Buck Cross, half Kiowa, half white, and a rider for the Pony Express, galloped full out on his horse.  It was late afternoon, the mail had been delivered, and he was on his way back to Rock Creek.  He felt free…very alive.  Buck laughed out loud, suddenly feeling good about the world.  He slowed his horse to a canter, and started to look around him.  It was a pretty, late summer day..not too hot.  Maybe on the way back, he would stop by the village of his brother, Red Bear, catch up on the news and share a meal.  He didn’t think the supervisor of the riders, Teaspoon Hunter, would mind since he didn’t have another ride scheduled for a few days.  He turned his horse towards the woods, taking a short cut that he knew well.  Buck was a man of the land.  Because of his heritage, he and nature were one.

He cut a fine figure on his horse.  If someone had been watching him, they would have seen a man of average height with no fat on his body.  His hair was long, straight, and a rich brown color, flowing down his back.  His skin was darker, giving away his Indian heritage.  His face was fine featured and quite handsome.  His bearing was a proud one.  In his left ear, he wore a silver earring.  Tied around his left boot, was a large knife in a leather sheath.  Around his neck, he wore his medicine pouch, which encompassed a lot of his religious beliefs.  His clothes were like any other westerner.  And being left handed, he wore his gun on his left hip.

He went around the bend, through the trees and his horse stopped suddenly and shied to the side.  Buck easily kept his seat, looking for what had caused his horse to spook.  There was a body in the path ahead.  With all his senses aware, he pulled his gun and walked toward it.  The back of the person was to him, but he immediately noticed the mane of auburn hair.  That started bells ringing in his head.  As he got closer, a moan came from the person.  He cautiously approached, making sure this wasn’t a trap.  He didn’t see or hear anything around.  His horse was acting as if everything was normal.  He knelt down on one knee, and using his right hand, rolled the body over.

“Oh my God!  Melissa!”  he practically whispered, for he recognized her.  He quickly gathered her close.

Her eyes fluttered, then opened.  They were filled with fright, but when they found his face, they tried to smile at him.

“Buck,” she breathed, as she passed out in his arms.

“Melissa?”  he called, but he got no response.  His eyes looked over her body, and he saw a large, bloody spot on her chest. 

“No,” he stated as he laid her down carefully.  He quickly cut away her clothes around the wound.  Probing it with his fingers, he knew the bullet was still in there.  “How did this happen to you?” he asked, but of course she didn’t answer.

The wound was still bleeding, so he pushed all his personal feelings aside for the present.  He quickly took his bedroll off his horse and spread it on the ground.  Next he started a fire, got some water from a nearby stream, and put that on the fire so it would boil.  He lifted Melissa onto his blanket, made sure she was still breathing, and looked around for some medicinal plants he knew he would need.  By the time he got back to his fire, the water was boiling.  He stuck his knife into the flames for a few moments.

He hesitated as he took his knife out of the fire and looked down at her.  His heart began to thud against his chest.  How could he do this?  He looked up at the sky, and said a silent prayer to the spirits for her.  He asked the spirits to guide his hand. 

Taking a couple of deep breaths, he made a cut into her skin.  It took him a couple minutes, but he tried to work fast so that she wouldn’t lose too much blood.  He felt triumphant when he found the bullet.  He packed her wound with some of the herbs that he had found, and since she was in a dress, he took the liberty of tearing off some of the material on her petticoat and used it as a bandage.  With some of the petticoat, he tried to clean her off as best he could.  He bathed her face, wishing he had some ointment to put on the many cuts and scraps that were there.

Next he made some medicinal tea to try to stop any infection, and much time passed as he tried to get it down her.  When it was finally gone, he sat down on the ground next to her.  His legs were stiff from kneeling so long.  His body was covered with sweat.  Using a piece of the petticoat, he tied his long hair back from his face, and used some of the cooled water to wash off his hands and face.  Then his vigil began as his stomach demanded some food.  He pulled some hard tack out of his pocket and ate that, using water to wash it down.

His eyes couldn’t leave her face.  Why was she back in this part of the country?  He could finally let his mind wander…back to a time a little more than a year ago.  He and the other Riders had just moved to Rock Creek, and all of them had immediately noticed this auburn haired beauty.  She had been cordial to all of them, but for the longest time he had always thought that the smile she gave him was a little more special than the ones she gave the other guys.  He had found out very quickly that her father was a very important man in town, owning quite a bit of land and some stores.  He kept a watchful eye on Melissa, and he left no doubt in Buck’s mind that he found him less than desirable.

So Buck, like always, had pushed aside his attraction for her.  He sighed.  How many times in his life, had he told himself that it just wasn’t worth the trouble of falling in love with a respectable lady?  For the most part, they wanted nothing to do with him because he was a half -breed.  And if the ladies ever showed the least little interest, their families quickly put an end to it.  They didn’t want a filthy savage to touch their daughters!  But this one…she had been different…

Buck smiled as he reached his hand out to feel her forehead.  Then he frowned, realizing how warm she felt.  He started to brew some more healing tea for her, and as hard as he tried to push memories away, they came crowding back on him.

He remembered the day that had started it all.  He’d needed to clear his head, so he’d gone out for a ride, galloping along with the wind, and then he had seen Melissa riding ahead.  It hadn’t taken long to catch up to her.

Melissa looked surprised to see him canter up to her.

“Buck!”  she smiled, feeling her heart start to quicken.  If anyone had ever cared to ask her which     man in town would be the lucky one to catch her eye, she would have told them it was this one.

“Are you carrying mail?”

