder on these kids.”

“I wonder if Buck knows what’s going on?”

“Probably. Want me to walk you over to Rachel’s?”

“Yeah, I’d like the company.”

They walked in silence. When they arrived, Melissa told her. “I need to go in and see if Rachel needs me. Comin’?”

“No..I need some fresh air after being cooped up with those children all day. I’ll just wander around here until Cody gets back.”

“Why don’t you plan on staying for supper? I didn’t leave anything for you at your place.”

“Okay,” she smiled as she walked around the yard. Then she decided to go talk to Panache, which she did. She kept hearing little mewing sounds. Was it coming form the hayloft? She gathered up her skirts before she climbed the ladder, and discovered a litter of the most adorable kittens. Did Ike know about them?

Like always, her thoughts turned to Jimmy. How could she stay here, marry Cody, and always be around that man? It wasn’t fair to Cody. But she didn’t want to hurt Cody. He didn’t deserve that. But what if they got married and it didn’t work? That wouldn’t be fair to him either. Why did the want for Jimmy have to be so bad?

Jimmy came whistling into the barn, and thought he heard a voice. He stopped, his hand going to his gun, and listened, trying to decide where it was coming from. The loft…Sarah? He quickly climbed up the ladder, and saw her with her back to him, fussing over some kittens.

“Sarah! You scared me half to death!” he told her softly.

She sort of jumped, and turned slowly around. Her face reached out and grabbed him with the longing that he saw in it. He hadn’t had time to build up his defenses. She opened her arms to him, and he quickly went to her. It’s all he wanted…had been wanting through all those times that he’d been alone with her at the miner’s cabin…..up on the mountain top. He pushed her back into the hay, as his mouth became glued to hers. Immediately her whole body seemed to be attached to his. His response was immediate as he helped her out of her jacket. Her hands were unbuttoning his shirt and long johns, his were working at the buttons on the front of her dress. He could hear her moan as his hand came to rest on her breast..no he wanted skin, and he could feel himself shudder as his palm came into contact with that same breast. This was his Sarah!

Sarah wanted this man like she had never wanted anyone else. She had gotten his shirt off, and was starting with his long johns when he touched her breast, and she lost all conscious thought. She could feel a hardness pressing against her leg, and wasn’t too sure about what that was. Why wasn’t she more knowing about this stuff? Why hadn’t her mother told her what she needed to know?

How did he get her out of her undergarments? Why wasn’t he prepared for this? Jimmy kissed the skin above the camisole. Should he ask for help?

Cody took Noah’s horse and headed for the barn. Once inside, he immediately heard noises coming from the hayloft.

“Anyone up there?” he called, but there wasn’t any answer. He drew his gun and slowly climbed the ladder. Peeking over the top, he saw Jimmy on top of a lady, and he smiled to himself. Where had Jimmy kept this one hidden? He decided that he’d better just creep back down or Jimmy would kill him! He put his gun back in his holster and had started down when he heard Jimmy moan, “Sarah!”

“Sarah?!” He said as he quickly climbed the ladder. No, that couldn’t be…”Sarah?” He asked as he came around and looked down.

Sarah heard Cody and gasped as Jimmy raised his head! She groaned as she saw Cody standing there, anger all over his face.

“Cody…” Jimmy started to say, but Cody yanked him to his feet and slammed his fist into Jimmy’s jaw, sending Jimmy crashing back against the far wall.

“Cody! Stop!” Sarah screamed.

“Tell me that he forced himself on you, Sarah!” he begged her as his fist clenched and unclenched.

Jimmy was horrified about this, and Sarah’s reputation was at stake here.

“I did, Cody. I saw her up here, and I came up, and I jumped on her!” Jimmy told him.

“Why you…!” Cody stated as he went after Jimmy again.

Sarah knew what Jimmy was trying to do for her, but at this rate, Cody would beat Jimmy to a bloody pulp, and Jimmy wasn’t going to fight back. She couldn’t let that happen.

“STOP!” she screamed at the top of her voice, as she tried to get between them, but she couldn’t. “Cody! He didn’t force himself on me! Stop it right now!” She said as she grabbed his arm as it was about to hit Jimmy again.

Jimmy’s lip was bleeding, and his eye would be black soon.

“What?” Cody asked her.

“He didn’t force me. Jimmy didn’t force me. I was as willing as he was. I’m sorry Cody, but that’s the way it was.”

“She’s lying Cody,” Jimmy stated. “Don’t do this, Sarah!” Jimmy pleaded with her, letting her know, once again, that he wasn’t ready to give her anything.

“I’m not lying Cody. Jimmy didn’t force me,” she stated through clenched teeth as she re-buttoned her dress. She handed Jimmy his shirt.

Cody looked from one to the other. “Someone is trying to protect the other, but as far as I know, Jimmy has never lied. Why are you lyin to me, Sarah? Why are you tryin’ to protect Jimmy?”

“I don’t believe this!” Sarah stated as she threw her hands up to the heavens. “Fine, Jimmy forced himself on me….so why wasn’t I fighting to get him off me? You two can beat each other to a bloody pulp. When you want to talk to me, Cody I’ll be at my house. And you…” she said pointing to Jimmy. “If I thought that my reputation needed protecting, I wouldn’t have been rolling around with you up here in the first place!”

Cody and Jimmy watched in stunned silence as Sarah went down the ladder and out of the barn.

Cody sat down on a pile of hay and put his head into his hands.

“WHAT is going on, Jimmy?”

Jimmy was of two minds as to what he was gonna tell Cody. Either way he’d probably get the stuffins beat out of him.

“I’ve been attracted to Sarah ever since I helped Buck rescue the ladies. I think that I caught Sarah in a weak moment. Look Cody..not that much happened, and I swear that nothing will happen with her again. I don’t want no lady in my life..you know that. Sarah is a good lady. You love her. It’s not her fault about what happened. I’m sorry that it did. You’re family, and what I did was wrong.”

Cody looked up at Jimmy. Something wasn’t right here!

“Does Sarah have feelin’s for you?” He asked.

“I don’t know. You’d have to ask her,” he said, hoping that by the time Cody got over to Sarah’s she would have done some rethinking on the matter. “I’ll take care of your horses.”

“If I find out you been lyin’ to me, Hickok, I’ll kill ya!”

“Yeah, I know,” Jimmy told him as he dabbed at his swollen and bleeding lip.

Sarah flew home, trying not to think. Cody would be over soon. Knowing Jimmy, he wouldn’t have changed his story to Cody. So what was she supposed to do? Throw herself at Cody’s mercy or tell the truth? Would Cody believe the truth after Jimmy’s number? She knew that she wouldn’t have Jimmy in the end. Would it be better to just hang on to Cody? No, darn it all! That wasn’t fair to Cody, it wasn’t fair to her, and she was beginning to act like she was desperate to have a man! That wasn’t the truth, was it?

The knock that she knew would come, came too soon. Cody, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, was standing there.

“Come on in, Cody,” she invited. “Have a seat.”

“Jimmy said it ain’t your fault. He said it was all his fault, that he has feelin’s for you, that he caught you in a weak moment, that I should forgive you, is that all the truth?”

“Jimmy Hickok admitted that he has feelings for me? That’s a surprise!” She muttered out loud. “Cody, if I tell you the truth, will you believe it? Because that’s what I’m going to tell you, the truth, and I should have done it a little while ago when I recognized it myself.”

“I’ll believe you Sarah.” He told her simply as he took his hat off and tossed it down on the sofa next to him. His blond hair tumbled all over, and his pale blue eyes tried to see through her. Sarah knew that she was about to hurt him terribly, and there was a large part of her that didn’t want to do that. But she knew that she had to tell the truth.

“Cody, when Jimmy helped rescue me from those robbers, there was just something about him that got my attention. I think that I fell in love with that man at first sight,” she sighed. “But he made it perfectly clear early on that he wasn’t interested in me for anything, that he didn’t want any ladies in his life. So I talked myself out of liking him. Then you came riding into my life like a golden knight. And you were pretty wonderful, Cody. You’re so much fun to be with, so alive, so focused on what you want to do with your life. So able to set my heart a flutter. It wasn’t hard to fall very in like with you. I wanted to be with you, but there was always that Hickok person in the background. Over the months, I’ve gotten to know him better. I don’t know why I fell in love with him. He’s so serious, so closed up, not all that happy with his lot in life. Cody, what you saw today, he didn’t force himself on me, but it wasn’t planned. I was up in the loft playing with the kittens, waiting for you to come home. He probably heard a noise up there and came to investigate. One thing led to another. I don’t want to come between the two of you, you are family. As of this point, I’m nothing to you. I love you as a good friend, Cody, and I desperately want to stay your friend, but I will understand it if you don’t want me in your life in any capacity. I’m so sorry for hurting you. Thank you for all that you’ve given me, especially the gift of you. You’ve made my life so much richer…” she drifted off.
“Are you gonna go after him?” Cody asked her.

