IN THE SHADOWS
By  MARY BOLTON


Sarah had never run so fast in her entire life. Her breath was coming out in painful gasps, but still she kept on. She clutched the baby she was carrying closer to her chest. Darkness was coming, so she was in hope of hiding from the men that were chasing her. A bullet flew over her head. Stark, white terror filled her head, but determined, she pushed it aside. If she was going to survive this, she would need to keep her mind clear. She quickly cut into the trees that lined the road, looking for a place to hide until her foot caught on a tree root, and she tumbled toward the ground. Instinctively, she curved herself around the infant, breaking the full force of the fall with her body. Her head crashed against a rock that was jutting through the ground. All was blackness.



James Butler Hickok, tall, with sun blond streaks going through his warm brown hair, brown eyed, and quite handsome, sat straight on his horse. He was a Pony Express rider that was taking his time returning from delivering some messages to Fort Laramie. His life had made him into a loner, but since he’d been on the trail for almost five days, he was anxious to be home in Rock Creek and see the rest of the Riders. In another hour, he would be. He’d been resting his horse by walking him, but he was just about ready to pick up the pace when he thought he heard a baby’s cry. How was the possible out here? There weren’t any settlers in these parts as far as he knew. He stopped his horse. There it was again. Jimmy decided to follow the cry, but the trail was thick, so he dismounted. Walking through the underbrush, he was surprised to see a baby, sitting up and crying, with a lady lying next to it, in an unnatural position. Dried blood was caked on her head. He quickly got down next to her and saw that she was breathing.

“How did you two get here?” Jimmy asked the baby, who just kept crying. Was it hungry? “I guess I should take you into Rock Creek, but how can I hold two of you at once?”

Jimmy very gently picked up the blond lady in his arms, resting her back against one of his arms, scooped up the baby and laid it on top of her, and carried them back out to his horse where he laid them on the road. Jimmy did the only thing he could do. He slowly put the lady across the front of his horse, picked up the squalling baby and mounted his horse. He nudged his horse forward, and as the horse began to move, the lady let out a low moan. He stopped his horse again, and somehow, without dropping the baby, managed to get the lady into a seated position with her head leaning against his shoulder. He propped the baby against her and wrapped his arm tightly around them and once again, started for Rock Creek.

The motion of the horse soon lulled the crying baby into a stupor. How long had these two been out here? The lady looked to be a year or so younger than he was, and if she were cleaned up, she might even be pretty. Where was her husband?

He was relieved when he finally rode up to the station. It was twilight, and everyone was probably inside eating one of Rachel’s wonderful meals.

“Teaspoon…Rachel….I need some help,” he called, which caused the baby to start crying again.

The bunk house came alive as the rest of the Riders, plus Teaspoon, the Marshal of Rock Creek and overseer of the Pony Express Station, and Rachel, the lady who looked after all the Riders, came out.

“What in tarnation?” Teaspoon asked him.

“I found them on my way in. This lady is hurt real bad, and the baby might be hurt too. I don’t know what happened to them.” Jimmy explained.

“I’ll take the baby,” Rachel offered as she removed it from Jimmy’s grasp.

“Cody..run and get the doc. Buck..help me lift her down,” Teaspoon ordered. “Ike, go and turn down the extra bed in the house..Lou..why don’t you go boil some water?” The only Rider missing was the Kid, but he was out on a run.

Everyone began doing their assigned tasks. Buck ended up carrying the lady to the house, and slowly laid her on the bed. Jimmy hovered over her, somehow feeling responsible since he’d rescued her.

“She looks awful pale,” Buck commented as he brushed her hair back, trying to find her spirit. Buck was half Kiowa, half-white. His white father had raped his Indian mother, and he had been the product of that forced union. He was a man without a people, but also a man determined to be where he wanted to be.

“Do you think it’s anythin’ else sides her head?” Jimmy asked.

“Her arm looks broke, but I don’t see no blood on her dress. Did you see any on her back?” Buck asked him.

“Nope.”

Teaspoon came in then.

“The doc’s out at the Kelly place. The missus is having her baby. What can you do for her, Buck?”

Buck was already rolling up his sleeves.

“Get me some water..my pack of herbs in the bunk house…some bandages for her head..a splint for her broke arm…where’s Rachel? We need to get her out of all these clothes.”

“She’s got her hands full with the baby. I’ll get Lou to help you. Jimmy, why don’t you come down and help with the water?” Teaspoon asked him, noting the worried frown that was on his face.

Teaspoon placed Jimmy at the stove, sending Lou to find a nightdress then up to help Buck. Then he went to gather all the materials that Buck would need.

“I got the nightdress,” Lou told Buck as she walked into the room. “Maybe if you lift her, I can put this on her.”

“I don’t know as it would be proper for me to help you,” Buck told her.

“Then close your eyes while you hold her up.  And when you get down to it, I don’t think she’d mind,” Lou told him with a smile on her face. She watched Buck struggle with it for a moment, then shrug his shoulders and held the lady up while they changed her clothes. They were just laying her down, when Teaspoon arrived.

“I think I gots all you need, Buck.”

“Let’s get to it then.”


Jimmy was at a loss after he handed the boiling water to Teaspoon. He looked over at Rachel who had laid the baby on a towel at the table. She was bathing it, so he went over to her.

“Boy or girl?” Jimmy asked her as he sat down.

“Boy..here, hold him so he won’t roll off while I soap him up. How’s his ma doin’?”

“Don’t know. Buck’s takin’ care of her. How we gonna feed him?”

“I’ve sent Cody and Ike to the general store to pick up some bottles and nipples. That will have to do. After I get some milk in him, I’ll try some soft food to see if he’s eatin’ that stuff yet.”

The baby was watching Jimmy closely.

“You think he’ll be all right?”

“He don’t appear to be hurt. He’s only got a rash on his bottom, and I’m sure he’s weak from hunger, but I think he’ll do all right.” Rachel assured him, smiling down at him, but Jimmy didn’t see that since he was watching the baby. He seemed concerned about the child, and for her, it was nice to see a softer side of this loner. She knew that deep inside, Jimmy had a kind and caring heart. He just didn’t want the world around him to know that. “Why don’t you get some milk and warm it up for him so it’s ready when Cody and Ike get back?”

“Okay.”


With Teaspoon’s and Lou’s help, Buck set the lady’s arm and wrapped it in a splint. Next, he cleaned the cut on her head. It started to bleed again, so he stitched it up and then wrapped it. Next he went over her whole body with his hands to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. Through it all, she hadn’t moved or uttered a sound.

“I hope she comes outta it soon,” Teaspoon commented. “I’d like to know what happened to her.”

“Why don’t I get her cleaned up a bit? I’d like her to feel fresh ‘n all when she wakes up,” Lou told them.

“I’m sure she’d like that, Lou,” Buck agreed as he and Teaspoon walked out.

“Let’s see how the baby is doin’,” Teaspoon suggested as the headed for the kitchen. They found Rachel holding the child in her arms, feeding him, with Jimmy, Ike, and Cody seated around her watching closely. He thought it touching that all the Riders were showing such concern for the child.

“How’s it doin’?” Teaspoon asked.

“It’s a he..he’s doin’ fine..eatin’ real well,” Rachel stated. “How’s his ma?”

“Buck did a good job fixin’ her up,” Teaspoon stated. “She’s still not awake though. Lou’s cleanin’ her up a bit.”

“You don’t know what happened to her, Jimmy?” Rachel asked him.

“Nope. All I heard was this baby cryin’ so I went lookin’ for it and found the two of ‘em.”

“I guess I best make my evenin’ rounds. Come on Cody.”

“And I best start supper. Who wants to feed him?” Rachel asked. Jimmy and Ike both held their arms out.

Jimmy wasn’t sure what had made him volunteer, but something in him wanted to be close to this baby for a time.

“I guess Jimmy wins this one since he rescued him. Sorry, Ike. Can you go get me some wood?” Rachel asked as she placed the baby in his arms. Immediately the child’s blue eyes were watching him. “Now feed him slowly. He’ll need to be burped soon.”

“Burped? What’s that?”

“I’m gonna go check on the lady,” Buck stated as he left the kitchen and took the stairs two at a time. He met Lou carrying the pan of water as she came out of the room. “You finished with her?”

“Yeah. She’s still sleepin’. If you don’t need me for anythin’ else, I’ll help Rachel with supper.”

“No..go ahead,” he told her as he went into the room.

He looked down at the sleeping lady. Now with her face clean, and her blond hair brushed, she looked quite lovely..maybe about 19 years old. Buck pulled a chair next to the bed and sat down. There was no wedding band on her left hand..it could have been stolen. Had her husband been killed? Buck took her hand and closed her eyes, trying once again to get in touch with her spirit. It was remaining elusive. He chanted a healing prayer to the Great Spirit for her, then checked her dressings again..then sat in silence with her. Gradually, the feeling came over him that this lady and he were somehow connected. Maybe somewhere in their past lives, what had her name been then?

She moaned softly.

“You’re safe here,” he told her in a low voice. “It’s okay to come out. You’re bein’ taken care of.”

Buck watched her eyelids flutter. They opened briefly and looked serenely at him. Then they closed again. That was all right. She’d come back to them soon enough. He just held her hand, knowing that she might be able to sense that he was there, keeping her company. He lost track of time.

“How’s she doin’?” he heard Jimmy ask from the doorway.

“Come on in. She’s fightin’. She opened her eyes for a bit, but she still needs some rest. Why don’t you sit with her for awhile?”

“Okay. I came up to tell you supper was ready. Tell Rachel to save me some,” Jimmy asked as he came into the room and looked down at her. “Why she’s beautiful!” he said before he thought about it.

“Yeah..she is,” Buck agreed as he laid her hand down. “I’ll come back up after I eat.”

“Okay,” Jimmy said as he took a seat. “Who are you?” he asked her softly. “My name’s James Butler Hickok, and I rescued you and your baby. He’s doin’ fine. You wouldn’t believe how much he ate. Rachel’s watchin’ after your baby. He’s a fine boy. I think he’s wonderin’ what all is goin’ on here. You’re awful pretty…” and here Jimmy laughed to himself and shook his head. “Listen to me go on. I ain’t normally like this. I usually don’t have much to say, but with you sleepin’ and all, its’ easy to talk to you. I ain’t around women much..don’t know how to talk to ‘em very well. But I guess that’s for the best. You see, I ain’t got much of a future. I always got guns comin’ to call me out cause I’m such a fast draw. So I don’t need no woman in my life cause I might not be around tomorrow.”

And she just lay there, and Jimmy was surprised that he felt so protective of her. Maybe it was because she didn’t seem to have anyone to look out for her. They didn’t know where her husband was. How long had she been married? Was her husband looking for her? Did she know that she was safe? He took her hand like Buck had done, and held onto it, wanting to somehow let her know that he was there for her if she needed him.

The silently, Ike appeared before him holding out a plate of food. Ike, who didn’t speak, used sign language to communicate. “How she doin’?” he signed.

“About the same, I guess. Thanks for the food. Is the baby okay?”

“Yeah, Lou and Buck playin’ with him.”

“That’s good that he’s okay.”

“You want me sit with her for awhile?”

“No..I’m doin’ okay.”

“She purty,” Ike smiled.

“Yeah, she is,” Jimmy nodded.

“Husband must be worried.”

“If he’s alive. I mean would you still be alive if you was tryin’ to protect her and the baby?”

Ike shook his head no, sadly. Jimmy knew that Ike had a big, kind heart. He was probably feeling bad for this lady.

“Maybe that’s why she not wake up?”

“Maybe,” Jimmy agreed. “I guess that’s why we need to stay with her until she wakes up. It wouldn’t be good if she woke up and don’t know what’s goin’ on.”

“You eat..I hold her hand for while.” Ike said as he pointed to the food on the table.

“Okay,” Jimmy agreed.


The baby’s finally asleep,” Buck stated as he came into the lady’s room, yawning. “Anythin’ from her?”

“No.”

“Want me to spell ya?” Buck asked as he sat down on the edge of the bed and quickly checked her dressings, while making sure she wasn’t running a fever.

“No..I’m okay.”

“You’ve been up here for awhile.”

“I feel responsible, which is stupid I guess…”

“Well, you did find her ‘n all. She’s fightin’ you know. I don’t think she wants to be in the darkness.”

“It ain’t a good place to be,” Jimmy told him, speaking from experience.

“See you in the mornin’ Silent Dawn,” Buck told the sleeping lady softly as he leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Silent Dawn?” Jimmy asked curiously.

“It just came to me who she is. Since we don’t know her given name, we need to call her somethin’. I don’t think she’d mind.” Buck told him. “I’ll come back in a few hours to relieve ya.”

“Why’d you kiss her?” Jimmy questioned.

“I’m not sure. I think I’ve known her before. Well, night…”

Jimmy watched him walk from the room. He had learned never to question things that Buck did or said. Buck seemed to operate on a different level from the rest of them, and he respected that. He knew that the Indians believed in past lives, so he figured that’s what Buck had meant. Jimmy stood up and stretched. He was bone weary, what with the ride back and forth to Fort Laramie and then finding this lady. He sat back down, took her small hand in his larger one, yawned, and laid his head down in his arms. He figured it was only for a moment to rest his eyes.


An acute pain was behind her eyes as she tried to open them. There was a fierce pounding in her head. Through sheer force of will, she forced her eyes to open. Things looked hazy, as if she were looking through a sheer curtain.  Then she saw him..his face was turned towards her. She thought it was a fine face, but she didn’t recognize it. Where was she? The shadows called to her, and she gave into them.


Buck came into the room silently. He smiled slightly to himself as he saw Jimmy, still holding Silent Dawn’s hand and sound asleep with his head on the bed. He ran his hand across Dawn’s forehead..still cool. That was good. If she’d only wake up, she’d be all right. He decided not to disturb Jimmy. He had a feeling that he wouldn’t leave this lady’s side anyway.


Jimmy slowly came to consciousness. Coffee…he needed coffee! He could smell the brew that Rachel was making, and it was calling to him. Stiffly, he sat up and ran his hand over his whiskered face. He needed a bath and a shave! He’d do that after coffee, he decided as his eyes moved to the lady. And he was quite surprised to see her watching him.

“You’re awake! How’re ya doin’?” He asked her softly, not wanting to startle her.

“My head hurts…my arm hurts. Where am I? What happened to me?”

Her voice was very pleasing.

“You’re at the Pony Express Station in Rock Creek, Nebraska Territory. You have a nasty gash in your head, and your right arm is broke. I found you and your baby about five miles from here. I don’t rightly know what happened to you. I was hopin’ you could tell me that.”

“Found me? Baby? What baby?”

A sick feeling was starting to come over him.

“My name’s Jimmy Hickok. What’s yours?”

She scrunched her forehead up, wincing in pain as she did so. “I don’t know.” She barely whispered. Then louder. “I don’t know. I don’t think I know who I am, Mr. Hickok. I don’t remember what happened to me. And what’s this about a baby? I don’t have a baby…do I?”

He could tell that she was close to panic. He patted her hand reassuringly.

“Now don’t you fret none. I think you had a real hard knock on your head. Sometimes people forget things when that happens. It’ll come back. Why don’t I see if I can get the doc to come up and look at you? I’ll send Rachel up with the baby, and maybe just seeing him will bring your memories back.”

“Okay.” She stated.

“Will you be okay by yourself till I get back?”

“Sure.” She told him.

Jimmy ran quickly down the stairs and into the kitchen. Buck, Rachel and Teaspoon were there. Buck was holding the baby.

“She’s awake, but she don’t remember nuthin’,” Jimmy told them. “Maybe we should send for the doc.”

“She probably went through a bad experience. She’ll remember it soon enough.” Teaspoon stated. “What’s her name?”

“That’s what I’m tryin’ to tell you. She don’t remember her name. She don’t remember her baby. She don’t remember what happened to her!” Jimmy explained again.

They all looked at each other.

“She don’t remember her baby?” Rachel asked him. He just shook his head no. “Oh dear,” was her only comment.

“I guess I best go get the doc then,” Teaspoon stated as he left them.

“I’ll take her baby up and talk to her,” Buck offered. “Why don’t you get some food?”

“I think I will. Let me know what happens?”

“I will.”

“I’ll make her some hot cereal,” Rachel offered.

Buck took the cooing baby up to Silent Dawn’s room. Her big blue eyes caught his dark brown ones as he entered. He didn’t see any fear in them because of what he was. He saw acceptance, but then realized he shouldn’t be too surprised since they’d known each other before. Then her eyes moved to the baby.

“I’m Buck Cross. Would you like to hold your baby?
Buck saw tears well up in her eyes.

“I don’t remember him, Buck. How could a mother not remember her own child? How could I not remember who I am?”

Buck quickly sat on the chair next to the bed and held the child in his lap.

“Sshh..don’t fret. Silent Dawn. It’ll be okay. You’ll remember him and who you are. It will just take some time.

“Who’s Silent Dawn?”

“You. We didn’t know your name last night, and it’s a name I sensed about you. It felt right. We can just call you that if you’d like.”

“Silent Dawn..that’s so pretty, Mr. Cross. I feel like I’ve known you..” she said really looking at him.

“Call me Buck,” he hastily told her as she reached out to touch the baby’s arm. She was rewarded with a smile.

“So Buck..have I known you before?” She asked him again.

“I think so..in another life.” Was all he said to her, waiting to see what her reaction was to that.

“I wonder…” was all she said. “So little guy, I wish you could talk. Tell mama your name!”

Some incoherent babble came out of his mouth. She smiled at Buck.

“It’s up to you Buck. What shall we call him until I can remember what his real name is?”

“Little Wolf..for his bravery in this life. He doesn’t seem to be afraid of anything, and he wants to look at everythin’!”

“Then Little Wolf it is. How many people live here?” she asked as another person entered the room.

“Hello there, I’m Doc Johnson. Seems I was out bringing a baby into the world when you first showed up. Looks like you done well Buck.”

“Thanks. Well, I guess I’ll leave you alone to examine her. I’ll see you later.” He told her as she smiled at him.

Silent Dawn looked at the doctor.

“What did you mean by telling Buck that he did well?”

“He used some of his Indian medicine on you, and he set your arm. I have a feeling that he’s already done what I would have done. Now tell me what you can remember….”


He’s been up there a long time,” Jimmy stated to no one in particular. He was sitting on the porch with Lou, Ike, Buck, Rachel, and the baby.

“You should get some rest, Jimmy,” Lou told him.

“I slept some last night. I’m not up for a couple days. I’ll be all right.” Jimmy reassured her.

Lou’s brow wrinkled on thought. She and Jimmy were best friends. In fact, at one time before Kid had proposed to her, she had entertained the thought that perhaps she was meant to marry Jimmy. But Kid had always been the one she truly loved, and he was the one she had married. But Jimmy…he was very special to her. He’d led a hard life..hadn’t had much of a childhood. He’d been on his own at an early age, and now he was one of the best known names in the West because of his prowess with a gun. Gunfighters often called him out, hoping to outdraw him, hoping to be the one who killed the infamous Wild Bill Hickok! She hoped that never happened, because Jimmy wasn’t anything like those gunfighters. He had a big heart and would do anything for his few friends. He didn’t let many people in and usually had a ten foot wall up that guarded his emotions. A lot of times it was hard to figure what he was thinking..and forget it if he didn’t want to talk to you. There was no budging him. Jimmy had rescued people before, but he’d never paid them any undue attention. But somehow this lady had caught it. She didn’t know if that was good..especially if she couldn’t remember anything about herself.

“That may be so, but after the doc leaves, you’re getting some sleep!” Rachel told him firmly. He knew better than to argue with her.

“I’ll watch out for Silent Dawn for you.” Buck assured him, knowing how his mind was working.

Jimmy just gave a little nod of his head to let Buck know he’d heard him as he looked out at the mountains in the distance.

“It’s lucky you came up with a name for her,” Ike signed to Buck.

“It’ll work until she remembers her other name. She and I decided this little guy’s name would be Little Wolf.”

“Why that’s a good name for him!” Rachel smiled at him. “Now, who wants to watch him while I get some work done?”

Four pairs of arms were thrust out, but Ike being the closest was the winner.

“Now you watch him good. He should be ready to eat in an hour or so.” Rachel instructed knowing that Ike, like the other Riders, would guard the baby with their lives. “And Lou, be sure you wake Kid up for lunch. He’ll be hungry.”

“Yes mam,” Lou told her.

“Was Cody up this mornin’?” Jimmy asked, surveying the group and noting who wasn’t there.

“He was out with Miss Sally last night. We let him sleep in until after breakfast was over,” Buck chuckled.

“We only woke him up with just enough time to get ready for his run today,” Lou laughed.

They all joined her in laughter as they played with the baby.

Time went by, but the doc finally came out. They all stood up around him.

Well?” Jimmy asked impatiently.

“Buck, you done good. I don’t think I coulda done any better myself. What she has is amnesia, which means she don’t remember anything. My guess, from the way she talks and her voice, is that she’s an educated lady from back East. I’d say that you give her awhile to get over her injuries. Amnesia can be strange. All her memory could return tomorrow or she might never get it back. She could remember everything or only parts of things. It may come back gradually or all at once. Just make sure she gets good care and food. In a couple of days she can start getting out of bed for a few hours at a time until she builds up to doing normal things. Maybe someone will come looking for her. This her baby?” the doc asked, going over to Ike. “You know that she won’t be able to take care of him proper until her arm is healed.”

“Yeah, that’s him.” Jimmy told him, discouraged that the doc couldn’t work any miracles. “And she don’t have to worry none about her baby. We’re all takin’ care of him just fine.”

“Do you think that the lady don’t want to remember anythin’? That maybe everyone with her was killed, and it’s too painful for her to remember?” Lou asked.

“That’s possible. She’s definitely been through somethin’ pretty terrible. This little guy looks just fine. I’ll check back in a couple days.” Doc Johnson told them as he took his leave.

“Go get some rest,” Lou told Jimmy.

“In a minute,” he said as he went inside.

“I’m worried about him,” Lou confessed to Buck and Ike.

“Why?” Buck asked her.

“He seems awful interested in her. What if she’s married and her husband wasn’t killed?”

“You know you cain’t tell Jimmy what to do. He goes his own way.” Buck told her.

“I know that, but I don’t want him to get hurt!’

“He don’t often show interest in women.” Buck admitted. “But there’s some reason he’s showin’ interest in Silent Dawn. There is somethin’ about her. But don’t worry none ‘bout Jimmy. He’ll be okay.”


“How ya feelin’?” Jimmy asked as he stopped at the door and looked into the room. He quickly took his hat off. She was sitting up.

“A little better now that the doc has explained things to me. It feels good to sit up,” she smiled fully at him.