“No…I just needed to get away from everyone for awhile.  What are you doin’ out by yourself?  Your daddy can’t be too far away!”  he said speaking the truth as he looked around.
 
“But he is.  I snuck away.  I think I’ve covered my tracks well.  Where were you going?”

 “No where in particular.”  He said, suddenly feeling very shy.

 “Can I go nowhere in particular with you?  I brought some food along, and I’d love to share
  it with you.”

 “I don’t think your father would be too happy about that!”

“My father will never know!  What do you say?”  she asked impishly.

“I’d like that.”  He told her sincerely.

 “Great!  Then let’s find a good place for a picnic.  I want to get to know you, Buck Cross!”

 “You do?”  he asked, surprised.

 “Yes, I do!” she stated emphatically as she gave him a big smile.

So he led her to an ideal picnic spot, on top of a hill.  They sat underneath a tree, and could see far off into the distance.

“I like this place,” she told him as she handed him some biscuits with some kind of meat in them.

“I do too.  I come up here to sit and think sometimes…”

“Tell me about you, Buck,” she encouraged.

“What do you want to know?” he asked her as she poured him some lemonade.

“Do you like living in Rock Creek?  How did you come to work for the Pony Express?  Do you have any family around here?  Just anything you want to tell me!”

He finished eating a biscuit, took a swallow of lemonade and looked at her.  Lord but she was beautiful!  She had such a kind face, and it was focused on him.  This was all so new to him.  Why would a lady like this want to get to know him?

“Melissa, why do you want to know me better?  We both know that your father…”

That’s as far as he got, for Melissa surprised herself, leaned over and kissed him lightly.

“That’s why.  Please tell me Buck.”

She watched as he blushed and looked away from her.  She figured if he was really a savage like her father said, now would be the time he took advantage of her since she was being so forward.  She hoped that her instincts were correct about him though.  Something told her this was a kind-hearted, caring, sensitive man that had been given a raw deal in life.

She’d had the softest lips!  He wanted to grab her and do it again, but knew that wouldn’t be proper.  He sighed.  No lady had ever wanted to really get to know him…see what was inside his head.

“I came to Rock Creek from Sweetwater, and its okay livin’ here.  People are about the same anywhere.  My family…I look at the other Riders as my family.  I have a brother, Red Bear, who lives near here.  My mother was Kiowa…my white father raped her, and I came out of that.  She died when I was very young, and I was sent to a school where I stayed until I was old enough to be out on my own.  I met Ike..he’s my best friend and one of the Riders, while I was at the school, but we didn’t become friends until we met up again later on.  We both needed a job, so we joined up.  They was lookin for orphans, and we was orphans so they gave us the job.  I like it fine.  The pay’s okay, and I get a lot of time off.”  He smiled at her.

“So you have a brother that lives in the Kiowa village.  Why aren’t you living there?  I would think it would be easier for you there.”

“Maybe now it would be, but when I tried to live in that world, it didn’t go too well.  Some of the people resented that I had white blood in me…”

“And the people in the town resent that you have Indian blood in you…”

“Yeah….kinda.  I know that part of it is that they’ve had so much Indian trouble around here, but they aren’t lookin’ at it from the Indian perspective.”

“And what’s that?”

“This is all their land.  They lived on it for generations.  This is their lifeblood, and now, it’s bein’ taken away from them and no one cares.  They eat from the land….get their clothes, and their homes and their medicines from the land.  What are they bein’ offered in return?” he asked angrily.

“So,” she concluded.  “Even though you live in the white man’s world, your heart is all Indian?”

“Mostly,” he told her honestly.  “If I hadn’t lived in the white man’s world for so long, I would be back at the village now.  But my family is in this world…even though I have a brother at the village.”

“I’ve often thought that the Indians weren’t getting a really great deal, but no one will ever listen to me.  You know how women are supposed to keep their opinions to themselves,” she laughed.

“Why do I have a feelin’ that you don’t?”  he asked her with a smile, feeling as if, just maybe, this woman understood what was in his heart.  This was definitely a first with someone outside his close circle of friends.

“Sometimes I feel out of place,” she confided to him.

“Why is that?” he asked, biting into another of the very good biscuits.

“My mom died when I was young, so my father raised me.  He’s always treated me like an adult.  It was like I wasn’t allowed to have a childhood.  He’s always wanted to know my opinions about things, and has encouraged me to say what I think..as long as it’s what he thinks too.  So I’m sort of out spoken, even on things we don’t agree on.  I feel out of place because sometimes I don’t know how act my place…like I have a feeling that the other ladies in town wouldn’t have asked you to go riding…wouldn’t have…well…you know,” she said as she blushed.

“Kissed me?”  he asked her quietly.

“Yeah…”

“You’re right about both things, but it’s not because they’re ladies.  It’s the half-breed thing.  Most parents don’t want their daughters around me.  Just like your father don’t want you around me,” he warned her.  “And I like the fact that you’re outspoken and have a mind of your own!”

Suddenly Buck realized how at ease he felt around this lady.  It was as if he had known her for years.

“My father is wrong about you…all those parents are wrong about you.  You’re not a savage.  I doubt whether you ever were one.  You’ve got a kind heart, and I want to be your friend, Buck,” she said as she stretched her hand out and laid it against his heart.  She could feel it beating beneath her fingertips.  “Half-breed…that’s just two words that don’t mean anything.”

Buck covered her hand with his.

“Yes, they do.  It separates me from the white man and from the Indian.  I’m a man that doesn’t have a people.  I have to make compromises for both worlds, and sometimes that ain’t enough, Melissa.  It ain’t enough for Rock Creek, and it ain’t enough for the Kiowa.”