“I’m gonna talk to him and yell at him for lying to you, but I don’t think that I’ll go after him. Jimmy doesn’t want me, Cody. He doesn’t need a lady in his life right now,” she stated sadly.

Cody just stared straight ahead trying to take in all that she had told him. He should have known. IF he really thought about it, Jimmy had always seemed to come alive whenever Sarah was around him. Sarah had always seemed to drift over to him. Now what?

Jimmy took care of Cody’s and Noah’s horses, got his bedroll, stole some food from the kitchen, filled his canteen, saddled his horse, and took off. He didn’t have a ride for a few days, and he didn’t want to be anywhere around when Cody came back. He hoped that Teaspoon would understand why he’d had to leave from the note he had left him.

Cody looked over at Sarah. He loved her so much and he wanted so desperately to be angry with her, but he could tell that she was hurting too.

“Thank you for being honest with me, Sarah. I do appreciate that. I’m gonna miss spending a lot of my free time with you.”

“I’ll miss it too.”

“Do you think that maybe further down the line we might try again?”

“Maybe we could,” she said. “I don’t like to close the door on any possibilities.”

“I want to be your friend, but right now I can’t be.”

“I understand. When you’re ready, let me know, Cody.”

“That ring…did Jimmy give it to you?”

“Yes, he did, for Christmas.”

“I guess that’s it then, Sarah,” he said as he picked up his hat and stood up.

“I’m sorry Cody.” She barely whispered.

“Yeah, me too,” he told her as he leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’ll be seein’ ya.”

With that he left, and Sarah felt miserable.

Melissa was in the bunkhouse when Teaspoon came in and found the note addressed to him.

“What’s this?” he asked as he picked it up.

“Something from Jimmy, I think. Rumor has it there was some trouble between him and Cody earlier.”

“Trouble? Why?”

“I think Cody found out that Jimmy and Sarah have feelings for each other.”

“About time!” Teaspoon said and opened the note. “This cain’t be from Jimmy..at least he couldn’t have written it.”

“Why not? He signed it.”

“But Jimmy can barely read much less write.”

“Maybe he’s been practicing in secret,” was all Melissa said. “What does it say?”

“I hope it’s alright with you that I’m takin’ a couple days off. Cody’s gunnin’ for me, and I think that I’d better not be here when he gets back. I’ll be back in time for my ride. Jimmy…it don’t say nothin’ about Sarah.”

“He ain’t going to admit to us how he feels. He’ll barely admit it to himself. I wonder where Cody is?”

“JIMMY!” They heard Cody yell.

“Out there, Teaspoon,” she giggled as she answered her own question. “I think you better go talk to him.”

“I think so too,” he agreed as he waked out to the agitated man.

“Where’s Jimmy?” Cody asked him.

“He ain’t here.”

“Then I’m gonna go find him!”

“And do what? You ain’t goin’ lookin’ for Jimmy. You’re comin’ with me!” he ordered, and when Teaspoon ordered, you didn’t refuse.

“Where are you takin’ me?” Cody asked him.

“To my sweat lodge. See you later Melissa.”

“Things sure are in an uproar!” Buck stated. He was sitting on the porch swing with his lady.

“They sure are, but they’re going the way we thought they should. Now if we can only get Jimmy and Sarah together.”

“It’s not in our hands,” Buck told her. “If the spirits really want them together, they will be. Look at us.”

“Yeah, look at us,” Melissa stated weakly, suddenly recalling the conversation she and Sarah had with Reverend Jackson. “Maybe I should go
over and see Sarah. She might not be doing that well.”

“She also might want to be left alone tonite. Why don’t you wait and go over and see her in the morning. See what you can do to cheer her up. Right now, I don’t want you leavin’ my side!” he declared to her.

“I don’t want to leave your side either,” she agreed as she snuggled closer into him. Why couldn’t she get that conversation out of her head?

Buck leaned down so that he could kiss her, but she just didn’t seem to be there with him.

“Okay, what is it? You ain’t here with me,” he told her.

“What? I’m sorry, Buck, but I was thinking of something.”

“What were you thinkin’ of? Tell me. It will help you if you jist spit it out, and then it will go away into the heavens.”

“I went to see Sarah as she finished up school today. While we were talking Reverend Jackson came in. He just thought I should know what the townspeople were saying about me since I was going out with you.”

“I knew that he didn’t want me in his church! I knew that I shouldn’t have gone there on Christmas!” He threw in.

“No, you’re wrong! Reverend Jackson likes you. He’s just worried about what some of the people…”

“And you’re lettin’ it git you upset? I told you this would happen, Melissa. I told you that those people would talk about you like this! Why didn’t you listen to me?” He practically shouted at her as he pulled away from her.

What was happening here? One moment they’d been having civilized conversation, the next, a shouting match. She tried to salvage the moment.

“Buck..would you calm down? You see, I wasn’t that upset. You see, after I thought about it…”

“I knew you shouldn’t start seein’ me. I should have just let it go..stayed away from you. There’s gonna be nothin’ but trouble from now on!”

“Is that the way you really feel, Buck Cross? You want to stay away from me?” She asked him as she stood up and faced him.

“I should have. It would have been the best thing for both of us! I should have stayed with my own kind.”

“Fine..go and find some of your own kind, if you can! I don’t think that any exist!” She stated nastily as she reached for the necklace, took it from around her neck and threw it at him. “I don’t want to wear this necklace anymore, and I don’t want to see you anymore! Get the hell out of here, Buck Cross!”

Melissa was so angry at him she could have spit! She turned on her heel, and stomped into the house, past a stunned Rachel, and up to her room. Buck just stood there with his mouth open, holding his mother’s necklace. WHAT had just happened? Had she just broken up with him? WELL, if that was what she wanted, then fine. He went stomping to the bunkhouse.

Sarah didn’t think she had ever felt more miserable in her life! First she cried, and then she walked all around the house. She made herself a hot drink, but that didn’t make her sleepy. A ride would be nice, but who would go with her? And right now, she didn’t want to go near the bunkhouse for fear of running into Cody. Maybe tomorrow she would go and search Jimmy out, but not right now.

Melissa threw herself on her bed and cried her heart out. How could Buck have been so unfeeling and heartless? If he could walk all over her heart like that, maybe he’d never had deep feelings for her. She could easily hate him, but deep in her heart she knew that she didn’t. That thought made her cry all that much harder.

Jimmy automatically had ridden to the miner’s cabin. Sarah was in every corner of this place. Well, she was no longer with Cody. He knew Sarah…she would have made Cody listen to the truth, and he knew that her truth was that she didn’t love Cody..had never loved Cody. So, who did she love? Did she love anyone? And now that she was free, should he try it out with her? He remembered how devastated he felt every time Cody had touched her or kissed her. He knew how complete he felt when he was around her. But it was dangerous to feel that way, both to him and to her. He could never let anything happen to her...never! He'd die before that happened! Somehow he had to come up with new resolve to back those feelings before he ever left this cabin.

Buck laid awake listening to the sounds of Ike, Noah, and Cody sleeping…but then he wasn’t sure of how much sleep Cody was getting. He was kinda restless. He thought over the conversation with Melissa again, and could feel himself getting all upset again. She had vowed to him that she would never take that necklace off, and the first time they’d argued, off it had come. Maybe that’s the kind of person she was…maybe commitments didn’t mean that much to her. Had the spirits been wrong by sending her his way? There were just too many conflicting thoughts going off in his head. He’d think about it all tomorrow when his head felt clearer. Maybe he needed to do like Jimmy did, and just go off for a couple days and get his head together…pray…fast…

Bleary eyed, Melissa woke up after a fitful sleep. It still wasn’t that bright outside, so she pulled on a pair of trousers, a shirt, and her jacket. Rachel wasn’t even up yet, so she left her a note saying where she would be, and walked over to Sarah’s. Her knock was answered quickly.

“I had a feeling that you would be up.” Melissa told her as she walked in and fell down on the sofa.

“You don’t look very good.” Sarah commented. “Want some coffee?”

“You don’t look so hot either.” Melissa told her, “And yes on the coffee.”

Sarah poured them both a cup, and they sipped in silence for a time.

“How’s Cody doing?” Sarah asked her.

“He’s all mopey and depressed. How are you doing?”

“Mopey and depressed..I feel bad for hurting him, and I feel even worse for how he found out.”

“How exactly did he find out?”

“He caught Jimmy and me rolling around in the hayloft yesterday afternoon. I’d gone up to see some kittens. He heard some noises up there and came up to investigate. The time was right for us to fall into each other’s arms, and Cody caught us. We talked it out, Cody and I, and decided to break up. I think he wanted to kill Jimmy though. There was a part of him that was convinced Jimmy forced himself on me. Of course, Jimmy tried to convince him that’s what happened so he could save my reputation. How’s Jimmy today? Cody did a number on him up in the hayloft.”