Her smile affected him strangely. He felt like his stomach was full of butterflies, and his knees felt weak. He felt his face break into a smile to return the one she had just given him as he walked further into the room.

“I bet it does.”

Silent Dawn realized, for the first time, what a handsome man he truly was.

“Well, Mr. Hickok. Do you have time to sit and tell me how Little Wolf is doing?”

“Call me Jimmy, and he’s fine. The doc said that you really cain’t take care of him too good until your arm is all healed up. But you don’t have to worry none. We all like taking care of him.”

“I hate to impose like this,” she said, a worried frown covering her face. “I should be able to take care of my own baby.”

“You ain’t imposin’!” he informed her. “And we’re glad to take care of Little Wolf..especially Ike. Ike get’s a hold of him, and we cain’t get near him! So you best follow the doc’s orders!”

“All right..for now. But when I finally get out of this bed, it’s going to be different,” she insisted.

“We’ll see,” he smiled at her as Buck walked in. Jimmy noticed that she looked happy to see him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about that. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Sure, Jimmy, and thanks for stopping by.”

“Hi,” Buck told her as he sat down when Jimmy left the room.

“Hi…now we can continue our conversation.”

“What was we talkin’ about?”

“You were just about to tell me who else lives here when the doc walked in.”

“First would be Teaspoon Hunter. He’s the marshal in this town, and he’s an ex-Texas Ranger. He taught all of us how to be Pony Express Riders, and he’s a great man. There ain’t nuthin’ you can’t talk to him about. Then there’s Rachel Dunn. She’s the lady who looks out for us..you know, she does the cookin’ and cleanin’ and kinda acts like a ma to us. You know Jimmy ‘n me. There’s Lou..she used to be a Rider, but she married Kid who’s still a Rider. You’ll really like them. Lou is like everyone’s little sister. And all of us sorta look up to Kid. There’s my best friend, Ike McSwain. He lost all his hair when he had scarlet fever, and he cain’t talk cause he lost his voice when he saw his parents killed. He’s real gentle though, and I bet he don’t let that baby of yours down while he’s watchin’ him. Last is Cody…he’s the one all the ladies chase after, so I guess you could say he’s smooth and charmin’. Jimmy always tells him he’s got his foot in his mouth. We’re all like one big family.”

“That’s quite a group. So tell me a little more about Buck Cross.”

“There ain’t too much to tell. I’m part Kiowa from my mother, but she’s dead now.”

“What of your father?”

“Don’t know. He didn’t hang around after he raped her,” he stated matter of factly.

“What’s your Indian name? Is your tribe around here?”

“I am called Running Buck. My brother is a chief of the tribe, and their village is close to here. His name is Red Bear.”

“Is that where you grew up?”

“Partly. Partly in an orphanage. That’s where I met Ike. And partly on my own. I found I really didn’t fit into any world so it was easier just bein’ on my own.”

“Are you accepted here?”

“The other Riders see my spirit and accept me. The townsfolk don’t trust me. What about you?”

“I think I could trust you with my life, Buck..and I don’t know why I’m saying that either.”

He nodded his head, pleased with what she had said.

“It don’t matter why. It just matters that you can feel it inside you.”

“Do you think that I’ll remember everything about myself?”

“I think that if you really want to, you will.”

“Do you think that my husband was killed?”

“You remember a husband?” Buck asked hopefully.

“No.” she shook her head sadly. “But I must have had one if I have a baby. Then again, I guess I could have had the baby without one. If I did that, I’m surely an outcast!” she sort of smiled. “But if I did have one, what are the chances he’s still alive?”

“All I know is that if it were me..or Jimmy…or Ike..or any of us, we’d have died before we would have let anything happen to you or the baby!”

“Yeah,” she sighed as a tear went down her cheek for her unknown husband. “That’s what I thought. And I can’t even remember him..where he might be lying…how it all happened.”

“The Indians believe that death is just the start of another life..that death releases the spirit so that it can go on again. Sort of like yours and mine did..”

“So you’re trying to tell me he’s okay?”

“Yeah, I guess,” he admitted.

“And you and I..I never gave reincarnation much though before..but I don’t discount it. So do you think we were Indians or something else?” Silent Dawn wasn’t sure why she felt so accepting of this idea now with this man…someone she hadn’t known until just a few hours ago. There was an air about him though..and a little voice in her head which told her that all this was true.

“Indians I think…full blooded.”

He watched her nod her head up and down.

“That would have been nice, I think. That would have been in the days before the government decided it wanted the land for the whites. It would have been like a golden age, roaming where you wanted to follow the buffalo, getting into an occasional skirmish with some tribe you didn’t get along with, being outdoors all the time, that’s freedom,” she breathed, then caught herself. “Now how did I know that?”

Buck was smiling at her.

“The doc said that you’re probably an educated lady. Maybe you remember that from your schoolin’.”

“Maybe,” she shrugged her shoulders. “What do you think you and I were to each other?”

He cocked his head and smiled at her. “What do you think?” Never had he felt this at ease with any woman, but he felt that this one knew him inside and out.

“I think that we were lovers..married..happy with life and each other. But that was in the past, not this life.” Silent Dawn sat quietly for a moment, then sort of laughed. “I can’t believe that I’m sitting here talking like this to a man I’ve only known a few hours!”

“I know. I ain’t never talked to a lady like this before. Most women don’t want to be around me,” he admitted. But it’s like ever since I laid eyes on you, I’ve felt like I’ve been seein’ our lives together in my head. I’ve felt like I need to be around you. I think we’ll be good friends in this life.”

Silent Dawn reached for his hand and squeezed it.

“I think so too. I’m glad that we finally found each other.”

“Me too, and whatever you do, don’t let Cody turn your head!”

She laughed.

“I’ll try not to, because when I finally remember I’ll probably be in mourning for whoever my husband was.”

“Probably,” he agreed.

“So why don’t women want to be around you? You’re kind and gentle and VERY  pleasing to the eye.”

“Because of what I am. They can’t get past the Indian thing.” He stated.

“You know that one day some wonderful woman will come along and be able to see past that? She’ll see your spirit and barely notice you’re part Indian since that’s such a large piece of you. She’ll just accept it.”

He smiled as he squeezed her hand.

“I hope so. I like to think that I won’t always be alone. I pray often about it.”

“Don’t worry. You won’t be. It’s something I feel very strongly about inside of me!”

“Hi! You hungry?” Silent Dawn heard as a lady walked into her room. Rachel had seen quite a bit in her lifetime, but she had to admit that she was quite surprised to see Buck and this woman holding hands, smiling into each other’s eyes.

“Rachel! Have you met Silent Dawn yet?”

“Not since she woke up. Hello. It’s nice to see you sittin’ up!” she told her as she tucked a napkin under her chin.

“It’s nice to meet you Rachel. I’m sorry that I’m being so much bother. Soon I’ll be out of this bed taking care of my baby.”

“Now don’t be in too big a rush!” Rachel smiled at her. “Little Wolf is no trouble. I can barely get my hands on him. The Riders are usually taking him off somewhere. Ready to try some thin oatmeal?”

“Sure..thank you.”

“I’ll help her,” Buck stated eagerly. Rachel shot him a look of warning, but she didn’t think that he got it as she handed the bowl to him.

“There’s more if she wants it.” Rachel told him as she left.

Thinking about the situation upstairs, Rachel didn’t have her mind on where she was going, and she ran smack into Teaspoon.

“Whoa there!” he stated as he quickly reached out to steady her. “Where you at?”

“I’m worried Teaspoon.”

“Bout what?”

“Silent Dawn and Buck,,,and Jimmy..I think that Buck and Jimmy are both startin’ to care a lot about her, and I don’t know why. Buck ‘n Jimmy are the last two I’d think would be interested in her. I know it ain’t my business, but I don’t want my boys getting’ hurt. We don’t know where she came from, what’s happened to her, where her husband is.”

“These things have a way of workin’ themselves out. Buck ‘n Jimmy won’t thank us for getting’ our noses in this. They’re full growed. Let’s stay out of it.”

“But she’s vulnerable now too, she may not tell ‘em no.”

Teaspoon put his hands on her shoulders.

“If they wants to talk to us, we’ll talk to ‘em, but till then, let’s stay outta it.” He told her firmly. “Buck ‘n Jimmy are level headed. From what they’s said about the lady, she’s real nice. It will all work out.”

“I hope so,” was all she said.


The next few days went by quickly. The Riders took turns with the baby. Cody came back and was introduced to Silent Dawn. Teaspoon thought about what Rachel had said, and he did his best to keep Buck and Jimmy occupied when they weren’t needed for a run. Rachel reported that whenever they seemed to get a free moment, they were upstairs sitting with Silent Dawn. Teaspoon had to admit that she was charming and that he really liked her. He could understand why Buck and Jimmy wanted to be around her. She had a way of focusing all her attention on you and making you seem like you were the most important person in her life. And so far, she had remembered nothing.


Jimmy had managed to elude Teaspoon. He went through the kitchen, grabbing two cups of coffee, some biscuits and honey, and crept up the stairway, hoping that he would manage to have a few moments with Silent Dawn before anyone else bothered them. He poked his head around the corner, and found her sitting quietly in bed, reading.

“Mornin’,” he stated softly as he came in and set all the food down on her bedside table.

As always when she saw Jimmy, her heart started to pound in her chest. She set her book aside and smiled up at him.

“Mornin’! You’re up early!”

“I know. Hungry?”

“A little. I see you’ve brought a feast!” she teased as she reached for a mug of coffee.

“Best I could do on short notice.”

“I’m getting up today for a few hours. I’m so excited.”

“When? I’ll help you downstairs.”

“I thought after I ate breakfast. Would you help me outside?”

“Sure,” he told her, feeling his face flush when he realized that he’d have to get awfully close to her to help her.

“I wonder if Lou would loan me some clothes? I’d love to change out of these and wear something normal.”

“I’ll ask her. She’ll give you somethin’.”

Suddenly she turned serious.

“It’s been almost a week, Jimmy. My head isn’t nearly as achy as it was. Why haven’t I remembered anything?”

Her blue eyes bore into him. They drew him in. He felt himself moving a little closer to her.

“You will, Dawn, give it time. You were hurt pretty bad. It will come if you’re patient.”

“I don’t want to be patient! I want to know what happened to me..to my husband..where I live. What do I like to do? Who are my friends? What if I never remember?”

“You like to sit outside..right now you live here..you love your baby..all of us are your friends, and we'll watch out for you. You will remember, Dawn..but if it don't come back soon, you'll still have all of us. We won't let nuthin' happen to you or Wolf!” Jimmy had taken to calling the two of them by singular names.

Jimmy’s strength oozed into her, and that strength made her feel calmer. She leaned over and impulsively brushed her lips against his cheek.

“Thank you. Now, can you put some honey on one of those biscuits for me?”

Jimmy’s face got warm as he busied himself with the food. With her thank you and kiss, she had just made him feel like a giant among men…that there was nothing he couldn’t or wouldn’t do for her. What was it about her?

“So there you are!” Cody stated as he came clunking into the room. “Mornin’ Silent Dawn,” he told her as he tipped his hat to her.

“Hi Cody,” she smiled prettily at him as Jimmy handed her a biscuit.

“What ya want?” Jimmy asked him as he sipped his coffee.

“Teaspoon wants ya. He has a special dispatch for Fort Kearny, and you’re up.”

He groaned inwardly. He’d be away for two days!

“Tell Teaspoon I’ll be right there.”

Cody tipped his hat again as he left. Jimmy sighed and quickly finished his coffee.

“I guess I won’t be able to help you after all. I’m sorry.”

“That’s all right. I’m sure that someone else will. Thanks for the breakfast.”

“You’re welcome.”

“How far is Fort Kearny?”

“A day’s ride. I’ll be gone for two days. You take care while I’m gone,” he told her as he shook his finger at her.

“I will. You’ll be careful, won’t you?” she smiled at him.

“I always am,” he told her, returning her smile. Suddenly, an overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her and just hold her close came over him. He wanted to cover her face with kisses.

“Jimmy..are you okay?” Silent Dawn asked him, noticing the change that had come over him.

“Yeah..um..I’m fine,” he said as he quickly got up and put some space between them.

“Have a good trip then, and come up and see me when you get back. Take the rest of the biscuits with you so you have something to eat.”

“Yeah, bye,” he told her as he barely looked at her and fled the room. He didn’t stop until he got to his bunk. He turned his mind off, got his things together, and saw Teaspoon had already saddled his horse for him.

“You ready son?” Teaspoon asked him as Jimmy tied his bedroll onto the back of the saddle.

“Yup. What ya got for me?”

“Take this dispatch and hand it directly to Captain Anderson.”

“All right. See you in a couple of days.” Jimmy stated as he swung himself up.

“You okay, son?” Teaspoon asked, sensing that something was amiss with Jimmy.

“Fine,” Jimmy told him over his shoulder as he wheeled his horse around and rode off quickly.

“Why don’t I believe him?” Teaspoon asked himself as he watched Jimmy until he was just a dot on the horizon.

He heard horses hoofs from the opposite direction, and saw Kid come flying from his house and jump on his horse, Katy, as Ike came galloping into the yard. He tossed the mail to Kid, and Kid was off.

“Ride safe, Kid.” Teaspoon called after him, which now meant that he needed to keep Buck busy today. “Buck!” he yelled as he headed for the house.
 

Rachel had ended up loaning some clothes to Dawn, which were a bit large for her, and she had enlisted Cody to help her get down the stairs. She figured that Cody never became serious about anyone, so she didn’t have to worry that he would become serious about Dawn.

“How about if I set you in this chair?” Cody asked Dawn (as they were all coming to call her.)

“I’d like that.” She sighed, grateful to have Cody’s strong arm around her waist. “I can’t believe how weak I feel! I don’t think that I’m a passive young lady who just sat and watched the world go by, so I don’t know why I feel this way now!”

“You cain’t expect to feel any different right now. You got banged up pretty good. Give it some time,” he told her as he helped her sit down.

“I guess I must be the impatient sort!” she laughed. “Thanks Cody. I really do appreciate your help. Can I impose on you a little further?””

“Sure!”

“Can you round up Wolf for me? I’d really like to play with him a bit..maybe feed him. I don’t want him to forget me.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but the doc said that we weren’t to leave you alone with him since you cain’t take care of him just yet.”

“I feel so bad about that.” She admitted.

“Don’t, Dawn. There’s no need for it. There are lots of us and we don’t mind!” he assured her as he looked into her cute, upturned face. She was definitely tugging at his heartstrings a bit, and that surprised him.

“You have all been so good to me. I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you.”

“You don’t need to worry none about that. Now let me go find your boy for you.”

“Thanks!” she smiled up at him. Cody was very good looking with all his long blond hair and light blue eyes. In fact, all of the Riders were very handsome. If she was from back East, would she want to go back once her memory returned? She was becoming very fond of this group of people.

Dawn looked out at the distant mountains. What was it like to ride through them? How did it feel to ride through the valleys? Climb on the rocks?

“What’re ya thinkin’?” she heard Buck ask.  She pulled her gaze from the mountains, and found him leaning on the porch railing giving her a big smile.

“I was just wondering what it was like to be out there,” she gestured with her good arm. “Riding or climbing or sleeping out under the stars.”

“I’ll take you, and you can find out for yourself.”

“I think that I’d like that.”

“How does it feel to be up?”

“Wonderful. I don’t want to go back to bed, although I have to admit that I didn’t feel all that strong walking down here. It’s going to take a few more days to get my strength back, but I’ll be running around before you know it.”

“Yeah, that’ll be nice,” he agreed. “Where’s Wolf?”

“Cody is off looking for him. What have you been up to?”

“Mending fences, which I guess I best get back to afore Teaspoon finds me jawing with you. Can I get you anything?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“I’ll come back and check on you in a couple of hours and take you back upstairs.”

“Okay,” she told him, feeling better after his visit. He had a way of doing that for her. Which turned her mind to Jimmy Hickok. There was something about him…some force around him that seemed to fill her with strength. He was so matter-of-fact..so down to earth in his wisdom and common sense. Knowing he was nowhere around made her feel a little lonely. She hadn’t realized just how much she was coming to look forward to their evening talks…how she’d had her ear out to listen for his footsteps or to hear his voice. She smiled as she pictured him to herself. She thought he was the most handsome man that she had ever seen. But after the week of being here, she didn’t know him any better than when she’d first opened her eyes. He didn’t talk about himself. He would talk about the Pony Express or about the happenings in the town or what the other Riders were doing, but never himself. She wondered why that was and decided to see if she could do something about that. Then she frowned. Why did she care? What if she had a husband looking for her? Or what if he really was dead as they all thought? She assumed that she had loved him very much. When her memories came back to her, she didn’t want to betray the memory of her husband by being interested in some other man. Maybe she should discourage Jimmy from visiting her. But maybe she was presuming things. Maybe he just felt sorry for her because she was in this predicament. Maybe he was just looking at her as a friend!

“I found him! Lou had him at her place,” Cody started proudly as he brought the baby to her. Wolf’s face lit up when he saw her.

“Hey darlin,” she cooed at him as Cody placed him in her lap. She wrapped her good arm around him. “Thanks Cody.”

“If you’d like, I can set with you a spell and help you with him. Teaspoon said he didn’t need me for anythin’ right now.”

“I’d like that Cody,” she told him.


Jimmy finally slowed his horse down to give him a breather, and doing that, Dawn was immediately there. He could see her vividly in his mind’s eye..her long, blond hair..her sparkling blue eyes..her laugh, and the way that she made him feel important..the way she could draw him in..the way she made his body feel when he was close to her. Jimmy sincerely believed that her husband had been killed. Reason told him that when she remembered everything, she would feel sad about that, and she wouldn’t be interested in another man. So why was he pushing to be around her? What if she never did remember anything? What were his plans then? NOOO! His brain yelled at him. What did he have to offer a lady like that? Especially an educated lady from back East? Wouldn’t she want to go back there? And men like him definitely were not destined to become serious about any woman! Maybe he should back off and give Buck a clear way since he knew that Buck had an interest too. But there was this small part of himself that knew he wouldn’t do that.

Everyone had decided to eat their lunch on the porch with Dawn, and it was the most fun time that she’d had since she’d woken up. There was much laughter and much gentle teasing. As Rachel and Lou got up to clear away, Teaspoon looked at Dawn as she stifled a yawn.

“I believe it’s time for you to go back upstairs, young lady.”

Buck immediately was at her side.

“Teaspoon’s right!” he told her as he saw she was about to protest. “I’ll help you.”

“Now I was plannin’ on doin’ that,” Teaspoon told her as he went to stand on the other side of Dawn.

“I’m stronger,” Buck told him as he leaned down and put a firm arm around her waist and pulled her up.

“What about those fences?”

“I’ve been workin’ on them all mornin’, Teaspoon. I don’t think they’ll miss me for another few minutes.”

“You cain’t expect Ike to go back and do it all on his own,” Teaspoon explained patiently.

Buck cocked his head and gave Teaspoon a strange look.

“I don’t and I won’t. I’ll be out to help you soon, Ike.” Buck told him, a bit short with him, as he started to move towards the house.

“What was that all about?” Dawn asked him as they climbed the stairs together.

“I ain’t sure, but I mean to find out. You sure you can climb these on your own?”

“Yeah..why? You plan on carrying me?” she teased.

“Yup!” he laughed as he easily picked her up and took her up to her room, laying her gently on the bed. “Now wasn’t that better?”

“Yeah..I have to admit it was. Thanks.”

“Now you get some rest. I’ll be up to visit you when I finish with the fences.”

“All right, sounds good,” she yawned. “Sorry!”

Buck caressed her face with his hand.

“It’s all right, Dawn. Sleep well.” He told her as he leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek.

Dawn quickly wrapped her arms around him and pulled him closer to her.

“Oh Buck..you are so important to me! What would I do without you?”

“You ain’t never gonna find out!” he told her returning her hug.  “Now sleep!” he told her, touched by her gesture.

She rolled over on her side, and he pulled the covers over her. He heard her sigh as she closed her eyes. Buck hurried down the steps, and saw Teaspoon heading back to his office.

“Teaspoon..hold up!” he called as he hurried to catch up with the older man.

“What is it son?” Teaspoon asked as Buck fell into stride next to him.

“It’s about Dawn ‘n me..why don’t you want me to be around her?” he asked point blank.

“Now did I say anythin’ about that?”

“Nope..didn’t need to. Why?” Buck asked as she stopped walking.

“Buck, we don’t know nuthin’ bout her. I’m worried that bout you ‘n Jimmy. Jimmy is the same way as you about her. She may have a husband. And the doc said she was from back East. She won’t want to stay here when her memories come to her. Rachel and I..well we don’t want the two a you to get hurt.”

“I don’t believe this!” Buck told him. “Jimmy and I can handle our own lives!”

“I know that. I told Rachel we should let it be!” Teaspoon muttered more to himself.

“And Jimmy ‘n I don’t feel the same way about Dawn. It’s totally different. I’m gonna spend a lot of time with her. I have a feelin’ that Jimmy will too. You got to let us go our own way."”

“I know that.”

“Okay,” Buck stated. “Now I’ll go help Ike with them fences.”

Teaspoon watched Buck walk off.

“Tarnation! At least he handled it better’n Jimmy woulda!”
Buck just shook his head as he walked back to the Station. Well, he could see why Rachel and Teaspoon were concerned. And he was happy that he didn’t feel like Jimmy felt about her. It was interesting that Jimmy seemed to care so much. It would figure that Jimmy would care for someone who’s future was uncertain..sorta like Jimmy’s was.


Dawn woke up feeling refreshed. How long had she slept? She slowly got up, stretched, and splashed water on her face. She made her way downstairs, but all was quiet. She walked outside and didn’t see anyone there, so she made her way slowly to the bunkhouse.

“Hello?” she called as she opened the door. No one..maybe they’d all gone into town. She went out to the barn and saw some horses there.

“I wonder if I know how to ride?” she asked herself as she stood petting a pretty mare’s neck.

“Want to find out?” she heard a soft voice say from behind her. She jumped.

“Cody! You startled me,” she smiled. He was shirtless, and his body was definitely getting her attention. He was well muscled and tan. His long blond hair was mussed from pitching straw into the stalls. Right now he was leaning on his pitch fork.

“I’m sorry, Dawn. I didn’t mean to startle ya. But anyways, I’m about due for a break. Wanna see if you can ride?”

Cody was watching her with interest. She was quiet pretty, and from what he’d seen so far, very pleasant to be around.

“Sure! I’m dressed for it’n all. Just don’t tell anyone, okay? I have a feeling that this doesn’t fall under taking it easy for a few days!” she giggled.

“You sure you feel like it?” he asked, not wanting her to hurt herself.

“Yeah, I do.”