“It’s enough for me, Buck.  You and I are two of a kind..both feeling a little lost in the world we’re in.”

Buck gazed deeply into her eyes to see what was there.  What he saw, moved his heart.  Her eyes were calling to his soul.  He reached for her and pulled her against his body.  Their mouths found each other once..twice..three times.  This was so new to him, and this was happiness.  Her mouth was sweet, pliable, so alive beneath his.  Wait!  What was he doing?  He pulled away from her.

“But you’re Melissa Crawford..” he stated breathlessly.

“Who has wanted to be yours from the first moment she laid eyes on you!”  she breathed against his lips.

That was all it took.  Buck became lost in her, kissing her face, her neck, her ears, her mouth and then, holding her closely against him.  He was afraid that this was all a dream.  That he would wake up from this wonderful dream to find his arms empty once again…”


A moan coming from Melissa pulled him back to the present.

“Melissa?” he called to her as he felt her forehead.  She was hotter.  The tea was now cool enough to give to her, so he spoon-fed her.  Once again, it was a slow process, but he was satisfied at the amount he got down her.  He bathed her face with cool water, telling her she would be okay.  He checked her wound and saw that it had stopped bleeding.  That made him happy.

“You can pull through this, lady!  You’re tough and strong willed.  You can do this!”

Twilight was setting in.  Buck got up to stretch his legs and get some more water from the creek.  He listened as the night sounds gathered around him.  Picking up wood as he walked, he piled it near the fire.  He definitely wanted to keep it going all night.  Sitting down next to Melissa again, he checked her forehead again..still hot…damnation!  Her breaths were coming quickly and were a bit shallow. He knew that she was fighting this inside herself.  That’s the sort of person she was.

Buck and Melissa, from that day, were inseparable in their hearts.  She tried to sneak away from
her home everyday so that she and Buck could spend time together.  They told each other the story of their lives, shared secrets that had never been told to another human being.  They held each other, kissed, and enjoyed all that was the other…until that fateful day when her father had found them.

“I really think it’s time that we start planning for our future together!”  Melissa told Buck with her impish smile.

“You know we can’t do that, Melissa.  Your father would never allow us to be together!”

“We could go away.  We could get married before he even found out about it.  Or we could start to love each other now..do those things that married people do.  If I was going to have a baby he’d……”

“He’d kill me and do worse to you! Melissa..I don’t want to think of my life without you!  I want to do those married people things with you, but only if we’re married and it’s all legal.  I don’t want those people talkin’ about you…sayin’ nasty things…which they’ll do anyway, but it won’t be  as bad if we’re married, and you had a baby as it would be if it happened before we got married.”

“Then let’s elope!  People do it all the time!  By the time he found us, we’ll have slept together, and he would have to accept the situation!”

Buck shook his head, feeling as if his heart was breaking to have to tell her no.  It had been his dream, ever since he had gotten to know this lady, to share his life with her.  She was his other half.  From the moment he left her, she was all he thought about until he was in her arms again.

“He will never accept this situation.  It won’t work Melissa. It would be best if we waited until you were older.  You’re only 17 right now.  If we wait a couple years he won’t be able to say or do anything about it.”

Melissa threw her arms around Buck.  There were tears in her eyes.

“Buck I love you. I want to be with you.  I can’t wait a couple of years.  I want to marry you now and live with you and finally let people know how much you mean to me!  I’m tired of sneaking around and hiding our love!”

“I am too.” He admitted, weakening as he looked at the tears going down her cheeks.  He tried to kiss them away.

Her mouth found his, and they sank to the ground.  Buck was on top of her, kissing her and knowing that married or not, this was their time..this would be the day when he finally made this woman his.  They were so involved in each other, they never heard the men that were surrounding them.  Too late, he realized they weren’t alone.  Too late, he tried to get up, but they had the advantage and took it, beating him severely for loving Melissa.  He could hear Melissa screaming in the background, but they had carried her off, and they had left him for dead.  Melissa’s father sent her away very quickly after that.  He didn’t see her again.  Ike, sensing that something was wrong when he didn’t return, found him.  The doc had put him back together, and Rachel, the lady that cooked and looked out for the Riders, had taken care of him until he was almost whole again.  As for his heart, he knew that would never be the same again.  Melissa had taken it with her.  In the beginning, he wasn’t sure that he would be able to handle the hurt, but he had.  There was a part of him that had hoped she would write to him and let him know where she was.  She hadn’t.  And gradually the hurt had lessened although it had never gone totally away.

“And now here you are,” he said as he reached out to touch her again.  “And I don’t want all those feelin’s to come back.  They hurt too much!”  he sighed.

Buck could hear the owl and the coyote calling as night fell around them.  Melissa groaned and tossed her head.  Anxiously he reached out to feel her.  She was very hot.  He didn’t want to give her any more of the tea just yet.  She started talking about things that didn’t make any sense.  She said words there weren’t words.  Every now and then he thought she was saying his name, but he couldn’t be sure.  He knew the fever was making her delirious, and he was afraid that her tossing and turning would make her start bleeding  again.  Buck carefully laid down next to her, pulled her against him and started to whisper comforting things in her ear.  Miraculously, she calmed down and laid quietly next to him.  He shuddered as he remembered what had happened to him the last time he had done this, but if her father had been anywhere around, he didn’t think he would have let her get injured.  But then, what if her father had been with her and had gotten killed?  Something horrible had happened to Melissa!  Not thinking, he started to caress her hair, following it with a kiss.