“I don’t know. He left a note for Teaspoon, beautifully written I’ll have you know, telling him that he was taking off for a couple of days and would be back for his ride.”

“Oh.”

“You going to talk to Jimmy?”

“I want to, but I’m not sure what I would say to him. He still doesn’t want me, Melissa.” She stated, tears coming to her eyes.

“You don’t know that for sure. He still thinks you’re with Cody. Maybe you should find him and talk to him.”

“Maybe,” Sarah said, drying her eyes and looking at her friend. “So, why do you look so bad? Did Cody keep you up all night?”

Sarah watched as tears come to Melissa’s eyes.

“Buck and I broke up last night too!”

“What?! No..not you and Buck! Why? What happened?”

“We were talking about you and Cody..then about us, and I happened to mention the conversation that you and I had with Reverend Jackson. He took it all wrong and started to yell at me saying stuff like he and I should have never gotten together, and it ended with me taking his mother’s necklace off and throwing it at him! I didn’t see him this morning.”

“Oh this is just wonderful!” Sarah stated sarcastically. “Isn’t it amazing how rapidly your life can be messed up? What are you going to do about Buck? It sounds like it was just a miscommunication.”

“I don’t think so. I think that deep down he’s always thought that he and I shouldn’t get together. He has some misplaced ideas about protecting me and he doesn’t want anyone to look badly at me. Now they are.”

“And it’s hurting him, and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”

“Exactly. It’s easier for him to throw me away then to find a way to deal with it within himself.”

“He’ll resolve it Melissa. The two of you are meant to be together.”

“Just like you’re meant to be with Jimmy?”

“I don’t know about that one. Did Jimmy say where he was going?”

“No..just that he was going to be gone for a couple of days.”

“I think I’ll saddle up Panache and go looking for him. What are you going to do?”

“Go back to Rachel’s and help her fix breakfast. I’m not sure after that.”

“Let me get my jacket, and I’ll walk over with you.”

They chatted on the walk, and parted company at the barn. Sarah quickly went in, brushed and saddled Panache, and left as quickly as possible. The last person she wanted to run into was Cody.

“Are you okay, Melissa?” Rachel asked as she put her arm around her shoulders.

“I’m tryin’ to be.”

“I wanted to come up and ask you what was wrong last night, but I thought that you might want to be alone. What happened?”

“Buck and I got into an argument and broke up.”

“Oh no! What about?”

So Melissa told her all that had happened between the two of them, crying in between, and having Rachel comfort her. At the end of it, Rachel just held her.

“Life ain’t easy, is it?”

“No.”

“How’s Sarah doin’?”

“Feeling miserable for what she did to Cody. She was off to find Jimmy this morning. She said that she wants to talk to him, but she’s not sure what she’s going to say to him. She still thinks he won’t want her.”

“She’s probably right, although she would be the best thing to happen to him.”

“Well, I guess we’d best start breakfast.” Melissa suggested, wanting to get to work.

The only place Sarah knew to go was the miner’s cabin. If Jimmy wasn’t there, she wasn’t sure where she would find him. Looking through the trees as she got closer, she saw a plume of smoke rising from the cabin. Getting closer, she saw his horse tied outside. Suddenly she was overcome by nervousness, so she just sat on Panache staring at the cabin.

Jimmy heard a horse approaching, drew his gun, and went over to the window. That’s when he saw Sarah, just sitting on Panache, staring at the cabin. He holstered his weapon, and looked out at her. Like always, his heart started to thud, and he just wanted to run out to her. He went to the door of the cabin and opened it.

“Did you want to come in for some breakfast?” he asked her.

Sarah just started at him. His face was bruised and swollen, his eye was black, his bottom lip was swollen. She supposed he wouldn’t have looked so bad if he had fought back. He also hadn’t shaved, but she figured that it would have probably hurt too much to do that.

“Yeah, I’d like that…provided you’re not just asking to be polite.” She made no move to get off her horse.

“You know better than that, don’t you?” He asked her softly as he walked over to her.

“Sometimes I do, sometimes I’m not so sure.” She told him as she finally dismounted and tied Panache’s reins to a tree.

“Come here,” he ordered as he held his arms open to her. She walked into them and leaned her head on his shoulder. It felt so good. “You okay?”

“I don’t know. You? Your face is a mess.”

“It don’t feel too good neither!’ He smiled. “Come on in. I’ve got coffee and biscuits.”

“I am kind of hungry. I forgot to eat.”

“What am I going to do with you?” He asked her as he led her inside, saw her seated at the table, poured her a cup of coffee, and placed some biscuits in front of her.

“That’s why I’m here..to discuss what you’re going to do with me Jimmy.”

“Meanin’?” He asked as he very gingerly sipped at his cup of coffee. His dark eyes took her in. She really didn’t look too good.

“Meaning I’m not with Cody anymore. I told him the truth about how I felt about you and about him. I don’t know why you had to tell him that you forced yourself on me yesterday.”

“I didn’t want you left with nothin’, Sarah. And that’s what you’d be left with if you were with me..nothin’!”

Sarah decided that she already felt so bad emotionally, she had nothing to lose by being open and honest with this man that meant so much to her.

“Jimmy..I love you. I’ve loved you from the moment you rescued me on that stage. The more I get to know you, the more I love you. I want to be with you, getting to know you better. I think you feel the same way about me too, but for some reason you won’t give me your love.”

Jimmy gripped the cup he held very hard. No lady had ever told him that she loved him, not since his ma had died. And if someone was going to tell him that, this was the only lady he would have wanted to hear it from. What would it be like to have someone like her give you all her love?

“I can’t give you my love, Sarah. If I were gonna give it to anyone, it would be you, but I just can’t. I never know what’s around the next corner. How can I offer someone a future, when I’m always looking at what’s comin’ up behind me? Men come gunnin’ for me. I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve been called out, and so far I’ve been lucky and haven’t been killed. I’ve always been faster than anyone else. I’m not always gonna be the fastest. Or the day could come when someone will come up behind me, and I won’t hear them. They’ll kill me Sarah, or worse, they’ll come and get you and try to get to me. So how would you feel if someone came to tell you that I was killed..or how would you feel if someone kidnapped you or did somethin’ worse to you to get to me? Think about that. Lovin’ me ain’t no simple thing. And the worst part is that these aren’t choices that were made by me. They were made by other people!” He said as he beat his fist on the table.

The force of it made her jump.

“You’re right Jimmy. The last thing in the world that I would want is for someone to come and tell me you had lost a gun battle. But at least if they came to tell me that would mean that I would have been with you for a time. I would take two weeks with you over nothing at all. And I would go into it with my eyes open, Jimmy, knowing that there was the possibility that someone would try to use me to get to you.”

“There’s something else..when I’m around you, I let my guard down. I start to feel all nice and cozy, I start dreamin’ of how I wish my life was. Those are dangerous thoughts for a man like me. It’s jist easier if I don’t allow myselves to git mixed up with a lady.”

“Don’t give me that, Jimmy. You’re cryin’ inside for someone to love you! What’s wrong with it being me? I’d help you keep your guard up. I’d learn how to protect myself. I’ve already started to learn. I want to be with you. I want to love you. You and I could be so good together, and you know that! No one knows how long they have to live. We’ve all got to die! And I’d rather have some time with you rather than nothing with you. Why won’t you give me that chance?” She begged.

“Because I cain’t,” he stated in agony. “I’ve lived my life for too long this way. I cain’t change it for you, Sarah. I won’t change it for you. If anythin’ happened to you cause of me…well, they’d best come and kill me too cause I’d be dead anyway.”

They looked at one another sadly.

“Then I guess this is goodbye, Jimmy. I can’t see you or be around you anymore. It hurts too much. When the school year is over, I’m going back to Boston. I need to be far away from you, although I think I will always love you,” she told him as she stood up, her breakfast left untouched.

“No, Sarah!” He could feel his eyes filling up. He didn’t think that she would do this.

“Yes Jimmy…I just can’t be anywhere near you. Maybe you really don’t love me like I thought you did. Goodbye!” She said as she opened the door and walked out to Panache. Now what? Suddenly the sunshine had gone out of her life. There wasn’t anything left. She could feel his presence near her, but she didn’t look towards him. She mounted Panache, and turned her head towards the wilderness. She had to be alone for a few hours.

Jimmy felt his life slowly draining away the further from him that she rode. Well, it was the only way, wasn’t it? He couldn’t do what his heart was telling him to do..he just couldn’t! But how would he ever reconcile it with himself that he had just hurt her very much? He leaned his head against the door of the cabin and let the tears freely fall. He’d just have to keep telling himself that what he had just done had saved her life.

Sarah kept riding until she came to the top of Baldface Mountain. If hadn’t been a concious decision to come to this place, but at least this had been the last place that she’d been truly happy with her life…with Jimmy. She’d had the closeness of Buck and Melissa.
Buck was helping Ike unload the buckboard, and saw Melissa standing on the bottom rail of the corral fence, looking out at the prairie. He wanted to run over to her, take her in his arms, and see if they couldn’t get back together.