“Okay then.” He told her reaching for his shirt and putting it back on. He pushed his hair off his face, as his hat went back on top of his head. “Let me saddle up a nice gentle horse for you.”

Dawn watched him quickly accomplish this. He led two horses out, and she followed him. He handed the reins of the mare she’d been patting to her, giving her a questioning look.

“I think I should give you a leg up since you have your arm in that splint,” he suggested.

“That would probably be a good idea.” She agreed.

Cody cupped his hands, and she put her leg into it and he lifted her up so she could get on the horse. He quickly mounted and turned to her.

“How does it feel?”

“Good.”

“We’ll start out slow and easy. Anyplace you’d like to go?”

“Do you know where Buck and Ike are fixing the fence?”

“Sure. Let’s head east,” he pointed.

Riding the mare felt natural to her. She did feel like she had done this many times before. Cody saw the big smile cover her face.

“You feel good about this?” he asked her.

“Yeah. I feel like I know what I’m doing.”

“You sit on the horse well. I’d say that you done this afore.”

“And it just feels so good to be outdoors and moving..not in bed upstairs.”

“I know that feelin’! That’s why I like ridin’ for the Pony Express. I get to be outdoors all the time. All they care is that the mail arrives on time. Other than that, my time’s my own.”

“To chase after all those women?” she teased.

“Now who told you bout that?” he asked, indignant.

“Everyone. They’ve all said to stay away from Cody!” she laughed. “Of course I don’t know why they told me that since I think I’m married and all.”

“They’s just jealous is all!” he explained to her.

“Yeah..that must be it,” she said, laughing again. Cody finally caught the spirit of it and started to laugh along with her.

“Yeah, I guess I do see a lot of the ladies around the town. But why not? I ain’t married and ain’t about to get married anytime soon.”

“I think it’s a good idea to go out with a number of people before you settle down. That’s how you find out what you want in your life.”

“That’s it exactly. Plus I want to travel..go east and see the big cities..maybe go to Europe someday.”

“That’s a mighty fine ambition. I can see why you’d want to do that before you settle down with just one girl. Just don’t wait too long,” she counseled.

“I’ll know when the time is right,” he assured her. “You feel okay?”

“Yes, I do. I’m finding that being out here is clearing my head out. This country is really beautiful, isn’t it?”

“I like it fine…for now. There’s Buck ‘n Ike.” Cody told her as they headed in that direction.

Buck and Ike looked up with interest at the two people approaching.

“What Dawn doing out?” Ike signaled to Buck.

“Don’t know. Maybe she got tired of staring at four walls.”

Both Ike and Buck were shirtless, and like Cody, were well muscled. Buck’s hair was tied with a strip of leather in a pony tail. He looked very handsome indeed.

“Hello!” she called to the two men.

“This is a nice surprise,” Buck told her as he laid down the nails and hammer he was holding.

“Should you ride?” Ike signed to her.

“I’m sorry Ike…I don’t understand,” she told him. Ike could tell from her look of regret that she truly did feel bad that she couldn’t read his signs. “But I promise that if you give me lessons, I’ll figure it out soon!”

He nodded his head up and down as he smiled at her.

“He asked if you should be ridin?” Buck filled in as he looked over at Cody.

“I don’t know. I didn’t ask, but I found out that I know how to ride. I feel very comfortable in the saddle. Cody was good enough to come with me and help me make my escape for a little while.”

“You have some color in your cheeks for once.” Buck approved. “Maybe this was a good idea!”

“I’ve been watchin’ her close like. She’s doin’ okay.” Cody assured him. “But maybe she should take a short rest afore we head back.”

“Do me a favor Cody. Ike ‘n I was just about done. Can you finish up for me? There’s somethin’ I want to show Dawn that’s real close by here.”

“How close to bein’ done is just about done?” Cody asked skeptically.

“Two more boards,” Ike signed, knowing how anxious Buck was to be with Dawn. He wasn’t sure what kind of interest Buck had in this woman, but he knew that being around her made Buck happy. He liked to see his best friend happy around a woman, since it wasn’t something that happened very often.

“All right,” Cody sighed as he slid off his horse.

“Thanks!” Buck told him as he grabbed his shirt and mounted his horse. He didn’t bother to put the shirt on, but motioned for Dawn to follow him.

Trusting him., she followed where he led. They were climbing, and suddenly he stopped and looked back at her. She brought her horse up next to his and gasped at the beauty before her eyes.

“Oh, Buck!” she breathed as she looked out at the vista before her. He had taken her up on a ridge so that she could see out over the valley.

“I can’t exactly take you out camping, and you ain’t up yet for a long ride, so this was the best I could do!” he told her with a gentle smile as he untied his hair and let it float around his shoulders in the breeze.

Dawn felt that he looked all Indian in this setting. His proud heritage was very apparent as he looked around, and she knew how lucky she was that this man had taken her in. Dawn emptied her mind as she studied the land around her. Suddenly, in her head, she felt herself being chased. Guns were going off around her…a baby was crying.

Buck turned quickly towards Dawn as a muffled scream came out of her mouth, and a look of panic was on her face.

“Dawn, what is it? I’m here!” he told her softly as he put his hand on her arm.

She turned to him in terror and for a moment he didn’t think that she recognized him. The next moment, her face returned to normal, but she was as white as a sheet. She started to tremble.

Buck quickly dismounted and held his arms up to her. She slid into them, and he held her closely against him.

“It was awful, Buck. I think I remembered something..someone was chasing me. I was running down a road and Wolf was crying. I was being shot at, and I was so scared.”

He willed his strength into her as he held her. Gradually, her shaking stopped and her breathing returned to normal. She didn’t loosen her hold on him, but that was all right. “Was I found around here?” she finally asked him.

“No, it was in the other direction.”

Dawn found it very comforting to rest her head against his bare chest. If felt very good to have his arms around her.

“I fell like we’ve done this many times before,” she told him as she looked up at him.

“We have,” he smiled down at her, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he would defend this lady to the death. He wanted to find whoever had chased her and kill them with his bare hands. “Feelin’ better now?”

“Yes, thanks.”

“Wanna sit and talk about it?”

“Yes.”

He helped her sit down, finally put his shirt on since it was starting to get chilly, and sat next to her.

“I think what I just remembered, I think that’s what happened before I fell and hit my head. Who were they, and why didn’t they find me?”

“I don’t know who they were, but Jimmy said he found you in some thick brush. You musta been far enough ahead of them to hide yourself and Wolf. You did the right thing.

“But why can’t I remember everything? Why just that little piece?”

“The doc said it might be like that. But it’s a good sign. If you’ve started to remember, the rest should come to you.”

“I guess that’s true enough,” she finally smiled. She leaned her head on his shoulder. “It’s so darn frustrating though, not to know who you are!”

Buck laid his head on top of hers.

“Look at me…I remember everythin’ bout myself, but a lot of times I still don’t know who I am.”

“I do. I have it all in my heart. It’s all in yours too.”

They sat there in perfect understanding until twilight started to settle in.

“I guess I best get you back. I’m sure everyone is worried about you right now, and I’m gonna get my hide chewed by Rachel!”

Buck was reluctant to leave. If someone had asked him, he didn’t think he would be able to explain it to them, but this was the most peaceful and content he’d felt in his life up to this point. He knew it was because this lady shared his spirit. He had a feeling that if you asked her, she’d say she felt the same way. There was a part of him that wanted to love her, knowing how perfect it would be. The other parts of him still knew that this was not to be their time together. A feeling of loneliness went through him. Would it be like Dawn had said? That there was someone coming to him?

Dawn could suddenly feel what Buck was feeling. A pain of loneliness and despair went through her. She knew that it wasn’t coming from inside of her, so it had to be Buck’s. He pulled away from her and held his hand down to her to pull her up. When she was up, Dawn wrapped her arms around Buck’s neck, and with one hand, pulled his head down to hers.

His lips came down on hers, and for a time, they shared themselves. His lips were hungry and searching for strength. She returned what he had given her up here on this ridge. Their tongues met and explored what they had both already knew. Dawn was telling him that he didn’t have to worry, that he would never be alone now that she had found him. Buck was letting her know that he accepted this and would be strong until he found his love. They pulled apart, kissed again, and then he held her in a hug. They didn’t need to talk anymore. They had perfect understanding. He helped her up on her horse, got on his, and they turned towards the station.

As soon as they came to the house, the door opened, and they were surrounded.

“I’m gonna have your hide Buck Cross! How could you keep Dawn out so long?” Rachel challenged, holding Wolf.

“It’s not exactly his fault.” Dawn stated as Ike came over to her side. He held his arms up for her, and she slid gratefully into them. “He took me to this beautiful place, and I think my mind relaxed enough to remember what happened to me just before I passed out. I got kinda upset, I’m almost ashamed to admit, so he gave me time to gather my composure before he brought me back here.”

“What’d you remember?” Teaspoon asked with interest.

“Running down a road, being chased with gunfire going around me, Wolf crying, being very scared, but that’s it, I’m afraid.”

“That’s great! It’s’ a start at least.” Lou smiled at her as she patted her shoulder.

“And now maybe things’ll come a little faster to ya,” Cody said encouragingly.

“I’ll take the horses,” Buck told her. “Go get somethin’ to eat.”

Dawn reached for Wolf with her good arm. He went immediately to her.

“I’m sorry if I made you worry, Rachel. It was irresponsible of me. But it was good for me to get out in the fresh air. I learned that I can ride, and I think I’m well on the road to recovery. I’m stronger than what I thought, so starting tomorrow, I plan on helping out around here and taking care of my baby. You’ve done so much for me already.”

“You’ll do no such thing.” Rachel told her as she put her arm around Dawn’s waist and steered her into the house. “Your arm is still healing. How you gonna change his diaper? How’re ya gonna hold him and feed him?”

Dawn’s shoulders sagged. “You’re right. But there must be some light things that I can help you out with…please. I need to feel like I’m payin’ my way..please?”

Rachel softened. She really liked this lady and knew she was being sincere.

“All right. Only light work though.”

“Thank you.” Dawn told her.

“Now let’s get some food into you.”

Ike hurried to catch up to Buck. He took the reins of Dawn’s horse from Buck and led her into her stall. He pulled the saddle and bridle off and began brushing her, watching Buck the whole time. There was something different about his friend. Buck saw Ike watching him.

“What?” he finally asked.

“You and Dawn gone long time.” He signed.

“I know, but you shoulda seen her when she remembered. She got all white and shaky. For a moment she didn’t know who I was.”

“So you take care of her?” he asked with a little smile.

“Yeah.”

“She married Buck!” Ike told him, knowing Buck already knew that, worried about his friend.

Buck knew that neither of them had been thinking about that when they had shared their kisses on the ridge. The memory of that would stay with him and give him strength for quite some time.

“I didn’t do no married things with her!” Buck told him, throwing a brush at him over his horse’s back. “She ain’t that kinda lady!”

“What then? Gone long time!”

Buck leaned on his horse. “I don’t know if I can explain it. Dawn ‘n I, we share the same spirit Ike. I’ve known her before, a lot of years ago. It’s like I know everythin’ bout her. She knows it all bout me. She can feel what I’m feelin’, and I can do the same with her. Don’t worry none. We ain’t supposed to be together this time.”

Ike scratched his head, trying to understand, but Buck had always operated on a different level than he had.

“Cause she married?”

“No, that wouldn’t matter if we was supposed to be together. Jimmy has somethin’ to do with all a this. But I’m not sure what. We just mostly talked.”

Ike nodded his head, knowing that there was some stuff that Buck wasn’t telling him, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that his best friend seemed more at peace somehow.


Jimmy delivered the pouch to Captain Anderson, picked up a fresh horse at the station there, then galloped toward the station that was holding his horse. He was determined that he would be back in Rock Creek when Dawn woke up. He didn’t understand this want to be near her. He only knew that he was going with it for now. In his subconscious, he observed what was around him, but his whole focus was in Rock Creek.

He made record time to the station in Blue Creek, reclaimed his horse, and took off again. As dawn was breaking, he rode into the station. He quickly took care of his horse. Quietly he went into the bunkhouse. He heard soft snores coming from Cody’s direction. He got some clean clothes and a towel, went back outside behind the bunkhouse and washed up. He changed into his clean clothes, beat all the dust out of his hat, combed his hair, and headed for the house.

“Jimmy! Mornin’! When’d you get in?” Rachel asked him, surprised to see him.

“Bout half hour ago. Hey Wolf!” Jimmy smiled at the baby as he picked him up off the floor. “Is Dawn awake?” Wolf squealed in delight as Jimmy tossed him in the air before he gave him a loving hug. His tender feelings for the baby still surprised him. He set him back down in the floor.

Rachel frowned, suddenly knowing why Jimmy had hurried to get back.

“I don’t think she’s awake yet.”

Rachel was torn. This was the first time she had ever seen Jimmy interested in a woman. She knew those feelings made him happy. And she’d never seen him like this before. But she didn’t want him falling in love with a woman he couldn’t have.

“I’ll take some coffee up to her,” he told her as he poured two cups.

“When you gonna rest? Your regular run is coming up.”

“Not for a couple days yet. Can I take some of those biscuits up with me?”

“I think she’d like to come down for breakfast, Jimmy. She was up a lot yesterday. In fact, she ‘n Buck went ridin’. She remembered some stuff while she was out with him.”

He wasn’t sure he liked her riding with Buck. How long had they been together?

“What’d she remember?”

“Bein’ chased down a road, gunfire, Wolf screamin’, feelin’ scared. That was all.”

“It’s a start, and she’ll tell me if’n she wants to come down for breakfast. Maybe I can take her for a ride later.”

“She’s married, Jimmy.” Rachel finally blurted out.

“We don’t know if he’s alive, Rachel,” Jimmy told her, holding his temper.

“But what if he is? And even if he ain’t, she ain’t gonna want anyone for a time, Jimmy. She’s gonna need to mourn him. And the doc says she’s from back East. She’s a lady. A lady like her ain’t gonna want to live out here. And you ain’t gonna want to live back East,” she told him bluntly. “She probably lives in a big house and has a lot of servants. You wouldn’t know how to act with all that.”

Jimmy clenched his jaw tightly to keep from lashing out at her. All he wanted to do was run up the stairs and see Dawn. To talk to her. See her smile and hear her laugh. “There ain’t nuthin’ wrong with me bein’ her friend, Rachel.”

“That ain’t what you want, Jimmy, and you best admit that to yourself now and deal with it.”

Teaspoon chose that moment to walk in. He saw Jimmy set down two coffee cups, give a blazing look to Rachel, turn on his heel, and quickly leave the house. He didn’t even acknowledge that he saw Teaspoon. The older man raised an eyebrow towards Rachel.

“Don’t say a word. You’re right. I shouldn’t have said a thing to him about Dawn!” Rachel told him. “But he rode all night to get back here to see her. I know he didn’t get any sleep.”

“Rachel, Jimmy is 21 years old goin’ on 50. He’s been through a lot in his life. Things you and I don’t even know about. What happens between him and Dawn is between the two a them. They will have to handle it. Now I’ll go see if I can talk to the boy.”

Teaspoon picked up the cups of coffee that Jimmy had sat down and went outside looking for him. He wasn’t surprised to find him down at the woodpile, splitting wood for the stove. Jimmy looked at him, but just kept right on splitting wood.

“I appreciate the fact that you were respectful to Rachel even though you was mad as a hornet.”

“Still am.” He replied.

“I knows that. I’m sorry that happened.”

“Me too, Teaspoon.”

“Have some coffee, son. Let’s talk a minute.”

Jimmy slammed the ax blade into the stump and accepted the cup of coffee. Jimmy gave him a questioning look.

“What you do is your affair. You’re gonna have to live with it. Now why don’t you go up and say good mornin’ to Miss Dawn?” was all Teaspoon said to him, wanting to say more, but having leaned his lesson from talking to Buck.

“Rachel was right, and we both know that. She could still be married. She gets her memories back, she’s gonna leave and go back East with her baby. Men like me don’t need no woman in their life. I don’t got nuthin’ to offer her. We both know what my future’s gonna be. Sides, Buck likes her too. Maybe I should back off and leave her to him…”

“Buck says he don’t feel for her like you do, that it’s different.”

Jimmy digested that, wondering what it meant. “Still…”

“Son, I ain’t gonna tell you what to do. What do I know since I been married six times? But I do know that all those times, for a while, I was a happy man, and there ain’t nuthin’ wrong with you bein’ happy for a time..whether it’s for a month or a lifetime. You gots lots to offer the right woman. You think on it!” Teaspoon told him as he got up and walked away.

Jimmy finished his coffee. He had to admit that he liked the feelings he had when he was around Dawn. But what Rachel said gnawed at him. He put another piece of wood on the chopping block and split it. What if she did have a lot of money..a big house..servants? What did he know of that life? He knew what she was now though. Isn’t that what counted? Like Teaspoon said, even if he only had a month of happiness..wouldn’t he rather have that then nuthin’? He looked up at her window and set the ax down. Going back through the kitchen, Rachel wasn’t there, so he filled up his coffee cup again and one for her and climbed up the stairs. Peeking around the corner, he saw that she was beginning to stir. He smiled as she stretched. The bandage on her head was smaller. Her cheeks had a little color in them.

“I smell coffee!” She muttered, still with her eyes closed.

“If you open them pretty eyes of yours, I’ve got some for ya.” He told her softly. He was pleased at the smile that covered her face as her eyes quickly came open.

“Jimmy!” she squealed in delight. “How did you get here? You’re still supposed to be on your way back from Fort Kearney!” Dawn eagerly sat up and held her hands out for the mug of coffee. Her heart was slamming into her chest and her stomach turning somersaults as she looked into his handsome face. What a way to wake up!

“I rode all night. I didn’t feel like stayin’ there any longer than I had to. Sides..who woulda brought you coffee?”

“That’s true!”

“I hear’d that you remembered some stuff. Rachel told me.”

“At least it was a start. It wasn’t pleasant to remember, but maybe that was the worst. Now maybe I’ll remember the good stuff..” she drifted off, staring into space, forgetting the mug of coffee in her hand.

“Like who your husband is?”

“That and where I live… who my family is..my parents..if I have any sisters or brothers..but until then, I’ve got so many new and good friends.”

“Yeah, you do.” He told her meaningfully.

“And Buck took me out riding yesterday. It was so wonderful to be out. Since you’re back..do you think that maybe you could take me out riding later? This morning I promised that I would start helping Rachel around here, and you look like you could use some sleep, but maybe later?”

“There ain’t no maybe bout it. I’ll take you ridin’ later on,” he promised.

He took that as his cue to leave. He stood up.

“I’ll see you later then.”

“Thanks for the coffee, Jimmy. I’m glad that you’re back!” she told him sincerely. “It just didn’t feel right when you weren’t here!”

He gripped his coffee cup tightly, knowing that he best leave this room right now. He sort of nodded at her and gave her a little smile before he quickly exited the room. He went back downstairs, and Rachel was cooking over the stove. She looked warily at him as he set his mug in the sink.

“You eatin’ this morning’?”

“No. I’m gonna go to bed,” he told her as he started for the door.

“I’m sorry bout what I said to you this mornin’ Jimmy. It warn’t my place to tell you what to do with your life. Dawn is a good woman, and you have to live with what you choose to do.”

Jimmy stopped by her and nodded in the affirmative.

“I’m glad that you respect that, Rachel. I’m not the hot tempered kid that didn’t know nuthin’ like when I begun with the Pony Express.”

“I know that Jimmy,” Rachel told him. “And it’s cause you was that way when you came that I feel like your ma. I feel like I’m the ma of all of you.” And though she felt that way, this man had always been the special one to her.

Jimmy smiled down at her, reached out and gave her a quick hug, and left her. His bunk was calling to him.

“Mornin’ Rachel,” Dawn told her as she came into the kitchen. “What would you like me to do and who has my son?”

“He’s with Lou and Kid. Do you reckon you know how to cook?”

“I don’t know. Let’s see. What would you like me to cook?”

“I made the biscuits. How bout some sausage and porridge?”


“Okay,” Dawn agreed. She stared at the stove for a moment. Well, if you were cooking, you needed something to cook in. She got a cast iron skillet and a large pot. Rachel had already lit the stove, so she set the skillet on it to warm it up and put some water in the pot. At that point, she drew a blank. “Umm, Rachel?”

“Yeah, Dawn?”

“How do you make porridge? I can’t seem to come up with anything. And do you just put the sausage in the skillet and cook it so many minutes per side or what?”

Rachel chuckled as she came over to Dawn.

“Well, you made a good start here, but I don’t think that you were used to cookin’ where you lived.”

“Me neither, so I guess that it’s time to learn?”

“Are you sure? When you go back to your life you won’t have to do it. You probably have servants to do that for ya.”

“Maybe I do, but it’s pretty bad that I’ve gone all these years without learnin’ how to cook! Teach me, please? I mean I bet Jimmy and Buck can probably make porridge and cook sausage!”

“Yeah, they can. Okay..here’s how ya do it.”

And thus she had her first cooking lesson. After breakfast, she got her first housekeeping lesson since they quickly figured out that she didn’t know how to do any of that either. She played with Wolf, helped Rachel fix lunch, and then exhausted, fell in bed for a nap.


Jimmy found out which horse Dawn had ridden the previous day and saddled her up. Then he got his own horse ready, all the while telling himself that he could only be friends with this woman. That Rachel had made some good points about her. He went over to the house and found her in the kitchen with Rachel, watching her make dough for biscuits.

“Can I steal her away for awhile, Rachel?” Jimmy asked as he came in. Dawn looked up, and he had to smile at her since she had flour on her face.

“I’m hopeless, Jimmy,” she laughed. “I found out I don’t know anything about cooking or cleaning, so Rachel is teaching me.”

“And you’ve worked hard today and deserve a break. Go on and enjoy the fresh air. You be careful with her, Jimmy!”

“I will,” he promised as Dawn took her apron off. She bent down and kissed Wolf goodbye. He was sitting on the floor playing with some pots and wooden spoons. Jimmy picked up a towel and gently wiped her face off.

“Don’t want people thinkin’ you have some strange disease!” was all he said. “I’ve got the horses out front.”

“Can you give me a leg up?” she asked him politely when they reached the horses.”

“Sure,” he told her as he did that. She still weighed next to nothing.

“Where we going?” she asked brightly as she pulled her hat down tighter on her head.

“I’m gonna surprise you,” Jimmy told her.

She nodded her head, and followed him. They didn’t talk much. Every now and then he would point out something to her. And she had to admit that every now and then she would sneak a look at him. He sat so well and tall in the saddle, with his black hat pulled low on his forehead, his black gloves on his hands, and his twin revolvers at his waist. She wondered about the guns. He never seemed to be too far away from them. She knew the other Riders only wore a single gun, so why would he need two? About a half hour later, he slowed his horse as they arrived at a secluded lake. There were thick trees around it, and she could see some wildflowers about.