“Oh baby…this feels so good.”  He could tell her that since she couldn’t hear him.  “I still love you.  Are you married?  Do you have a fella?  Any little ones?  Why are you here, lady?”

He figured that he may as well settle down and get some rest.  Lord knew what the night might bring…or the next day for that matter.  But his mind wouldn’t settle down.  Thoughts that he had buried deep within himself came rushing through to the surface.  She had been the only lady to get to know what he was really like.  He’d never shared his religious beliefs with anyone.  That was the Indian way.  But he had shared them with her.  He could remember how moved she had been, and how she would try to join him when he welcomed the day.  He smiled to himself as he remembered…

Buck turned to the north and felt the cool breeze on his face.  He could see the horizon brighten, so he began his prayers to the four winds, chanting as he spoke to each one.  He asked the spirits to bless those he loved and guide him through the day.  Then he turned his face to the slowly rising sun and smiled.

Melissa had crept on silent feet and seated herself on the ground as she watched Buck pray.  It was something that she had wanted to see ever since he had told her about the things he believed in.  It all made a lot of sense to her, and she felt that if she could share this with him, she would understand him better.  She could see his profile as he turned in a circle and raised his hands to the sky.  She could hear the chant coming from his mouth.  She didn’t understand the words, but they sounded so musical to her.  As he turned back to the sun, he looked so proud, so happy to be alive.  She had a feeling that he knew she was there, as he turned slowly to face her.  He walked over to her, and sat in the grass next to her.

“Good morning.”  He smiled as he leaned over to kiss her.  “You took the usual precautions?”

“Yes…everyone was still asleep when I left..no one followed me.  What you did…that was very moving to me.  Can you teach me the prayers?”

“If you want to learn, but I don’t think you should come up here everyday.”

“I won’t.  I’ll be careful,” she promised with that smile of hers that covered her entire face.

“Now, you’d best get back.  I’ll ride part way with you.”  He said as he stood up and held his hand down to her so he could pull her up.  When he did, she threw her arms around him.

“Oh Buck, I do love you!”  she told him before she kissed him.  He was lost in her for a time, returning all if her kisses.

“And I love you.  Now we’d better go!”


“But you came almost everyday.  You learned all the prayers..I taught you all the rituals.  Why didn’t you ever write me?”  he asked her sleeping form as he kissed her cheek.

Buck felt the tears start to come out of his eyes and flow down his cheeks.  He could acutely feel all the pain of losing her..how lost and lonely he’d felt in the days after he realized that she was gone for good.  The hope he’d had that she would somehow get in touch with him.  And the terrible disappointment when she didn’t.  He sobbed into her shoulder, wanting to stop, but not being able to.  This was how he fell asleep.

Melissa forced her eyes open.  They felt so heavy.  She didn’t feel as if she could move, and various parts of her body hurt, but yet she had this overwhelming feeling of safety….of coming home.  Why was that?  She wondered as the fuzziness started to overtake her thoughts again.  An Indian face raced through her mind.  And with that, pictures, she drifted off again.


Buck woke up during the night, and he looked at the lady in his arms.  With his lips he felt her forehead.  At least it felt cooler.  Maybe she’d be all right.  Maybe she’d wake up in the morning….

Buck smiled to himself as Melissa stretched and woke up from her nap.  They’d gone out riding together, had some lunch, and she had gotten sleepy and begged him to let her rest for awhile.  He hadn’t been able to tell her no…he could never tell her no.  She’d curled up in his arms and fallen asleep almost immediately.  It had felt so good to him, and so natural…like they’d done this hundreds of times.  He let his mind wander to dangerous things..such as a future with her…maybe getting married and having some kids.

“How long was I sleeping?”

“Not too long.  You looked awful pruty lying there!”  he told her with a kiss.

“Why thank you, Mr. Cross.  I feel like I’ve been doing this for years!”

That’s one thing that he loved about her.  She always said what was on her mind without censoring it.  In that respect, she wasn’t like him at all.

“I’m just glad that you got some rest.  I think we’d best get back.”

“You know something, Buck?  You’re always telling me that it’s time to get back!  Do you count the minutes until you can get rid of me,” she teased.

“You know better ‘n that!”  he told her as he rolled her onto his chest.

“You have got the most kissable mouth!’  she laughed as she proceeded to attack it, and he let her.  He could kiss her for the rest of his life and like always, began to lose track of time.

He forced himself to pull away from her.

“We have to go,” he told her softly.

She looked down at him with a smile.

“Okay..but it’s with great reluctance!”  she let him know.


Buck shook his head.  He was sunk if he started remembering everything that had happened between the two of them.  He didn’t know why she was here.  He didn’t know anything that had happened to her this past year.  She could have just been passing through…not intending on seeing him at all.  He needed to rebury the memories very deep.  Sleep..he needed sleep.

Melissa felt like she was running hard..someone was coming after her.  She could hear the footsteps chasing after her.  She heard the gun fire and felt the sharp pain all over again…No she couldn’t stop..couldn’t rest..not yet…she couldn’t breathe..she felt like she had fire in her lungs….”Help me!”  she called to anyone who might hear her…then she tripped and fell down.  Hands grabbed at her.  “No!”  she screamed…then there were eagles around her…attacking those who were trying to get to her.  She felt safe….she could sleep now…

When Melissa screamed “No!” Buck sat upright, grabbing his gun in the process.  He looked wildly around, but there was nothing.  The lady next to him was restless again, then suddenly still.  He put his gun in the holster and reached for her..her skin was cool…good!  Buck got up and added more wood to the fire and looked to the sky.  Morning wasn’t that far away.  Would she wake up today?  He went down to the creek and splashed the cool water on his face so he could finish waking up.  Then he stood and prayed once again to his spirits, welcoming the day and asking for their blessing and help.  Knowing that if she woke up, she’d need something special to eat, he went to gather what he could find.