“Go talk to her!” Ike signed. Buck had told him what had happened.

“No..I cain’t! She started it.”

“That doesn’t matter!” He told him.

“Yes it does. Ike, she knew that getting together with me would get those old biddies talkin’. All of a sudden she’s worried ‘bout it? What are we supposed to talk about?”

“Reassure her that she’ll have your love no matter what.”

“She should know that, Ike. She looks worried ‘bout somethin’ though. Go ask her what’s wrong.”

“You go ask!” Ike told him as he unloaded more feed for the horses.

“Come on Ike. Jist this once!”

“Just this once!” Ike told him as he set the feed down and walked over to Melissa.

“Hello, Ike,” she smiled at him as he came to stand next to her on the fence rail.

“Is anything wrong? Your face looks so worried.”

“I don’t know if anything is wrong. Sarah left here early to go find Jimmy and talk to him. I thought she would be back by now. It’s almost supper time. What if she couldn’t find him? What if she got lost? I’d go to look for her, but I can’t track anything. Maybe I’m worried about nothing. What do you think?”

“I think Buck should go and look for her.”

“Yeah, I do too, but I can’t ask him to do that.”

“He loves you.”

“I’m not so sure about that.”

“Come on…I’ll ask him for you.”

Ike took her hand and practically drug her over to Buck. He told Buck what Melissa had told him., Instantly Buck’s sensors came up.

“What time did she leave?”

“Around 7:30 this morning.”

“What did she take with her?”

“Nothing. And I don’t think that she ate anything before she left.”

Buck looked up at the sky.

“We’re gonna have a bad storm tonight. We have to find her before it hits. Melissa, go and get some food together for me. I’m goin’ to find her.”

“Do you think you can?”

“Buck can find anyone or anything.” Ike told her. “Don’t worry.”

“I’ll go and get the food. I’m coming with you, Buck.”

“No! I can move faster without you.”

“I ride very well, and you might need my help. I’m coming with you!”

“Take her!” Ike ordered.

“Alright, but dress warm!” He ordered as he headed for the bunkhouse to get his warm jacket.

Melissa quickly explained to Rachel what was going on, got the food together, pulled on her jacket, and went out to find Buck holding a horse for her, and one for himself. They mounted without talking and she followed him. She knew that he didn’t want to talk, and watched him as he seemed to e following some sort of trail. It didn’t take long to get to a cabin of some sort.

“There’s Jimmy’s horse,” she commented. “But I don’t see Panache.”

They dismounted, and Jimmy opened the door as they got to it.

“What’s up?” He asked them.

“You’re a mess!” Melissa stated.

“Thanks to Cody.”

“Did Sarah stop by here today?” Buck asked without preamble.

“She was here this morning. Why?”

“What happened? Is she still around?” Buck wanted to know.

“No. We talked for maybe an hour and then she left.”

“Was she upset when she left?” Melissa asked him.

“Yes.”

“Dagnabbit, Jimmy!” She said as she smashed her fist into his arm.

“What was that for?” He asked her, surprised.

“You told Sarah that you two couldn’t be together, didn’t you?”

“It’s not that simple, Melissa.”

“Look, this isn’t gittin’ us anywhere! What direction did she take?” Buck asked.

“She headed towards the west. I’m goin’ with you, Buck.”

“No, you’re not. You’re the last person she probably wants to see. And Melissa, you’re staying with Jimmy.”

“No, Buck. I’m going with you to find Sarah.”

“Jimmy…help me talk some sense into her. A huge snowstorm is headin’ this way. I have maybe a couple of hours to find her. Daylight will be gone about the same time. I need to travel fast, and I don’t need to worry about you. If I don’t find her before the storm hits, she’ll freeze to death.”

“But…”

“He’s right, Melissa. Stay here with me. You’ll bring her back here?”

“As soon as I can find her and get back here. If it starts snowin’ I’m gonna have to find some shelter wherever we are.”

“Alright, but take care, Buck. Find her!”

He wanted to kiss her..reassure her..but she was the one who had put the distance between them.

“I’ll find her. Take care of her, Jimmy.”

“I will. We’ll be fine. He assured Buck. They watched Buck ride off. “Don’t you start on me!” He warned Melissa. “Or I’ll put you out in the middle of this storm.”

“But how could you tell Sarah..”

“I swear I will throw you out, Melissa!”

They glared at each other for a time, but she knew that she’d be wise to back down…for now.

“Alright, we won’t talk about her.”

“Good.”
Buck tried to follow her very cold trail quickly. The wind started to pick up, which was making the clouds move in faster. He couldn’t let anything happen to Sarah. She was his kindred spirit. She understood about him. He prayed to the spirits as he rode along, and then it hit him. He was heading for Baldface Mountain! That’s where she had to be. That’s where she’d been happy with Jimmy. He kicked his horse to go harder. He just might beat the storm yet.

“You want me to get something together for supper?” Melissa finally asked him. He’d been brooding over in the corner. Something told her that Jimmy was not going to be very communicative tonight.

“If you want,” he commented.

“Jimmy, can we at least admit that we’re both concerned about her?”

“Yeah,” she saw a small smile.

“You and I are going to be here together until they get back. That could be sometime tomorrow. I do not want to spend the whole time with you sitting over in that corner looking unapproachable. You and I are friends. Let’s not forget that.”

“Okay. What do you want to do to pass the time?”

“How bout if I fix us something to eat? Then we can talk..solve all the problems of the world..whatever.”

“Okay,” he told her. “We can do that.”

“Good. Now let me see what we all have in the way of food.”

Buck rode quietly up the mountain, and found her staring out at the valley. She wasn’t moving.

Sarah could sense a presence, but she didn’t feel threatened. “Buck?” She asked softly without turning around.

He wasn’t surprised she knew. He went too stand next to her.

“We were worried about you, Sarah. We’re in for a big storm.”

He heard her sigh.

“I guess we should head home then,” she told him as she finally looked at him. A few wet flakes started to blow around them.

“Sarah..are you okay?”

“No Buck, I’m not. I don’t know when I will be either. I was just standing here wishing that you’d had anyone but Jimmy Hickok with you when you rescued Melissa and I.”

“And I’ve been spendin’ my time wishin’ Jimmy’d had someone else besides me with him, he sort of laughed. “Come on. We have to get off this mountain.”

“I know,” she said woodenly as she turned from him and whistled for Panache. She came immediately. Sarah swung up on her.

Buck looked worriedly at the sky.

“We’ve got to find some shelter, Sarah. I don’t think that we can make it to your place in this.”

“Where should we go?”

Then it hit him…the only place they could go.

“Follow me.” Was all that he said.

“For what you had to work with, that was a good meal,” Jimmy complimented her as the wind whistled around the cabin.

“Thank you, is this where Sarah would meet you for your lessons?”

His head flew up.

“You knew about that?”

“Yes..and don’t look offended. Sarah wanted to teach you how to read, not that she cared if you could read or not, but she could sense how much you wanted to learn. She wanted to help you realize your dream. She wasn’t sure how to approach you, so I suggested an ‘I do this for you, you do this for me.’ That’s one of the reasons she asked you to teach her how to shoot. That way she could ask you if she could teach you to read.”

“She didn’t want to learn how to shoot?” Jimmy asked, feeling a little bewildered.

“Yes, she did, but even more she wanted to spend time with you,” she said softly as she got up and started to clean up. She’d let him think about that for awhile.

Sarah felt as if she’d been riding through this storm forever. She was shivering from the cold and from the fact that her clothes were soaked through. It was then she noticed ghostly forms ahead of her…tepees? “Where are we, Buck?” she asked him as she pulled up next to him.

“The village of the Kiowa.”

“Is this where Red Bear lives?”

“How did you know about Red Bear?”

“Melissa told me about him.”

“Follow me. I’m going to ask for food and shelter from the storm for us. They may not be too friendly to you,” he warned.

“I can handle anything,” she informed him as they rode into the camp.

“Wait here,” he told her as he dismounted at one of the tepees. She watched him go inside. He wasn’t gone too long before he came out with what could only be his brother. She was looked over and discussed. Then Red Bear pointed, said a few more words, and went back into his home. Buck remounted, and she followed him to another tepee.

“Wait out here one more minute. I know you’re cold, but I need to get the fire started so you can see where you’re goin’.”

“I’m fine,” she told him through chattering teeth.

He was back quickly, took her hand, and led her inside. It was a good size, and the fire drew her. She went over to it immediately and held her hands over it.

“Will you be alright if I leave you alone for awhile? I want to take care of the horses and get some food and blankets for us.”

“I’ll be fine now that I have a fire.” She told him with a smile.