Jimmy watched her face as she took it in.

“This is your spot, isn’t it?” she asked, pleased he would bring her here.

“Yeah, I thought you would like it. I ain’t never brought no one else here.”

“Then it’s even more special! Can we go for a walk? I see a trail through those woods over there.”

“Sure,” Jimmy told her as he got off his horse. He helped her down, tied the horses to a tree branch, and took off his gloves and tucked them into his pocket. He held out his hand to her, and without hesitation, she slipped her hand into his. A thrill went through him, and he smiled for no reason as he started to lead her along the trail.

“Tell me about you Jimmy. In all the talking we’ve done, I still don’t know that much about you. Where were you born and raised? What do you like and don’t like? What do you hope for in the future?”

“I don’t usually talk much about myself,” he admitted.

“Well, you’re my friend, and I’d like to know more about you..that is if you wouldn’t mind telling me.”

Jimmy looked down into her upturned face. He had a feeling that he was sunk. That he’d never be able to refuse this lady much of anything. He hoped that she’d never find that out!

“I guess it wouldn’t hurt none. It’s just that there ain’t been no one who’s been too interested in my life. Except for a newspaper reporter who came through once, and that Markus character who wrote those lies about me!”

“So you’ve been written about?”

He nodded his head.

“Perhaps you should start at the beginning then, Jimmy. And when I remember about me, I’ll return the favor and tell you my life story…if you’re interested then, that is.”

“Oh, I’ll be interested,” he told her. He gathered his thoughts and realized that he had never fully told any living person about himself. The other Riders had found out bits and pieces, but never the whole story, but he knew that he wanted to tell this lady everything.

“I’m 21 years old and born in Missouri. My pa was an abolitionist, and I have three sisters, one older and two younger. They all live in Kansas now, my sisters that is. My pa got murdered when I was bout ten. He got stabbed when he was giving one of his abolitionist speeches. My ma died a few years after that. Pa drank a lot and used to beat up on my ma and me, so I cain’t say I was sorry when he passed on. Shortly after ma died, I decided it was time to leave. My oldest sister, Selina raised my two younger sisters, but she didn’t really need me around cause I was just another mouth to feed. I went to live with this judge who had a big spread. He knew I was kinda hot tempered, and started to train me ‘n my best friend as gunfighters. That was when I tried to learn to read. The judge’s daughter wanted to teach me, but he wouldn’t let her cause he said that for what I was gonna do with my life, I needn’t learn that. Since then, I have though. Anyway, Clare, the judge’s daughter, killed herself about a year ago. She couldn’t live with that man either. One day the judge tried to get me ‘n my best friend to draw on one another with these colts. That was when I decided it was time for me to move on afore we killed each other. I roamed for a time getting’ into all sorts of trouble, but then I hooked up with Teaspoon, and he taught me’n the others to be Riders. I’ve been doin’ this ever since.”

“So the judge gave you both colts?” she asked him.

“No..just one. My best friend had the other. It’s all kinda mixed up, but he came to find me a year ago sayin’ that Clare had been kidnapped. I helped him track her’n that’s when she killed herself cause she didn’t want to go back to the judge. Turned out she had run away with her boyfriend. They was gonna get married when they got to California. My best friend had lied to me bout all of it.”

Here Jimmy sort of shuddered, took a deep breath, and went on.

“It seems the judge was involved with some shady land dealings, and the judge sent him out to kill me. We ended up facing each other. I was faster and killed him. That’s how I got his colt.”

Dawn squeezed his hand.

“Tell me how you got written about.”

“A guy by the name of J.D. Markus writes stories for those dime novels. He came through Sweetwater when we all lived there. I still had problems with my temper then, and he rubbed me the wrong way. To get back at me, he wrote a story bout me, saying how I had killed all these outlaws in cold-blood. How heartless I was. How fast I was. That no one could outdraw me. Then this lady newspaper reporter came out supposedly to write about the Pony Express. Instead she wanted to know all about Wild Bill Hickok. But in the beginning she didn’t want to know what I was really like, she just wanted to hear about the made up stuff.”

“So, knowing what I know of you now, you don’t seem like a cold-blooded killer to me. You don’t seem heartless. You seem very kind and gentle. A loner perhaps. Quiet beyond measure. But you’re not a killer.”

“I ain’t gonna lie to you, Dawn. I’ve killed plenty of men, but I ain’t never killed no one in cold-blood. I’m real fast, and I can outdraw any man so far. Those I’ve outdrawn, I’ve killed. I’ve killed men protecting the Station and doin’ Pony Express business. I’ve killed men helping Teaspoon out with his marshalin’, but I’ve never taken pride in any of those killins’. Whenever I’m called out, when it’s all over and the other man is lying dead, I always feel so empty. It’s so pointless. And once, I was called out, and I shot the man, and then I heard the sound of a gun being cocked, so I turned real quick like and fired. There was a guy hidden to make sure I got killed. Anyway,  this lady ran out and got in my gunfire, and I killed her. I will regret that for the rest of my life. It's all so damn pointless!"” he swore as he stopped walking and stared into the lake.

“It wasn’t your fault Jimmy.”

“I know that. But it don’t make it any easier to live with. I wanted to die. In fact, I went to a town called Regrets. It’s an outlaw town, so I figured if I was goin’ to live by the gun, I was goin’ to pick the time when I was to die by the gun. And that was the time. But I couldn’t get anyone to kill me, and Kid got in the middle of it all and helped me to see what was right. So here I am, still alive!” he sort of chuckled.

“Thank God!”

He suddenly turned to her and looked down at her.

“But make no mistake, Dawn. One day someone is gonna come along and be faster’n me. I’m gonna die one day because of this. They won’t let me alone. Just when I think it’s all in the past, some other young gun comes to town and calls me out. But I live with that better now then I used to. I know I’m gonna live my life out in the shadows.”

“Oh Jimmy…”

He caressed her cheek with his hand.

“But when I’m with you Dawn, the shadows leave me for a time, and I feel happy. I know that you don’t know bout your life. I know that you might be married, and if’n your husband died, that you need to mourn him when you remember. So I know that the feelin’s I have for you ain’t right, but I cain’t apologize for them.”

Dawn’s mind was so full of everything that Jimmy had told her. She felt so close to this man right now. She just wanted to hold him and love him with everything within her. She wanted to ease his hurt, wipe away some of the bad things that had happened in his lifetime. Dawn realized that he had probably skipped over a lot of things in his life. Only touching on the surface of most of it. He’d been through more things in his 21 years than she would probably have to deal with in her entire life.

“Jimmy, you’re coming to mean a lot to me too, and I don’t know if that’s right or not. I don’t know if my husband is alive or dead. I don’t know whether I loved him or not. I don’t know if I liked living back East or if I’d rather live here. I don’t know if I have family or friends back there that I want to go back to. Part of me wants to be with you all the time. Part of me tells me to run away from you, as far and as fast as I can. What do we do?”

Jimmy pulled her against him. He wanted to hold her. Even worse, he wanted to kiss her and make all sorts of promises to her. So he opted for the kissing. Her arms went readily around his neck and he pulled her tighter against him as he brought his lips to hers. Fire went through him at her touch. And nothing in his life, up to this point, had ever felt so right. Every nerve in his body was alive with her as they traded long kisses. When his tongue demanded entrance to her mouth, she opened it readily to him. And when hers came into his, he thought that he was feeling what heaven might be like. They came apart as quickly as they had come together. And they both sounded as if they’d just run a long race as they tried to catch their breaths. Dawn rested her head against Jimmy’s chest and could hear his heart beating wildly against her ear.

“Shall we continue out walk?” she asked him when she actually felt steady enough to continue on.

Jimmy wordlessly took her hand and squeezed it tightly as they did just that. Jimmy’s life story went through her mind. She looked down at the guns he wore so low, like a gunfighter. And she looked at him, trying to picture what he looked like as he faced someone down and killed them. It was hard to picture this man killing anyone. She only knew him to be gentle and kind, but from the telling of his story, she knew that there had to be a foreign side to him that she’d never seen. A ruthless, cold side. His whole life had seemed to go from one tragedy to the next. It hadn’t been a happy life, so she could see why things had happened to him. In a way, she guessed that it was amazing that he was as nice as he was..that he had chosen the path of doing the right thing instead of taking the outlaw trail. And then she remembered him saying that one day he would die by the gun..someone faster would come along and outdraw him.

“What are ya thinkin’?” he asked her.

“About your life. What you told me. What are the odds that gunfighters and outlaws will forget about you, and that you’ll die a normal death?”

“Not real good,” he told her truthfully.

“So I guess you practice a lot?”

“Yeah, when I have some free time.”

“I think this kind of life..the life you live..the life I’m living right now..is all real strange to me. I don’t think I knew anything about this back where I lived.”

“I reckon not if you lived back East in a big house with servants and all,” he told her.

Dawn stopped walking and looked up at him. This man was solid as a rock. He would be someone you could lean on during troubled times..through any storm. He’d be a man for all the good times too. She hadn’t heard him laugh very much, but when he did, it was a sound that was very pleasing to the ear.

“Jimmy, you and I..” she stopped.

“Dawn..don’t listen to that part of you that wants to run away. Kissing you back there felt right. Maybe I shouldn’t a done it, but I’m glad that I did.”

She gave him a slight smile.

“I’m glad you did too,” she admitted. “But I just don’t know what’s going on in my life. I don’t want to run away from you. I want you to stay in my life, but for now..until I remember things…can we try to keep it as friends? In the end, I don’t want to hurt you, Jimmy.” She told him as she reached up and cupped his face in her hands.





“I just want you to know that I care about you and Wolf. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of no matter what. And we can be friends for now..till your memories come back.”

“Okay, I can live with that. Can you?”

“I think so.”

“And thank you for caring so much. For letting me know I’ll be taken care of.”

He smiled down at her.

“Can I ask you somethin’?”

“Sure, Jimmy. What?”

“You ‘n Buck. You two spend a lot of time together..”

“Yeah, we do. He’s just a good friend. He and I think that we were married in a past life..that we were full blooded Indians. It’s strange really. I feel like he’s the other part of me, and he feels I’m the other part of him. I can feel what he’s feelin. He can feel what I’m going through. But we know in this life, we’re not destined to be lovers..just loving friends. Do you understand?”

“Yeah..sorta.”

“Do you believe in fate..you know, destiny?”

“I don’t know if I do or not,” he admitted.

“I don’t know if I used to but I’m beginning to. Maybe all of this happened to me because I was supposed to meet all of you..that I was supposed to run into Buck, who’s the other half of me. That for some reason I was supposed to meet you. It never would have happened if things had gone smoothly in my life. By now I might have been back East.”

“That’s true.”

“And you believe in it too, because you think your destiny is to die by the gun, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Then we have to change what you see as your destiny,” she stated smugly.





“I think it might be a little harder than that!” he advised her. “It would be great if you could tell that to all those guns that come lookin’ for me.”

“I just might have to do that!” she laughed. “Now we’d best head back to the horses. I promised Rachel I’d help her with supper.”


 They chatted lightly as they headed back to their mounts. Jimmy wanted to kiss her again, but instead laced his fingers together so he could give her a leg up. In another half hour, they were back at the station. Jimmy watched her walk into the house before he took her horse to the barn for her.

“How’s she doin’? I ain’t seen her at all today,” Buck asked as he came in after Jimmy. He started to take care of her horse.

“She’s fine. We had a good ride. She tried to tell me about you ‘n her.”

Buck nodded his head.

“So you think you were married to her once?”

“Yeah, in another life.”

“Were you happy with her?”

“Yeah, I think we were very happy. She and I are happy now too.”

“I kinda like her myself….”

“I know. She likes you too.”

“What if’n she got a husband now?”

“You’ll deal with it. Sometimes what you go through changes you. Maybe what she’s gone through has made her into a different person with different wants. You can only see what happens when her memory comes back.”

“It don’t matter to me whether she’s married or not, Buck.” Jimmy stated, making his position clear. He knew that if he decided he wanted to be with her, he would be whether she was claimed or not.

“Didn’t think that it did. Jimmy, at some point, none of that is gonna matter. If you’re supposed to be together you will be.”



“Does this have somethin’ to do with destiny?”

“Yeah..it does. The spirits know where we’re supposed to be, and they work our lives around that.”

Jimmy knew that he had a lot to think about.


Dawn was bone weary by the time she headed up the stairs. She had put Wolf down for the night, and said her goodnights to Rachel and Teaspoon. She changed into her nightgown and sank gratefully into the bed.

“Hi,” she heard Buck’s voice coming from the door.

“Hi,” she smiled at him. “Come on in,” she told him, patting the bed beside her.

“I ain’t had a chance to talk to you all day. I’ve missed you!” he told her as he sat and kissed her cheek.

“I missed you too.”

“Ran into Jimmy. Have a good ride?”

“Yeah. I know him a lot better. He told me about his life. I think that he was pretty honest with me. What’s he like when he gets called out?”

Buck took her hand between his. He figured since Jimmy had told her about himself, he wouldn’t mind this.

“He gets real cold like, and you can tell that he automatically does things. Like check to see if there’s more ‘n one of them. Who’s lining the street. Will anyone get into his line of fire? He only sees the man he’s facin’. He’ll never draw first. He always waits for the one who called him out to draw. But Jimmy’s lightening quick. Before they can ever clear leather, he’s drawn and shot. Afterwards, I think he feels all empty and distant. He always walks away by himself. He goes off to some secret place and deals with it and comes back as Jimmy.”

“I don’t want him to die, Buck.”

“None of us do, Dawn.”

“I’m scared, Buck. I’m feeling things for Jimmy that I don’t think I should feel. At least not until I know what’s going on with me. He hasn’t had an easy life. I don’t want to hurt him by finding out that I want to leave him when I remember everything.”

“He ain’t stupid, Dawn. He knows that’s a possibility, but he’s made the choice to be around you. You need to respect that.”

“Has he had any women in his life?”

“No..as far as I know he ain’t never been in love afore. He’s never felt free enough to do that.”

“Oh, I know this is going to sound strange since I have a baby and all, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever been in love before..that I’ve ever been close to a man like I am with you..with Jimmy.”

“You may be right. It’s possible to marry someone and not love him.”

“I told Jimmy earlier that I believed in destiny..that maybe all this happened to me because I was supposed to meet you and the rest of the gang.”

“I believe in that too. You’ve filled up an empty part of me. Now I feel like I’m free to go looking for my partner in this life.”

“Good..and you’re gonna find her,” she yawned.

“Let me get outta here so you can sleep. I’ll see you in the mornin’,” he told her as he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

“I don’t want to be alone right now, Buck. Lay with me till I fall asleep.”

“Okay,” he told her, not surprised by the request.

She lay down, and he wrapped his arms around her. Pictures went through his head of another time and place..laying like this with her in their lodge…having her fall asleep in his arms. She’d known he was still feeling lonely. He knew that she was feeling alone in her mind’s blankness and her wondering about Jimmy. He held her until her breathing became even. He kissed her hair, unwound himself from around her, and turned off the lamp. He sat in the chair next to her bedside, and that’s where Rachel found him as she came up to check on Dawn.

“You best get to your bunk!” Rachel whispered to Buck, not really understanding the relationship that he had with the sleeping woman. It’s lucky that he still hadn’t been lying with her.

“I will in a few more minutes,” he assured her.

“Night,” she told him as she left him.

Buck prayed to the spirits for all of them in his sing-song chant. He prayed that they would open her mind so she would soon remember her life, so that she and Jimmy could start a life together. Jimmy didn’t give his heart lightly, Buck knew, and he sincerely hoped that this worked out for both of his friends. Prayers done, he headed for his bunk. He could tell that Jimmy was still awake and restless. In his mind he said some prayers for him. That was the last thing he remembered before he fell asleep.

Dawn heard a happy squeal and then a weight on top of her. She forced a sleepy eye open to see Jimmy standing there holding a cup of coffee out to her, and Wolf sitting on her bed looking at her.

“Morning,” she croaked as she reached for the baby and hugged him. “How did his shirt get on backwards?”

“It ain’t on backwards!” Jimmy stated. “I put it on right..changed his diaper too!” he stated proudly.

“It is on backwards..look..the button is supposed to be in the back of this shirt!” she laughed. “But thanks for getting him cleaned up and dressed. And thanks for the coffee. You’re pretty wonderful, you know?”

Jimmy just beamed and handed her the coffee cup. “Ill take him downstairs so you can git dressed,” he said as he scooped him up and hugged him close.

Dawn quickly got out of bed, went over to Jimmy, stood on tiptoes and lightly kissed his lips. Hmm, she knew she’d like to continue with that. By the look in Jimmy’s eyes, she could tell he would have liked that too. “See you downstairs!”

Her bedroom door was opened and not two seconds after Jimmy had gone downstairs. But she had expected this.

“Hi, Buck,” she smiled as she took another swallow of the coffee. “Sleep all right?”

“You sure are pretty in the mornin’!” he complimented. “Yeah, I slept fine. How bout you?”

“How long did you stay with me last night? I fell asleep so quickly with you lying there.”

“For awhile. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I was and am..thank you!” she told him with a kiss to his cheek.

“Good. What ya gonna do today?”

“Hadn’t really thought about it. I need to help Rachel cook and clean. I think she’s gonna teach me how to wash clothes today. I might try to walk into town later..maybe go riding..how long before this splint gets taken off?”

“A couple more weeks should do it. If you need someone to go into town with or ride with, let me know.”

“I will, thanks, Buck.”

“Ike and I thought we’d take Wolf with us this mornin’. We need to go check out some horses and thought he’d like to go with us and start learnin’ how to pick out good stock!”

Dawn laughed. “I’m sure that’s a skill he’ll need later in life. Have fun. You’re all spoiling me, you know!”

“How’s that?” he asked, with his hand on the door knob.

“What am I going to do when I have to look after Wolf all by myself? I won’t know what to do!”

“Maybe you’ll decide that you won’t leave Rock Creek. If that happens, you won’t have to worry about it.”

“That’s true. And I’m in charge of the hotcakes today, so you may want to eat something else.”

“You’ll do just fine!” he assured her as he left.


For the next week, Dawn spent a lot of time with Rachel, learning how to take care of a house along with all the Riders. She learned how to do laundry and how to repair the Rider’s clothing. Her cooking was slowly improving and she was even starting to receive compliments on it. For a couple hours in the afternoon, she usually went riding with one of the other Riders, or Teaspoon came along. Encouraged by the Riders, Wolf was learning how to crawl and blossoming in his own right. The doc came by to check on Dawn and declared her well on the road to recovery. He took the bandage off her head, but told her the splint needed to stay on for at least another week. Jimmy continued to wake her up with coffee when he wasn’t out on a run, and his visit would be followed by one from Buck. Usually at some point during the day, she would get together with one or the other or both to talk. She also wasn’t getting tired so easily, so she was no longer taking her noon naps.

“Who’s ridin’ with you today, Miss Dawn?” Teaspoon asked as she came out of the house. She’d just put Wolf down for his nap.

“Jimmy, I think…or was it Kid? Sometimes I’m not so good at remembering things,” she laughed. He laughed too.

“You know, I really admire you, Miss Dawn.”

“Why’s that?” she asked him.

“The way you’ve pitched in and all. I don’t think you ever had to lift a finger when you was back East..but here you’re cleanin’ and cookin’ and takin’ care a your youngun’.”

“That may be so, but I couldn’t just sit around doing nothing while Rachel works so hard. Plus you’re putting me up and feeding me. I have to repay that some how, and this is the best I can do for now. All of you have given me a lot more than I’ve given you. I just wish I could remember about my past.”

“You will..when you’re ready to.”

Dawn wrinkled her forehead.

“Do you think I’m deliberately not remembering?”

“You mean on purpose?” he asked her and saw her nod.

“No..you ain’t that way, and I warn’t accusin’ you a that!”

“I know that!” she told him with a warm smile as she squeezed his arm. “But I just think that it’s strange since I’ve only remembered one thing since I’ve been here. What I meant is maybe with my mouth I keep saying that I want to remember, but maybe in my subconscious I really don’t want to remember!”

“That’s possible,” he mused. “But I still think you’ll remember in your own time.”

“I hope so…my family must be frantic!” she told him.

“They might even be lookin’ for you,” he told her.

“Maybe,” she told him as Jimmy came around with two horses.

“Ready?” Jimmy asked her.

At her nod, he cupped his hands to give her a leg up. With a wave, they left Teaspoon. He smiled and shook his head. Teaspoon had a feeling that Jimmy was falling deeply in love with Dawn, and while that warmed his heart because he didn’t think Jimmy was ever going to let himself feel that way, he was worried too. He was sure that someone was looking for Dawn. What if it turned out to be her husband? What if, before he showed up, Dawn and Jimmy started doing those married things? What if they already had? And he knew that Buck was awfully attached to this woman. He’d seen them hug and kiss each other more than a few times. Where did he fit into all this? Jimmy didn’t seem overly concerned about it. So why was he? He shook his head again, and headed for the marshal’s office.


“Anywhere you want to go today?” Jimmy asked her.

“Will you take me to where you found me?”

“You sure you want to do that?” he asked her.

“It’s time. I’m feeling stronger. Maybe it will help me remember who I am.”

“Okay then,” he agreed, knowing that one day she was going to ask him this. He didn’t want to take her. He was getting to the point of no return in his feelings for her, and he realized he didn’t want her to remember her past! He loved her son. He loved spending time with him, and Wolf seemed to like him. He wasn’t sure how he felt about marriage, but he knew that he wanted his life to be linked with hers..somehow in some way. But he couldn’t refuse a request from her..especially since he knew that she wouldn’t be really happy until she remembered her past…remembered her husband.

It didn’t take long to ride the five miles to where he’d found her. As they got closer, she got quieter. Finally he pulled up on his horse.

“We’re here. We need to walk into those woods.”

He helped her off her horse. He took her hand and led her through the thick brush until they came to where he'd found her.

“You was layin’ right here. I’m assuming that you were runnin’ down the road opposite from the way we rode in. Then I think you saw that this would be a good place to hide, so you ducked in here, tripped, and knocked your head on that rock there.”

Dawn looked slowly around. Jimmy sensed that she needed silence. She looked down at the large rock, and saw some of her blood on it. She walked back through the brush and came back out onto the road. She started to walk slowly down the road, looking around, listening to the voices that were within her. She knew Jimmy was right behind her as she walked. Suddenly she stopped. Images were coming to her fast and furious.