Melissa’s nose was the first thing to wake up.  What smelled so good? Wait, where was she?  What if she opened her eyes and saw something she didn’t want to see? But the eagles were there with her, protecting her.  Everything had to be all right.  Cautiously, she opened her eyes a slit.

“You can do better ‘n that!”  she heard a soft male voice tell her.

No!  She was dreaming!  But to check, she opened her eyes and immediately saw Buck Cross sitting there, cross-legged, next to where she was lying down.  His face wore a welcoming smile.

“Buck?  But you’re dead!  Where am I?  What’s going on?  Why are you here?”

“No, I ain’t dead, and I was hopin’ you could tell me what’s goin’ on, Melissa.  I was ridin’ to see Red Bear and came across you lyin’ in the path.  You had a bullet in you.  I took it out, and I think you’ll be okay.  What happened to you?”  There were a million other questions he wanted to ask her, but decided to stop right there.

“My head feel so fuzzy!  Is this a dream?  Are you real?”

Buck reached for her hand and squeezed it.

“I’m real, Melissa, and I’m here to take care of you.  Tell me what happened.”

She closed her eyes, trying to gather her thoughts.  She opened them to a face that was filled with concern.

“I was on the stage going to Rock Creek.  I was on my way home, but it was attacked by a gang of outlaws.  They killed everyone on the stage but me and carried me off.  Lord knows what they were going to do with me.  Anyway, I got away.  They chased me and shot me, but I just kept going and somehow managed to get away.  I guess I passed out, and you know the rest.  You took the bullet out?”

“Yeah.  It finally stopped bleedin’ last night.  I gave you some special tea to help with your fever.  You were pretty out of it for awhile.”

“I was having this dream where it was all happening again, but as I fell, I was surrounded by eagles, and I remember that I felt so safe..the eagles…they were you, weren’t they?”

Buck just shrugged.  Looking into her green eyes was playing havoc with his mind.

“I have something for you to eat.  You up to it?”

“I am kind of hungry,” she told him.

Buck helped her sit up.  He made her lean against a tree, and he handed her the cup with the gruel in it.  She made a face at the taste, but she ate it all.  He figured that she knew he wouldn’t give her anything that wouldn’t help her.

Melissa gave him a triumphant smile as she handed the cup back to him.  While she was doing that, he had  eaten a couple pieces of hard tack and an old biscuit he had.  He drank some water since he didn’t have any coffee with him.  He really hadn’t planned to be on the road so long.

“Now tell me…why did you think I was dead?”  he asked her, interested.

“Father had told me that you were dead…and I saw what his men were doing to you.  I believed him.  Now I can see that I was wrong to do that.”

“Where did you go?” he asked tightly, feeling anger that she would have believed her father over something that important.

“He sent me to stay with an aunt back east.  He joined me soon after.  Father died a couple months ago, and I had a need to come back to Rock Creek.  I wanted to see if it was still the same.”

“I see…well, it is mostly,” he told her.

“Well, I need to see for myself, Buck.  And how have you been?”  she asked politely.

In truth Melissa’s heart was pounding in her chest.  She felt weak, and she didn’t think it had anything to do with her injuries.  This man was as she remembered..a little older looking, but still very handsome.  But she could feel his wall, and she wondered at it.  Did he have any feelings for her at all?  The memory of this man was the only reason she had come back to Rock Creek, but how could she tell him that when he was keeping her an arms length away?  In spite of the fact she was hurting from her wounds, she was thrilled that the man she had loved…still loved, was sitting only inches away from her!  She had to keep telling herself Buck was alive..so alive…not in a grave as she had been led to believe during the past year.

“Okay, I guess.  I’m still workin’ for the Pony Express.”

“Oh…how long do you think we’ll be here?  I could probably travel soon.”

“No, I think you need to rest at least another day, or that wound will start bleedin’ again.”

“Oh..I’m sorry.  I have a feelin’ that you’d rather be anywhere but here taking care of me.”

Buck looked into her defiant face.  Her old spirit was showing through.

“That’s not true, Melissa.  It’s thrown me, findin’ you here so unexpected ‘n all.  I mean I’d purdy much figured that I’d never lay eyes on you again, and there you were, all wounded and unconscious.  I didn’t know what happened…I didn’t know if you’d live or die…damn it, Melissa!  Why didn’t you try and get in touch with me?  Why did you believe your father about something that important?  You didn’t even write to Rachel or Teaspoon or Ike to find out if I was dead!”  he yelled, his anger finally getting the best of him.

Melissa had never seen him angry…never!  She moved her body away from him.  His eyes were shooting fire at her.

“It was like I told you, Buck.  My father made me stand there and watch them beat you!  I didn’t think anyone could have survived what those men did to you.  My heart was broken in a million pieces.  I didn’t want to live any more because I thought you were dead.  I didn’t want to draw it out by writing to Ike or anyone else.  My father would have intercepted the letter anyway.  I came back to Rock Creek to visit your grave.  I couldn’t go on with my life until I had done that…said goodbye in person to you.  You’ve got to understand that!….please understand that…”  she told him, tears running down her cheeks.

The tears tore at his very soul.  He turned his back on her and walked away from her.  He wanted to get on his horse and ride away from all this!  He needed to think…to clear his head.