“Good. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

He disappeared again. She sat down as close to the fire as she dared. She was lucky that Buck had come after her. If he hadn’t, they would have found her body on top of Baldface Mountain during the spring thaw! That picture caused her to smile. She yawned and her stomach growled. How could she get her clothes dry? In about a half-hour, Buck was back carrying quite a load. He deposited it all by her.

“First you might want to take those wet clothes off. I borrowed some clothes for you to wear. We have blankets and food.”

“What about your clothes?”

“I borrowed some for me too,” he told her. “I guess we can jist turn our backs to each other to change,” he suggested.

“Alright,” she said as she started to do just that. She was soon completely naked. “So what did you tell your brother for him to let us stay here? Or would he let you no matter what?”

“I told him that you were my woman, and that I wanted to be alone with you. He understood.”

She chuckled. “He must think you have quite a few women then since you’re with a different one every time he sees you.”

“Yeah, he commented on that,” he said dryly. “Do the clothes fit you?”

“They’re beautiful,” she said as she turned slowly around. The soft leather dress fit her very well, and she was starting to warm up. Buck was dressed in the same soft leather. Now he really looked Indian!

“That’s what you should always be in,” he told her. “You’re beautiful.”

She could feel her face warm and was glad for the darkness. “I don’t know about that. You were saying something about food? I haven’t eaten all day!”

He handed her something to her that looked unfamiliar, but she didn’t care. She would have eaten bugs at that point!

Buck watched her eat with gusto. She would fit in comfortably here. She hadn’t wrinkled her nose at the food or asked a hundred questions about what it was. She was accepting of the hospitality and seemed to be settling into it.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” He asked her.

“For rescuing me again. You did it with a little less razzle dazzle this time, but it was pretty spectacular nonetheless.”

“You’re welcome,” he told her.

“Is this where we talk about what happened with you and Melissa?”

“No. I don’t want to talk about that. Do you want to talk abut Jimmy?”

“There’s nothing to say on that subject. He doesn’t want me to get hurt. He feels if I get together with him, I will be. I can’t convince him other wise. End of story. At the end of the school year I’ll be heading back to Boston.”

“No!”

“Yes. While I was on top of the mountain, I was communicating with your spirits. We had a good talk, and they agree with me. They think that Jimmy and I should get together too, but he’s too stubborn. I’m going back to Boston.”

“They’re your spirits too.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There was silence.

“Now you and Melissa.”

“We’re not together anymore.”

“I know and that’s wrong. You two are supposed be together.”

“You and Jimmy are supposed to be together, but you’re not. Why should Melissa and I be any different?”

She looked across the fire at this man. His long hair was hanging down both sides of his face. He was incredibly handsome and she felt very in sync with him.

“You’re got me on that one,” she admitted as she yawned again.

“You need to get some sleep. Let me spread the blankets.” He told her.

Sarah felt the spirits come to her then, and she felt loved and comforted and finally safe for the first time that day. She knew it was because of Buck. She made her gestures to the Great Spirit, and softly started to send her prayers to the heavens.

Buck noticed that the teepee had gotten very quiet. Then he heard the soft chant come from Sarah. He turned and saw her hands and face upraised as she spoke to herself. She turned and said it again, then to the two other directions, repeating her prayer. Then it was done. She looked over at Buck.

“What?” He asked, feeling something he had never felt before around Sarah.

“I was thanking the Great Spirit for you, for our friendship, asking for help and guidance in our lives.”

He was very moved. This lady was a part of him. “Sarah?” He asked as he held out his hand.

His eyes mesmerized her, and a force moved her towards Buck. She went into his arms and his kiss felt like the most natural thing in the world. It was followed by another, and another. She could feel his body heat through the leather, and when he pushed her down on the blankets, she didn’t protest. She pulled his shirt over his head and ran her hands over his skin. It felt like fire underneath her fingers, and his hands were caressing her breasts through the soft material that she wore.

All Buck knew was that he felt like he had come home. He’d been with the wrong one all along. He was supposed to be with Sarah. Sarah fit in here. Sarah understood this part of his life, which was so important to him. She instinctively knew it all. He loosened the shift that she wore and pulled it down over her shoulders. Both hands immediately went to her breasts, and the softness surprised him. He’d never done this with any lady. He felt himself shudder as her hands moved lower on him. He lowered his mouth to her nipples and suckled them as if he were a child.

Sarah cradled his head. Everything that was happening to her felt so right with this man, but a voice was nudging her.

“Buck?” She stated softly.

“Hmmm?” He asked as he looked up at her.

“We’re not listening to the voices inside of us. We have to listen to them now.”

Buck laid his head on her chest while she held him. He listened quietly for a few moments.

“We don’t know if this is right, Buck. We don’t know who we’ll hurt. We need to wait before we take this all the way.”
“I know,” he said, for he did.

Sarah ran her hand through his black, silky hair.

“I’ve never done nothin’ like this before,” he admitted to her. For some reason he wasn’t embarrassed to tell her that.

“I haven’t either.” She smiled down at him.

“This is special. I love you.” He told her as he kissed her again and helped her back into her shift.

“I love you too, Buck. Can you get some of those blankets to cover us with?”

“I can lay with you tonight?”

“Yes,” she told him simply as he covered them up, pulled her close to him, kissed the top of her head and relaxed. The snow storm continued.

Jimmy and Melissa had passed the evening pleasantly. They chatted about this and that, touching on nothing too personal. Suddenly Jimmy said, “You know, even if we had gotten together, Sarah and I would have never lasted.”

“How do you figure that?” Melissa asked as she stood up and stretched. She was going to have to think about sleep sometime soon.

“She and I are too different.”

“How so?” She asked as she looked over at him. One thing she had realized by spending all these hours with him. Jimmy was a very good-looking man. His dark eyes were very expressive. His hair was long and fine. It was too bad his face was all beaten up.

“She’s from Boston and has strange ideas. I’m from Missouri and have ideas like everyone else out west. She was raised all protected and all. I was on my own from an early age. She thinks she can change the world. I know better.”

Jimmy smiled over at her. Why hadn’t he ever really noticed what a truly beautiful woman Melissa really was? Buck was a lucky man. When she wasn’t being aggravating, she was nice to be around. In fact, he felt more at ease with her than he ever had with Sarah.

“That’s stupid! People can adapt if they want to. It’s just the wanting to part that’s the hard part,” she said thinking of Buck.

“People usually don’t want to. It’s too hard to do. I should have fallen in love with a lady like you, for instance.”

“Why’s that?”

“You were born here in the west. You’ve lived your whole life in the west. You accept the west for what it is and what it can be. You’re always homey..comfotable to be around. I’m not always rworried that I’ll say or do the wrong thing with you. You wouldn’t expect the wold from me. You’d know the hazards that I faced. In fact, I wouldn’t be pushin’ a woman like you out of my life. I’d be pullin’ you in. You’re not like the porcelain Sarah is,” he told her softly as he got closer to her. He reached out to caress her face, and she found herself wanting that caress. “Damnation!” He stated as he pulled quickly away from her. “What the hell was Buck thinkin’ leavin’ you all alone here with me like this?”

Melissa reached out to take his hand.

“Buck and I broke up last night, Jimmy.” She said in her breathy voice.

Something came over Jimmy. He didn’t want to think about Sarah anymore. He had with him a lady that couldn’t be anymore perfect for him than if he had put in the order with the Men Up High Himself. Jimmy pulled Melissa to him then and ignored the pain in his lip as he crushed his mouth against hers. “Baby,” He murmured as he pulled her towards the bed.

Melissa’s mouth was all over him as she pulled his shirt off. She felt her buttons being unbuttoned and her dress being pushed off her. She was soon standing in her long, lacy underthings, while Jimmy was in his long johns. They took a moment to take each other in before they lay down on the bed. Jimmy’s kisses demanded a response from her, and he soon had her whole body screaming for more of him. He kissed his way down her shoulder and he pushed the lacy top down so that he could drink her in. He felt his whole body spring to life as he looked at her breasts and ran his hands over them. He squeezed them gently and his mouth closed over their rosy tips. She began to unbutton his long johns, determined to get them off of him as his mouth began another assault on hers. Lord! No wonder Sarah had said that every time she saw this man she wanted to throw herself at him. Sarah!

“Jimmy!” She said urgently.

“What?” He asked before he kissed her again.

“This might not be the right thing to do. This might not be the right time or the right place, although the good Lord knows I want to rip all your clothes off you right now.”

Jimmy pushed the hair back from her face. He carefully studied her face. What she said made sense, even though he wanted to ignore that good sense and continue on with loving her.

“So you’re sayin’ we should get some sleep?”

“Yes, I am.”

“Together?”

“Definitely.”

He helped her get herself together, pulled his blanket over them, and they cuddled closely together. He smiled to himself as he felt sleep coming to him.

Sarah smiled to herself as she woke up, still pulled closely against Buck’s side. What had all happened last night? In the light of day, she still felt some of the same emotions she had last night. This man next to her was special.