“Four of them…there were four men on horses..it was getting dark..they were chasing me down this road..scared…so scared..the baby’s crying, and I’m trying to quiet him…my heart is pounding so hard…I go around that curve and see that the bushes look thicker through there so I duck in and just keep running and I tripped on something and don’t remember anything after I fell and hit my head…”

Jimmy watched as her face got pale and she was looking in the direction of the trees, but he knew she wasn’t seeing them. She’d crossed her arms across her chest and was rubbing them up and down as goose flesh came over them. She spoke in a monotone as she remembered.

“What’s your name?” he asked her quietly.

He saw her try to remember, but she just shook her head.

“What’s the baby’s name?” he tried again.

“James Thomas.”

“And his last name?”

“I don’t know.”

“Where are you from?”

Just as suddenly she snapped out of her reverie. “I don’t know, Jimmy.”

“Well, we have something new to go on. At least we know Wolf’s name…James Thomas. That’s a real fine name.”

She suddenly smiled. “Yes, it is..and he’s called James..not Jimmy.”

“That’s good. I’d hate for there to be two of us!” he laughed. “And there were four men after you. I’ll talk to Teaspoon and see if he knows of any gang round here with four men in it. You don’t remember what they looked like, do you?”

“No..that’s sorta blury. How can I remember James’ name and not my own?”

“I don’t know, but at least you’ve added to what you know. I think it’s gonna start comin’ faster, Dawn. You’ll see. Don’t get discouraged.”

“I’ll try not to,” she told him. “I wonder if James Thomas is my husband’s name?”

He wondered that himself. “You’ll remember. Ready to head back?”

Jimmy wanted to pull her to him and give her the comfort that she seemed to need right now. Remembering things was hard for her, but he was trying to keep himself from touching her. They shared the occasional kiss or hug, but nothing had been like it’d been when they’d shared the kisses by the lake. He knew that he’d told Buck that it didn’t matter to him whether she was married or not, but Jimmy had always been driven by doing the right thing. And he knew it wasn’t the right thing to chase after a married lady..especially if you didn’t know if her husband was dead or not. He had a feeling that he loved this lady. She was everything to him. She was his first thought in the morning, the last thought at night and almost every thought in-between. And no matter how many times he’d told himself that he shouldn’t fall in love with her, it hadn’t mattered, for in the end, he had. But that didn’t mean that he had to tell her that. For now, just being around her every chance he could was enough. When she didn’t say anything he looked her way.

“Dawn…?” She was staring off into the distance again, and didn’t answer him. He touched her arm.

“Dawn?” he tried again. She jumped and whirled around to face him.

“What? Sorry..did you ask me something?”

Her face looked a little bewildered. His heart went out to her and crumpled. He silently reached for her and held her tight.

“It’s gonna be all right, you know.”

“Sometimes I just wish that I would remember everything. Other times, I don’t want to remember. I just want to start a new life for James and I here..with my new friends..with you…” she said as she looked up at him, feeling herself melt against him, then realized what she had said. “Oh Lord! I’m sorry! I had no right to say that!” she said as she pulled away from him, cheeks burning.

With her words, he realized it was all he wanted too. She started to walk quickly back towards the horses.

“Dawn! Wait up!” he called after her as he hurried to catch up to her. He grabbed her arm.

“Forget I said what I said, Jimmy! I don’t want to talk about it.”

Because he was holding her arm, she couldn’t go anywhere.

“I think we need to, Dawn. You ‘n I..I got feelin’s for you. I think you got feelin’s for me.”

“So? I’m a married woman, Jimmy. I haven’t been acting married around you. Maybe it’s time that I started to act like I have a husband.”

“HAD a husband!” he told her.
 
“We don’t know that, now do we?” she asked him looking defiantly up at him.

“No,” was all he said.

“Being here in this place..Jimmy, I feel like my memories are just around the corner, and they’re going to come back to me any day now. Please understand. I need to have you as a friend right now..please.”

He let go of her arm and briefly hugged her before he pulled away.

“All right..we’re still friends. That ain’t gonna change, Dawn..no matter if’n you got a husband or not.”

“Thank you,Jimmy, I appreciate that. I don’t think I’d be able to stay around here if you and I weren’t friends.”

He caressed her chin with his thumb.

“That ain’t gonna happen.”

“Good. Now give me a leg up!” she laughed up at him, which he did. After he had gotten on his horse, he asked,

“Is it all right to ask my friend if she’d like to go out to supper with me tomorrow night at the hotel?”

She looked over at his dimpled smile and felt weak all over. How easy it would be to give in to her desires around this man.

“If Rachel doesn’t mind watching James, I’d really like that.”

“Good. We’ll go around five if that’s all right with you.”

“Perfect,” she approved, pleased to be going out with him.

The ride back didn’t take long, and Dawn joyously told Rachel what she had remembered, picked up her son, and looked him in the face.

“Well James Thomas, at least we know who you are now. Hopefully soon we’ll know who your mama is!”

“I’m sure it will be soon now,” Rachel assured her.

“Can you watch James for Dawn tomorrow night?” Jimmy asked Rachel. “I thought I’d give her a change of scenery and take her to supper at the hotel.”

“That’d be fine. He’s like one of the family now,” Rachel told her.

“Thanks!” Dawn smiled. “Now, what would you like me to fix for supper tonight? I insist that I know enough to fix the entire meal and give you an evening off.”

“You sure?” Rachel asked, a bit skeptical.

“Well..I can’t fix any gourmet meal or anything, but I can do the basics. Please let me try.”

“I’ll make sure she don’t burn the kitchen down!” Jimmy offered. “Now shoo!”

“I know when I’m not wanted. Come James. Let’s go outside and play for awhile!” Rachel giggled as she picked the baby up and headed outdoors.

“So..what do you know how to fix?”

“How bout fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and some beans and biscuits?”

“Okay. What do you want me to do?”

“Peel the potatoes?” she asked with a cute smile.

Now Jimmy hated to peel potatoes, but for her, he’d peel every one he could find!

“Shore!” was all he said as he started to work.

Dawn just smiled to herself. She felt so at home here..so comfortable. She had a feeling that in her old life, she never would have done any of this..never would have really wanted to come here or know any of these people. Maybe it would be better not to get her mind back. To not know who she was or what she was. To just keep her new identity and forge ahead with this new person.  She had a feeling that Jimmy would go along with that without question. She looked over at him peeling potatoes. It was kind of humorous. Here was this man, known as a notorious gunfighter, an alleged cold-blooded killer, peeling potatoes! Try as she would, she could not imagine him that way. So she guessed it boiled down to what did she want with her life? She knew that she’d better decide that very soon.


Dawn and Buck were sitting down by the creek the following afternoon after a short walk.

“What’s on your mind?” he finally asked her. “And don’t tell me there ain’t nuthin’ there!”

How had he known that she was just about to deny that? She laughed. “All right, what would you say if I told you that I’m gonna quit trying to remember who I am?”

“Why?”

“I think that I’m going to find that I don’t like that person very well. I think once I remember I wouldn’t want to go back and live that life anyway.”

“But wouldn’t it be better to have that choice?”

“I’m beginning to wonder.”

“Where’s Jimmy in this?”

“I don’t know Buck.”

“Whether you want to remember or not..I don’t know if that’s your choice. I think you will remember for better or worse,” he told her as he got up and walked over to a clump of white sage. He picked it, and then gathered some twigs and larger sticks.

“You don’t think that I should run from it?”

“I didn’t say that, Dawn. It’s your decision to make. I think that you already know that you have a home here for as long as you want it. And I think you know that Jimmy would watch out for you and James.”

Buck laid out the twigs and lit them. He blew gently on them until the dry tinder caught. Then he slowly put in some of the larger sticks.

“Come sit by me, Dawn,” he ordered, and she did. He held up the herb. “This is white sage, and it’s sacred to my people. We use it to purify ourselves. I’m going to put it into the fire, and we’ll pull the smoke over us. This will cleanse us and help us to see clearly. Maybe this will help you choose the right path and listen to yourself with a right heart.”

“Buck..before you do that…what if you and I have been wrong in our feelings? What if it’s supposed to be you and me this time around? What if you and I have some unfinished business?”

Buck wasn’t surprised that she had voiced some of his thoughts. He sat there and looked at the fire. He didn’t want to look at her. It would be so easy.

“What does your right heart tell you?” she asked him.

“It tells me that I’m lonely, and that you’re scared. I want to be with someone who will love me with a right heart…see my spirit..see what I am.”

“I could do that. I’ve done that.”

“I know.”

“What’s wrong with doing it again?”

“Nuthin’ if it’s right.”

“Buck..look at me,” she asked. He moved his eyes to her. “In my heart I know that I love you. I don’t know as that I would have asked another man to lay with me until I fell asleep. I don’t know if I could trust another man like that. You’re the other half of me..”

She had made no move to touch him, but her eyes and her frightened spirit were calling to him. He leaned over and kissed her lightly.

“I love you too,” he told her, knowing that she already knew that.

He went to her then, pushed her down on the ground, and started to kiss her as if he were a dying man given one last reprieve. She pulled him tightly against herself and returned his kisses, knowing that this felt comfortable to her…that it was making her feel safe and secure and would keep the doubts and fears away from her.

Buck felt their spirits meld together and entwine. He had no worries with this woman. She would care for him until the end of their days. She would stay with him and together once again, their lives would be lived as one. Maybe it was as she said…that they still had something they needed to learn from each other.

As suddenly as they came together, they pulled apart and really looked into each other’s faces. Buck rolled off her, but kept his arm around her. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“To be lonely and to be frightened…we’re here to help each other through that, aren’t we?…not to live our lives together..” she said as the realization came to her.

“I think you’re right. You’re not supposed to be with me this time.”

“And I’m supposed to remember my life, aren’t I?”

“I think so. Only then can you make the choices that are right for you.”

“Can we put the sage on the fire now?”

They sat up closely together, and he put the herb into the fire. Fragrant smoke started to come from the fire, and this he pulled over himself as he chanted to the Great Spirit for Dawn and for himself. She also pulled the smoke over herself, closed her eyes, and breathed deeply. He offered his thanks for the Great Spirit’s guidance, and then they just sat there for a time.

“Jimmy is a good man,” he finally told her. “He don’t open up to many people, and he opened up to you. You know he has feelin’s for you. Don’t be afraid of that. Things will happen in the right time. Don’t run from it.”

“Are you sayin’ that I should give into my feelings for him? That it doesn’t matter if I’m married of not?”

“I’m sayin’ that if you follow a heart that’s pure, that it will all be as it’s supposed to be in the end.”

Dawn nodded her head, not sure what direction she would take, but knowing that Buck spoke the truth. She just had to trust that she would do the right thing.


Excitement had been building in Jimmy all day as the five o’clock hour approached. He took a bath and shaved, and put on his suit and string tie. He combed his hair carefully, and was standing at the foot of the stairs on time, waiting for Dawn.

“Why Jimmy, you look real nice,” Lou complimented him as she came in and kissed his cheek. You really like Dawn, don’t you?”

“I guess..yeah,” he told her, knowing that she was his best friend and that he could tell her anything. She would keep it to herself. “I already know that it ain’t right to have the feelin’s that I have…that maybe she’s a married lady still..and I’ve tried to talk myself out of it, but it don’t seem to matter none, Lou. The feelin’s just keep buildin’ up inside me. Sometimes I feel like I’m gonna explode.”

Lou smiled serenely at him, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

“That’s the way I felt about Kid.”

“I ain’t never felt like this before. What do I do?”

“Dawn’s a real nice lady. You need a strong lady by your side, Jimmy. I think it could be her.”

“But I ain’t got nuthin’ to offer nobody! I don’t know what’s in the future. I never know how much longer I’ll be around here!”

“I think she could handle it. She’s a survivor, Jimmy. She’s already been through a lot, but she’s still here. And you got lots to offer the right woman. I think you’re purty special myself!”

“You do?” he smiled down at her.

“Yeah, I do!” she told him as she kissed his cheek again.

“Hello you two!” Jimmy heard from the top of the stairs. He looked up, and almost gasped out loud when he saw her. She was dressed in a pretty blue dress that looked vaguely familiar.

“Hi!” he smiled at her.

“Like my dress? Lou loaned it to me!” she smiled at Lou.

That’s where he’d seen it. “Yeah, I do like it. You look real nice.”

“Thank you again Lou. I’ll return it to you after I wash it.”

“Take your time. You never know when you might need it again!” she told her. “Have a good time, and don’t worry about James. He’ll sleep at my place tonight.”

“Thanks again for that.”

Jimmy offered his arm to her, and she slipped her good arm through it. They walked slowly to the hotel, and Jimmy felt very proud to have her on his arm. They received many approving looks, and he knew that the men were giving Dawn a second look because she was so pretty tonight. What would it be like to always have her by his side?

He noticed over dinner that she seemed different…calmer somehow…a little happier even. Plus she seemed to be eating with relish this time. Usually she just picked at her food.

“You’re happy tonight, aren’t you?” he finally asked her.

“Yes, I am. I’ve settled a couple of things in my mind. My child seems to be happy and healthy. He’s well loved. I’m learning all sorts of new things. I’ve decided that I’m going to quit worrying about when I’m going to get my memory back, and just concentrate on making new memories for myself with all my friends.”

“I like that!” he approved as they finished their meals. “Would you like a piece of pie?”

“No, but you go ahead if you’d like. I’m so full. This is the most I’ve eaten in a long time.”

“I don’t believe I’ll have any either. Would you like to go for a walk?”

“Yes, I’d like that!” she smiled.

Jimmy paid their bill, and tucked her hand through his arm as they started to walk through the town. For some reason there didn’t seem to be a lot of townspeople around, but then they were probably eating their own evening meals. Dawn had just pointed at something in a shop window, when a shot rang out, just barely missing Dawn as it buried itself in the wall of the store. Instinctively, Jimmy pushed Dawn out of the way with on hand, while drawing his gun with his other hand. He saw a lone man standing in the street with a grin on his face.

“Hey Hickok! You ready to draw against me?”

“NO! his mind screamed. Jimmy holstered his gun and deliberately turned his back to the man as he helped Dawn up.

“Go to Teaspoon’s office and go now!” he ordered her as he pushed her in that direction.

Dawn looked at him and sensed the urgency about him. His face wore a cold mask. She wanted to protest, but didn’t dare do that. Something told her to do as she was told.

“Hickok! The next shot gets your lady friend. You ready to draw against me?” the man yelled at him.

Her eyes were trying to tell him how she felt, but she didn’t think that it got through to him.

“Go!” he told her again. She ran down to Teaspoon’s office.

“Teaspoon!” she yelled as she ran in the door.

“What in tarnation is wrong, Miss Dawn?”

“Someone shot at me and wants Jimmy to draw against him.”

“Lordy, Lordy..you stay here, ya hear?” he told her as he hurried out.

But Dawn knew she couldn’t stay there. What if Jimmy was killed? What if she never got to talk to him again..to tell him how she felt about him? She followed Teaspoon out, but stood on the boardwalk. She saw Jimmy already standing in the middle of the street, appearing to look relaxed, watching and waiting for the man going against him to make his move. What had Buck said? That Jimmy always waited for the other guy to draw his weapon? Jimmy looked around. There were no bystanders who could get hurt. He hadn’t seen any evidence of a second man ready to shoot if the first one missed. Dawn would be safe with Teaspoon. He willed himself calm..slowed his breathing down…developed tunnel vision, so that all he saw was the man in front of him. The man’s right hand suddenly moved for his gun, and Jimmy did what he’d practiced thousands of times. His right hand came across his waist and grabbed his left gun as his hand fanned the hammer.
The gunfighter dropped before he even had pulled his gun out. A weary coldness started to overpower him.

Dawn gasped at how quickly events happened. One moment there were two men standing facing each other..the next, the stranger was laying on the ground, and Jimmy was reholstering his gun. She realized that she’d been holding her breath, so she slowly let it out. She wanted to run to Jimmy, but her feet wouldn’t move. She was again remembering what Buck said, that Jimmy usually had to go off by himself when this was over.

Jimmy wanted to leave..to get away from here, but there was Dawn. He turned, and saw her standing there with wide eyes. It hurt him to know that she had seen this ugliness. His eyes found Teaspoon’s. He knew the marshal would look out for her. He looked back at Dawn. She just stood there. Did she know how he felt? Would she understand? His eyes begged her for that understanding, as he turned and went back to the station so he could get his horse. He needed some time for himself.

Dawn felt tears come out of her eyes. She knew that Jimmy was hurting, and she didn’t think there was a thing she could do about it right now.

“I’ll walk you back to the station, Miss Dawn, as soon as I take care of that stranger,” Teaspoon told her.

“No thanks, I can walk back on my own. I think I need to be alone right now,” she told him.

He nodded his head in understanding as she turned and slowly walked back to the station house. She took off Lou’s dress and changed into her regular clothes. She sat down at her window and looked out at the approaching night. All she could think of was Jimmy all alone out there, hurting from what had happened. Suddenly reaching a decision, she grabbed up two blankets and rolled them up. She didn’t run into anyone as she came downstairs..that’s right..Lou was having everyone for supper tonight. She grabbed up some biscuits and some hardtack..coffee..a couple of mugs and a battered pot. She took that to the barn and laid it down. Then she went in the bunkhouse to Jimmy’s bunk. Just as she thought, he’d left his saddlebags and canteen. She took those, filled the canteen, and stuffed the rest of the items in his saddlebags. She needed Buck to help her with the next part, so she willed him to come to her, then sat down on a hay bale to wait, never letting him leave her thoughts. Ten minutes later, he was there.

“It worked! I thought it would,” she smiled at him.

“What’s wrong Dawn?”

“It’s Jimmy..” and she told him what had happened. “I want to go find him and just be with him. I think I can help him through this, but I can’t saddle a horse yet with this arm in a splint. Can you help me? Is this a real stupid idea?”

“Take my horse. He’s real sure footed at night,” Buck told her. “I don’t think it’s a stupid idea. Do you know where he might be?”

“I have an idea.”

“Well, if he ain’t there, come back and get me. I’ll track him for you,” he said as he saddled his horse. He tied on the blankets and the saddlebags.

“Do you think you can shoot a gun?” he asked as he started to take his off. “I don’t like you goin’ out there without somethin’ to protect you.”

“I don’t know if I can or not,” she admitted.

He buckled the holster on her, and tied the leather thong around her leg.

“Since your right arm’s broke, you’ll have to use your left hand. You take the gun out. It’s ready to fire. Use your thumb to pull the hammer back, then squeeze the trigger. Think you can do that?”

Dawn slowly pulled the revolver out of the holster, and did as Buck said without pulling the trigger.

“Yeah, I think I can do it.” She told him as Buck took the gun from her, uncocked it, and put it into the holster once more.

“If anythin’ happens, shoot first and ask questions later.”

“I will and thanks!” she told him as she quickly hugged him. He gave her a leg up.

“If you see Rachel, tell her you saw me and that I told you I was just going up to bed. I was done in by it all…”

“For you, I’ll do that.”

She gave him another smile and left him standing there. He briefly worried about sending her out into the night alone. Maybe he should follow her at a distance. Just as quickly, he decided that she needed to do this on her own…that she would be alright. Then he chuckled to himself. Hopefully he wouldn’t need his gun before she returned with it.

Buck’s horse was a good one, and he seemed to gallop effortlessly through the valley as she headed him toward the lake. She didn’t know where else Jimmy would go. She slowed down as she got closer. Sure enough, she saw Jimmy’s horse tired to a tree branch. She put Buck’s next to his, unloaded all her stuff, and headed down the trail where she and Jimmy had walked. She could see a fire in the distance, so she headed towards that. When she got closer, she stopped. Dawn could see him sitting by the fire; his body was sort of rolled into himself. Closer still, his head jerked up and his hand went towards his pistol.

“It’s Dawn, Jimmy,” she called to him as she hurried to join him.

Meshed in with Jimmy’s emptiness and hurt had been the powerful want for this lady. When she called to him, he stood up and looked into the darkness. She came flying out of it. She dropped what she was carrying and flew into his waiting arms.

“Oh baby,” he told her as he crushed her against him.

“Jimmy, I had to come. I had to be with you. I couldn’t let you go through this alone! Please don’t be angry with me for coming to you.”

“I ain’t angry Dawn. I ain’t angry,” he reassured her as he began kissing all over her face. He didn’t want to talk. He wanted to be held, and he wanted the emptiness loved away. She seemed to sense that as she returned kiss for kiss, caress for caress. He could feel her unbuttoning his shirt, and he returned the favor for her.

It seemed as if miraculously, there clothes all lay on the ground around them. He knew her body to be the most beautiful he had ever seen. He wasn’t a virgin. He’d been with a couple of saloon gals, so he knew what this loving stuff was all about. And since she’d had a baby, she should know about it too, he figured as his fingers found an upraised nipple. He twirled it between his fingers before his mouth came down on it. His fingers moved over to play with the other.

Dawn figured that she knew how to do all this married stuff, but somehow it seemed all strange to her. She didn’t let that bother her though. What Jimmy was doing to her felt wonderful. Felt right. She looked at his body in awe. It was the most beautiful naked body she had ever seen, not that she could remember ever seeing any naked male bodies! Had her husband looked like this? Her hand reached out for his hardness and caressed it. That felt good to her, and from Jimmy’s reaction, it felt good to him too. He groaned loudly as his hand came down over hers to show her what felt good to him.

In his wildest dreams, he had never expected anything like this to happen with her. He’d wanted it, but didn’t think it would happen anytime soon. But it felt right to him, as if this was meant to happen between them. To keep happening between them. He liked the way she seemed to take charge of loving him, that she wasn’t shy about kissing him or touching him. Then she did something no other woman had ever done to him. She took his hardness into her mouth and caressed him that way. He almost lost it right then.

Jimmy quickly flipped her on her back and ran his hand down between her legs, slipping a finger inside her warm moistness. He thought that she was ready for him, so he came over her, came down between her legs and pushed himself inside her.

The pain of his invasion hit her hard. She gasped and grabbed at him. She felt as if she had just been split in two. She moaned loudly. Why did it hurt her? Jimmy’s mouth came down hard on hers and demanded a response from her. Quickly she forgot the pain as he began to move slowly in and out of her. Nature took over as she wrapped her legs tightly around him and clung to him. He began moving faster, and she kept up with him, suddenly feeling a warmth rush through her and the best feeling she’d ever felt took over her body. She held onto Jimmy, calling to him. Jimmy vaguely heard her, buried his face in her shoulder, and plunged deeper inside of her, giving her his seed, feeling that he held the greatest treasure in the world in his arms.

“Baby,” he kissed her tenderly, before he gently lay on top of her as he caught his breath and tried to sort through his feelings. Dawn had given him what he needed. He hoped he had given her something that was important to her too. All he knew was that after this, he couldn’t let her go back to her husband, but how safe would it be for her here? Would she be able to deal with his life? Would she be strong enough?