“I’m tryin’ to understand, Melissa.”  He said turning back to her.  “Look..I need to go find some food for us.  We’re all out.  I won’t be gone very long, and you should be all right here.”

“Okay Buck.  I’ll be waiting for you to get back.”  Instinctively Melissa knew why Buck had chosen this moment to go and hunt.  She couldn’t blame him for the way he felt.  She just hoped that after he thought things out, he would understand what she had gone through.  Being near him again was everything she had dreamed about, but hadn’t dared to hope for, over the past year.  She had come to Rock Creek to mourn his death..and now the impossible had happened, and he was alive…

“Have you ever thought what you would like to be doing when you’re sixty?’  Melissa asked him as she sat tucked underneath Buck’s arm.

He had laughed.  “When I’m sixty?  I don’t know many folk who live that long!”

“Let’s say that we do…”

“Okay..” he said, closing his eyes.  “I see you and I with gray hair, sitting in our rockin’ chairs on the front porch of our home.  We’re waitin’ for the grandkids to come over and visit us.  It’s Sunday, you know…”

“How many grandkids?”  she asked, getting into the fantasy.

“About eight of ‘em!”

“Only eight?  But we had six children.  They should have given us more than eight grandkids.”

“You’re gonna have to talk to them about that!  I’d be too embarrassed to!”  he laughed again as he hugged her close to him and kissed her.

“You’re impossible, Buck Cross!”  she said, letting him kiss all over her.

“It’s dangerous to dream like that,” he told her softly as he kissed her ear.

“No it’s not.  One day I mean to have you, Buck.  So when that day comes, don’t you go backing out on me.”

Buck put both hands on her face and turned it to him.

“I won’t ever back out on you, Melissa Anne Crawford.  Let me know the day and time.  I’ll be there.”

“I’ll remember that, Buck!”  she told him before they began to kiss again.


“But do you remember that, Buck?” she asked in the direction he had gone.  She looked up at the trees.  She knew that the Indians believed that everything rode on the wind, and the wind passes through a tree and speaks to every leaf, and to every leaf it listens…as does the next wind, and the next wind and the next wind…and soon there is nothing that the whole world doesn’t know.

“Please tell Buck that I still love him..that I’ve always loved him..that I want to live my life out with him and I want to be sitting on that porch with him in our rocking chairs when I’m sixty years old waiting for our grandkids to visit..he’ll listen to you…please tell him,” she stated , suddenly feeling exhausted.  She laid back down on the blankets and closed her eyes.  She’d just rest and let the wind do its work.


Buck wasn’t sure what he was looking for…something small that they could get a couple meals out of.  He saw a couple of prairie chickens, and quickly shot them.  He dismounted to pick them up, and the wind seemed to pick up around him.  His horse’s ears had moved forward, as if he was listening to what it was saying.  Suddenly he felt a wall of love surround him, and he thought of Melissa.  He sighed as he tied the chickens together and tossed them across his saddle.  Could he forgive her for not getting in touch with him?  For seeing if he was alive?  His horse nickered at him.

“Can I believe that she honestly believed I was dead?  I can see how she would think that.  I can see why she would want to let it go if she believed that.  Do you think she might still love me?  Does she have someone else?”  he asked as he scratched his horse’s neck.  “I guess we should get back to her.  I don’t want to leave her alone for too long.”

He remounted and turned back to where Melissa laid.  He came into camp quietly, and saw that she was sleeping.  He got off his horse, laid the chickens on the ground, and took off his horse’s saddle and bridle.  Buck knew that like always, his horse would stay close.  He set about cleaning the chickens.  He put one into the cold waters of the creek so that it would still be fresh for them in the morning.  Next he set up a spit, and put the chicken on it so that it could be roasted over the fire.  Checking on Melissa again, and finding that she was all right, he gathered some greens for them.  He wrapped them tightly in some leaves and put them close by the fire to heat.

Every now and then his eyes would stray to Melissa.  His arms ached for her.  All the feelings were still there whenever he permitted them to come through.  The chicken was almost ready when she began to move around.

“How come every time I wake up, I smell something wonderful?”  she asked him with a sleepy smile.

“I hope this tastes wonderful,” he told her with a smile.

“It will.  You were always very good at taking care of me.”  She told him as she attempted to sit up.  Buck saw the pain go across her face, and he quickly got up to help her.

“You can ask for help, you know,” he scolded her.

“I was afraid to.  You were so angry before!” she told him.  Yeah..the feistiness was still inside her.

“I’m sorry.  I’m not sure where that came from,” he admitted.

“We’ve both been through a lot the past few days Buck.  Lord knows what else will come out of our mouths before we get back to Rock Creek,” she chuckled.

He smiled at her understanding and her laugh that he had always loved so much.

“Ready to eat?”

“Definitely!”

He gave her a little food, not sure how much she should eat in her condition.  He took some for himself and sat down to face her.

“This is delicious, Buck!  I should be feeling much better by morning!”

“I hope so.  That wound was pretty bad.  Tomorrow we’ll get you up and walkin’ a little.”

“Now that we’re speaking civilly, please tell me what’s been going on with you and the rest of the Riders over the past year..what’s new in Rock Creek?”

“Ike has a girl…Emily.  They’re real happy, and I think they’re gonna get hitched.  Kid and Lou got themselves all married.  Noah’s been real happy since a new lady named Cassie moved to town.  I think you’ll really like her.  Cody’s the same…still puttin his foot in his mouth!”

“Has he found someone yet?”