“What are you thinkin’?” He asked her before he kissed the top of her head.

“I was thinking that I still love you in my soul. You and I share a kinship, Buck. I don’t know how that happened, but it has. Maybe I do have Indian somewhere in me, but I feel like I’m an Indian in my heart. I feel so at home here. But your destiny is with Melissa..not with me. You and I are more kindred than you and she are, but she’s the one you gave your heart to, and it’s pretty hard to recall it after it’s given. Mine’s with Jimmy, and it’s going to stay with him, Buck,” she stated sadly, knowing she could have been happy with Buck.

He caressed her hair. “I know all that you say is true. Last night I really felt as if you were the one…not Melissa. But this morning, I know its Melissa. You are all of this though Sarah. I want this kinship in my life.”

“It will be.”

“You’re leaving. It won’t be.”

“It will be while I’m here. I promise that. Now let’s get up and see if it’s stopped snowing.”

He got on his elbows and looked down at her. “Even when you move, you and I will be brother and sister in our hearts. It’s the Indian way. Even though we’ll be apart, we’ll be together in our hearts.”

“Yes,” she said as she smiled up at him.

Buck kissed her softly and held her close.

Melissa felt Jimmy stirring. Her heart fluttered. This was one very sexy man. She didn’t think that she could ever feel safer than she had last night. And this morning, she knew where her destiny was.

“Mornin’,” she heard him say.

“Mornin’,” she smiled back as he got on his elbow to look at her. He propped his head on his hand.

“Regret any of this?” He asked her.

“No. You?”

“No..my life is gonna be too short to regret anything.”

“You’re gonna regret Sarah, Jimmy.   What you’re doing isn’t right by her.”

“What are you sayin’?”

“I’m saying that in my heart I know that I’m supposed to be with Buck, and somehow I have to make him see that. I’m saying that you and Sarah are of one heart.” Here she put her hands on either side of his face and looked into his eyes steadily. “In your heart and in your head you know that you have got to be with Sarah. Take it one day at a time if you have to, but give yourself the chance to be with her. No one will love you like she loves you. If you don’t, you will regret it for the rest of your life, and you will miss your only…let me repeat that…your ONLY chance for happiness. Take it Jimmy, and run with it. You deserve that!”

“But…”

“No, Jimmy. Not this time. There can’t be any buts attached to this. I know that you love her. Do what’s right by her..please!”

He could feel all his walls shattering into tiny little pieces. He felt as if the weight of the world was being lifted off his shoulders.

“Alright Melissa…alright.”

“Thank you!” She told him as she hugged him closely to her.

Buck and Sarah changed back into their clothes, and she went with him to thank Red Bear. Sarah listened as Buck talked to him. When she knew they were done, she decided to be brave. She touched Red Bear on his arm and signed.

“Thank you for the haven in the storm. When I pray to the Great Spirit, I will tell him to be good to your people.”

Buck watched in surprise as Red Bear smiled at her.

“I’m glad he has found you,” he told her by sign.

She smiled at him, and they took their leave.

“It would figure that you would win him over too,” Buck laughed as they rode off.

“He’s a nice man. You two look alike, but isn’t he going to be shocked when you end up with Melissa?”

“I’m gonna have some explainin’ to do! But I’m glad I found you too!”

“Me too, Buck!”

“I wonder when they’re gonna be back?” Melissa asked as she looked out the window for the twentieth time.

“They’re okay,” Jimmy reassured her as he pulled her back against his body. “I would know if they weren’t.”

She leaned her weight against this solid man. Yes, she definitely knew what Sarah saw in Jimmy!

“You sure about that?” She smiled up at him.

“Yes, I’m sure,” he told her as he leaned down to kiss her.

“Okay then, do you have a deck of cards?”

“The cabin is jist beyond that rise.” Buck told her as he stopped his horse and got off his. He held his hands up to Sarah and she slid down into them. “I jist wanted to hold you one more time. This was all so special..so magical. I jist have this feeling that the gods will smile down on you and it will work for you. Then you won’t have to leave and I’ll be able to keep you close to my heart.”

“We’ll see, won’t we?” She told him as they held each other tightly. He lifted her chin with two fingers and gave her a very sweet kiss.

“Now, I need to go face the rest of my life, Sarah. You ready to face yours?”

“I hope so. This is my last chance, but I don’t see that he’s changed his mind over night!”

“He’s had Melissa with him all night! Maybe he’s changed his mind from all her ravings!” He laughed as he helped her onto her horse.

They kicked their horses and headed for the cabin.

“Melissa..there’s someone comin’!” Jimmy stated as he stood up and hurried to the door.

Melissa was right behind him as he threw it open to see Buck and Sarah cantering up.

“Thank God!” Melissa stated as she ran out and threw herself at Sarah as Sarah got off her horse.

“You found her!” Melissa stated joyfully as she hugged her friend.

“Yes, luckily he found me or you would have found my frozen body up on top of a mountain come the spring thaw!”

“You could have lost her,” Buck told Jimmy quietly.

“So are you two okay?” Buck asked them. He saw a look pass between Jimmy and Melissa. What was it about? Or did he really need to ask? Had it been the same as what had gone on between him and Sarah?

“We’re fine.” Jimmy told all of them. “Are you really okay?”

“Yes,” Sarah assured him. “Shall we all head back?”

“No,” Jimmy said. “I mean I’d really like it if you would stay here with me, Sarah. I have something that I need to talk to you about.”

“Jimmy, don’t make her run off again. I don’t want anything to happen to her!” Buck stated as he gave Sarah a tender look. Jimmy didn’t miss it. What the hell was that about?

“Nothin’s gonna happen to this lady. Don’t you fret none!”

“Then I guess Melissa and I are off.” Buck stated.

“Thank you, Buck,” Sarah told him as she squeezed his hand. “And thank you for asking him to come after me,” she told Melissa as she gave her another hug.

“I’d do anything for you.” Melissa told her with a watery smile. “I’m just glad that you’re alright.”

“It’s all worked out. I’ll see you later on.” Sarah told her.

“Goodbye Jimmy. Thanks for taking care of me while Buck was away.” Melissa told him as she gave him a quick hug. Sarah watched them exchange a smile that seemed special.

Jimmy and Sarah watched Melissa and Buck leave. Then she turned to him and said, “You wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah..I do. Hungry?”

“Seems that’s what you asked me the last time I was here, but yes I am. I’d also love a cup of coffee. The Indians didn’t have any. I wonder what they do drink besides water.”

“Indians..what Indians?” Jimmy asked her as he poured her a cup of coffee.

“That’s where Buck and I sought shelter. It was really snowing hard, so he took me to his brother’s village. They loaned us a teepee for the night, along with food for us and our horses. We were warm and safe. Now, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about?”

Melissa’s words played over in his head.

“I wanted to talk about us...about me. You don’t know that much about me, and I know that I haven’t been very free with the information. But when that’s the way you’ve been for most of your life, it’s hard to change…until something happens when you realize that you could lose the person that means the most in the world to you.”

“You mean you’re going to tell me all about you? Your life story?”

“Yeah, if you wanna hear it.”

“I do,” she stated eagerly as she gripped her coffee cup. Jimmy sat down on the opposite side of the table. His face looked a little better today.

“I was born in Missouri. I have two other sisters, they’re older than I am. My father was an abolitionist who died for the cause, but before he died he really wasn’t much of a father. If he wasn’t beating my mother up, he was spending all his time on the cause. We didn’t see him much. The only time he really paid any attention to me was when I was tryin’ to pull him off ma when he started to beat her. Then he would jist backhand me and tell me that I would be next if I didn’t take off. I was glad when he died. I thought that ma would finally get some peace, but then she died shortly after. My sisters went off to live with an aunt, and I was taken in by a man with a lot of influence in the area. He told me he saw my potential to be the greatest gunfighter that ever was. What he saw was a boy who didn’t know who or what he was and who was always angry. He didn’t give me any schoolin’. I told you about Clare and what happened when she tried to teach me to read. Anyway, the judge would play cruel games with me and my best friend. You know these Colts?” he asked Sarah as he pointed at them hanging by the door. “On the day he gave me one of them, he gave my best friend the other. He had caught us target shooting. He told us that it was a waste to use good ammunition on things, and that we should use it on each other. He went in and got those guns, came back out and handed us each one. He told us to pace off 10 steps, turn, and fire at each other. I remember that I was so scared. Here he wanted me to shoot my best friend! We told each other that we would aim wide. Well, when we counted off ten, I dropped, rolled and shot wide. My best friend aimed straight at me. It turned out he hadn’t loaded the guns! That’s the day I left. I knew that I couldn’t shoot another human just to be shooting someone. I kind a wandered around at that point, doing my best to get into trouble tryin’ to make a name for myself. That’s when I ran into Teaspoon and signed up as a rider. It was the best thing I ever done. It helped me to grow up and get my head on straight. Then J.D. Marcus came along and wrote all those lies about me being a gunfighter. That was the start of my life in the shadows….”