Dawn laid there and held him. She ran her fingers through his silky hair and felt better than she had in a long time. She felt as if many questions had been answered for her. She knew she was where she was supposed to be.

Jimmy propped himself on his elbow and brushed her hair out of her eyes.

“You all right?” he asked her.

“Yeah, but what about you? You’re the one I was worried about.”

“I’m okay now. You helped me fill the empty places.” He told her as he rolled off her. He was quickly filled with horror when he saw blood all over his maleness and his legs. “My God! Dawn, did I hurt you? You’re all bloody too! Oh God! I’m so sorry! Tell me what I did!”

Jimmy looked as if he was about to cry.

I’m all right, I think. It hurt real bad when you put your hardness inside of me but that went away. It's still throbbing a little, but I think it's okay. Why did it hurt like that? Why am I all bloody?”
 
Jimmy was confused. As far as he knew, there was only one reason for this. But how could that be?

“I ain’t never made love with a virgin, but I think I just done that.”

“Virgin! But how is that possible? I’ve got a baby.”

“What if he ain’t yours?” Jimmy ventured.

“I thought he looked like me…”

“He does, but what if he belongs to a sister or brother of yours? He could still look like you.”

Dawn gripped her head between her hands.

“Why can’t I remember?” she practically screamed. “So I’m not married, and I’ve never been married. I have a baby with me that isn’t my child, but whose name is James Thomas. I was being chased by four men for some unknown reason...” she drifted off as Jimmy took her hand. They were sitting across from each other, not hiding their nakedness from each other. His face was very serious.

“All I know is that you ain’t married, and I’m happy about that. And I’m sorry that I hurt you so bad. If I had know’d you’d never been with a man, I woulda been more careful.”

“How were you to know? It wasn’t your fault, Jimmy, and except for that one moment, I thought it was pretty wonderful. That you were pretty wonderful. When I look back on this I won’t remember the pain. I’ll only remember how tender and considerate you were of me. How incredible you made me feel. And I feel a tremendous relief that I’m not married either.”

“I ain’t asked you yet how you feel about what happened in town...”

“I was scared to death that something would happen to you. I was so relieved that you got him before he got you, and I was very sorry that it happened because I knew that it would have a bad effect on you.”

“But I killed another man. It’s so damn stupid! And now my reputation will get bigger than it was before. One day it might not be that safe to be with Wild Bill Hickok,” he stated bitterly.

“Yes, it’s stupid, but would you rather that he got you? And I’m not afraid for me. I’m afraid for you. But I don’t want to think about it. And besides, all the women in the world will be jealous because I’M the one with Wild Bill..they aren’t!” she smiled.

That made him laugh.

“Jimmy?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you been with a lot of women? I know it’s silly to ask, and I don’t mind, but I was just curious…”
 
“I been with a couple saloon gals. You’re the first I been with who really mattered to me. And afore you ask, bein’ with you was different somehow. With them, we just did it, and I left. There warn’t any holding afterwards..no talkin. But with you, you took the emptiness away. You make me feel happy. No one has ever done that for me.”

“You make me feel happy too,” she told him with her small smile.

“Lord, I’m glad you ain’t married!”

“Me too..Jimmy..you ‘n I…I don’t know..”

“Dawn..I know that you can’t make any plans until you remember stuff, but until then I ain’t goin’ nowhere. I’ll make sure that you’re taken care of..all right?”

“All right.”

“And we can’t let the others know that James ain’t your baby..that is lessen you want to tell them what happened out here.”

“I don’t think most of them would care..but maybe Rachel would..you’re right.”

“And if’, we keep doin’ these married things…well..it’s how you make babies, you know.”

Dawn looked at him with the tenderest gaze on her face.

“I know that I don’t know what’s goin’ on with me, but making a baby with you would be one of the best things that I could do.”

He was touched beyond belief. She wanted to carry his child. Was it really possible that she cared that much for him? “You’d be a good ma. You are a good one to James.”

With that she got up and unrolled her blankets. She spread one on the ground and laid on it.

“Coming?” she asked him. He eagerly joined her, and their love began again. Through the night they loved each other. Jimmy didn’t think that he would ever be able to get enough of her..that he could wake up to her every day, and that still wouldn’t be enough.


Rachel came out of the house..and saw Buck heading for the barn.

“Buck, have you seen Dawn about this morning?”

Buck started to smile, but quickly hid it.

“Yeah, she woke up early and had me saddle up my horse for her. She wanted to go find Jimmy and make sure that he’s all right. I told her I’d watch James until she got back. Has Lou brought him back yet?”

“Not yet. She may just keep him until Dawn shows up. I hope that she’s all right. Your horse is kinda high spirited.”

“She can handle him,” was all Buck said. So, his other half had found her happiness at long last. He was glad for her. Hopefully it would all fit together when her memories returned.

It wasn’t long after that when Buck heard two horses come in. Soon, Jimmy and Dawn were leading their horses into the barn.

“Buck!” she cried, pleased to see him there. “Mornin’” she told him as she deposited a kiss on his cheek. “I took good care of your gun and your horse.”

“I knew you would,” he told her as he hugged her tightly. “You okay?” he asked Jimmy.

“I’m fine. Thanks for helpin’ her come to me last night.”

Buck just shrugged his shoulders. “Rachel was lookin’ for you this mornin’. I told her you had ridden out to find Jimmy.”

“Who’s up today?”

“You were, but Ike took your run. He was set for tomorrow.”

Jimmy nodded his head. At least he’d have one more day with Dawn before he had to leave her.

“I’ll take care of my horse if you want to check in with Rachel.” Buck told her.

“Thanks. For that you get another kiss.” She told him as she gave him one.

“What bout me?” Jimmy asked.

“You definitely get one!” She told him as she went quickly into his arms, and they shared a slow, passionate kiss.

“Can we meet later?” he asked her, very reluctant to let go of her.

“Yes..the evening hours are yours, the afternoon belongs to Buck..okay, Buck?” she called as she left Jimmy’s arms. Buck had pretended to be busy with his horse.

“Okay”, he called.

They both watched her walk away. Buck saw the smile on Jimmy’s face.

“It’s workin’ out, huh?” he asked him.

“I hope so. I guess we’ll see though soon enough.”

“She was okay bout the shootin”?”

“Yeah. She’s a pretty tough lady!”


“I figured that you’d want to go ridin’.” Buck told Dawn as she came out of the house. He had already saddled the horses.

“You figured right, as always.” She smiled at him as he gave her a leg up. They rode for a time.

“You look happier,” he finally observed.

“I feel happier. I feel like I’ve come home, Buck. Jimmy’s done that for me.” She told him serenely.

They slowed their horses to a walk.

“That’s good. Jimmy’s a good man. You’ll need to be strong to be with him. But I think you’ll do well together. You’ll need to deal with this husband thing when you figure out what that is.”

Dawn had already decided to tell Buck. She knew she could trust him.

“James isn’t my son. Buck..Jimmy and I became very close while we were together. I was a virgin.”

Buck took a moment to think about that before he smiled at her. “He favors you though. Maybe he belongs to a brother or a sister of yours.”

“That’s what I think, but I have no idea why I have him with me.”

“You’ll remember soon enough. I’m the only one you’re tellin’?”

“Yeah.”

He nodded his head. “I’m jealous, you know.”

“I know..but she’s coming, Buck. Be patient. You’ll have what I have.”

“I hope so.”

“You will! Trust me!”

“Okay..I will..I do..”

“I know. Now let’s ride!”


“You told him didn’t you?” Jimmy asked her as they walked through town. Her hand was tucked securely in his arm. They’d eaten supper, and Rachel had shooed them out, knowing that they wanted time to be together.

“Yeah, Buck’s so close to me. He needed to know. You’re not upset, are you?”

“No. I still ain’t sure that I understand bout the two a you, but it’s all right.”

She smiled up at him, and that smile wrapped around his heart and made him feel good.

“When do ya get that splint off?”

“The doc said within the next few days. I can hardly wait. Then I can really pitch in and be a big help.”

They walked in silence for a time.

“Dawn, we gotta talk about you ‘n me.”

“Okay.”

“I know we can’t talk about the future until you get your memory back, but I know that I want to be with you. Now that we done those married things..well..I want to keep doin’ them..and if you don’t want to do them, well..I’d be happy just to lay close to you..hold you..”

Dawn smiled against him in the darkness. His simple statement touched her.

“I have to admit that I really liked doin’ those married things with you. I also like being held by you. I know that no matter what happens, you’ll take care of me and any consequences of our loving.” She assured him. This was not a man that now she’d found him, she wanted to be very far away from. And even though they hadn’t told each other that they loved each other, both knew it.

“Then on the nights I’m here, I’ll come to you after everyone’s sleepin’ if that’s all right.”

“It’s definitely all right with me, James Butler Hickok.”

He nodded as he squeezed her hand reassuringly. She was right; he would take care of her no matter what.

“You have to leave early tomorrow, don’t you?” She asked him.

“Yeah, I have to take Ike’s turn since he took mine this mornin’.”

“I’ll miss you while you’re gone. It’s going to seem like days!” she sighed.

“It’s probably gonna be the longest trip of my life!” he agreed with a smile.

“Lordy, but I feel tired.” She yawned in exaggeration. “I think you should take me home so I can get to bed, and hopefully Rachel and Teaspoon will do the same!”

“We can hope,” he agreed with a smile as he changed directions and headed her towards the station.

So when the house was quiet, Dawn’s door opened very quietly, and she could see Jimmy in the shadows. Not wanting to risk a squeaking bed, she got up and threw some blankets on the floor. She and Jimmy quickly took off their clothes and lay down together. He immediately had his arms around her, kissing her lips as his hands began to roam over her body…like hers were doing to his body. Another night of love had begun.


Buck always a light sleeper, had woken up when Jimmy had left the bunkhouse. He knew where he was going, and for a moment, wished that it was him. He remembered what Dawn had told him…that his woman was coming to him..that he was to trust her on this. A feeling of peace washed over him as he rolled over and went back to sleep.


Dawn woke as the sky was turning a light gray. She knew that Jimmy would have to leave soon. She smiled as she looked at him. He had his head on her shoulder, with an arm around her waist. Dawn had a feeling that this man hadn’t had an overabundance of love in his life, and that even if she had told him that they couldn’t do these married things anymore, he would still come to her and let her hold him close during the night. He liked to be touched and caressed and kissed. She knew that she could make him happy, and she was glad that she was being given the chance to do that. She ran her fingers down his arm, over old bullet wounds. There were too many of them, and she was glad that none of them had been mortal wounds. She said a sincere prayer to the Great Spirit to look out for him and send all the bullets aimed at him astray. Running her fingers through his hair, she softly called his name. She traced his ear with her finger before she kissed it, and that made him smile.

“I should have known you were really awake,” she told him.

“If I hada, let you know, you might have stopped touchin’ me,” he replied. They had both been talking softly.

“I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think it’s time for you to get up and get ready for your ride.”

“Don’t wanna. Wanna stay here with you.” He informed her as he snuggled even closer to her. He still hadn’t opened his eyes.

“I wish that you could, but you gotta go! It’s going to be embarrassing if Ike comes riding back in, and you aren’t there to take the mail from him.”

“Yeah..might be,” he conceded as he finally opened his eyes and smiled at her. Mornin’!”

“Mornin’!”

“I like this,” he admitted. “Why don’t you ride with me?”

“I’d only hold you back,” she told him. “I’ll be here when you get back.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“You know, I ain’t never had nuthin’ like this afore, Dawn. You’re real important to me, and I hope you know that.”

“I know that, Jimmy, but thanks for telling me that. You’re real important to me too.  So..how long will you be gone?” she asked him as he finally sat up. He reached for his clothes and started to put them on.

“Not till tomorrow sometime. If I ride all night, I should be back by mid-mornin’.”

“Try to get some rest in there somewhere!” she ordered. “I want you back in one piece.”

“I’ll see,” he told her as he finished dressing. He leaned down, picked her up, and placed her back on the bed. Then he covered her back up. “Get some more sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He told her as he sat on the bed. She wrapped her arms around him and pulled him down to her and gave him a kiss to remember her by. He kissed her once more, and then silently left her.

He sat down on the bottom step and put on his boots. As he turned into the kitchen, he found Teaspoon there, standing at the sink, drinking coffee.

“Mornin’ Jimmy. Tellin’ Miss Dawn goodbye?”

“Yeah. I won’t see her till tomorrow sometime.” Jimmy pointed out as he poured himself a cup of coffee. He wasn’t going to give anything away to the older man.

“I know’d. We’ll take care of her whilst you’re gone.”

“I appreciate that.”

“You have feelin’s for her?”

Jimmy only gave a small nod of his head as he drank his coffee.

“I know you know she could be married…”

Jimmy finished his coffee.

“That don’t matter none to me,” was all he said to him.

He heard Teaspoon sigh.

“Jimmy…”

“I don’t want to talk about it no more. I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jimmy told him as he placed the cup in the sink and headed out the door.

Teaspoon just shook his head, dreading what would surely come when Dawn’s memory came back to her. Jimmy was gonna get hurt. Dawn wasn’t the kind of woman that would turn her back on her family.

The next week went quickly by. Jimmy made it back from his run, and life seemed to return to normal. Dawn got her splint off her arm, and it had healed well. With that off, she was tireless, helping Rachel run the station and doing all the care for James. The other Riders would still take him off and spend a lot of time with him, for which she was grateful. Most of her free time was spent with Jimmy when he was around, and all nights were spent in his arms. Their feelings deepened for each other, and Dawn was getting to the point where she felt like Jimmy had always been a part of her life. And in a way, he had since she didn’t remember anything at all about her old life. Buck was also a large part of her life. If she wasn’t with Jimmy, he was there, and if Jimmy was on a run, he paid closer attention to her.

“Now you be careful!” Dawn was telling Jimmy as she was once again kissing him goodbye in her room. He had a two day run to Fort Kearney.

“I think I should tell you that. Now that you’re all healed up, you’ve been doing way too much around here! Why don’t you try and relax a bit..take it a little easier?”

“I don’t think I know how to do that Jimmy,” she giggled softly. “But I’m really going to miss you. Hurry back.”

“You know I will.” He told her as he gave her one last kiss. “Now go back to bed. James will have you up and runnin’ soon enough!”

“That’s true!” she said as she gave him another squeeze and threw in a kiss for good measure. “Now go.”

He smiled down at her, caressed her cheek, and left her. He kept smiling as he went down the stairs. When he got back, he was planning on talking to her about their future together. He wanted to live with her all the time, openly. He wasn’t sure what that would take, but he meant to talk to Teaspoon about it when he got back.


Teaspoon looked up when the stage came in. They must have made pretty good time. There were only two passengers on it..a young lady around Dawn’s age, and a gentleman about five years older. The lady was about Dawn’s height, had auburn hair, and was quite beautiful. The gentleman was tall, with light brown hair. You could call him handsome. They looked around, seemed to see his office, and headed in his direction. They entered slowly. You could tell that they had money. He stood up and tipped his hat.

“Can I help you?”

“Are you the marshal?” the gentleman asked in clipped tones. He definitely was from back east. Suddenly Teaspoon had a bad feeling.

“Yes, I am.”

“My name is Spencer Hollis..this is Melissa Crawford. We are looking for a young lady by the name of Sarah Brooks. She may have a young child with her. Have you seen her?” he asked as he handed a photo to Teaspoon. It was Dawn.

“Why ya lookin’ for her? She done somethin’ wrong?”

“Sarah’s my best friend and we’re worried about her. She was supposed to arrive in New York a month ago, and it seems as if she’s dropped off the face of the earth.”

“You kin to her?” Teaspoon addressed the man?”

“I’m her fiancé. Have you seen her?”

Teaspoon sighed. So it was coming to a head.

“She’s here, but I think you best sit down afore I take you to her. She won’t know who you are.”

“What do you mean? Is she all right?” Spencer asked. “I demand you take us to her.”

“Sit down,” Teaspoon ordered as he laid the photo on his desk. “Somethin’ happened to Miss Dawn…Sarah..all she knows is that four men was a chasin’ her and firin’ their guns at her. She ran away from them..hit her head..and she don’t remember anythin’ but that. One of our Pony Express Riders found her and rescued her and the baby. She’s finally healthy body wise, but she don’t remember her past life or why she was bein’ chased. I don’t think she’ll remember you.”

“Oh no,” Melissa sighed. “I still want to see her.”

“Me too!” Spencer threw in.

“Let’s go, but don’t rush at her or nuthin’. Maybe seein’ the two a you will help her get her memory back. Is the baby hers?”

“James? How could he be hers if we aren’t married yet?” Spencer asked him.

“Now Spencer..and I do hope that seeing us helps her,” Melissa told him.

Teaspoon had quickly decided that he really liked Miss Melissa. She had a sweet face and a pleasing personality. He had just as quickly decided that he didn’t like Mr. Hollis. How could Dawn have gotten together with him? Jimmy wasn’t going to be happy about this.


“You ready for our ride yet?” Buck asked Dawn as she finally came out of the house.

“James is finally down for his nap, so we have about an hour.” She told him. Where are you going to take me today?”

“You’ll just have to follow me and find out.”

“Sarah!” she heard a male voice behind her and before she knew what hit her, she was being picked up and twirled around, kisses were being rained all over her face.

“Put me down!” she screamed in a panic as she tried to kick him. “I don’t know who you think I am…help me! Buck!” she cried out as she held a hand out to him.

Buck wasn’t sure what was going on, but he quickly drew his gun and pointed it at the man holding Dawn.

“Put her down..now!” he told him as he cocked the gun and held it to his head.

“I’m not going to let some savage tell me what to do!” the man told him, still not putting her down.

“Don’t give me a reason to shot you!” Buck said as a white anger came over him. “Put her down!”

“Spencer, put her down!” another female voice said sternly. “She doesn’t know who you are.”

He finally set Dawn down, who ran quickly over to Buck’s side.

“I don’t know who you are, but don’t you EVER call this man a savage again! This man is the other half of me, and I love him dearly.”

“Sarah! You can’t mean that!” he told her.

“Who the hell is Sarah?” she asked him.

Teaspoon had finally arrived in the circle.

“That’s you, Miss Dawn.” He told her as gently as he could. “This here is your best friend, Melissa Crawford. And this here is your…um..friend..Spencer Hollis.”

“I’m her fiancé!” he bit off, clearly overwhelmed by all that was going on.

“My fiancé? And you’re my best friend?” she looked at Melissa, who looked very nice. She was nodding her head up and down. “I’m sorry, but I don’t remember you.”

Melissa walked over to her. “It’s all right. Mr. Teaspoon explained to us what happened. I’m just so happy to find you. I was so worried about you, Sarah.”

“That’s really my name? Sarah?”

“Yes..Sarah Anne Brooks.”

“Where am I from?”

“New York City.”

Buck was still holding onto Sarah, who was clutching his waist with her hand. But he was noticing the pretty lady named Melissa. She was beautiful! And when she looked at him, he didn’t see the revulsion that had been in Spencer’s eyes.

“How old am I?”

“Nineteen..Sarah, I know that this is a bit much for you. It looks like you were going riding. Perhaps you should take her to do that.” She said as she looked at Buck.

“This is Buck Cross,” Sarah introduced him, realizing she hadn’t done that yet.

“Pleased to meet you, miss!” Buck told her as he tipped his hat to her.

“I think that’s a real good idea,” Teaspoon threw in. “I’ll take these two in to meet Rachel.”

“You’re not going to let her go with him!” Spencer exclaimed.

“No on lets me do anything. I think I’m old enough to make those decisions on my own.”

“You’ve changed Sarah!” he told her.

“I wouldn’t know that, now would I?” she asked him. “Let’s go Buck. Can I talk to you when we get back, Melissa?”

“I’d like that,” she assured her. Sarah hoisted herself onto her horse. Buck quickly followed and they rode off. She didn’t look back.

When they were far enough away, she slowed her horse.

“I’m sorry for what that Spencer fellow was saying to you.”

“It’s all right. I’m used to it.”

“No, you were angry. He had no right. How could I be engaged to someone like him?”

“Remember when you said that you didn’t think that you would have liked the person you used to be? Whoever that person was, she must have been in love with him.”

“I would hope so, and I’ve been Dawn for so long, it’s hard to think of myself as Sarah.”

“Sarah’s a pretty name. You’ll come round to it.”

“I still don’t remember.”

“You will.”

“Buck, I can’t go back there. Remember how you told me that one day you and I would go out to the mountains for a couple of days?” She saw his nod. “Can we do that now? I need some time. I need to try and remember it all before I see Spencer again..please?”

His heart went out to her.

“You know that I’ll take you. Should be interestin’. We don’t have no food or water or blankets.”

“But you know how to survive.” It was a statement.

He laughed. “We’ll be all right.”

“I just feel bad leaving Rachel and Teaspoon with Spencer, and not telling Rachel that she needed to watch James.”

“She’ll understand, and I have a feelin’ that Miss Melissa will help her out.”

“Yeah..I think that she will too. She’ll understand about me staying for a couple of days.
Spencer won’t though. He hates you.”

“He thinks that you and I are lovers,” Buck stated, since he could tell Sarah anything.

“Then he might not want me back,” she smiled at him. “Especially after you and I spend a couple nights together out in the wilds.”

“Don’t think that he’s gonna leave. You’re gonna have to deal with him, Sarah. I think that behind all the bluster, he loves you.”

“Lordy, Lordy, as Teaspoon would say. How long will it take us to get to the mountains?”

“About two hours. You’re sure you want to do this?”

“More sure with each step we take,” she told him. “I might be leaving here soon, and I’m not going to leave without spending time out here with you.”

“Thanks,” he smiled at her.


“Why aren’t they back yet?” Spencer asked as he looked at his watch for the 20th time. Melissa was about to scream at him. Rachel definitely felt uncomfortable about all this.

“Because you gave her such a fright. Mr. Teaspoon told us to take it carefully, but you just ran into it. You’re lucky that Mr. Cross didn’t blow your head off!”

“And she’s out there with an Indian!”

“Who’s very trustworthy and would give his life to protect her. They’re very close, Mr. Hollis. Buck’s a wonderful human being, and I would thank you not to talk bad about him in my home,” Rachel told him.

Melissa smiled at her, agreeing with her. There had been something about Mr. Cross that she felt drawn to.


“Oh Buck,” Sarah stated, looking around her as they dismounted. He had taken her to the top of one of the mountains, and there was a natural windbreak in it with a spring nearby. “It’s beautiful! This is one of your places, isn’t it?”

“Yeah. I knew you’d like it.”

“I definitely do. Now..what do we need to do to get our camp ready?”

“We’ve got water. We need food. I can gather some for us. Why don’t you find some wood for a fire, and then just take it easy and enjoy the scenery?”