“Yeah..a pretty widow named Julia.  She has a little boy…Daniel.  They all get on real well.”

“Good for him..what of Jimmy?”

She watched Buck smile.  “He’s found hisself someone special.  Remember how we all thought that he’d never find anyone?  Well, he’s met his match with Sarah.  She’s let him know that she ain’t afraid of nothin’.  They’ll do all right!”

“I think he’s the one I’m happiest for..and Ike.  What about you?  Did you find someone?”

Here he looked directly at her.

“No…you?”

“Oh Buck…I couldn’t.  I didn’t really want to after all that happened.”

She wanted to ask him why he didn’t have anyone, but she had a feeling he wouldn’t answer her.  She couldn’t read all that was on his face.

“Now, could I have a little more chicken while you catch me up on the new stuff in Rock Creek?”

“Sure,” he said, feeling none too steady.  What were her eyes telling him?

For the rest of the meal they chatted pleasantly.  He told her everything he could remember that had changed in Rock Creek over the last year.  When they were finished, he cleaned up after them, then turned to her.

“I need to look at your wound. After that, you should rest.”

“Okay,” she agreed.

Buck sat next to her, and gently removed the bandage.

“How does it look?”  she asked him.

“Good.  I think I can take all these herbs off it now, but if it starts to feel hot, let me know, and I’ll put them back on.”

Melissa loved the feel of his hands on her skin.

“Okay.  Buck..do you remember that rabbit that was caught in that trap, and I made you rescue it and take care of it until it was better?”

He laughed.  “Yeah, that’s when Ike found out about you.  He thought I was losing my head caring for a wild rabbit.  That’s more what he would do.”

“You were so gentle with it, and wrapped all those herbs around his leg.  I was so happy when we could finally let it go.”

“And I was happy because you were.” He told her softly as he put the bandage back over the wound.

“You were always doing things to make me happy, Buck.  Being with you was the happiest time of my life.  I haven’t met another man that was quite like you.”

“Being with you was the happiest time of my life too,” he finally admitted to her.  “But that’s all past.”

“I hurt you that much?”  she asked.

“What do you mean?”  he asked as he quickly moved away from her.

“You don’t want to talk about the time we shared do you?  You don’t want to remember it, do you?”

“No.  Like I said..it’s past.  Now get some rest.  I’m gonna take my horse over to a meadow I saw so he can graze a bit.  I’ll keep checkin’ on you to make sure you’re okay.”

He saw the sadness fill her eyes.  Well…what did she want from him anyway?  He whistled for his horse and left her.  Somehow he had to get through the rest of this day and the next one.  After that, he would go back to his world, and she could go back to hers.


It was quiet in the camp that night.  They ate in silence, and Melissa was beginning to despair of ever getting him to talk…to forgive her for leaving him.  She thought that he might still love her, but she couldn’t tell.  He had that darn wall of his up a mile high.  She liked to watch him move around.  He was as lithe as a cat, and just as quiet.  His movements were graceful, and she remembered it all so well.  It occurred to her that just maybe, she would have to be like the first time they had gotten together…she’d been more than a little forward.  Would that help them this time?

Buck tried to make her comfortable for the night, then went over to his saddle, laid down with his head on it, pulled his hat over his eyes, and determinedly closed his eyes.

“Buck?”  she called quietly.

“Yeah?”

“You don’t look very comfortable.”

“I’m fine.”

“I feel really guilty having your only blankets.”

“I’m okay.  Now get some rest.”

“Is that where you slept last night?”  she asked, deciding now was the time to make her move.

“No.”

“Where’d you sleep last night, Buck?”

He sighed.  Why was she persisting with this?  He sat up and found she was doing the same.  Across the firelight, she looked more beautiful than ever.

“I laid with you, Melissa.  You were out of your mind with fever and talkin’ all crazy like.  I was afraid you would hurt yourself.  I thought I could keep you calmer if I was next to you.”

She appeared to think about this.

“Is that what I’m going to have to do tonight so that you’ll lay with me again?”

Her eyes were calling to him.

“I don’t think that will be a good idea, Melissa.  You’re doin’ better tonight.  You don’t need me.”

“But I think that I do, Buck.  Please?”  she asked as she reached her hand out to him.  “Please?”  she whispered.  What would she do if he rejected her?”

She could see the struggle going on inside him.  Finally…slowly…he got up and came over to her and took her hand.

“Are you sure bout this, Melissa?”

“Yes.”  She told him simply.  “I want to lay in your arms tonight, knowing that no one or nothing will come to try and get us apart.”

Buck sat down next to her, gently put his arms around her, and pulled her to him as they lay down together.  She used his shoulder for a pillow.  Nothing had ever felt so good in her entire life.

“Buck…I was coming to see your grave because I kept telling myself that it would be the only way I could get on with my life.  If I was faced with the reality of your death, maybe I could make myself find someone else to marry.  But in my mind, you were always so alive and smiling…holding me.  How could I let another man touch me when you were always there?  When my father made me watch his men beat you..my heart died.  I haven’t been living since I left you.  I’ve only been existing.  Every day I’ve had to force myself to get up and go through the motions of living.  Every moment you were on my mind.  There were days I thought I would go crazy with wanting you.  I’d sit in my room, close my eyes, and dream about you loving me.  I have loved you from the moment I first saw you.  I never stopped…not for one minute.  I don’t know how you feel about me anymore.  Maybe you have your eye on someone else.  But I love you, Buck Cross.  Do you understand that?”  she asked as she raised herself up.  “I love you now more than I ever have!”

Buck watched her eyes fill with tears as she looked at him.  “Having you alive is like a miracle to me.”