“Whatever happened to your best friend?”

She watched a grimace go across Jimmy’s face.

“About 6 months ago he came lookin’ for me, tellin’ me that he needed help to find Clare. That someone had kidnapped her. So of course I wanted to help out. Well, as it turned out, Clare had run away from home, and my best friend ended up shooting her boyfriend. She yelled at me for leading my friend to her, and then she shot herself because she couldn’t face going back to the judge.”

“Oh Jimmy, I’m so sorry!”

“Then one of his gang knocked me out. It turns out the judge was mixed up in some shady land deals, and she had sent me his journal specifying the payments he had made to some influential people. In the course of trying to get that journal into the right hands, I ran into my ex-friend, who drew on me. I had to kill him. That’s how I got the other Colt.”

“Oh wow.” She stated. “That must have been hard to shoot your ex-friend.”

“No, that wasn’t the hardest one. I was in this little town near here, and I was having a sandwich and a sarsaparilla in the saloon, and I got called out. It turned out that there were two of them. I shot the first guy, and I heard the click of the second gun that was hiding. As I fired, a lady ran into my line of fire, and I killed her. She was running away from her husband...they’d jist had an argument. I killed her Sarah. That’s one that I will never forget, no matter how hard I try.” He told her. She could tell that just from him reliving it, it had gotten him shaken up once again.

“It wasn’t your fault Jimmy.”

“No, it wasn’t, but I still have to live that every day of my life!”

He’d been looking down at the table, but he finally looked up at her. “That’s my life Sarah. I mind my own business, and I git called out. I never know when it’s gonna happen. I never know if its jist one man, or if there are others hiding out there. You have to understand that. I never know when it’s gonna happen to me. I have always lived my life in the shadows. I seem to have these unseen forces that are at work against me. I don’t want this life, but it’s mine. I’ve had some happiness in my life with the other Riders. They’re really about the only family that I have. For awhile after I met Lou, I thought that she and I might get together, but she and the Kid fell in love. There haven’t been any ladies in my life. Then I rescued you! Sarah..when I met you, it was the first time that I had some sunshine in my life. When I was around you, I could finally allow a part of myself to come alive..it was a part of me that I didn’t even know that I had. I didn’t mean to get you so upset yesterday. I didn’t want you to run away from me, but the part of me that wouldn’t let me be close to anyone wouldn’t let me call you back. Melissa and I had a long talk about you...about me. She made me see some things that I have been missin’!”

“Really?”

“Yeah…is there anything else you want to know about me?”

“There haven’t been any ladies at all in your life?”

“Not really. I thought that maybe I had fallen in love with someone, but it turned out that she was already married, and she was playin’ me for a fool. Other than that, there’s been no one.”

“What about all those saloon girls?”

“Sarah…there ain’t been any saloon girls.”

The realization of what he was saying hit her.

“You haven’t been with any women?”

“No,” he looked embarrassed about it. “But you…have you been with any men? Besides Cody, that is?”

“I was never with Cody, Jimmy. I haven’t been with anyone either.”

He played his hunch.
“Not even with Buck last night?” He asked.

She took a deep breath deciding to be honest with him.

“Jimmy…last night was an unusual one to say the least. I knew that I couldn’t have you even though I loved you. Buck was upset about breaking up with Melissa. He and I lay together last night. There were only so many blankets, and it was cold outside.”

“Did he kiss you?” He practically whispered.

“Yes, but that was about it. I needed him and the comfort that he offered me last night. Nothing happened. More has happened between you and me than what happened between him and I. What about you and Melissa?”

Jimmy knew that he was upset that Buck would even think about touching Sarah. But her question brought him up short.

He sighed as he stood up and went to look out the window. “It’s snowing again,” he told her before he turned back to her.

“It was the same thing as what happened between you and Buck,” he admitted to her. She was upset about Buck, and I was angry with myself for lettin’ you go. I tried to convince myself that Melissa would be more perfect for me than you were since she’d lived here her whole life and didn’t have strange ideas like you do about bein’ independent and all and not sure if you want marriage and babies and stuff like that. Then mornin’ came, and we both found out that the people that had our hearts weren’t in the cabin.”

“Sounds like what Buck and I came up with. I don’t want you to be upset with Buck about this. I understand about you and Melissa. I’m not upset about it.”

“You’re not upset?”

“No. I have no cause to be. I know she doesn’t love you, and I know you don’t love her. At least not in a romantic sense. So, what about you? Not that it really matters.”

“Why don’t it matter?”
“Because you’re never going to change your mind about getting together with me.”

“But I have…changed my mind, I mean. Melissa wouldn’t let it go until she talked some sense into me. For what it’s worth, I’m ready to let you into my life, Sarah. If you still want to come into it...and I hope you do. I don’t know how long it will last...mainly because I don’t know how long I will last. But I want to try it. It’s something that I’ve never had in my life, and if you’re willing, I really want to do this.”

Sarah just sat there and stared at him.

“You want me in your life?” she asked incredulously.

“Yes, I do. I don’t know how it’s gonna go. I thought we could try and take it one day at a time. If it don’t work, it don’t, but I want it to work with everything inside of me. I need you, Sarah…and I hope that your time with Buck didn’t change your mind about me.”

“Jimmy…I love you! That will never change. Fifty years from now I will love you,” she told him as she stood up.

“And you understand that one day I’m gonna git killed cause I won’t be as fast as some young gun?”

“Yes,” she said as tears sprang to her eyes at the thought of losing Jimmy.
“And you understand that these people after me are not nice people. They will use anyone or anything to git to me, and that person mite be you one day?”

“Yes, I’ll take that risk, and I understand that risk.”

“And you’ll start practicin’ your aim every day and never be without your gun? You have to promise me that and live up to that promise.”

“I promise Jimmy. I will promise you anything.”

Jimmy searched his mind, and figured that he had gone over everything that he needed to with this lady. She still had tears running down her face.

“One last promise, Sarah.”

“What’s that Jimmy?” she asked as she moved over to him and stood in front of him.

“When they come to tell you that I’ve died, you’ve got to promise me that you’ll be strong and get on with your life and never look back.”

“I promise,” she could barely get out as she threw her arms around him and began to kiss him. Sarah knew that even if she had ten years with this man, it wouldn’t be enough. So she was going to be sure that they were together as much as possible so that in later years, she would be able to pull out all of her memories and comfort herself with the life she’d had with James Butler Hickok.

“Love me, Jimmy. Make me yours,” she murmured against his lips. “I love you.”

“Oh, my Sarah..I love you too!” He finally said as the last vestiges of his wall came down.

“I never thought I would see this day.” Sarah told him as she took his hand and led him over towards the bed.

“I never did either,” he admitted.

Sarah began to unbutton his shirt, and she slowly took it off him. Then her hands went to his belt, which was unbuckled. His trousers unbuttoned. Jimmy sat down and took his boots off, and Sarah with a smile, pulled his trousers off. Then she started to unbutton her blouse.

“No..I wanna do that,” he told her as with shaking hands, he began to undress her. Off came her blouse. He kneeled down so he could pull off her boots, then her trousers followed. She had on lacy under things like Melissa   had on.

Sarah unbuttoned his long johns and slowly peeled them off. Her eyes widened as she got her first view of what an aroused male human looked like.

“Oh Jimmy, you’re beautiful!” She stated, awestruck, for he was. His body was lean, hard and muscular from his years of hard living. “My mother never told me about this. Jimmy, I don’t know what to do!”

He pulled her into his arms and held her tightly.

“Neither do I, Sarah. We’ll have to learn this together, but I think some of it will come natural.”

“I’m scared,” she admitted.

“So am I, a little. It will be okay. We love each other. I’ll try not to hurt you.”

“I know,” she told him.

Jimmy’s hands were shaking even more as he unbuttoned her lacy things. He pushed them off her and they fell to the floor. She stood there unselfconsciously so that he could look at her, and what he saw made his knees feel weak.

“Oh Sarah, oh my. I never thought a woman could look this good!”

She smiled pleased with what he’d said, and she lay down on the bed. Jimmy lay down very gently on top of her and began to slowly kiss her before his hands began to wonder. He caressed her shoulders, and then moved to her breasts, his mouth coming down to her nipples, which he licked and gently sucked and nibbled. Sarah couldn’t believe all the incredible things she felt as he did this to her. She knew that it was incredibly cold outside, but her body couldn’t feel that coldness at all. She had the warmth of Jimmy, internal warmth that seemed to be spreading to each part of her body. Sarah ran her hands through his hair as he attacked her breasts then up and down his arms and back. She loved the incredible feel of him underneath the skin of her hands.

Jimmy never knew anything to be so soft and lovely. He’d never known his skin to be as sensitive as it felt now under her touch. And finally her hand closed around his hardness.

“What do I do, Jimmy?” She asked him.