“But it sounds like you have the hard job. Why don’t I help you?”

He laughed. “Cause I can do it quicker by myself! You don’t know too much about food gatherin’. Now go get the wood. I’ll be back soon.”


Sarah gathered up as much wood as she could find, and she ended up with quite a large pile. It should last them awhile. Then she found a rock to sit on looking out over the valley. She was Sarah….Sarah Brooks from New York City. A picture of a house came to her..was it hers? Her mind moved to Melissa. She had good feelings about that lady. Then her thoughts went to Spencer, and she frowned. He was nothing like Jimmy. She didn’t think that he was lying to her when he said they were engaged, but had she really loved him? Really wanted to marry him? How could she have felt for him, like she now felt about Jimmy? She supposed she should have stayed and asked more questions, but she wasn’t ready to know yet. In a way, she wanted to remember on her own. A sense of peace filled her as she sat on the side of the mountain. This territory had slowly taken over her soul. When she remembered, would she want to leave it? She found it hard to imagine that she could have been happy in the hustle and bustle of New York City.

“Hungry, Silent Dawn?” Buck asked as he came up behind her. She leaned back against him, liking the fact that he had used the name she felt comfortable with.

“Yes, Running Buck, I am. What did you find for us?”

“I found some greens, berries, onions, and some quail. You did good finding the wood.”

“Thank you. So how do we cook everything since we don’t have any pots and pans?”

“I’ll make an outdoors woman outta you yet!” He teased as he leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

“You can try. Let’s cook!”


Melissa was holding James as they sat on the porch after dinner. Spencer had gone into town to hound Teaspoon about rounding up a search party to find Sarah.

“Has Sarah been happy here?” she suddenly asked Rachel.

“Yes, I believe that she has. She ain’t stopped wonderin’ who she is and where she came from, but she’s happy. She’s fit right in…learnin’ how to cook and clean and watch after James.”

“Sarah? Cooking and cleaning?” Melissa laughed joyfully. “I would never have believed it!”

“Sarah has wealth, doesn’t she? I know’d that she ain’t never done those things afore.”

“No, she never would have dreamed of doing those things, not because she would have thought they were beneath her, but because she’s just never had to do them. She’s very wealthy. Her parents died and left her everything. She owns a huge house..has servents and more clothes than she knows what to do with. So do I as far as that goes.”

“Are you goin’ to take her back with you?”

“I don’t know. I guess that will depend on her. I know it isn’t any of my business, but she seemed awfully close to Buck. Spencer has assumed the worst, I’m afraid. What is their relationship?”

Rachel smiled. “Buck and Sarah, they’re like two peas in a pod! The other half of each, other so to speak. They think alike and feel what the other feels. They know what each other is thinkin’. He would die to protect her. But they ain’t boyfriend and girlfriend. They’re just friends.”

“I see. Does Buck have a lady friend?”

“No.” Rachel told her, intrigued by her interest. “Most people around here don’t cotton to Buck cause he’s a half-breed. They don’t see his spirit and realize what a good man he is. Most daddy’s won’t let their daughters near him. I’m not too sure what they expect he’ll do cause he’s such a gentleman.”

“But if Buck and Sarah are so close, how can they let anyone else in?”

“Cause they know they ain’t supposed to live together in this life?”

“That makes sense. Has Sarah found anyone? Or shouldn’t I ask? I guess I should ask her.”

Rachel looked down at her hands.

“Did Sarah love Spencer?”

“Yeah, I think she did. But the person she is now? I don’t know if she will.”

“Does Spencer lover Sarah?”

“Yes. He’s been possessed with worry trying to find her. He doesn’t usually act like you’ve seen today. He’s just upset because she doesn’t know him. And he’s been so worried about finding her and then he finally did. I think he’s taking all his frustrations out on all of you, and I apologize for him for that. He’s had a much better upbringing and should do better.”

Rachel trusted this woman. She seemed kind hearted and very genuine. She seemed to want to understand about her friend.

“Sarah has someone very interested in her, Melissa. He ain’t here right now. He’s on a mail run to Fort Kearney, and I don’t know what’s gonna happen when he gets back.”

“Does she care for him?”

“I believe that she does.”

“What’s he like?”

“Jimmy’s a strong man, both physically and mentally. He’s very protective of her, and the baby. He’s got it in his mind that he’s gonna take care of them. He’s quiet till he gets to know you, but he’s real caring and has a heart of gold.”

Melissa nodded her head up and down.

“Someone’s going to get hurt.”

“I hope it ain’t Jimmy.”

“I haven’t met him so I can’t say.”

“I don’t know if you’ll like him right off. He has a way of putting people off cause for the most part he don’t want new people to get to know him. That’s what’s so strange about him ‘n Sarah. He took to her right off..just like Buck did..and Buck rarely will let new people in as friends. He’s been hurt too much.”

Melissa could understand that. “Would you like me to tell you about Sarah and about this little guy and how they came to be out here?”

“I’d like that,” Rachel nodded her head as James squealed happily as Ike came up to them. He held out his arms to his big friend.

“Melissa Crawford. This is Ike McSwain, and as you can see, James loves him.”

Ike smiled at her and tipped his hat before he took James out of her arms. Melissa was looking into the softest blue eyes.” “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Ike.”

Ike signed to her. “Ike says he’s happy to meet you too. He’s heard that you’re a friend of Miss Sarah’s. Ike don’t talk none,” Rachel explained to her.

“That’s all right. Maybe I’ll be here long enough for you to teach me a few signs, Ike. I‘d really like that.”

Ike smiled and nodded his head.

“Don’t keep him up too late, Ike. I want him back in an hour!” Rachel called after him. Ike waved to acknowledge he had heard her.

“He looks sweet,” Melissa said as she watched Ike walk off with James in his arms.

“He is. He ‘n Buck are best friends. He loves babies and animals. I’m sure he’ll take you and introduce you to all of them tomorrow.”

“I hope so. Now back to Sarah…”


“That meal was excellent, Buck!” Sarah complimented him.

“Thanks. I couldn’t have you starvin’, now could I?”

“I’d hope not,” she smiled across the fire at him. “Can we go exploring tomorrow?”

“This is your trip. We’ll do whatever you want?”

“What a luxury. I’m so glad you’re giving me this time, Buck. When we go back to the station, my whole life will change.” She told him, lying down on the ground and looking up at the stars.

“I know. But sometimes change is good.”

“Will you think that if I leave here to go back to New York and marry Spencer?”

“I know that you’ll do whatever is right for you.”

“Would you ever visit me in New York?”

“I don’t know. I don’t think I’d fit in too well,” he admitted. “Maybe you’d take pity on me and come see me.”

Another picture flashed through her mind, being on a stagecoach holding James, hearing gunfire, then it was gone. She told Buck.

“Makes sense. You were probably on the stage when those four held it up. You’re so pretty and all, they probably took you with them, intending to take liberties with you. I’m bettin’ you got away afore that happened.”

“I must have..since Jimmy was the first and all….”

“What was it like?”

“It was pretty nice, Buck. Of course I have nothing to compare it to. Have you ever been with a woman?”

“Once..I was kinda young, and she was from my village. I didn’t love her or nuthin’, but I think I was figurin’ it wouldn’t hurt to know how to do those things. I was just wonderin’ how it was with someone you cared about.”

“Jimmy says that it’s different, that after we’d done it he didn’t feel so empty anymore, that it was nice to just lay there and hold each other and talk some.”

Buck imagined it in his head.

“Yeah, that would be nice alright. I’m glad you ‘n I can talk about anythin’!”

“Me too…Oh my God…Buck!” she stated as she sat up.

“What?” he asked, alarmed.

“Melissa! It’s Melissa! The one I told you was coming for you!”

“Melissa?” he asked her, scratching his head. “I don’t think so. She’s a rich lady from New York City who probably ain’t never talked to an Indian in her life, much less a breed!”

Sarah laughed. “But I’m a rich lady, I think, from New York City and I’m here. I’ve done married things with Jimmy. Why can’t you do them with a rich lady from New York City? She’s just like me!”

“And just like you…you’re gonna leave me! I don’t want to get mixed up with someone who ain’t gonna be around,” he told her as he abruptly got up and walked away from the fire. She knew he’d gone over to sit on her rock.

Sarah bit her lip before she got up and went over to him. She slowly wrapped her arms around him and held him close against her. This man was a lot like Jimmy. There also hadn’t been much love in his life, and she liked to think that he was growing under the umbrella of her love for him.

“I’m sorry Dawn..that ain’t the Indian way. You go where you need to go and our spirits
will always be together,” he finally  said as he snuggled in against her.

“But it’s awfully hard to hug a spirit, isn’t it?” she asked him. He just nodded his head.

“I don’t know what’s gonna happen in my life Buck, but quite honestly, New York City isn’t holding a lot of fascination for me right now. I can’t imagine leaving you..leaving Jimmy. I do love you, and that love will never leave you, no matter where I am!”

“It’s just that I never knew my ma. I just have vague memories of her. After she died, I was the outcast of the tribe since I was part white. At the orphanage they didn’t have time for the little breed. People look at me in disgust. No woman really wants to be near me. The lady at the village that I slept with, there wasn’t any love there. Rachel and Lou are the first women that have ever loved me, but it was more like they’re friends that care about me, and that’s fine. I like that. But you...you’re the first woman that ain’t been afraid to touch me like a woman would touch a man. You ain’t afraid to love me, or hold me, or kiss me. I’m so afraid that if you go, I ain’t never gonna have this again with a woman, and I want it so bad!” he told her, opening up his entire self to her. What he’d just told her had been a raw, bleeding wound inside of him for the past many years.
Sarah squeezed him hard and buried her face in his neck. “She will come Buck; I would lay my life on the line about that. And until she does, I promise that I ain’t gonna leave you!”

He took that promise to his heart, and they lost track of time as she stood there and held him.


“Well, I guess they aren’t coming back tonight,” Melissa observed.

“I’m going to have him strung up,” Spencer growled at Melissa. They’d been sitting on the porch.

“You’ll do nothing of the sort. Buck’s a decent man. Knowing Sarah, she’s the one that told him that she wasn’t coming back for awhile, and I don’t blame her. Now let’s go to bed. Things will look different in the morning.”

“What’s so wrong with wanting to hold the woman I love in my arms? My God, I’ve loved her for the past five years. I’ve been worried sick that she was killed! And then I get so close to her, only to have her leave me again!”

“She’ll be back. Sarah’s never run from anything.”

“That breed cares about her.”

“I assume she cares about him too. She cares about all these people. For God’s sake, she’s been living here for the last six weeks. They’re all she knows. They’re her family. We have to understand that.”

“But romantically, did Rachel tell you if she was romantically involved with that breed?”

“That breeds name is Buck, and I would thank you to treat him as you would any other human being. He’s a part of them here, and they’re offering their hospitality to us, so we’d best accept him. And no, Rachel didn’t indicate anything about that,” she lied. She thought that maybe she should fill Spencer in, but if Sarah remembered everything, she’d remember how much she loved the man standing next to her, and none of the explaining would mean anything.

“What do you think they’re doing out there?”

“Sleeping, like you and I should be. Goodnight, Spencer. And maybe you need to decide something…”

“What’s that?”

“Sarah’s life has changed. What if she decides to go back with you, and she and Buck have had a relationship? Will you be able to forgive and forget about it since it happened when she had no recollection of you? Or will that be something that will bother you for the rest of your life? Cause if it’s going to bother you, you need to be honest with her and let her go. You know and I know a marriage won’t work if you feel that way. Well, goodnight.”

And she left him. He knew Melissa had made a good point. The Sarah he’d seen today was a Sarah he had never known before. She wasn’t the New York socialite that didn’t have a care in the world. Could he love the person that she had turned into? Or would she change back when her memories returned? And if she was the same person, could he forget all she’d been through here? He hoped that the answer would come to him!


“You ready to sleep?” Sarah finally asked him.

“Yeah, we’re gonna have to lay together since we don’t have no blankets.”

“I’d already figured that out. It won’t be the first time,” she told him dryly.

They lay down together. His back and head was against his saddle and Sarah settled comfortably into his arms. He wanted to love her, but knew that was taboo. She was Jimmy’s. So instead he was happy for what he had with her.

“Comfortable?”

“Very. You?”

“Fine. Night.”

She looked up at him. “Night, Buck. Thanks.”

He gave her a tender kiss. “And thank you. Now go to sleep.”


Jimmy had delivered the mail, turned around and headed straight back to Rock Creek. He needed to be with Dawn. It was amazing to him how quickly he’d come to depend on her. How much he wanted to be with her. Having her hold him in her arms. The thought of her just drove him on.   If he made good time, he’d be there by suppertime. And he planned to take Dawn in his arms and spirit her away for a few hours.


Sarah woke up first, and smiled to herself. Laying here in Buck’s arms was nice. She could hear the bird’s singing, and could smell the freshness of the day.

“Oh my God!’  she breathed out.

“What?” Buck mumbled as he squeezed her tighter.

“Everything’s there, Buck!”

He woke up quickly. “All your memories?”

She nodded her head.

“Do you want to tell me, or do you need time to think about them?”

Sarah rolled over on her back, but Buck kept his arm around her. She was feeling a little overwhelmed.

“I think I need to sort them out.”

“Then I’ll find us some breakfast, and you can tell me later,” he told her as he kissed the top of her head.

“Alright.”

Left alone, she went over everything in her head. Eventually Buck came back with some food, and he silently prepared it and handed her some when it was done. He’d just finished cleaning up when she turned to him. “Come share my rock with me.”

He eagerly did that. She started to talk. She told him of her pampered life in New York City, the large house, the servants, always traveling about, not worrying about how much money she spent, getting the urgent letter form Denver saying her brother and sister-n-law had died and could she come and pick up James. She was the only living relative, so of course she went. “And then it’s what you figured already. After those four stopped the stage, they killed everyone but James and me. It was horrid! They took me off with them, but when their attention was away from me, I ran for it. You know what happened after that.”

“Why did Spencer let you go by yourself?”

“He’s in banking and couldn’t get away. I didn’t want to wait until he could because I was anxious about James, so I left without him. I remembered Melissa was so worried about me. It turns out she had every right to be.”

“And Spencer?”

“I hate the way he treated you, but I do love him, at least I used to. Buck, I don’t know anymore. Looking back at myself, I don’t really like that person at all. That person isn’t around any longer. Being out here with all of you has changed me, and I don’t want to go back to being the pampered snob.”

“And Jimmy? What about him if you still love Spender?”

“I’m feeling real confused right now, Buck. All I know for certain is that I don’t want to be that person that I was.”

“You don’t have to be.”

“And after being out here in all of this,” she said as she spread her arms out wide, “How could I go back to living in a crowded city?”

“That’s up to you, but I want you to stay out here.” He threw in his vote.

“And Spencer, I don’t think he would like that. His life is in New York and the high level banking there, not here. Lordy, Lordy!” she exclaimed. “I thought it would be so simple once I got my memories back!”

“I don’t think life is ever simple. But I think you’ll figure it all out.”

“Spencer is really a nice guy…a bit of a snob, but then I was too!”

“Like I said, you’ll figure it out. Ready to go explorin’?”

“Yes!”


Jimmy rode into the station, pleased to be back. Since everyone was probably in eating, he quickly took care of his horse, washed and shaved. Then he went looking for Dawn. His first stop was the kitchen, and he quickly took in the group of people. Dawn wasn’t there, but two strangers were.

“Jimmy! You’re back early!” Rachel stated. “Pull up a chair.”

Melissa immediately paid closer attention. This Jimmy was very handsome, tall. Yeah, she could understand what Sarah saw in him.

“Where’s Dawn?”

“She ain’t here, son.” Teaspoon told him. “But we gots two of her friends here. This is Miss Melissa, her best friend. This here is Spencer Hollis.”

“You know’d her?” Jimmy asked, not feeling good about this. Who was this man?

“Yes, we do.” Melissa told him.

“Where is she?”

Melissa shivered at the look in his eyes. It was very intense, a little cold; this was definitely a man to reckon with.

“And why do you want to know?” Spencer asked as he stood up. “Sarah is my fiancée. What’s she to you?”

“Fiancée? The word cut him like a knife. His eyes turned to Teaspoon.

“Where is she?”

“Buck took her off somewhere yesterday afternoon. We ain’t seen ‘em since.”

“Who are you?!” Spencer demanded.

Jimmy turned on him. “The name’s Hickok…James Butler Hickok. What did you do to scare her off?”

“Sarah is my woman, and I don’t like your insinuation.”

Jimmy went over to the stove and grabbed up a couple of biscuits. Then he turned on his heel and headed for the door.

“If you think you’re going after her without me…” Spencer stated as he started towards him.

Jimmy already had his gun drawn before he turned around. It was cocked and aimed at Spencer’s heart.

“You’ll stay here. You take another step, and you’re dead!” Jimmy stated very quietly.

Melissa knew that he meant it. So did Spencer. He slowly sat down again. Jimmy nodded his head, reholstered his gun and left.

“Hickok…Hickok…not Wild Bill Hickok!? No!” Spencer stated as he started to get up again. Teaspoon quickly put his hand on his shoulder and forced him down.

“Son…I’ve learned one thing about Jimmy. If’n he says don’t follow him, don’t follow him. You don’t look like you could hold your own in a fight. Let it go. Sarah will be back soon, and then you can talk to her.”

In all the commotion, Melissa slipped out. She was in deathly fear of this Jimmy Hickok…was he really Wild Bill Hickok? But she had to talk to him. She hurried to the barn, not wanting to miss him. She saw him saddling his horse. When she walked in, he whirled around, gun drawn once again. Melissa gasped as she stopped dead in her tracks.

“Don’t sneak up on me!” was all he said as he put his gun away and continued to saddle his horse.

“Mr. Hickok?” she asked with a quavering voice.

“Yeah?” he asked as he finished with his horse and started to lead him out of the barn.

“Please take me with you.”

“Nope,” he said.

“Please...I’m Sarah’s beat friend, and I’ve got to talk to her. Spencer keeps messing things up, and I have a feeling that you can find her. I swear I won’t be any trouble, and I’ll keep up with you. I’m a good rider…please? I have got to get away from Spencer before he makes me crazy. And would you quit looking at me like that? You’re scaring me half to death.”

Jimmy sort of laughed as he shook his head.

“Hold my reins. I’ll saddle up a horse for you, but you’d best keep up or I’ll leave you behind.”

“I’ll keep up.”

Melissa did her best to keep up. Jimmy didn’t speak a word to her, and she couldn’t figure out how he could find them. He appeared to look for something, and whenever he found it, he would gallop off. She felt as if they’d been out for a couple of hours, and they were still riding! Did he really know where he was going? How could her friend have feelings for this man? He didn’t talk, had no personality of which to speak! When he slowed down a bit, Melissa finally got her courage up to talk to him.

“Mr. Hickok, I realize that you are doing your best to kill me, but I beg a few minutes rest.”

He looked up at her, his eyes sizzling through her.

“Five minutes.” He told her curtly as he dismounted.

“It seems like all I’m doing is apologizing for Spencer, but he really isn’t a bad sort. Imagine how you’d feel if the woman you loved just disappeared off the face of the earth, and you couldn’t find her. Then suddenly you do and she doesn’t remember you at all. Takes off on you, and you’re in limbo wondering what the hell has gone wrong in your life?”

Jimmy thought about it, but couldn’t get past how he was feeling…that the woman he loved might be leaving him, that she would just disappear. He didn’t know how he would deal with that. He didn’t want to lose her.

“Can you understand that?” she asked him softly as she touched his arm.

“Yeah,” he told her with a nod of his head.

“I think that you have feelings for her too, Jimmy. I’m not sure what to say about that, but if Sarah has feelings for you also, you must be a real good man. I know that this has probably thrown you,” she told him trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. “So, do you really know where we’re going?”

Jimmy wasn’t sure what it was about this woman, but there was something about her he liked, and if she was Sarah’s (it was still hard for him to think of her that way) best friend, that said a lot. He decided to cut her a break.

“Yeah, I do. They’re in those mountains up there. It will take us another twenty minutes to get there.”

As if sensing the change in him, she ventured,

“And are you really THE Wild Bill Hickok?” she laughed.

“Yeah, I am.”

“So obviously it’s all lies then?”

“Most of it,” he told her.

“Some of it’s true?” she squeaked.

“Life out here ain’t like life in New York City,” Jimmy tried to make her understand. “It takes a little more effort to stay alive in these parts, so sometimes people die while you’re tryin’ to stay alive.”

“In other words, you’ve killed some men?”

“Yeah, but they all drew on me first, or I was a sworn deputy with Teaspoon.”

Melissa didn’t think she’d ever met someone who had actually killed a man before. But she believed that this man did what he said. He was capable of that.

“Would you have killed Spencer?”

“Nope, he warn’t armed, and even if he was, he wouldn’t have stood a chance,” Jimmy told her matter of factly. She realized he wasn’t bragging. “But I woulda shot him in the leg to keep him from followin’ me if he’d been persistent.”

That made her laugh and feel a great sense of relief. She mentally revised her opinion of this man.


“You’re all right, James Hickok!” she approved.

He finally smiled at her, and she was dazzled. “You ready to ride?”

“Let’s go.”


“Rider’s are comin’!” Buck stated as he quickly drew his gun and went to see if he could make out who it was.

“I wonder who it is?” she asked his back as she crept up next to him.

“It’s Jimmy,” he laughed. “And he’s got someone with him.”

“Jimmy?” she asked, excited.

And he was all that she saw when he rode into camp. He found her immediately as he jumped off his horse before it had even stopped, and ran for her. She jumped into his arms and he squeezed her tight as he picked her up off the ground.

“Baby..oh baby,” he murmured in her ear.”

Melissa felt herself choking up as she saw all the emotions between her best friend and the man she’d rode up with. There had never been that with Spencer. As Jimmy sat Sarah down, she saw Melissa.

“Lissa! I remember everything!” her friend cried as she ran for her and gave her a big hug.

“You do? That’s great!” she told her as she hugged her back.

“So why’d you come?” Buck asked. “Hey Melissa.”

“Cause I had to see Dawn..Sarah, and Melissa wanted to come and talk to her.
Buck just nodded his head. “Come sit down..we just finished eatin’. You hungry?”

“I’m hungry, and I’m sure Jimmy is.” Melissa stated as she smiled at Buck.

“We have plenty,” Sarah assured her. “Buck shot a couple rabbits.”

Sarah and Buck gave them some food, and they all sat around the fire.

“So, you remember everything?” Jimmy asked her.

“Yeah…” and she quickly went over her history from birth. Why she’d been here out West, some silly stories about her and Melissa, but she didn’t mention Spencer. Jimmy noted that. “And I’m so sorry that I worried you so, but I didn’t have any control over it.”