“Oh Baby!”  he told her as he crushed her to himself.  And he let her cry against him as he stroked her hair.  His eyes were very damp too, and he went over everything in his mind that she had said to him.  “Ssssh…Melissa..you’ve got to stop.  You’ll make your wound bleed.  Ssssh!”

“I can’t seem to!”  she said.  Melissa was holding onto him for dear life.  She didn’t want to let him go…have him disappear on her.  “I just want you to kiss me and love me.  If you can’t tell me you love me, show me….and if you don’t love me anymore, I don’t want to know that right now.  Tell me later, but right now, all I want is your love…is you….please Buck.  We were going to so long ago.  By now, I should have been yours. We should have been married and had a child running around..please, Buck?”  she asked him as her mouth came down hard on his.  Her tongue immediately invaded his mouth, and all the objections he was going to voice completely left his head.

Melissa pushed the pain away from her as her hands moved over this man that she loved more than life itself.  Clothes were soon shed, miraculously it seemed.  Buck tried to be careful with her.  He didn’t want to hurt her.  His mouth traveled over her body, exploring, discovering, kissing her, finding out all that was Melissa.  His mouth traveled over her nipples, realizing how good they tasted, and when she moaned with pleasure, sucking on them because it made her happy.  His hand found her other pleasure spot.  Her legs opened to him, and he went to investigate all of these things that were new to him.  He liked the scent of her, and he enjoyed the taste of her.  He could tell that she was as excited as he was.

During his explorations, Melissa was doing her own.  She’d never seen an unclothed male body, so she was enjoying herself immensely.  Her hand wrapped around his hardness, and when she moved her hand up and down, a low groan came from deep in his throat.  What did he taste like?  She moved her mouth to his hardness and licked it, took it into her mouth and ran her tongue up and down on him.

“Oh Melissa!  I need you.”  Buck managed to get out before he pushed her back down and found his way inside her.  There was some resistance at first.  He didn’t want to hurt her, and having never done this before, he wasn’t sure if he was.  He tried to take his time, but nature was telling him that this was what he needed to do.  When pain crossed her face, he leaned down to kiss her, and she held him tightly as he moved slowly inside of her.  She took the length of him and moved with him as he glided in and out of her.  It didn’t take her long to fly to the sky.   She knew she was digging her fingernails into his back, but there was nothing she could do to stop herself with that.

When Buck came inside of her, he realized his body had never felt anything better.  He called to her, and held her close.  He buried his face in her shoulder as he emptied himself into her.  Slowly…very slowly, he returned to earth with her.  She was breathing funny, and suddenly he felt alarmed.

“Are you okay?  Did I hurt you?”

“I just have a catch in my side.  I’m fine…I’m happy…I’m finally yours, Buck…even if it is only for tonight.”

“Are you bleedin’?”  he asked anxiously as he looked down at her wound.

“I don’t care!”  She told him, reaching for him again.

“Let me at least look!”  he told her with a gentle smile as he looked down into her eyes.

“No….you can look all you want later, but right now I need you!”

Through the night they loved each other, but they didn’t talk.  Melissa just enjoyed what she was getting from him.  She wasn’t sure that she wanted to hear what he would have to say to her in the morning, but sooner or later he would say it.  She just enjoyed the feel of him against her.  She loved to run her fingers through his silky hair.  Towards dawn, she dozed off.

Buck felt very loved, very free..at long last..very primitive!  He didn’t even bother to get dressed as he pulled himself away from her.  He faced to the north, and listened to the wind for a time.  Then he raised his arms and chanted, “Bless us and our people, oh Mother Earth!  We give thanks for your great gifts and endless bounties.”

And as he started his chant in Kiowa, he heard her soft voice join in with him.  When he was done, he turned to her, feeling every last piece of resistance melt away.

“You remembered?”

“Of course I do.  I only did this every morning.  It’s harder to do in a city, but I did it.  It made me feel close to you.”  She told him, sitting very unselfconsciously, unclothed as he was.

Buck sat back down next to her.

“Melissa..all this…you’re my heart…my life.  I, like you, thought that I would die when you left me.  It hurt worse than the beating did.  When you didn’t get in touch with me..I felt so deserted..as if our love had never meant that much to you.”

“You know that’s unture.”

“Yes..now I do…I understand.”

“Last night…what we did..have you done that with very many ladies?”

He smiled at her.

“No..just you.  I didn’t want to do it with anyone else.  It wouldn’t have been right.  I gave my heart to you.  I couldn’t give it to anyone else.  I love you. This is our second chance.  No one can stop us now.  I think that we’d better make these married things we’re doin’ legal..unless there’s somethin’ else that you’d rather do?”

Her smile lit up her whole face.

“No…can’t think of anything I’d rather do!”  she told him as she threw her arms around him.  “I bet your friends are going to be just a little surprised.”

“Yeah, I’d say that they might be.  Teaspoon could marry us real quick like.  I mean after what we’ve been doin all night, we might need to hurry.”

“We just might.”  She agreed, knowing she would agree to just about anything he would say to her right now.

“Now, you lay down and take a little rest while I cook us some breakfast.  If you survived last night, you can survive the ride into Rock Creek!”

“I think so too,” she agreed.

Buck leaned down and kissed her forehead.  With a smile, she closed her eyes.  He raised his eyes to Father Sky, sent his thanks to him, knowing that everything happens as it should, and now his life, once again, had meaning.  He had his Melissa close by his side, and this time he would never let her go.



July, 1994

COPYRIGHT - M. Bolton - 2003


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