He wrapped his hand around hers, and moved her hand up and down. “Like that, Sarah, like that,” he told her as he lay on his back while she massaged him the way he’d requested. He could feel the pressure building inside of himself. The feelings were drawing him back to her body.

With a smile, he took her hand away, and moved his hand down to all her secret parts. He moved his mouth to where his hand had been, and he kissed her as he found the place that he knew he was looking for. Sarah was beginning to moan and move around. He moved over her and looked down at her.

“I love you Sarah. I hear this part hurts a woman, and I’m sorry, but I’ve got to be in you now.”

Sarah spread her legs.

“I don’t care if it hurts. I want you there always.”

Jimmy began to kiss her, and he slowly pushed into her. He heard her surprised gasp, a small moan of pain, and then he slid inside of her. She welcomed him as he was enclosed by her. Nature took over then as Sarah wrapped her legs tightly around him, and he began to move in and out of her, faster and faster. He could feel her nails in his back as she called his name and with one deep thrust he let go of reality for a moment as he floated in the universe with his lady. As he floated back down to earth, he covered her with his body, leaving himself inside of her, wanting to always keep her underneath him so he could protect her from the world.

“Oh Jimmy, I didn’t know anything could be that incredible!” She breathed into his ear.

“Neither did I,” he said with a smile as he kissed her ear.

“I want to love you for the rest of the day. Let’s not go back. Let’s just stay here.”

“It won’t be hard to persuade me,” he admitted, never having felt this loved before. It was a feeling that he wanted to keep with him. Being in the sunshine wasn’t so bad. He finally rolled off her, but kept her cuddled closely to him.

It was then Sarah began to notice all the little and big scars that were on his arms, his chest, and if she looked, they’d probably be on his legs.

“Jimmy, what are all these little scars for? They look like holes or something.”

He sort of laughed. “They’re old bullet wounds. They’re where I’ve been shot Sarah. Luckily they’ve all been from bad shots.”

And that’s what finally drove home what Jimmy had been trying to make her understand - that at any time, he could be killed. He could have been killed by any one of these men that had inflicted these wounds on him. Was she up to this? She decided that she would handle it by not thinking about it. She would always assume that Jimmy would be there. She rolled on top of him and began to kiss him all over again. He just wrapped himself around her.

Buck and Melissa had ridden in silence for quite some time. Finally she said, “We have to talk, Buck.”

“I know.”

“I want to apologize to you for throwing your mother’s necklace at you. I shouldn’t have done that, not to something that was that important to you. I’m sorry. I hope you forgive me for that.”

“I do.”

“And you have to understand that it doesn’t bother me that the townspeople are talking about us. I don’t care, never have and never will. It will all pass over when they see that you and I are serious and determined to stay together. The only reason I brought it up was because I wanted to know if you had known about it.”

“I know that now, but I jist didn’t want to see you hurt.”

“You can’t protect me from everything Buck. I’m going to have to fight my own battles over the years, and some of them will have to do with you. You have to accept that if you and I are going to be together.”

“That’s hard. I feel that when they do that to you, it makes me feel worthless, less lovable.”

“I know that, and you have to learn to deal with it. The people that count love you. That has to be enough for now until you are accepted. And you will be accepted in time.”

“You think?”

“Yes, I do.”

“There’s something else, Melissa. It’s about Sarah and I. You know that she and I share a kinship? You know that she seems to be part Indian? That she instinctively understands all the Indian parts to me? She even had Red Bear smiling.”

“Yeah, I know it, and I try not to be jealous about it. I want to be more like that, Buck. I’m going to need your help though.”

“And I’ll give you that Melissa. But there is something else,” he said as he slowed his horse and finally stopped. “Last night, we went to Red Bear’s village. Sarah and I shared a teepee, and she and I were of one mind last night.”

Her heart went out to him.

“It wasn’t just you and Sarah, Buck. It was Jimmy and I too. Last night both he and I thought that maybe we should be a couple. That we were more suited to each other than I was to you. And you felt that way about Sarah, too, no doubt. When you feel that way, things happen that probably shouldn’t. It’s over. I know that Sarah loves Jimmy totally. I know how you feel about me. That’s what’s important. Not what happened last night.”

Buck smiled with relief. “And Sarah will always have a place in my heart, as Jimmy will have in yours. Maybe the spirits wanted this to happen. Maybe we will all need this closeness over the years.”

“Maybe,” she smiled at him.

“Will you wear my necklace again?” he asked her.

“With honor,” she told him.

He leaned over on his horse, put an arm around this lady that he now loved more than ever, and kissed her to seal the bargain. As he did that, it started to snow again.

“Come on, we’d best get back to the bunkhouse.” She laughed.

“What are you gonna tell Cody? By now he knows we went looking for Sarah.”

“Tell him the truth. He’s gonna find out anyway that they’re together.”

“Are you sure that they’re together?” Buck asked skeptically.

“Yeah. Just before the two of you showed up, he admitted he had changed his mind and was gonna ask her.”

“Did you, by chance, help him decide that?”

“Maybe just a little bit!” She laughed as she kicked her horse and cantered towards Rock Creek.

“So Miss Brooks, what would your parents think about what you’re doin’ and who you’re doin’ it with?” Jimmy asked her. “I mean somehow I don’t see myself going to Boston to meet your parents, and I doubt whether they would have a high opinion of their daughter being involved with Wild Bill Hickok!”

“I doubt whether they would either. No. When you meet them it will be when they come out here to see me. They need to meet you in your own territory. And as far as I’m concerned, I don’t ever really want to go back to Boston. My heart is here in the west. I love it here, and I love you, and you don’t have to worry about my parents influence on me.”

“Good!”

Buck and Melissa rode back up to the bunkhouse, and they were immediately surrounded by Ike, Noah, and Cody.

“You didn’t find her?” Cody asked, fear written all over his face.

“Help me with the horse, Cody. Melissa, I’ll let you fill the others in,” Buck said, feeling that Cody should be told in private.

“Is she hurt..tell me, Buck!” Cody demanded as they headed for the barn.

“No, she’s not hurt. I found her, and we rode out the storm at the Kiowa village.”

“Did you lose her between here and there then?”

Buck wrapped his horse’s reins around the stall railing, and pulled off his saddle. He found a brush. Cody was doing the same thing.

“No, I didn’t lose her. I left her with Jimmy, Cody.”

“With Jimmy? What are you tryin’ to tell me Buck?”

“She’s with Jimmy, Cody. Melissa talked some sense into him, and he’s decided to try with Sarah. He loves her a lot Cody.”

“So do I!” Cody cried as he started brushing the horse with renewed vigor.

“Sarah loves Jimmy. She’s with the right person, Cody. I know this in my heart. And if you thought about it, you would too,” he stated quickly.

“But I love her, Buck. I was good to her.”

“I know that, and she knows that. She feels bad that she hurt you, but it never would have worked out for the two a you. Eventually you would have realized that on your own. I’m not askin’ you to be happy for them. Not yet anyway. I’m askin’ you to understand about it.”

Buck led his horse into its stall, giving him a bucket of feed. Cody did likewise, and then leaned against the stall door.

“How do I get over lovin’ her?”

Buck sort of laughed and shook his head. “You don’t my friend. I love her, and I don’t ever plan on getting’ over it. Be her friend. That’s what she wants, and you’ll feel good about it at some point.”

“Love ain’t easy,” was Cody’s comment.

“No it ain’t,” Buck agreed.

“You and Melissa work it all out?”

“Yeah. We’re fine, and I plan on it stayin’ that way. As Lou would say, there’s someone out there for you, Cody.”

“She would say that, wouldn’t she? We’re startin’ her house next week if it stops snowin’,” Cody said.

“About time,” commented Buck.

We got to think about headin’ back,” Jimmy told her. He’d lost track of the number of times they had come together. He had never felt this content and happy in his entire life. It was a feeling he wanted to hold on to.

“I wish there was some way I could have a bath. I’m all sticky and bloody,” Sarah grimaced.

“How about if I warm up a bowl of water for you and help you wash off a bit?”

“That would be heaven,” she smiled at her prince.

“Oh, we need to change something,” he said as he took her two hands in his.

“What’s that?”

“This ring I gave you. I want you to wear it on your left hand now. I think that would be proper, don’t you?” He asked as he made the switch. “I want all those males in town to think twice before they go flirtin’ with you.”

“When they find out I’m with you, I’m certain they would think twice anyway. It has something to do with your reputation, Hickok.” She laughed before she kissed him. “Now get me my water.”

“Yes madam,” he told her as he kissed her and hopped out of bed. He picked up an old bowl, quickly opened the door to fill it with snow, and then put the bowl close to the fire. “Anything else?”

“Yes! Come and keep me company while we’re waiting for it to heat up.”

Since Jimmy knew what was on her mind, he didn’t need to be asked twice.

Continued....

COPYRIGHT - 2004 M Bolton & R Wooten