“It’s alright. I’m just glad that nothing worse happened to you, and that these wonderful people took you in. And James is a little doll!” Melissa enthused as she ate. “You were  very lucky lady.”

Sarah smiled at Jimmy and Buck.

“Yes, I was…I am..especially for these two men.”

Jimmy and Melissa finished eating and drank some water. Sarah turned to Buck and Melissa.

“I realize that the two of you don’t know each other very well, but I need to spend some time with Jimmy. Besides, this will give my two best friends a chance to get to know one another!” She declared as she stood up and went over to Buck.

“Use this time wisely,” she whispered in his ear before she kissed his cheek. “Don’t be shy.”

She held her hand out to Jimmy, and he eagerly took it. He was happy that she had sensed he needed to be alone with her. To Melissa she said, “Buck is wonderful. He has so much knowledge of the world around him. See you later!”

With that she and Jimmy walked off into the dark. Melissa looked over at the darkly handsome half-breed. He was blushing from what Sarah had said about him.

“I thought they’d never leave,” she kidded him. “And I’m glad they did. Spending time alone with another human being is the best way to get to know them.”

Buck was feeling very shy right now. This woman was gorgeous! He just nodded his head.

“And Sarah wants me to get to know you, so I can tell you’re very important to her. You love her, don’t you?”

“Yeah..I do. She’s real important to me.”

“And her friendship with Jimmy doesn’t bother you?”

“Nope. They’re supposed to be together.”

She cocked her head as she looked across the fire at him. Buck remembered what Sarah had told him about this woman. Could it be true? Would she accept him? His palms felt sweaty and his stomach started to jump around. Melissa studied him. His hair hung down to his shoulders. He wore a large knife on his left ankle, and his gun was on his left hip. She could see a silver earring dangling form his left ear. He was one of the most handsome men she had ever seen, and she had to admit that being in the vicinity of him was affecting her. She sort of chuckled.

“What?” he asked her.

“If anyone had told me a few months ago that tonight I would be sitting at a campfire, eating rabbit and contemplating sleeping under the stars, I would never have believed them but yet, here I am, and feeling quite comfortable about it.”

“It’s really not that bad.”

“So Buck Cross…tell me about you….”
Jimmy and Sarah walked to the spring. When Sarah figured they were far enough away, she stopped, put her arms around Jimmy, and pulled his mouth down to hers. He didn’t resist her. In fact, she felt an urgency in him she’d never felt before. It didn’t take him very long to get all of her clothes off her, and she quickly took care of his. There was no talking between them, and she wanted him to quickly become a part of her. Sarah caressed his hardness and guided it into her. They moved together and were soon calling to each other. When they had climaxed, neither one let go of the other. Jimmy covered her face with kisses.

“I got so scared when I walked into Rachel’s and you warn’t there!” he confessed to her.

“I’m sorry. I couldn’t stay, and Buck was kind enough to get me out of there. I knew you would be able to find us if you wanted to.”

“If I wanted to?” he smiled down at her as he kissed her again. “I rode hard so I could get back early and be with you.”

“And then you had to get right back on your horse and find me? I’m really sorry.”

“I ain’t. At least with you here, you ain’t with Spencer. You haven’t mentioned him.” Jimmy told her as he finally pulled out of her, but continued holding her closely.

“I guess that’s because I’m not sure what to do about Spencer…”

“I see.” He told her as he pulled away from her and sat up, reaching for his clothes.
“Wait! No…”

“You’re not goin’ back with him?” he asked her feeling as if he was having a hard time breathing.

“It’s not that easy, Jimmy. I’m engaged to the man. He’s been searching for me for weeks. I have loved him...”

He shook his head, not wanting to hear what she was saying. He turned to her and grabbed her shoulders.

“Are you leavin’ here and goin’ to New York City?”

That’s what she’d been trying to figure out all day! But sitting this close to Jimmy, she knew her answer.

“No..I have no need to go back to New York City. Any business I have there, I can take care of through the mail. The first thing I need to do is get some money..”

“Are you goin’ to ask Spencer to stay here with you?”

“I’m definitely not the same person whose hand he asked for in marriage. We were supposed to be married next month, would you believe that?”

“I don’t wanna hear it!” he told her. “What I want to hear is what you’re gonna do.”

“What do you want me to do?” she asked him, a little angry with him.

“I want you to tell me where Spencer fits into all this…where I am in this!”

“I don’t think Spencer is going to fit into this at all. I can’t go back to live in a congested city. Spencer won’t be able to live out here. And this is becoming home to me. All of you are family to me and to James.”

“Do you love him?”

“I’m fond of him, but love? Not anymore I don’t think. What he stands for is the life I used to lead with all the parties and frivolity. It’s not that way anymore. Could never be that way anymore. I couldn’t do any of those married things with him. You’re the only one I want to do those things with,” she admitted. “But I’m going to have to talk to him when we get back.”

Suddenly breathing seemed easier for him.

“I know that…you’re staying?” he asked her.

She reached out and caressed his face. “I’m staying. Besides, I promised Buck that I’d stay, so I can't go."”

“Then why didn’t you tell me that right away?!” He demanded as he laughed and grabbed her and rolled on the ground with her.

“Because of the reason why I told him I would stay...I don’t think that reason will be around much longer,” she laughed back at him. “And then I’d be free to leave.”

He rolled her onto her back and looked down at her, suddenly deadly serious.

“I ain’t gonna let you leave, Sarah. You ain’t leavin’!” and he started to kiss her all over again.

“Why Jimmy?”

“Because I love you…I love James..you ain’t leavin’!”

“Oh, Jimmy..I love you too!’  They became lost in one another.



Melissa listened carefully to all that Buck told her about himself and about his Indian heritage. She was mesmerized as his soft voice wove its spell around her. Then he told her about working for the Pony Express and how he liked that.

Buck was flattered. She appeared to be interested in everything he was telling her. Because of that, he expounded on a few things. She asked thoughtful questions, and he found it hard to believe how much talking he was doing. Finally he talked himself out.

“Your turn!” he told her. “Tell me about Miss Melissa Crawford, and what she does with her life in New York City.”

“My life is a lot like Sarah’s is..was. I was brought up by a governess, went to private schools with the best teachers..learned what it took to run a large household without ever doing any of the actual work. I’ve traveled all over the world and spent large sums of money. It’s all been pretty pointless.” She sighed. “I never knew a world like this existed.”

“How do you like it?” he asked her carefully. “Do you think it’s a place you could stay awhile?”

“I have a feeling that Sarah will be staying here and sending Spencer on his way. I can’t imagine my life without her in it…we’re so close. I’m not sure how I’d like it around here. Do you think that you could show and tell me all about it? I might find that I would find it incredibly interesting.”

“I don’t know. It won’t be as excitin’ as life in New York City. There ain’t much goin’ on here. You’ll probably get bored.”

“Maybe I will, but maybe I won’t! I won’t know until I try, Buck, and I’m willing to try. Will you help me with that?”

Her green eyes bored into him. Suddenly she had a case of deju vu; something told her that this man was going to be quite important to her. If she left, she’d never find out about it.

Buck got up and went over to sit next to her. She was drawing him to her, and her presence filled him up. At that moment, he knew that what Sarah had told him was true.

“I’ll help you Melissa,” he said as she turned her face up to him. Her lips called to him, and he answered that call as his mouth sensuously caressed hers. He could feel her tremble next to him.

“This is incredible!” she told him, smiling up at him. He smiled down at her and kissed her again. The spirits were definitely blessing him.



“Why didn’t he come out west with you?” Jimmy asked her as they started to pull their clothes back on.

“He was busy and working on some big deals. I didn’t want to wait, and he said he couldn’t go..that he didn’t have the time. And I guess its best that he didn’t. He would have been dead right now.”

“I would have been there with you, Sarah. I never would have let you go by yourself. I’ll always be there to take care of you and James and any babies that come along.”

“I know that Jimmy. And if you had been there, I know that things would have ended differently. I don’t think there would have been any of them left alive!”

“Nope..there wouldn’t have been!”

Jimmy helped her up, and they headed back towards the camp.

“Look! I knew it!” Sarah exclaimed happily as they got closer. They could see Buck and Melissa in each other’s arms kissing.

“He’s fast!” Jimmy stated in admiration.

“When it’s right, it’s right!” she told him, self-satisfied.

“I guess we best make some noise!” he laughed.

“I guess,” she agreed.

“I like your friend. She’s real nice. Looks like she might be stayin’ round too!”

“It does look that way,” Sarah told him as she deliberately stepped on a branch. It cracked under her weight. Buck and Melissa jumped apart.

“Get acquainted?” Sarah asked innocently as they walked back into camp. Jimmy had a tight hold on her hand.

“Um..yeah..we talked and all,” Buck told her.

“I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m ready to turn in,” Sarah yawned. “I guess I get to curl up with you tonight,” she told Jimmy. “We didn’t bring any blankets with us. You have any?”

“Nope. I sorta left in a hurry.”

“So did we. Melissa..you have a problem curling up with Buck?” she asked her friend.

Both Buck and Melissa blushed slightly.

“No..no problem. What about you?” Melissa asked Buck.

“No..no problem.” Was all he said with a wide smile.

“Good! It’s settled then!”

It wasn’t long until they were all lying close by the fire. Sarah smiled to herself. She felt like she was home, lying in Jimmy’s arms. This was what heaven was. And it had been nice to have him tell her how he felt about her, and it seemed as if he were planning on them staying together for quite some time. Life couldn’t be better. She concentrated on Buck for a time, and could feel his happiness. Their spirits met and danced a bit, before they tuned each other out. She yawned again, kissed Jimmy, then closed her eyes.

Buck and Melissa shared a kiss, and all Buck could think was how right this felt to him. That he’d done this with her before. But he knew that he hadn’t. He didn’t think that they had ever shared a life like he had with Sarah...but he’d never felt truly content in life, and now he did. He also felt like every nerve he had was standing on edge since she was lying in his arms. She was going to be his life.


The next morning, Buck got them all up before dawn so they could pray to their spirits and welcome the day. They ate what food they had left, broke camp, and headed towards Rock Creek. As they came into the yard, Spencer came running out of the house.

“Sarah..where have you been? And Melissa! How could you go running off like that with this outlaw?” he blustered.

“Spencer, that’s enough!” Sarah told him quietly, but firmly. “I’m back, and we need to talk. I’ve got all of my memory back.”

As she got off her horse, he quickly came over to her and hugged her. Jimmy just rolled his eyes, and Buck could tell that there might be trouble.

“Come on Jimmy…let’s take care of the horses.”

“But…”

“I’ll help..come on Jimmy!” Melissa urged him as she dismounted, took the reins of Sarah’s horse, and headed for the barn. So he reluctantly followed them. Sarah turned her attention back to Spencer.

“I’m very sorry for all the worry that I caused you, Spencer, but I couldn’t help any of it.”

“You could have waited until I could go with you.”

“I could have, but I didn’t. And the ring you gave me was stolen. I’m sorry about that too, since I know it belonged to your grandmother.”

“I don’t care about the ring as long as I know that you’re alright,” he told her as he followed her to the corral. She climbed to the top rung, sat and looked at the horses penned in.

“I’m fine now..these people here took me in and gave me so much love.”

“How much love did that breed give you?”

Sarah sadly shook her head. Had Spencer always been this prejudiced?”

“A lot, Spencer. I love him. He owns a part of me, and I own a part of him. He’s very special to me, but I don’t expect you to understand that. I think that I had this big empty place inside of myself, and he has helped fill that up..so has Jimmy.”

“Let me get this straight...you love a half-breed and an outlaw?”

“Jimmy isn’t an outlaw. He’s a good, decent man that has had a lot of lies written about him. He’s been good to me and James.”

“So where does this leave us?”

“Spencer..I’m not the person I used to be. I can’t go back with you to New York City. Having been out here in these beautiful wide open spaces, there’s nothing like this! I feel so free out here. I don’t ever want to live in the city again. I’m not the person you fell in love with. And I don’t think Melissa will be going back with you either.”

“What exactly are you saying here?”

“I’m saying that I love Jimmy Hickok, and soon enough Melissa will realize that she can’t live without Buck Cross.”

Spencer was shaking his head. “But I thought you and Buck…”

“No..he and I are friends. I love Jimmy. He’s the man I’m supposed to be with. He’s offered to take care of James and I.”

“He’s going to marry you?” he asked tightly.

“Maybe some day. His life is a little uncertain, but that doesn’t matter. I just know that I’m going to be with him.”

“Without benefit of marriage? Sarah! You were raised better than that!”

“I know, but you have to do what your heart tells you is right. I’m sorry Spencer. It’s over. I appreciate you looking for me and worrying about me, but it’s over! I can’t be the New York City socialite anymore. I want to have a home here. I want to cook and clean for the man I lover and have his babies.”

“I don’t know you anymore! Are you sure that you didn’t injure your head more? Let me take you back to New York and check you into a hospital so you can be checked out.”


Jimmy stood in the barn door, watching Spencer and Sarah, gritting his teeth after he’d taken care of his horse.

“It will be alright, you know,” Melissa told him.

“I hate him! He should have been with her. I’d a never let her go off by herself. He didn’t cherish her.”

“I think she sees the difference in the two of you. She isn’t going to go with him.”

“I know that. I just don’t want her to be near him.”

“She won’t for much longer. You aren’t the jealous type, are you?”

“If I was, I woulda killed Buck up on that mountain,” he chuckled.

“Yeah, I guess you would have. So it’s alright for a male to be around her?”

“As long as it ain’t him,” Jimmy said pointing at Spencer.

“I have a feeling that Mr. Hollis won’t be around much longer. Now come and help me with Sarah’s horse.” She requested as she took his arm and pulled him back into the barn.


“A hospital? Spencer, I’m more fine than I’ve ever been in my entire life! Everything is wonderful with me. I’m sure that Mr. Teaspoon knows when the next stage is due out. I’m really sorry that this didn’t work out, but I’m really very happy. You might want to look up Lavinia James when you get back to New York. She was always chasing after you,” Sarah told him as she climbed off the fence.

Spencer looked down at her, realizing that yes, it was truly over with this woman who’d been such a large part of his life. She had changed, and he had to grudgingly admit that it was probably for the best what was happening.

“I did love you, Sarah.”

“I know, Spencer. I loved you too. Thank you for everything.” And with that she went off to meet her future.


Spencer had been gone for a few days, and Melissa had decided to stay on. She said the reason was to keep Sarah company, but it was soon apparent that it was because of Buck. Jimmy and Sarah were closer than ever, and it was a known fact among the household that he was spending each night with Sarah. No one said anything about it, reluctantly accepting it.

“Got a minute, Teaspoon?” Jimmy asked as he went into the older man’s office.

“Sure son..what’s on your mind?’

“Sarah..like always.”

“What ‘bout her?”

“I was thinkin’ how none a us knows what’s goin’ to happen to us. I mean, just look at Sarah and all that happened to her.”

“That’s true, alright.”

“I ain’t never thought I’d find someone. Didn’t think anyone would want to put up with my life.”

“Well, it appears you was wrong.”

Jimmy smiled and nodded happily.

“So..I ain’t asked her yet, but you up to doin’ a weddin’ if that’s what she wants?”

“Sure..I guess it’s best to do that afore she gets in the family way. When’d you have in mind?”

“Soon. But I ain’t asked yet.”

“I guess you best do that and get back to me…um..she ain’t in the family way, is she?”

“Don’t think so,” Jimmy stated as he started to leave the office. But then he turned back to Teaspoon. “This is right, Teaspoon. With Sarah, I mean.”

“I know’d that son. I know’d!”

Suddenly he was very proud of Jimmy. He always ended up doing the right thing, and he realized what a big step this was for him…to admit that he needed another human being in his life. Teaspoon smiled to himself. Jimmy was growing up.
 

Sarah noticed that all through dinner, Jimmy seemed excited about something. After they had eaten, he pulled her outside. He’d put a bridle on his horse, given her a leg up, then hopped up in front of her. They rode to the creek.

“Okay, why the secrecy?” she asked him as he helped her down.

“I wanted to do this,” he told her as he gave her a loving kiss.

“That’s nice.”

“And I wanted to ask you what you thought of us getting’ a place of our own.”

“I’d like that, but I think the townspeople would frown upon it.”

“Not if we was married, they wouldn’t.”

Sarah couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

“Are you asking?”

“Look Sarah, I know you’re a rich lady and cultured and all, but I don’t care none about that. All I know is that I love you. I want to live with you and openly love you, and I can’t do that lessen you and I is married. I didn’t think that was anythin’ I’d ever ask anyone, but I’m askin’ you. Will you marry me? Teaspoon said he’d marry us all proper like ‘n all…”

Sarah was touched beyond measure. She’d been prepared to live in sin with Jimmy. She’d known how he felt about this. She couldn’t speak, so she nodded her head up and down.

“When?” he asked her.

“Is tomorrow too soon?” she asked him.

“But that’s mean you cain’t have a big weddin’ ‘n all.”

“That doesn’t matter, Jimmy. Being with you..that’s what matters.”

“I love you Sarah…so much I feel like my heart is gonna burst!”

“I think mine already has.” She told him as she threw her arms around him and pulled him down into the sweet grass with her.


Jimmy and Sarah were up early the next morning, so that they could talk to Teaspoon. He came down the stairs a few minutes after they did. Sarah had just started to fix the coffee.

“Mornin’ you two,” he told them as he yawned. “I think I’ll wait till that coffee’s done afore I do my rounds.”

“Good, cause we wanted to talk to you.” Jimmy told him.

“Okay, what can I do for you?” he asked as he sat down.

“Sarah and I wanna get married today. Can you do the weddin’ ceremony?” Jimmy asked him.

“Well Lordy! Lordy!” Teaspoon smiled. “I think that could be done. How bout afore lunch?"”

“Perfect!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Excuse me for sayin’ this, but don’t you women like to figure on big church weddin’s and such?”

“A lot of us do, but I’m where I want to be. Everyone I love is here. There’s no one from New York that I’d want to invite.”

“Alright then. Well…I’ll warm up the coffee at the office. I best get my work done. I’ll be back round 11.”

“Thank you,” Sarah told him as she kissed his check. They watched him leave.

“Do you mind if I go and tell Buck by myself?” she asked Jimmy.

“Naw..don’t mind at all. Just don’t take too long,” he smiled at her.

“I’ll try not to.”

Sarah went over to the bunkhouse and tiptoed inside, not wanting to wake up anyone but Buck. She went to his bed, put her hand softly on his mouth, which cause him to wake up. She motioned for him to come outside, then went to wait for him. It didn’t take him long to come outside. He was yawning and rubbing his eyes.

“Sarah..what’s up?”

“Sorry to wake you, but I had to talk to you.”

He put his arm around her and steered her towards the corral.

“I’m listenin’.”

“I’m getting married. Jimmy asked me last night.”

“Oh, Sarah,” he sighed as he stopped walking and took her into his arms and held her close. “It’s as it should be!”

“Yeah it is. Soon you’ll be doing it too.”

He smiled into her hair. “Yeah, I think so. You were right about Melissa. She’s real special. She sees into my soul. You ‘n I are both lucky.”

“Yeah, we are. We’re getting married before lunch. You gonna be there?”

He squeezed her tighter and laughed. “Just try and keep me away.”

Jimmy was leaning against the railing of the porch, looking at Buck and Sarah hugging each other.

“So, what we gonna do about them two?” he heard Melissa ask him.

“Accept it cause it ain’t gonna change.” He told her truthfully.

“That’s alright, I guess. They’ve never hidden how they feel about each other, have they?”

“Naw. They was spendin’ time together before Sarah started to spend time with me, so I had time to get used to the idea. You two doin’ alright?”

“Yeah, we are,” she said as a soft smile spread over her face. Buck had sort of wrapped himself around Sarah, as if he really cherished her. She could tell they were talking softly to one another. There were a few jealous twinges there, but she knew how much her friend loved the man standing next to her.

“Sarah ‘n I are getting’ married afore lunch today. That’s what she’s tellin’ him.”

“You FINALLY asked her?” she grinned up at him.

“Yeah, I had to work through what my future would be like. I decided it wouldn’t be much if we weren’t married. She deserves more than what I was givin’ her. You gonna be there?”

“She best ask me to be her maid of honor!” Melissa declared, looking longingly at Buck. Wishing for the day he’d ask her to marry him.


We’re bein’ watched,” Buck whispered in her ear.

“Who by?”

“Jimmy ‘n Melissa.”

“Do they look upset?”

“Nope,” he said as he gave her one more squeeze, and threw in a kiss for good measure. He kept his arm around her as they walked over to them.

“Did you tell her?” Sarah asked Jimmy.

“Yeah, I think she likes the idea. I take it you do too?” Jimmy asked Buck.

“Oh yeah.”

“How ‘bout bein’ my best man?” Jimmy asked.

“I’d be honored,” Buck said.

“And you’ll be my maid of honor, won’t you?” Sarah asked Melissa.

“Of course!’  Melissa told her as she hugged her.

“I’ll have to get Ike to give me away!” Sarah mused. “Lord but all of this feels so right!”

“It does, don’t it?” Buck agreed as he looked at Melissa. “Do ya think that Teaspoon would mind doin’ two weddin’s today?”

Sarah’s face was immediately covered with a huge smile. Jimmy’s wore a half smile.

“I’m sure he would! But you need to ask her properly..of course she looks so shocked right now, you may not get much out of her. We’ll go talk to Teaspoon. I’ll be your maid of honor. I bet Jimmy would be your best man! Oh this is wonderful!” Sarah stated as she first gave Melissa a hug, then Buck.

When they were gone, Buck turned to Melissa.

“I know that we ain’t been together too long, but you’ve already got my heart. You see into my spirit. You don’t care what I am. You make me a better man. Melissa, I love you so much. I figure that we could get married now, take our time getting’ to know each other, cause the way I figure it, the more we get to know each other, the more we’ll love each other. What do you say?”

Melissa heard the words, but they all weren’t registering. She’d been asked for her hand before, but none of the gentlemen were as eloquent as Buck was being. Well, hadn’t she known that Buck would be very important in her life? Why not get married sooner than later? Deep in her heart she knew that it would all work out..that thirty years from now, this man would still make her heart race.

“Oh Buck, I, I love you too!”

“Is that a yes?”

She just nodded her head up and down.

“Alright, then I guess we best go to the General Store and buy a ring.”


The brides dressed in their best dresses. The grooms dressed in their suits. The ceremony was simple and beautiful. Those in attendance would talk about it for years, telling how much in love the two couples were, knowing that they were witnessing something very special, something that was meant to happen, something brought to fruition because of a little thing called destiny.


THE END

MAY 25, 1995

COPYRIGHT - M BOLTON - 2003